Chapter 10.

“Kurt,” Santana pulled him aside right before Glee, “I did some thinking.”
“I thought you looked a bit pale, San I hope you didn’t hurt yourself” He winked.
“Shut up! But you were right. The idea of having sex with you, no offense,” she said, her face expressing disgust, none taken, Kurt thought, “is kind of wrong.”
“Thank God you saw the light!”
“Anyway, my parents aren’t home this weekend. Could you come over on Sunday and stay? You know...”
Kurt froze, “I thought you said...”
“I know what I said. But we could at least pretend right?”
He shrugged, “I guess.”
“Great, I’ll be expecting you. Good luck with your song!”

They both walked in the choir room and sat down. Will started by singing the song ‘Home’ and then it was to the others. Will explained that they could tell why they chose a specific song, but they didn’t have to.
Finn, Puck, Artie and Mike went first. They’d chosen a song by The Script called ‘This is love’. It was a nice song with a lovely message and then Puck and Artie sang together the rap kind-of part in it.

If you could be anywhere that you wanted to be, With anyone that you wanted to be with. Do anything that you wanted to do, What would it be and who would it be with you? Time flies but you’re the pilot, It moves real fast but you’re the driver, You may crash and burn sometimes.
All Kurt could think about was Blaine and he glanced sideways to him. He was quite surprised to see Blaine was sat with his fists clenched. He wanted to ask him what was wrong but couldn’t. When the four boys finished Santana jumped up, she smiled and without an explanation she started to sing her song. Kurt noticed how, even though she’d managed to cover it up well, Santana’s voice quavered a bit in the beginning.

She’d chosen ‘Chasing pavements’ and although Santana hadn’t said why she’d chosen it, he knew it was about Brittany. He shot her a supportive smile as their eyes met. He noticed that her eyes were written with hurt, glistening with moisture. When she finished Kurt had to fight the urge to go and hug her but when she walked past him, he softly brushed his hand against hers. She smiled sadly at him as she turned her head before sitting down again.

Rachel jumped up next and spoke, “As you all know I have a dream and all I’ve been hoping for is for it to come true. But over the years I’ve learnt it’s not only what you’ll achieve but also who you meet and what you do on the way. A family like you guys.” After Rachel had finished singing her song - she’d sung Miley Cyrus’ The climb - Kurt felt Blaine stir beside him and get up. He was accompanied by Quinn and Tina and Kurt felt slightly upset Blaine was going to sing with them, considering they’d never got round to singing a duet themselves.

“Like Mr. Schue said, Hope’s a powerful thing but I’ve come to realize over time that sometimes no matter how much you hope for something to change it’s not enough. Because sometimes it just isn’t in your hands,” Blaine’s eyes crossed Kurt’s and there was something in Blaine’s eyes Kurt hadn’t seen before, mixed with the same hurt he’d gotten familiar with. He felt horrible as he thought he had quite a good idea what or who Blaine was talking about, “I want to dedicate this to my dad. Tina and Quinn were kind enough to join.” People shared some confused looks as no one else but Kurt knew about Blaine’s parents’ divorce.

Kurt watched Blaine silently as he sang, seeing how the thought of his dad upset him. He could see how much Blaine missed him. In all the conversations they’d had the topic had come up a few times. Blaine had told him how much he’d missed his dad but didn’t want to be around his dad’s new girlfriend. Kurt had noticed that it was eating him up from the inside out, this song was speaking for him and as much as Blaine’s hurt touched him, he also thought of his mum and how much he missed her.

When Blaine finished, he went really quiet, everything about him screamed that he was in need of a hug, and Kurt wanted to hold Blaine so badly. He was already slowly raising off his seat when Tina hugged him instead and Kurt sat back down, feeling a little defeated. He wanted to let Blaine know that he loved him and he was there for him, and then he remembered he still had his song to sing. He jumped up, shot an apologetic smile to Mercedes, who’d wanted to go next, and stood in front of the others.

“Hope to me is the strength that keeps me going. Hope for love, hope for kindness, hope for friendship, hope for a bright future. Not giving up and holding on because I have hope that in the end it’ll all be alright.”

Blaine watched how Kurt standing there, singing with confidence ‘Keep holding on’. He was familiar with the song but when Kurt sang it, it seemed to get a whole new meaning to him.
When their eyes met, his breath hitched in his throat. Kurt was singing it to him. Everyone else in the room seemed to disappear and it was just the two of them in the room. Kurt’s eyes bright, like guiding stars, like little bright lights at the end of darkness. He felt blessed to have someone like Kurt in his life who cared this much. Even if that meant having to share him with Santana.

When Kurt sat back down next to him, he mouthed a thank you and he wished he could just kiss Kurt like Rachel and Finn always did. Instead he reached for Kurt’s hand and hooked his pinky in Kurt’s knowing no one would notice. It wasn’t much but for them it was enough.

Kurt felt warmth spread through his hand, floating through the rest of his body. He watched Mercedes perform a song called ‘Distant dreamer’ but the words weren’t really coming through, his mind was too focused on the light touch between Blaine and himself. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact how a small gesture like holding pinkies could mean so much to him, much more than anything he’d ever experienced. The last one to perform was Brittany and she sang a song called ‘ho ho hopefully’, which made everyone chuckle. It was also clear she’d chosen the song mainly for the title but it was still a very lovely song.

**

“Ready?” Blaine asked as he hung away his apron at the end of his shift. Kurt nodded but still felt incredibly nervous as to where Blaine was taking him. They got in the car and as Kurt asked, “Where to?”, looking at Blaine and waiting for directions, Blaine answered, “My home first. There’s some stuff I need and I’d like to change.” Kurt glanced nervously at Blaine, “do I need changing?”
Blaine smiled and kissed Kurt’s lips, “You’re perfect.”

Kurt blushed and started the car, setting off to Blaine’s house. As they drove up the driveway and both got out of the car, Blaine cursed when they reached the front door, “I forgot my key and mum’s not home.” Kurt’s face fell, “What now?”. No matter how nervous he was about the date, he’d also been looking forward to it. He hated the thought of it not happening now. He felt Blaine grab his hand as he planted a kiss against his temple and whispered in his ear, “Stop worrying, Kurt”, before dragging him along, around the house into the garden.

They were at the back of the house, the garden was pretty basic. Just a big patch of green with some geraniums in the corner. The kitchen was facing the garden and had a door leading to it. “The magic of a backdoor and a spare key.” Blaine smiled, recovering a hidden spare key. Kurt followed Blaine inside the house, the kitchen wasn’t big but it was good enough. He noticed some cooking books on the window sill, a small pot of basil on the counter and the fridge was covered with word magnets. There was a phrase on it, which read ‘Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.’ and he could totally imagine Blaine’s mum cooking a delicious meal in here and Blaine creating witty lines with the words on the fridge.

They walked into the living room and the first thing Kurt saw were the family pictures, seeing one of Blaine with his mum and dad, he wondered… . He remembered how, when his mum had only just passed away, his dad had put away every picture that held his mum in it, finding it too hard to see them. Of course after time they all were put back in place but it had taken his dad quite a while. Lost in thought he felt Blaine wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing the crook of his neck, “What are you thinking about?”
“Your dad,” he pointed to the pictures, “when Mum was gone, Dad couldn’t have one picture of her around for months. I know it’s not completely the same but still…how does your mum-“ he let the end of the sentence linger in the air. Blaine nodded in understanding and sighed, “She loves him. Just because he left her, doesn’t mean she stopped loving him.” Blaine’s eyes were sad, really sad, “It just makes it all even worse. I hate seeing my mum in so much pain.”

Kurt felt a jab of guilt go through him but kissed Blaine’s lips and brushed his hand across Blaine’s cheekbone, “I think you are what’s keeping her strong.”. They stared in each other’s eyes for a long time, their noses touching. Blaine eventually smiled, “Come on, we’ve got a date, remember?”, and pulled Kurt along.

They went up the stairs and Blaine opened a door that, Kurt figured, must lead to his bedroom. Blaine’s room was spacious and Kurt could see how he was trying to make it more like him. Considering they’ve only lived here a few months he’d succeeded quite well already. There were some posters up and a notice board in the corner held some pictures, both older ones as more recent ones. One of the pictures was of the glee club and another he immediately recognized was the one picture of him and Blaine together.

What pleased him the most was that the whole room just smelled of Blaine and nothing else. Blaine grabbed a bag and handed it to him, “Go put this in the car while I change, and no peeking.”
Kurt’s nerves picked up again as he felt the heaviness of the bag. He closed Blaine’s door behind him and resisted the urge to have a look at what was inside the bag. With Blaine not next to him anymore, it dawned on him more that he was actually in Blaine’s house, suddenly becoming more aware of everything around him. The house, too, had a nice smell. It wasn’t like Blaine’s but it was just as comforting and warming, however just like in the living room you could still sense the presence of Blaine’s dad and even though Blaine pretended to be fine, he could see that it weighed on him. He’d known Blaine well enough to see the sadness in his eyes whenever he talked about his dad. Lately even more then it had been in the past.

Blaine got in the car and chuckled lightly, sensing Kurt’s nerves, “Stop stressing.” He pressed a kiss on Kurt’s cheek before Kurt started the car again. Apart from the directions Blaine gave every now and then, they sat in silence, nonetheless they enjoyed the time they had together. Blaine’s hand rested on the one Kurt had on the gear shift. Kurt cleared his throat and spoke, “Do you want to talk about your dad?”

Blaine, taken off guard, looked slightly surprised at Kurt and then smiled sadly. Of course Kurt had noticed, he really thought he’d been able to hide it but he knew immediately that he’d underestimated Kurt. His surprise was quickly overtaken with sadness and anger as he thought of his dad. He hadn’t even noticed how hoarse he sounded when Kurt glanced over at him as he spoke, “I told you how my mum still loves him. I hate how much he hurt her and it just makes me hate him even more but…,” he sighed, “the thing is, I can’t hate him even if I wanted to, he’s my dad. I love him. He was there when I made my first steps, when I fell off my bike he was the one who caught me, he was there when I ranked first at a singing competition, he stood up for me when I got bullied,…he’s my dad, Kurt. I can’t hate him even not now when, when I really want to after he-“, Blaine stopped midsentence. He felt like he couldn’t speak anymore, his breath cut off, he felt Kurt giving his hand a little squeeze. “It’s okay.”

Blaine knew what Kurt meant. That it was okay if he didn’t want to talk about it anymore but it only made Blaine more angry, not with Kurt, not with his dad, but with himself. It wasn’t okay!  None of it was and he was mad at himself for not being stronger. “My dad...they’re expecting a baby,” he eventually said, “with her. He told me this week.”
“Blaine.”
“He hasn’t even told my mum. I don’t think he’s planning on doing so. I can’t not tell her this, though. I can’t lie to her about something like this. I’m not like him.”
“Of course you’re not.”