Rachel clapped her hands. “I am SO excited! I made a list of classics we should both consider doing.” She pulls out a piece of paper out of her bag and smiles.

“Rachel, how much thought did you put in this?” I say, surprised. On second thought, I realize that I probably should’ve expected something like this from her.

I’ve been in choir with Rachel for 5 years. Ever since our choir got cancelled for an unknown period -due to the choir room being renovated- Rachel and I have been feeling quite lost when it comes to singing. I mostly miss the feeling of having a home, a place where I feel welcome, safe and accepted. Rachel mainly hates the fact that she doesn’t have an audience anymore, no one to clap when she does the most amazing solos and so on.

So the fact that she has a ‘possible songs for auditions’ list, shouldn’t have surprised me in the slightest.

“I was thinking about doing something from the one and only, Barbra!” she’s getting so distracted by the whole topic that she hasn’t even noticed Blaine walking our way. “And Kurt, you should too! I know you can pull it off! You need to do a classic song! Show them all your potential.”

“I totally agree, Rachel. After all, Kurt has some tough competition,” he winks, gliding next to her, “he’ll have to be amazing to beat that. Singing a girl’s song might be his best chance.” He smiles wickedly.

Rachel stares at him as if he came from another planet. She glares at him with a ‘how-dare-you-interrupt-me-discussing-songs’ expression on her face.

“So I hear you’re considering doing classics? That’s playing a bit safe isn’t it?” he looks from Rachel to me and back. I honestly think that, now, Rachel is going to lose it, “Oh and talking about classics. Kurt, MJ called. He wants his clothes back.” He smiles smugly.

“Bite me, hobbit!” I snap.

His eyes grow wide, he looks at me with surprise on his face, laughs and walks away.

Rachel looks at me “is he…?”

“yup.”

“and he is…”

“yup.”

“but he is…”

“I know!”

“No, no! He’s not ruining this! This is our musical! Our chance to shine!”

I know Rachel is being serious, but the mere thought of it makes me feel sick. Blaine is obviously a strong personality and I doubt that I can actually fight back against him. I realise that standing up to him just then might have been a big mistake. What if he starts making even more remarks? What if he starts being even meaner? What if people start joining in, again? What if the bullying really starts all over again?

I can't do that, I can't go through all of it again. I can't take such things anymore. My chest tightens as I think about it. Rachel's eyes are on me, she looks concerned.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

I nod – but I’m not okay. I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m hyperventilating and it only gets worse when I notice people around me, looking at me. I shut my eyes. “Please stop staring.” I think, “Please.” I start running. I hear Rachel call after me but I don’t care. I can’t stay here any longer. Who was I fooling!? Was I really thinking that I was strong, that I could fight back?

No.