Kurt had still not stopped crying when he heard Cooper's voice break through his sobs. “Kurt?”
He looked up and saw Cooper looking down at him. He wondered what it must look like. Him sitting in front of Blaine's door, sobbing hysterically. “Are you okay?” he looked worried.
Kurt shook his head. “He won't allow me back inside.”
“Why not?” Cooper looked shocked.
“Because I promised and I don't even know!” he screamed. “He send me out! and he's in there and I'm here and he refuses to see me and I don't know what to do because I am going to lose him and I just-“
“Kurt, calm down.” Cooper wrapped his arms around Kurt. “Blaine has his reasons. But just because he asked you to leave, doesn't mean he loves you any less.”
“But I want to be there.”
“I understand but maybe Blaine rather wants you to remember him alive.” Cooper reasoned.
“Then why are you here?” he hadn't meant it to come out in an accusing way but somehow it still had. Cooper however seemed understanding and gave him a small smile. “The presence of a family member is required.”
“Oh...this is really it?”
Coop sighed. “Apparently so.”
“What do I do now.” He sighed, feeling utterly and completely lost and empty.
“You go home and work on your dreams. That's what Blaine would want you to do.”
“I can't just go and continue living when he-“
“Yes. You can. You have to.” Cooper looked at him steadily but determined. “Come on, let me call your dad.” He helped Kurt up and lead him down the hall, away from Blaine's room.

“Here.” Burt said, handing Kurt a cup of tea. “Drink this.” Kurt took it from his dad but continued to stare in front of him. Burt sighed and sat down next to him. “Kurt, this won't help.”
“Nothing will help, dad! Blaine is dying and I'm here just waiting for it to happen!” he screamed, “drinking bloody tea.” He spat at the cup.
Burt put his hand on Kurt's arm in an attempt to calm him down. “Kurt, you've done the best thing you could. You gave Blaine someone to love and you loved him back with all your heart.”
“Why must it hurt so bad?” Kurt cried, wiping his face.
“Because things that matter always do.” Burt said. Kurt sighed and put his head on his dad's shoulder. “I'm going to help you get through this.”

He could hear the intake of breath Kurt took the moment the phone rang. Burt slowly got up and turned away from Kurt as he picked up. “Burt Hummel.” Kurt watched his dad anxiously as he tried to make out the conversation. His heart dropped when he saw his dad's shoulder fall and let out a sad sigh, running a hand through his hair. His voice sad. “Yes, I understand. I'll...uhm...I'll let him know. And, I'm sorry.” Burt sighed as he put down the phone. He turned to Kurt with tear filled eyes. “I'm so sorry Kurt.”
Kurt who'd already grabbed a pillow and had hugged it tightly the moment his dad had picked up the phone, could feel his chest get so tight that it got hard for him to breathe. His cries came out choked as tears streamed down his face.  He wanted this pain to end. Right now. He wanted Blaine.

Only a few days later, much too quick to Kurt's feeling, he was walking next to his dad and following the crowd of people all walking to the same place. He was surrounded by black and it made him feel, if possible, even worse than he was. Part of him didn't want to be here because he wasn't quite finished mourning by himself. If he was completely honest he wasn't even ready to admit just yet that Blaine had.... . He hid his face in his dad's side and let Burt lead the way, he didn't have to see his surroundings, the environment only made it more real and he wanted to postpone that moment as much as possible until he had no other choice left. Eventually they all came to a stop and Kurt still didn't want to look, he just kept his face hidden in his dad's side. “Blaine's brother is coming this way.” His dad whispered to him. Kurt wiped his eyes before slowly pulling away from his dad.
“Kurt” Cooper came walking to Kurt, all dressed in black. If it were any other event, he would've looked very smart, Kurt thought. “I...er...I was wondering if you wanted to say something later?” he swallowed and avoided looking at Kurt. He somehow appreciated this, looking at Coop would remind him too much of Blaine.
Kurt had however expected this request but shook his head. “I don't think I can. I wouldn't be able to, Coop. Besides, Blaine knows all the things I would want to say.”
“Oh, okay. Well...uhm...I mean...” Coop stopped searching for words and pulled Kurt in for a hug. “I'm so sorry.” He cried quietly.
“Me too.” Kurt swallowed, trying to push his tears back.
Coop took in a deep breath, trying to compose himself as he let go of Kurt again. “I better go back. They'll be wanting to start soon. Listen, er, can I talk to you afterwards? There's something I want to give you.” Kurt felt his throat close up, thinking about possibilities of what it could be. Unable to get a sound out he nodded his head and watched Cooper walk away. His eyes followed the minister as he took in his place, the crowd going quiet as if on cue. And then it started.

It took Kurt all the strength he had not to break down in front of all those people but even with all his great effort, he couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his face. He could feel his dad squeeze his shoulder quietly when sobs formed in his chest and he started to feel like he would choke. The words that were being said by several people didn't actually reach his ears, the only thing his brain processed was the picture of a smiling Blaine resting on a shining, black casket. When he searched the other people's faces he saw Cooper again, who was holding a hysterically sobbing woman who he thought must be Blaine's mum. Next to them stood a tall man, his face restrained and obviously trying to be the strong one. It was the first time Kurt saw Blaine's parents and he could see how much Blaine resembled them. He had his father's build, his mothers hair and even though he couldn't see it from where he stood, he was pretty sure he had his mother's eyes too. Cooper looked up and met Kurt's eyes, he could see how Cooper was trying to stay strong, trying to be the supportive son for his mother and couldn't imagine what it must be like for him. Cooper shot him a sad smile before focusing back on trying to hold his mum up. Kurt swallowed roughly, his eyes falling on a group of boys all in the same kind of uniform and he remembered Blaine telling him about the warblers. Seeing the group of young men stand there, he tried to imagine Blaine in the same uniform, standing between them and bit his lip. Blaine must've looked so beautiful in it. He recognized a face or two among all the different faces. He saw Trent, who he'd met in the hospital once, and also recognized Nick, who had always been wearing such a warming smile but was now looking at his hands and pulling on his vest.

The ceremony went by in a haze and all Kurt could remember was how much he wanted Blaine to be in his arms. Then people started to move and Kurt realized that they were going to let down the casket and he felt his chest tighten. The hand that was holding his dad's, tightened its grip and he dug his nails into his dad's palm. The moment they started to let down the casket, he could hear the warblers start a song and all his efforts of keeping back his break down, of trying to stay strong enough to make it through the funeral crumbled down like a house of cards and he finally allowed himself to cry as hysterical as he had seen Blaine's mum do all along.  He turned to his dad and buried his face in Burt's chest, partly because he didn't want to see Blaine disappear under the ground and partly because he needed his dad to hold him up before his legs gave out. As he ruined his father's costume with his endless tears, the soft harmonies of the warblers reached his ears. Pieces of lyrics were processed by his mind.

If I could hold you close, Like you were never gone. If I could hear your voice, Youd tell me to be strong.

But sometimes, I just cant, I just dont understand, Why you had to go, Why you had to go, I guess Ill never know.

If I could get to you Id be there in a minute. My world dont make no sense, Not without you in it.

When the ceremony eventually came to an end and people were slowly making their way to make their condolences to Blaine's family and then slowly left. Kurt felt reluctant to move, to walk away from this place. If he moved now, he would be leaving Blaine behind forever and he wasn't sure that he could do that.
“Kurt?” When Kurt looked up he could see Cooper coming their direction and wiped his eyes, putting on a supportive smile.
“I'll be waiting in the car.” Burt whispered in his ear and gave his hand another squeeze before he left. “Hey.”
“How're you holding up?” Cooper asked with honest concern and at that moment he sounded so much like his little brother that Kurt had to gasp for air and clenched his stomach, feeling like he was having a panic attack. He gasped for air, hoping to fill his lungs but with every gulp of breath he took it felt as if razor blades were slicing his lungs open. He felt Cooper's strong arms go around him and pull him into a hug. For the second time, he broke down, surprising himself that he had still tears left to shed. “It's okay to miss him.” Cooper whispered, his voice muffled by Kurt's hair, “I miss him too.”
“I feel like I'm suffocating.” Kurt sobbed violently, clinging onto Cooper helplessly. Something about the way Cooper smelled and the way he felt safe in Cooper's arms, reminded him of Blaine. “It's like-like my heart got ripped out of my chest.”
“I know Kurt, I know. But there's something you need to know.” He said, “Come on, let's have a seat.” He pointed to one of the marble benches. Kurt nodded and followed Cooper's actions and sat down, looking at his hands. “I have something from him for you. He-uhm, he asked me to give you this.” Cooper withdrew an envelope from his pocket and handed it to Kurt. Kurt's hands shook when he took it. “You read it on your own time but Kurt, there was something I needed you to know.”
“Coop, I don't think anythi-“
“Please, let me do this.” Cooper interrupted, giving him a little smile and it broke Kurt's heart because at that moment he reminded him so much of Blaine again that he felt like throwing up. “Kurt, as much as Blaine pretended to be okay, I knew he wasn't. He might have made his own decision but I could see that he had given up. He had given up on his life and he was rotting away in that hospital room. I mean, you know just as well that he didn't have to stay in that hospital but he stayed there and never came out again. But then...you came along, Kurt. And something inside Blaine changed, he cared again whether he got better, he seemed to be alive again. Kurt, you made Blaine better. Some of the nursing staff even told me that you two had gone outside a few times and I don't think I can thank you enough. You brought my little brother back to life. You made his last few months worthwhile, Kurt. You gave him more than anyone could ever give him. You made Blaine feel like Blaine again.”
Kurt looked at Cooper, seeing his eyes filled with tears and swallowed. Cooper's words had really touched him and he was glad to know that Blaine at passed away happy, but he was still gone and he had no clue how to go on without him. He cleared his throat but it still came out hoarse when he said “Thanks Coop”.
“Thank you. And listen, I'm sorry if I was harsh on you that day at the hospital. I, er...”
“I understand.” Kurt smiled.
”There was one more thing Blaine asked me to give to you. But, it's in my car cause it was too heavy.” Coop said, getting up. Kurt followed his actions but felt reluctant to leave. Could he really turn his back on Blaine and walk away? “Kurt. It's okay, he understands.” Coop smiled faintly. He looked at Cooper's face and saw Cooper had struggled with the same inner monologue. “Let's do this together. He'd like that.” Kurt nodded and allowed Cooper to hook his arm in his own and slowly yet steadily walk away.
They arrived at Cooper's car and Kurt noticed his dada few cars away shooting some curious glances. He gave him a small wave before focusing back on Coop. “He was very persistent that I would give you these.” Cooper explained, diving in the back of his car and taking out a stack of books that Kurt recognized immediately. He couldn't help but smile lightly when Cooper handed him the Harry Potter books.
Kurt swallowed roughly but smiled. “So typically him. The never ever ending cheese ball he was.”
“That he was.”
“Thanks Coop, really.” Kurt smiled.
“Courage. We can get through this, I promise.” He pulled Kurt in for one last hug. “I'll see you soon, okay?” Kurt nodded, thanked Cooper one last time and made his way to his dad's car.  The moment he got in and took his seat he couldn't help but open the first book. He was surprised to find a sticky note inside it and his fingers traced the familiar handwriting. “You better be, Blaine.” He thought, smiling.

“We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all of the power we need inside ourselves already.”  - J.K. Rowling

And I had you.

I'll wait for you <3

-

A month later Kurt found himself back at Blaine's grave. He sat down in front of it and took in a deep breath. He was still struggling, it still hurt. He didn't expect it to pass soon but he was happy with the knowledge that memories of Blaine didn't cut through his heart anymore. No, they felt warm and familiar and they made him feel less empty. He sat there playing around with the little paper he had brought. It was small and only had a few words  on them. “Hey Blaine.” His voice was hoarse, “I uhm,” he paused and tried to catch his breath. This was harder than he had expected it to be. “Geez, it's weirder than I thought to be back here”. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed “I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I meant to but I…well you know why. Thank you for your letter, by the way. Dad and I send in my application, I'll come and first open the letter here once I receive an answer, I promise you that”. He paused and looked around. “It's quite nice here, isn't it?” feeling a light breeze touch his face. The smell of freshly mown grass tingled his nose. He looked down at his hands and made himself a bit more comfortable. “I, er, I wrote you something. It's a song. It's not very good, mind you. But it's all I still need to say,” he took his phone out of his pocket, “I brought music along, I hope that's okay. Cooper made the melody!” he said proudly, “He's doing okayish too by the way, in case you were wondering. I'm not sure if he's come to visit you already…but yeah, here goes nothing. This one's for you Blaine.” Kurt pressed play on his phone so the music could start playing and concentrated on the words he'd written and had been practicing ever since.

“Over, I cant believe its over
I cant believe the love I left
To show some other day

Listen, I hope that you can hear me
As I kneel down and pray
With the love I meant to say

Shadows, you took away the shadows
Before you, life was black and white
Though tonight the rooms gone gray

Golden, all the love you gave was golden
Gold that I would gladly pay
To show the love I meant to say

Oh, music, you made me hear such music
Without you here to guide me,
I fear our song will fly away

Sorry, thats the word I wanna sing to you
The other word is stay
To hear the love I meant to say”

Even though Kurt had promised himself not to cry during the song, he had failed and he had started to choke up near the end. Once he finished singing, he allowed himself to cry. His hands reaching up to his face as they caught the tears. “I miss you Blaine. So, so much. It's really hard without you but I'm trying. For you.” he sobbed. “Listen, I've got to go. I promised dad I'd be back before he left. He's dating again you know? Remember that one time when he was all dressed up? Yeah, he's dating. It's weird but it's been ages since I've seen him this happy so that's good. Oh,” he unfolded the paper in his hands, “I've got one last thing for you.” he got up, brushed off his clothes and placed the paper on Blaine's grave, putting a little rock on top to keep it in place. “I love you. I'll be back soon.”

 “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” – J.K. Rowling

I'll see you on the other side.