“Kurt?” It's Rachel waiting for me outside the restroom.

“Oh hi, Rach.” I smile. The fakeness of this one could be spotted from afar but it's an automatism, I can’t help myself.

“Don’t do that.” She points at my face.

“I’m sorry, it’s my face, not much I can change about that.”

“Stop it!” She punches me, “I’m your friend.”

I sigh. I know it’s not fair to any of them to keep pretending everything is okay but I don’t want to bother anyone with it. I nod. That's the best of a reply I can give her at the moment.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She sounds concerned.

“I’m fine.” I smile. Fake. She frowns but lets it go. “You know, I’m not feeling that well…I think I might go home.” I lie. I can’t stay here any longer, I can’t force a smile on my face anymore.

She grabs my hand. “Kurt… I'm begging you, talk to me.” She pauses when Blaine comes out the restroom, her eyes following him. I look at him out of the corner of my eyes, not feeling comfortable with his presence around me. When he's around the corner she looks at me again. “So?”
“I just don’t want last year to happen all over again.”

“It won’t.” she squeezes my hand, “I promise you it won’t.” And pulls me in for a hug.

Last year had been the most horrible year of my whole life. It was unbearable.
I got bullied badly, so badly that I considered transferring. They were violent, and called me names, they’d beaten me up and even threatened to kill me. I’ve never, in my whole life, felt so worthless. No one could help me, no one could protect me from them, because they’d always find a way to get to me. I had never made the fact I’m gay a secret and had just assumed that everyone knew but just didn’t care about it. But I was wrong. One day I’d met up with a guy at the local coffee shop for a date and that had been the start of it all. Some of the jocks had seen us there and decided they didn’t like it. It started minor, but soon enough escalated to much more. I stayed absent from school for weeks, I lied to my friends about it and prayed for the bullies to get tired of it. But they didn’t, and it never stopped. It wasn’t until I told Rachel about it and she got the school involved that things changed. They got kicked out from school and were told that if they didn’t stop the police would get involved.

The bullying stopped, and I haven’t heard nor seen anything of them anymore since, but… well, the damage was already done.

I let out a deep breath, I'm glad to be home. I close the door behind me, shutting out everything else with it.

Home again.

Alone again.

I throw my bag in a corner and crawl in bed. Pulling the covers over my head, wanting to shut out the whole world. I don’t want to be here anymore. I thought things would get better, that they would actually be better by now, boy was I wrong. Nothing has changed... Yeah, the bullying has stopped, but the feeling is still there. Then again, it’s been there before the bullying too. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t pretend to be okay. I feel sick again. “Man up!” I command myself. I hate my own thoughts, especially when they’re depressing like this.

I moan as I reach out to grab my phone. It's been going off every 10 minutes for the past hour. I know it’s Rachel, who else would it be, but now she's calling again and I just know she won’t give up. “Rach, please, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Kurt?”
Damn, that's not Rachel! I look at the caller ID – note to self: next time do that before picking up the phone- it's Gina.

“Yeah, uhm, sorry. I thought you were Rachel.”

“It’s fine. Listen, we booked the auditorium for next week and your audition is scheduled for next Thursday, okay?”

“Gina, I really don’t think I should-“

“Kurt, I know you’ll be amazing! I really want you in the show. You’re one of the strongest vocalists in this school.”

“Yeah, but…”

“I’ll see you next Thursday then!” she whoops before hanging up. I roll over in bed, deciding to push away all the unhappy thoughts. I'm so sick of the bad guys winning all the time. I look in the mirror, force a smile on my face.

Kurt Hummel is, once again, going to fight back.