I never thought there could be a worse feeling than the ones I had when I was being bullied. Since yesterday I’ve lost all will to go to school. I don’t think I can handle seeing Blaine, it will only make me feel worse than I already do. I ignore my phone going off for the 15th time. The first time it went off, I hoped for it to be Blaine but it was Rachel. And it had been Rachel for the next 10 times too, so I stopped checking it. I turn around in bed, pull the covers over my head and close my eyes, blocking out the voices. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

“Kurt! Open up!” Loud knocking on my door. I blink a few times opening my eyes and check my phone for the time.

17.12

Oh and 25 new texts and one missed call.

I slept all day, through all of that!? I groan when the knocking doesn’t stop. Drag my feet across the floor and sigh. “Rach, cut it out! I’m coming, I’m coming!” I open the door and she storms in; a blur of pink.

“What happened yesterday?” she demands, “and why on earth don’t you answer your phone!!” she yells, holding up my phone accusingly.

I sigh and shrug. “I didn’t feel like replying.”

“Oh! OH! So I am sat at school dead worried! Didn’t hear anything from you after you ran off to find Blaine yesterday! I come to school today and you’re not there! I text you and don’t get any reply!! And on top of all that Blaine looks like a total mess!!!” I wince as she’s yelling.

“Blaine looked like a mess?” I ask.

She sighs in frustration. “Of course! That’s the only thing you picked up from my rant.”

“I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t feel like answering.” I say, and she notices the sadness in my voice.

“Kurt…what happened yesterday?” she whispers.

“He doesn’t want to see me anymore.” I say, hating to say it out loud. It makes it definite.

“What?!” she says seeming in honest shock. I shrug and leave it at that, sitting down in my bed, crossing my legs, “but Kurt…he…I mean….I...er…” she stops, sighs and hugs me. Holding me tight.

“It hurts so much.” I swallow. She doesn’t reply, just holds me even tighter. Nothing she would say could help anyway so I’m glad that she isn’t talking, “I thought he liked me.” I whimper.

“Do you want me to stay?” she asks after a bit. I had gently cried on her shoulder and even then she didn’t say anything. She just held me and that was all that I needed. For now.

“If you don’t mind.” I mumble.

“I’ll let my dads know.” She whispers.

-

Rachel has forced me to come to school today. Just the thought of seeing him already makes me feel horrible. I don’t want to be here. Finn waves at us excitedly as we approach him.

“Do you want me to go tell him first?” Rachel quickly asks and I nod. “Wait here.” she says, and makes her way to Finn. I see how she pecks his lips before she whispers to him.

“He did what!?!” Finn exclaims, he seems furious. He storms at me, “Kurt, tell me Rachel is lying?” he demands. My throat feels dry and I’m choking up again. I look at the floor, “I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!” Finn rages. Rachel and I both stare at him in disbelief, I’ve never seen him like this before. Finn is usually quite a chill guy.

“No. Don’t.”

“But Kurt! He can’t just go an-“

“Please.” I beg him. He stares at me in disbelief, his eyes trying to read me but I’ve never been more sure about something than about this. I need them to leave Blaine alone. I don’t know how I’ll cope being around him but I’ll just have to. If Finn or Rachel or anyone goes to confront him it’ll only make things harder and more complicated.

Finn grunts, “Fine.”

We make our way to the classroom and with each step I take my heart starts beating faster. Rachel shoots me a look to check my reaction the moment we see him sit there. I hear Finn snort as he walks past Blaine and pray that he’ll keep his mouth shut. Blaine looks up at the noise and then looks at me. Our eyes meet and we stare at each other. There’s something there, I was expecting to see hatred. Instead it’s something I can’t quite place but he seems defeated; crushed. I swallow. I’m not sure if I like that better though. I look away not able to look at him any longer and take a seat.

I’ll just have to ignore him.

I can do that, right?

Right?

Not really.