Chapter 34:

I turn. “Kurt...Can I have this dance?” he asks again, his face beaming up to me. I look at his hand and don’t know what to do. My head and my heart are colliding chaotic as I feel him grab my hand and our eyes meet, “please?”

I nod. His smile grows and warms my heart, I decide that for now...I might as well enjoy the moment. I ignore some of the people whispering and look at Blaine. He only needs a second to see at my expression something’s wrong. “Ignore them, Kurt. Tonight’s all about us.” He whispers in my ear, grabbing my hands and taking the lead. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes, his breath softly rustles through my hair and I smile. I feel so peaceful, it feels right. “I missed you.” He whispers.

“I missed you too.” I admit. I would be lying if I said I didn’t and I ‘ve never lied to him before and I had missed him. I still do. We stare each other in the eyes and don’t say anything anymore. For a minute it feels like it’s just us. “How did you...?” I frown.

“Rachel and Finn helped me out.” he admitted. I should’ve seen that coming. For days Rachel and Finn had been acting weird, I just thought it was because of this whole dance. At least I was half right.

I nod and am unsure of what to do or say next. “I...er...your song was beautiful.” I mumble.

“It’s for you.” He whispers resting his forehead against mine. Staring into my eyes and into my soul. Suddenly, I feel very aware of his presence, more than usual, I feel how his hands are firmly around my waist, how his forehead is against mine, how his breath is tickling my face. Most of all, how close he is and how much I want to kiss him.

As Rachel belts out some loud notes, people start cheering, we look around and notice it’s not only the fact Rachel is singing that got them excited but also the fact balloons and glitter are falling from the ceiling. I feel Blaine’s gaze on me and turn my head to look at him again. He smiles at me. “Remember?”

I look up, again, at the glitter in the air. I do remember. “A symbol of being ourselves, taking on life and enjoying it.” I mumble and he nods affirmative. I swallow, I’ve been failing in doing so. Our eyes meet once again and his smile is mesmerizing, his eyes hopeful. “I-I-I’m sorry, Blaine. I can’t.” I say, pushing his hands off and running away and trying to shrug off the hurt I saw in his eyes. I come to a stop in the hallway, clenching my chest. I feel out of breath, panic overtaking me. This is the second time I run away from him and I feel, if possible, even worse. I want to go back to him, so bad but...urgh I’m so confused! I kick the lockers, immediately cursing as the pain shoots through my foot. I sit down and rub it.

“Kurt!” he comes running after me, his face written with panic, “please, don’t.”

I try to get up but the ache in my foot keeps me from making a quick escape. I hope I didn’t break it.

“Don’t run again.” He begs. I avoid eye contact, knowing that if I looked at him, I’d give in. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel lost. “Hey.” He whispers, wiping the tears off my face. I hadn’t even noticed that I had started to cry. He looks me in the eyes and in that split second I feel my own heart give in. My eyes beg him to help me, they tell him how lost I feel and how much I need him. Tears still flowing down my face I feel him kissing me, his lips soft at first but quickly practising more pressure. His hands find my face and cup it, pulling me in for more. Every little bit of resistance I had left has now disappeared. I tangle my fingers in his hair and gasp for air. Our lips break apart, both of us panting. “Please, don’t run from me again.” He says out of breath. “I need you Kurt...and you need me.” He whispers the last bit. He locks his eyes with mine and I sigh. I know he’s right but I also feel really lost. I wish I could say something but words fail me. I want to run again, it’s so much easier than having to face things. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest, stroking my hair.

“I’m so sorry.” I sob. “I never meant to hurt you. I just...I...I’m...”

“You feel lost.” He whispers. “I get that. So do I.” I feel his breathing on my neck, raising goose bumps on my skin. “But Kurt...without you, I’m even more lost than ever before.”

I look up at him, his thumb stroking my cheek. His smile feels warming. Home. “I love you.” I whisper, admitting. His eyes glisten and he kisses me softly. “But I’m damaged goods and...”

“Shshsh.” His fingertip on my lips, “So what if you are? I am willing to fight for you, I need you to trust me to do so. You are worth fighting for Kurt. You are to me and that’s all that matters.”

“I’m just a mess, Blaine.” I wipe my eyes, softly pushing against his chest but hardly strong enough to break him away from me. Mainly cause I don’t actually want him to.

“Maybe you are, we all are, but at least you’ll be mine and you’ll be my beautiful mess. I’m tired of painting masks, Kurt. Aren’t you?”

I nod.
I am.

“All I want is to be with you. That’s all that ever made me feel happy; made me feel whole.”

I sniff, wiping the tears off my face. I can’t ignore the way he makes me feel. It’s something stronger than myself, stronger than the two of us. If I had to pick something for me to believe in, then I think I would pick that. “Kurt? Please say something?” he says, playing with my hand. A small smile plays on my lips, he is so bad at hiding it when he gets nervous. I close my eyes, letting out a soft sigh, thinking everything over. I look at our hands, his fingers still playing with mine and feel warm inside. Would it ever get better than this? I don’t think it can. It is near to impossible. Because Blaine is the best thing that ever happened to me.

“You...you’re the only one who never gave up on me.” I mumble, “why?”

“Cause you don’t give up on the people you love.” He smiles, squeezing my hand. “I love you, Kurt.”

“I love you, too.” I nod, grabbing his other hand. He smiles. I sigh again. “I’m sorry I ran...I thought I couldn’t do this, that I wasn’t strong enough...I still don’t know if I am,” I mumble, “but I’m tired of running and I definitely don’t want to run from you.”

He smiles and leans in to kiss me. Butterflies fill my stomach. I pull him against me, I feel his chest vibrate against mine as a chuckle escapes him. I slip my tongue in his mouth and can’t help but moan. His hands slide up my chest, his eyes twinkling. We break apart when we hear a door open and some girlish giggling fills the hall. We both stop and listen at the sound of footsteps slowly fading out. The noise had brought us back to reality and he laughs. “Do you...want to go back inside?”

“No.” I pause and he looks at me his eyes showing a flash of hurt, “let’s go to my place.”

“Sure.” He utters, seeming a bit gobsmacked. I giggle, grabbing his hand and we leave.