With a shaky exhale, Kurt lowered the phone from his ear. He tried to force himself to not start crying again when his gaze fell on the box still next to him, the bowties on top. He couldn't help the fresh wave of tears running down his cheek but the sight gave him an idea. His phone was still in his hand, anyway, so it wasn't much of an effort to take a quick photo of the little pile of carefully crafted gifts. He quickly typed a message to go along with the picture (I'm so sorry, I swear I didn't forget about you I just got way too caught up in work. Please let me apologize at least. Please, please tell me there is a way you can forgive me. I love you.) and hit send.

He waited a minute. Five minutes. Still no reply. Another sob fought its way out of Kurt's throat. Maybe he was too late. Maybe Blaine had already given up on him. At the beginning of the semester, Tina had told him about this new cutie in Glee club. Maybe Blaine had needed some comfort what with Kurt behaving like an inconsiderate asshole and the new guy had offered it... Tina never said he was straight, after all. For all he knew Blaine could be with him right now, driven into his arms by Kurt himself. The taste of bile at the back of his throat was so prominent he feared he'd throw up any moment.

Deciding that he definitely needed something to distract himself from being a sobbing mess on the floor, staring at his phone praying that it would ring when it most likely never would, he finally got up and slowly made his way to their tiny kitchen, infinitely grateful that Tash wasn't there. Still, he couldn't bring himself to leave his phone in his room in case Blaine would call. To maintain at least a little bit of his dignity, he turned his back to it after putting it down on the table, busying himself with getting out one of the pots at the back of their cupboards. Just as he was about to get out the vegetables he'd need for the chicken soup he planned on making (after all, chicken soup was supposed to make everything better, right?) his phone finally made a noise. Kurt didn't even spend a thought on how desperate he might appear, he merely dropped the leek in his hand and almost jumped at his phone.

His heart was beating so fast he feared he might pass out before he'd be able to read the text when he saw that it indeed was a message from Blaine. Hoping with all he had that it wasn't a 'I don't want to talk to you anymore', Kurt took a deep breath and opened it.

Fri 9 Nov (19:35)

Come on Skype?

Nothing else. He hadn't replied to Kurt's 'I love you' in any way but Kurt hadn't really expected him to. Not after what he'd done. Actually, an invitation to talk was more than he probably deserved and more than he'd dared to hope for. So he didn't waste any time, typing and sending his 'Of course' while hurrying over into his room to start his laptop, impatiently tapping his fingers on his bed until it was done and he could get online.

As impatient as he was to finally be seeing Blaine's face again, no matter how grainy the quality, he realized he was anything but prepared for it the moment it appeared on his screen. There had been so many words on his mind, so many things he could say in apology or to try and fix this, but his eyes looked into Blaine's and the tears were right back, blocking his throat, and all he could get out, all he could possibly think of saying, was a choked whisper of Blaine.

"Kurt?"

Blaine's voice sounded hesitant and he looked unsure of what to do. His eyes were wet as well and he'd averted them the second tears had started to well up visibly in Kurt's, fiddling with his hands and the frayed ends of his sleeves. He was wearing a 'Hummel Tires & Lube' sweatshirt he'd stolen from Kurt months ago that was way too big on him, making him look even smaller than he already was.

"Blaine, God, I'm so sorry! You have no idea how s-sorry I am! I n-never m-meant to d-do this to you!" Kurt choked out somehow, trying his best to not just break down into incoherent sobs. That definitely wouldn't solve the problem at hand and it wouldn't convince Blaine to give him a chance to make up for his mistakes.

"So you didn't just get fed up with your boring, stuck-in-Ohio high school boyfriend?" Blaine whispered, almost inaudibly, insecurity practically dripping from his voice. His eyes were back on Kurt's and they were so huge and bright, the tears in them reflecting the light coming from the screen even stronger than usual. Kurt's heart broke a little bit more looking into them for too long.

"Of course not! Where did you even get that idea? You're anything but boring!" Kurt hurried to reassure him, the shock that this obviously was what Blaine had been thinking all this time effectively making him forget about his own tears.

"Well, obviously I'm not interesting enough to hold your attention, either," Blaine mumbled under his breath, looking away again. It made the knot in Kurt's chest tighten painfully, but he was very well aware that this was no one's fault but his own and that he had to live with the consequences of his own actions - or lack thereof - in this.

"Blaine, please, believe me, it wasn't you. It wasn't anything that you did and it definitely wasn't because you're not interesting or important to me. I pretty much shut everyone out and I'm so sorry for that. Blaine, I love you. That hasn't changed and it never will, even if I behave like an inconsiderate dick," Kurt tried to assure him, failing miserably judging by the suspicious look in Blaine's eyes.

"If it wasn't me... What happened, Kurt?" At least Blaine seemed to be genuinely curious for his response, so maybe there was still some kind of hope.

"I just... I don't even know. I wasn't even noticing what I was doing, I just realized how much I had retreated into myself when I stumbled over my calendar earlier... I saw the marked date and that's when it hit me. Really, I swear, I never meant to ignore any of you. And it's not just because you're so far away, I fear even Tash and the others didn't see much of me..." Kurt's voice tapered off. He knew he needed to explain himself if he wanted this to work out but he just didn't know if he could lay himself this bare with how emotional he already was.

"Just... why, Kurt? What's wrong?" The intensity in Blaine's eyes made it impossible for Kurt to look away. There was no way around it, this was the moment of truth. His only escape right now would be to turn away from the one thing he wanted most and he wasn't stupid enough to do that.

"I..." He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and began again, slowly opening them to lock gazes with Blaine. "I was afraid. I felt insecure. I'm no longer in Lima, Ohio, Blaine. I may have been a star there, but here I'm nothing. One in several millions of people and everyone is fighting to live their dream, not caring who they'll have to get out of their way to get there. I didn't even manage to push Rachel to the side enough to make room in the spotlight for me. I was overlooked in Ohio, how am I supposed to ever make it here? And everyone at home was so convinced I could make it here, I knew you'd just brush me off if I said something. But I'm serious, Blaine. Everyone at Parsons is incredibly talented and I know I'm good for even getting in but being good enough to somehow get in won't get me through the next few years. I look left and right and everyone is at least as talented as I am, if not more so. And I want to be is the proud, confident Kurt Hummel everyone knows but I just... Maybe New York is a size too big for me. Maybe that's what NYADA's refusal should have taught me. I'm just not meant to be a star..."

"Kurt Hummel, you stop it this instant," Kurt finally looked up from the spot on the wall he'd been fixating at the sharp tone of Blaine's voice. "I don't care how talented everyone else at Parsons may or may not be. I can't really judge that, either. What I do know and care about, though, is that you are incredibly talented. You didn't just 'somehow get into' Parsons, you were on top of their waiting list and got a spot someone had given up even though you handed your application in after the deadline. Just because you're not willing to fight immorally for your deserved place in the spotlight doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't get there. Where does this even come from? Did you keep those thoughts to yourself all the time? Because you didn't sound like this the first few weeks."

"I don't know where it came from," Kurt sighed. "I don't know, I just feel so small and insignificant in this huge city sometimes, more so than I've ever felt back in McKinley. And my solution to it was not talking about it because that would be showing weakness and I didn't want to seem homesick or dependent or anything... And most of all I didn't want to worry you guys. You, Dad, Carole... You've all been so convinced that I would make it big. So I just buried myself in work and stayed at university as late as I could. Because if I work harder than anyone else, it has to get me somewhere in the end, right? Since giving it my all and doing my best obviously doesn't work out for me, so I have to give more."

"Kurt-" Blaine tried to interrupt him, voice thick with tears, but Kurt wouldn't have it.

"I'm not done yet, Blaine. The reason why this culminated in me cutting off communication with you - and everyone, really - is that I missed you so much. I miss you so much it's like actual physical pain sometimes and I knew that if you were actually here with me, you'd have picked up on this long ago and called me out for it. But you're still in Lima and I got away with bottling it all up until I couldn't anymore and that's when I got so lost in working around the clock that I basically cut everyone out of my life. And I can't tell you how sorry I am for doing it because I lack the appropriate words but I swear I never did it intentionally. It just happened and it's not because I ever, for a minute even, forgot about you or because I love you any less than I did when I left. I didn't make better friends or fell in love with someone else, things simply got too overwhelming for me and I was too much of a coward to say it out loud. I'm sorry, Blaine."

"Well," Blaine awkwardly cleared his throat, trying to make it sound less thick and at the same time discreetly wipe away his tears. "As long as you promise you won't do it again I think we can work with that."

Kurt had been crying for the better part of his speech but Blaine's casual statement almost shocked him into stopping.

"What?!" he choked out incredulously. "You... you forgive me? Just like that?"

"Well, maybe not 'just like that'. But we all make mistakes and you know where you went wrong and if those feelings should come up again I'd hope you'll talk to me about it. This won't just pass us by without a trace and it's far from being over with and done, but as long as you'd still have me I never had any intention not to forgive you, Kurt. We can work at this. Relationships aren't always just honeymoon phase and heart eyes. But I'm convinced we can work through this and grow from it. Don't you?" Blaine's eyes were so sincere and full of conviction that Kurt would have gladly agreed to anything, even if he hadn't been convinced by his words, either way.

"Of course we can. Anything for you. Would you promise me something, too?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"Please... Promise me that if I should ever do this again... Could you just... you know, keep pestering me until I'm forced to come out with the truth?" Kurt blushed, convinced he'd just asked for the dumbest thing in history, but Blaine just laughed.

"Of course, baby. You're right, I pulled away, too, when I started to feel you doing it. Seems we'll both have to work on this." They smiled at each other through the veil of the last of their tears.

"Now, about those bowties you made me... When do you think they would be here if you sent them first thing tomorrow? I thought of wearing the plaid one with my new shirt on Monday..."

And with that they were back to themselves, back to the easy flow that had always been characteristic for their conversations. Every now and again it faltered a bit but they quickly caught themselves and in no time at all they had exchanged all stories from the last few weeks they had missed out on. They didn't stop talking, though, until, emotionally and physically exhausted after all the crying they had done, they both fell asleep in front of their laptops, crouched in uncomfortable positions that would probably gain them a stiff neck at the very least, Skype still on.