I Hate That I Love You
gagaforklaine
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I Hate That I Love You: Chapter 7


E - Words: 1,868 - Last Updated: Feb 17, 2023
Story: Closed - Chapters: 15/? - Created: Jun 25, 2012 - Updated: Feb 17, 2023
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Author's Notes:

this is basically part2 of chapter 6enjoy!

They had been in Kurt’s office for a while, catching up and just talking like they used to. It made Kurt feel elated that it was easy to go back to the way it used to be between them.

“So I’m just going to ask you….why did you go without telling anyone,” Rachel said as she glared at him from her seat across his desk.

Kurt looked down at his desk. He thought about various excuses to give her…different reasons, but he knew she wouldn’t buy it. He had hurt and abandoned his friends and family. It only made sense they wanted an explanation. So he decided to tell her the truth. He owed her at least that.

“Rachel, I…I had to leave, I just couldn’t do it anymore, and it hurt too much to stay”

Rachel’s eyes soften immediately understanding what Kurt was talking about. “Kurt I know it was hard for you, but why did you have to cut off your friends and family also, we love you, we would have been there for you”

“I know Rachel; I hurt a lot of people, I know I was being selfish, I thought it would be easier. That over time, it would be easier” Kurt hated how it sounded when he said it out loud, but at the time it seemed like the only way he could cope.

“It hurt you know, I thought I could have done better, been a better friend.” She said her sad tone making Kurt feel worse than he already was,

“No Rachel, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m an idiot; I shouldn’t have pushed you away. Especially at the time, and I regretted every single day because I missed you, I even missed Wes” Kurt said trying to convey how sorry he was.

They sat in silence, letting the words sink in.

“I forgive you Kurt; I just want us to be friends again. We missed three years of our lives. I just wished you would have been here, been at my shows because I always thought you would be there cheering me on” Kurt could see her big brown eyes glistening with tears. His heart sank at how much he had hurt Rachel.

“I’m sorry Rachel, I am, and I wish I could change it all but I can’t. I just hope I can be here now…”

Rachel looked at him a while before she gave him a watery smile “I know Kurt, but we still have to talk about it. But I’m so happy you're here now…still my best gay?” she said with a giggle and big hopeful eyes.

Kurt smiled and nodded “still you’re best gay.”

They talked for a while catching up about various things. Kurt tells her about Paris and Rachel tells him about her and how it’s been in New York since he left. After they had talked for about an hour Rachel asked Kurt if he had met anyone special.

Kurt’s mood fell slightly, it was a sore subject for him “…no, not really, I mean I dated a few guys, but nothing serious…I like to keep things casual…” he hoped Rachel would drop the subject because he didn’t want to elaborate.

Rachel studied him like she wanted a further explanation, but she just changed the subject.

“So Wes told me Blaine and he were at your show…how did it go?” Rachel asked nonchalantly.

Kurt thought about Blaine, guilt swirling in his stomach “It was… honestly? It was quite awkward; I only spoke to Blaine for a few minutes…”

“So…are you going to see him again?

He knew he had told Blaine to call him, but it had been a few days and he still hadn’t heard anything from him.

“Rachel I don’t know…I don’t think it’s a good idea, I doubt he would want to see me, I wasn’t exactly pleasant the last time I saw him.”

Rachel rose an eyebrow at Kurt “what happened?”

“I blew him off,” he said sheepishly.

“I think you should see him, Kurt it would be good for you, for both of you actually,” she said like she was stating a simple fact.

“What about James, he and I are not exactly each other’s favorite people,” he said as he felt his mood dampen just thinking about James.

“What about him? You and Blaine were friends before he came into the picture….tell me Kurt was it better without him?”

Kurt thought about it for a few moments, if he thought back to the last three years. He knew for a while he had barely survived. He had run because he thought he was better without Blaine. He still didn’t know exactly how he felt, but he knew it had been a rough three years, but after some time it had gotten easier “I...I don’t know…” he bit his lip as he thought “it was hard, I’m not going to lie, but I think it was the best thing I could have done for myself, yes I missed him but in the end, I felt like I could be happy"

Rachel stared at him. He didn’t think she believed him, he wasn’t sure if he believed it, but it was the best answer he could give her.

Rachel looked down in her lap “Blaine missed you. I mean, you leaving…it was hard for him. Yeah, He had James, but it wasn’t the same….”

Kurt didn’t know if he wanted to hear anymore, Blaine had married the love of his life why would he miss him, he had everything, why did he have to care, if anything he was the one that suffered out of the two of them. He was sure Blaine was happy enough that he would have forgotten about him.

“I don’t think it could be the same between us, I’ve changed, and I’m sure he has too”

“If he calls you should say yes,” she said with a shrug.

He was about to argue with her when his phone started to vibrate.

1 New Message

(9:36) from unknown

Hey, so I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner 2morrow nite

Kurt looked at the message he wasn’t sure who it was he thought it was maybe one of the guys he had met since he moved back. He sent a reply.

(9:37) sent to unknown

Depends on who’s asking

He sent the message still wondering who it could be, but deep down he knew who he wanted it to be. His phone buzzed again.

(9:37) from unknown

Oh SORRY! It's Blaine…so dinner?

Kurt stared at the message for a while his insides doing a weird little flip, completely ignoring Rachel now as he mulled it over in his head until Rachel interrupted him.

“Kurt! Are you even listening to me, that’s very rude to TX while someone is talking to you“ she said a little annoyed.

Kurt looked up from his phone and rolled his eyes at her “yes Rachel…guess who just TX me?

Rachel’s need to be nosy got the better of her, she perked up instantly “who?”

“Blaine,” he said simply

Rachel’s eyebrows shot up “really? That’s wonderful, what did he say?”

Kurt rolled his eyes at her again, but it didn’t stop him from feeling a little happy. ”he wants to have dinner tomorrow? I don’t know what to respond-“

“TX him YES! This second Kurt”

“I don’t think-“he was cut off again by Rachel.

“Then don’t think, just say yes, like I said it will be good for both of you”

He thought about it for a second, he had been really rude to Blaine and still felt guilty about it, maybe having dinner with him wouldn’t be so bad. It was only dinner with an old friend. That’s all it was.

Kurt let out a heavy sigh “ok, I’ll say yes. It wouldn’t hurt I guess”

“Exactly! “Rachel said happily clapping her hands in excitement.

----------------------------

 

Blaine and Wes finished their food and waited for the bill. He was impatient, it had been about fifteen minutes since he TX Kurt and he hadn’t gotten a response.

“Man, chill out, maybe he’s busy or something”

“Or maybe he doesn’t want to see me…oh my god he doesn’t want to see me” it finally hit him. Kurt hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. He could feel himself get sick at the thought.

Wes looked at him in concern “Blaine calm down, you look like you’re going to be sick, Kurt would want to see you, just wait a while, before your mind goes and thinks up some non-realistic reasons to why he wouldn’t want to see you”

“But he hates me Wes, I just know it….why wouldn’t he hate me after everything-”

“He doesn’t hate you” Wes cut him off.

“How do you know that,” he asked sadly.

Wes shrugged “he doesn’t have a reason to, you guys had the best relationship I've ever seen, maybe the time apart was just a bump on the road, and maybe this is a second chance because I don’t see you two not together in the end”

Blaine looked at him in confusion “what do you mean together in the end?”

Wes eyes widen in the realization of what he had just said “I…I mean being friends, being best friends again in the end” he was thankful the waitress distracted Blaine as she came to get their bill and credit card.

When she left Blaine’s phone started vibrating. He looked at it like It was about to bite him.

“Answer it”

Blaine picked it up still unsure. He was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to see Kurt again. That maybe he would never get the chance to make things right. “What if he doesn’t want-“

“Look at it; you’ll never know if you just stare at it”

Blaine rolled his eyes at his friend and then looked at the message.

(9:48) from Kurt

Only if I pick and you pay ;)

Blaine let out a breath of relief and smiled. Kurt wanted to see him. Maybe this was his second chance to be friends again.

He smiled and looked down at his phone to send a reply. He got a response immediately.

(9:49) from Kurt

Brio 830?

He looked up at Wes who was patiently waiting for him to say something.

“So by the stupid grin on your face, he said yes.”

“Yeah”

“Told you,” Wes said with a smirk.

Blaine rolled his eyes at the smug look on his face, he sent a reply.

(9:50) to Kurt

Can’t wait

He smiled again, feeling a lot lighter and happy since waking up that morning.


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