Three days had passed and Kurt had still not gone back to the hospital to see Blaine. They had called every evening and had talked about all kinds of things. Kurt talked about how him and his dad had been cleaning, fixing and redecorating the house. Blaine talked about books and dreams and trips he longed to make. Then Kurt would join in the dreaming and they talked about travelling.
They talked about food and music, about their favourite movies and Blaine even mentioned his old school. Kurt loved those phone calls in the evening, it was one of the things he looked most forward to. The thought of hearing Blaine's voice never failed to make him smile. So when that evening his phone rang, Burt winked. “Come on, get on with it.” Kurt shot an apologetic smile to his dad, picked up his phone and made his way to his room. “Hey!”
“Kurt!” Blaine smiled.
“Who else would it be.” Kurt chuckled.
“You never know, right.”
“Well you'll have to do with just me.” Kurt spoke as he sat down on his bed.
“I don't mind.” Blaine said, making Kurt's heart skip a beat. In the time he'd gotten to know Blaine better, he'd also grown more and more feelings for him.
“Guess what?” Kurt teased.
“You're coming to see me tomorrow?” Blaine said hopeful.
“Not what I was going for but actually...I am coming to see you tomorrow.”
“Really?!” Blaine's excitement could be heard through the other end.
“Yes Blaine,” Kurt chuckled, “if that's okay?”
“Are you joking? Of course! I can't wait to see you again. we could play monopoly this time?” Blaine suggested. Kurt laughed at Blaine's excitement and eagerness and was only just able to get a word in between Blaine's rambling. “Sure Blaine.” Kurt smiled, “but...”
“Oh right, you said there was something else. What is it?”
Judging by the tone in Blaine's voice, Kurt imagined him bouncing up and down on the bed. “Well...it took me a bit longer than planned because dad and I have been so busy but I finished the  book.”
“You did?! What did you think of it?” Blaine's excited tone didn't rid.
“I loved it, it was really enjoyable.” Kurt nodded, oblivious to the fact Blaine couldn't see him.
“Awesome! I'm going to give you the other books tomorrow!!” Blaine whooped.
Kurt laughed and shook his head in amazement. “Blaine, you rea-“
“Oh Kurt! I need to go. Doc's here.”Blaine interrupted.
“Oh, uhm okay..” Kurt said unsure.
“I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow okay?”
“Definitely.” Kurt reassured him and wondered if he was imagining the slight tremble in Blaine's voice. worry filled him. What if the doctor was going to give Blaine bad news? Kurt started to panic, he wanted to be with Blaine, he wanted to know what the doctor was telling him. He wanted to know what it was Blaine had so that he finally knew whether it was something life threatening or not.

“Hey doc, what's up.” Blaine smiled, ending the call with Kurt. Never before had he been nervous when his doctor came for a check-up. But things had changed and Blaine finally cared whether he got better or not. Because he had someone he cared about.
“So Blaine, how're you feeling?”
“Better.” Blaine smiled, sitting up straighter.
“That's good.”
“Doc, just tell me already.” Blaine demanded, not feeling like having small talk.
“Well Blaine, I got your results from our last testing. Since beginning of treatment there had been a few positive effects,” the doctor started, looking at his chart, “but those seemed to have stagnated now.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that the treatment right now doesn't seem to be making you better anymore. But neither are you getting worse at this point and that's also a good thing.”
Blaine nodded understanding. “Doc, do you think I'll get better again?”
The doctor shot him a confused look and frowned when he spoke next. “Blaine...I thought...,” he sighed and wiped his forehead, “You've known from the beginning that...I mean, in your condition, we should be happy that it had such a positive effect to start with.”
Blaine swallowed and nodded. He wanted to reply but the lump in his throat made him feel like he was going to choke. He'd known all this before, then why did it bother him so much right now? Kurt. The answer was so obvious and yet is still shot through him with immense force. “Thank you doc.” He gasped, hoping his doctor would understand the dismissal. Blaine felt his chest tighten and had trouble breathing, for once not caused by his illness. “Are you okay?” the voice asked but it seemed distant. He could hear more words coming from the doc but he couldn't make himself focus enough to listen. His mind filled with thoughts of Kurt. Blaine bit the inside of his cheek, trying to push back the tears. He didn't want to cry in front of the doctor, he didn't want anyone to see him cry. “Blaine?” the words seemed still so far away but were slowly coming through to him, like he was listening to them under water and then got pulled out of it again. He gasped for air and blinked a few times, his eyes focusing on the doctor's green pair. “Are you okay?”
Blaine nodded, swallowed roughly and managed to choke out a brief ‘yes'. He felt the weight of a hand patting his shoulder and his eyes caught the glimpse of a supporting smile, before they focused back on his own hands as he tried to get his thoughts straight. The doctor sighed and stood up again. “I'll inform your parents on the results as usual.” Blaine nodded but he was too busy trying not to cry and praying for the doctor to leave his room already that it didn't even matter what anyone would say to him, he'd just nod anyway. The doctor shot him one last curious look before he left Blaine's room. The moment the door closed, Blaine finally allowed the tears to fall. He was annoyed at himself for letting it come this far and for allowing himself to feel what he had allowed himself to feel, whatever that might actually be. He finally cried over the realisation of having to deal with loss.  He cried over the inevitable and over time that always seemed to short. But most of all, he cried over Kurt and how he hated himself for putting Kurt through all of this. He grabbed his phone and played with it nervously. He wanted to call Kurt, to tell him to forget all about him. But he was selfish and he needed Kurt in his life, no matter how short. He stared at Kurt's number, tears still burning in his eyes and stared at it. He knew what the right thing to do was. But just because it's the right thing to do, doesn't make it any easier to act upon it. Especially when it goes against everything that's in your heart. He dialled the number but hung up immediately. He let out a strangled sob, his chest ached and he wasn't sure whether it was caused by his illness or the heartache of realisation. He placed his phone on the side table and wrapped his arms around himself. He cried more tears and let them silently fall down on the bed. With tears staining his pillow, sleep finally overcame him. One word continuously repeating in his mind: Kurt, Kurt, Kurt.

Kurt woke up the next day, excited to see Blaine today. It had been too long since he'd seen that smiling face that lit up his world. Feeling very cheerful, when he came down his dad wasn't up yet. He was glad that his dad was having a well deserved rest, they'd been working immensely hard the past few days. His dad had always ended up crashing down on the couch, too tired to even walk to his bed. The morning passed slowly and Kurt took his time to get ready. As excited as he was to see Blaine he couldn't go to him until visiting hours had started. So he did the washing up and cleaned around the kitchen, he cleaned up everything that was still lying around in the living room and eventually made his way up to go get changed. He wrote his dad a note saying he'd be with Blaine and left.
“Kurt!” Blaine smiled the moment Kurt entered his room. Kurt stared at Blaine, feeling a flash of pain in his chest mixed with butterflies.
“Hey!” Kurt went to sit on his usual spot, in the chair right next to Blaine's bed, “How're you?”
“er, I'm okay.” Blaine said, the lie obvious in his tone.
“Are you really?” Kurt frowned, “you look a bit...” he paused looking for the right words, “dishevelled.” he said eventually. He could see Blaine swallow, the movement slow in his throat and watched how he nervously ran a hand through his hair.
“I didn't sleep well.” Blaine shrugged, rubbing his eyes. “But I'm glad you're here now.”
“Me too.” Kurt smiled and in a moment of desire, he grabbed Blaine's hand and squeezed it gently. They both stared at their locked hands. Kurt could feel his heart racing, wanting to be as close to Blaine as possible. At the same time Blaine couldn't suppress a smile, he looked at Kurt's hand wrapped around his and felt truly happy. Ever since Kurt had appeared in his life, he had experienced the feeling of happiness more often than all the other years off his life. At the same time that made him incredibly sad, knowing it'd be short. He cleared his throat and looked up, waiting for Kurt to meet his gaze. When those blue eyes finally met his, he smiled. “You do know how much you've come to mean to me right?” Blaine whispered, feeling quite exposed admitting it out loud.
Kurts face lit up, his eyes blazing bright with those few little words. "I do now."
"Kurt..." he wanted to say so much more, but he was afraid hed say too much.
"Blaine, you dont have to. I mean," Kurt chewed his lip, he had never been good with words, "I feel the same way. I, uhm, I care about you a lot." Kurt blushed and he couldnt bear looking into Blaines eyes any longer, feeling self-conscious. “How come you didn't sleep well?” Kurt asked, changing the subject.
Blaine only had seconds to think of an answer so he replied with something that was in fact true and would fit as the lie needed. “Just been worrying over the future.”
Kurt met Blaine's gaze again and nodded understanding. He looked at Blaine, waiting  for him to say more. Blaine looked at Kurt, those deep pools of eyes drew him in and he imagined how it'd be to see those eyes every day for the rest of his life and felt a pang of sadness. He could feel his walls coming crumbling down and closed his eyes. “Sometimes I dream of getting away here. Get in a car and just drive to a new town, start a new life and not look back,” Blaine muttered, “like, a life where I'm healthy and can spend it with someone I love. Just forget about everything.”
“Me too.” Kurt admitted, his voice sounded hoarse. “Blaine! We could do it you know.”
“What?” he frowned.
“Once you're better we could leave this place. We could go to New York!” Kurt said, the last part coming out more excited, his eyes twinkling.
“Kurt…”
“That sounds good doesn't it? We could do that. You and I could both find jobs and rent a place together and-“
“What about your dad?” Blaine questioned.
Kurt bit his bottom lip and looked down slightly embarrassed. He sighed. “I know. But my dad's doing really well lately and I'm not saying we should leave right now. We need to wait until you're better too and by then my dad will probably be even better…I mean,” Kurt took in a deep breath, “I'll probably sound like a horrible person saying this but…I've given up the past few years for my dad. Someone had to take care of him and with no one else around that ‘someone' was me. I love my dad and care for him a lot but I've given up so much already.” Kurt sighed and his voice broke, “I just want to start living my own life.”
Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand again and linked their fingers, causing Kurt to look up again. “It doesn't make you a horrible person, Kurt. But running away won't solve the problem.”
Kurt shook his head. “I'm not running. I just want to live my own life too. I'd go visit my dad as much as possible and New York has been my dream for years.”
Blaine smiled and gave Kurt's hand a squeeze. “Then you will.”
“You too right? You're coming with me, aren't you Blaine?” Kurt begged. He looked at Blaine in such a hopeful way that Blaine could not bring himself to deny Kurt any happiness and so he nodded. He knew he had to tell Kurt at some point but right now he didn't want to ruin Kurt's dreams like his illness had ruined his own. “So you finished the book?” he asked, changing the topic.
“Yes! Have you got the others? I can't wait to start reading them!”
Blaine moved to the other side of his bed, releasing his hand and creating a feeling of incredible loss, as he replied. “Of course! They're in my-“
Blaine paused midsentence when someone knocked on his door and they both looked up. “Come in?” Blaine responded. He was not expecting anyone but he smiled when he saw the familiar faces pop around the door.