March 7, 2014, 6 p.m.
Let me fall asleep: Chapter 22
T - Words: 2,521 - Last Updated: Mar 07, 2014 Story: Complete - Chapters: 24/? - Created: Nov 04, 2013 - Updated: Nov 04, 2013 119 0 0 0 0
oh on! turns out there is also an epilogue to my story.
So next chapter is the last chapter and then there is sitll an epilogue to go! :D
When opening hours started no one who knew Kurt was even surprised to see him there. They all gave him a supportive smile or a little pat on the back as he made his way through the hospital. When he arrived at Blaine's room the first thing he saw was a note sticking to Blaine's door.
“Kurt, Blaine is still asleep. You can check on him through the blinds but I must ask you to wait for him to wake. Love, Tess.”
Kurt sighed and walked to the window. The sight was heartbreaking, it looked like one of the first times he'd met. Blaine linked to all kinds of machines. Only then, he knew now, it was because he was getting treatment at that time. Now he was linked to all these machines to both monitor and keep him alive. He usually liked watching Blaine sleep, he always looked so peaceful but this just didn't feel right. As Kurt waited the time seemed to move agonizingly slow. He checked his watch every 5 minutes and looked through the blinds in even shorter periods of time. After what seemed hours and the millionth time of checking through the blinds, he noticed that Blaine was awake. A feeling of relieve spread to him for just a little while. He smiled when Blaine's eyes caught his and gave his boyfriend a little wave. He could see Blaine's difficulty to move when he motioned to Kurt that he could come in. Kurt swallowed, rubbed his hands against his shirt and realized with a shock that he was actually nervous to see Blaine. He walked in and the smell of hospital that usually hung in the air was even worse in here.
“Hi.” His voice sounded tired and rough. Probably the effect of a sleepless night.
“Kurt…” Blaine's voice sounded exhausted but desperate.
“Don't you need that?” Kurt asked, pointing to the mask Blaine had taken off to be able to talk easier.
He shrugged faintly. “It's only to help me. I am still capable of breathing on my own.” He smiled faintly. Kurt stood there unsure of what to do next. “Can I have a kiss?” Blaine asked. Kurt smiled and leaned in to peck Blaine's lips. “Mmmm, I missed you.” Blaine sighed content.
“You gave us quite a scare, Blaine.” Kurt mumbled, “how're you feeling?”
“Tired.” Blaine admitted, he reached out for Kurt's hand, who slipped it in Blaine's. “I missed waking up next to you.” he smiled.
“Cheeseball.” Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand. He bit his lip, hesitant. “So? What did they say?”
Blaine looked at Kurt with sad eyes and Kurt could feel his breath hitch in his throat. Even though he had asked it himself he actually didn't want to know.
“Come here.” Blaine mumbled, patting the space next to him in the bed. Kurt wasn't sure if he should, worried of causing any damage to one of the machines Blaine was linked to but neither could he resist wanting to lie down next to Blaine. As carefully as possible he managed to crawl next to Blaine and rest his head on that familiar spot on Blaine's chest. “What did you do?”
Kurt looked up confused and followed Blaine's gaze towards his foot. “Oh…well, yesterday I found you in the kitchen and, I don't know, but I guess you dropped a glass at some point cause there was pieces all over the floor and I cut myself when I got to you.”
“My hero.” Blaine whispered, kissing the top of Kurt's head. “I'm sorry for scaring you.”
“It's okay.” Kurt mumbled, his fingers trailing over Blaine's chest, “at least you're okay.”
“Mhm, but Kurt.”
“No.” he locked eyes with Blaine, “Don't tell me there's a but?”
Blaine smiled faintly at his boyfriend and ran his fingers over Kurt's cheekbone. “Kurt…”
“Not yet,” Kurt begged, “not yet.” his lips searching for Blaine's in an attempt to stop him from talking.
“Okay. I'll put it on the side for now.” Blaine agreed.
“I just want to stay like this for a while.” He cuddled into Blaine's side some more. “Remember our first few weeks? When you made me read Harry Potter? I wish there was a spell to make you better.” He sighed.
“I don't need a spell. I've got love. I've got you. And if there's one thing those books taught me then it's that love is the strongest power there is.”
“Maybe but it's not letting me save you.”
“You saved me in more ways than I can ever explain to you.”
Kurt's walls were crumbling down and he sniffed. “but it still wasn't enough.”
Blaine shook his head. “Remember that thing we put aside for a while? It's time to bring that up now.”
Kurt gulped and nodded, wiping his tears.
“You remember the day I decided to move in?”
“Vividly.” Kurt smiled, kissing the skin in Blaine's neck.
Blaine smiled at him before continuing. “I had just come back from the hospital and had felt quite hopeless but then the door opened and there you were and I knew that the last few weeks of my life would be the best ones so far. You see Kurt, that day wasn't only the day I decided to move in, it was also the beginning of the end. I found out that my results had gotten much worse and they'd told me that I only had a few more weeks left.” Blaine's heart clenched when he heard Kurt's sobs, “I didn't want to tell you then because I wanted us to enjoy those weeks without having to worry but now I realize that maybe that was wrong of me. Because now I have to tell you that I ran out of time and having to tell you this is even harder than having to make the decision of-“
“Please don't finish that sentence.” Kurt placed his hand softly on Blaine's lips. “I know what it's going to end in and I respect your decision, I just don't want to hear you say it out loud.”
Blaine nodded, understanding. “I just need you to know. Because Tess will be here soon enough to give me my first dose and I want you to stay a little longer but I need you to promise me one last thing.”
“Anything.”
“Will you do anything I ask?”
“Blaine?” Kurt hesitated.
“Promise me.” Blaine begged, nudging Kurt's nose with his and grazing his lips teasingly.
“I promise.” Kurt smiled, leaning in further so he could get a proper kiss. Kurt eventually watched Blaine lean back down and noticed him wincing, realizing Blaine was in more pain than he let on.
A short knock was immediately followed by Tess entering the room. “Kurt.” she smiled. Not at all surprised to see him there. “How's the pain Blaine?” she asked.
Blaine shrugged. “Same as before. Not gotten any better really.” Blaine coughed.
“We couldn't give you any more painkillers last night.” She admitted, “this'll help though.” She added and tried to hide her face. Kurt wasn't sure whether he wanted to watch Tess or look away, so he looked at Blaine instead and found that he was already looking at him, beaming. He started to hum a little song. It sounded familiar to Kurt's ears but he couldn't quite place it until Blaine started singing it softly to him. It was a song Blaine had sung to him once before, right after they'd first made love. Blaine's fingers stroked the side of Kurt's face as he sang the lyrics. “Something in your eyes, makes me want to lose myself. Makes me want to lose myself in your arms. There's something in your voice that makes my heart beat fast. I hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life. If you knew how lonely my life has been and how long I've been so alone. And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along and change my life the way you've done.”
Kurt felt tears stain his face and it was hard to find his own voice but he joined in with Blaine when he started the chorus. “it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me. It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from. It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me. It feels like I'm all the way back, where I belong.”
Blaine continued mouthing the words and only saying the important ones out loud. “but I'm alright, cause I have you here with me and I can almost see through the dark there is light. And if you knew how much this moment means to me and how long I've waited for your touch. And if you knew how happy you are making me. I never thought that I'd love anyone so much.”
“I love you.” Kurt choked, searching for Blaine's lips.
Tess coughed lightly and smiled apologetic when they both looked at her. “I'm all done here for now. I'm giving your second dose later.”
Blaine nodded. “Thanks Tess, for everything.” She looked at him startled, smiled and then got teary eyed. She kissed Blaine on the top of his head and walked out, knowing she could not even attempt to say something without bursting out into more tears.
Suddenly it hit Kurt that whatever time was left, it was only a matter of hours and it made him panic. His breath hitched in his throat and his nails dug into Blaine's skin. “Kurt?” worried, “what's wrong?”
“I don't want you to leave.” Kurt choked, unable to stay calm any longer, he cried hysterically and clung to Blaine's shirt. Blaine let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. “Come here.” Kurt wiped his face and made himself comfortable in Blaine's arms again. Tears were still quietly running down Kurt's face as Blaine soothingly ran his fingers through Kurt's hair.
“I'm not going anywhere Kurt. I'm forever with you.”
“Only you won't be.” Kurt sobbed.
“I will be Kurt. I promise you that I'll watch over you. I'll be there when you go and follow your dreams. Remember? The ones you told me all about? The ones you can't forget about after I'm gone.” Kurt gasped at those words but Blaine continued, “your dreams and future that are bigger than anything I could ever have given you. Things I want and need you to pursue because you are so very talented and only deserve the best.”
“But all I want is you.” Kurt whispered. However soothing Blaine's touch was the panic in his chest didn't ease considering that with each passing moment Kurt could hear Blaine slur his words more and more. He could hear how the rate of Blaine's heart was still consistent yet slightly slower and noticed how Blaine had shorter breath. “Is it working? Are you still in pain?”
“Oh it's working, alright.” Blaine admitted, “I must've been weaker than I thought.” He looked sad about that.
“I'm here.” Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand.
Blaine swallowed. “Kurt, you can't be.”
“What!”
“Remember your promise? I need you to go home. I don't want you to, to see me die.” Talking started to feel straining but Blaine didn't care.
Kurt gasped. He shook his head . “Blaine no,” Kurt's tears left wet stains on Blaine's cheeks, “you can't leave me. Please don't leave me.”
“You,” Blaine's breathing was getting more and more shallow and Kurt could feel the sharp pain that went through his heart, “you-you kept me alive.”
“Blaine don't say that. Don't say it like it is the end.” Kurt was trembling and he pulled Blaine close to him. He wanted to do something, he wanted to make Blaine better, he wanted his heartbeat to be Blaine's heartbeat. He wanted his body heat to warm Blaine's cold limbs, he wanted his blood to run through Blaine's veins, he wanted- “I love you Blaine.” he kissed Blaine's hair, eyes, cheeks and Blaine's lips. He could taste the morphine in Blaine's mouth and closed his eyes at the hollow feeling that filled his chest. His fingers dug into Blaine's skin, trying to get a firmer hold, hoping that if he clung onto him long enough and hard enough Blaine wouldn't leave him.
“Kurt, you're bruising me.” Blaine mumbled against Kurt's lips.
“I'm sorry.” Kurt loosened his grip and lifted a hand to Blaine's cheek, softly stroking the pale skin. Over time Blaine had lost all colour and his skin had gotten greyer and greyer looking, his hair had also lost the thick and living feeling it used to have but none of that had ever bothered Kurt, it had been just as much part of Blaine as anything else. But what hurt Kurt the most was noticing how Blaine's eyes -the golden brown ones he'd come to love with all his heart, that he'd memorized and which he could see on the back of his eyelids whenever he closed his own eyes- had lost their light. “Blaine please, I need you. I know it's not fair to ask that from you, I know you told me you can't promise me a future but I am so in love with you and I can't imagine my life without you. Blaine, you are my life.” Kurt could see tears starting to form in Blaine's eyes now and it only broke him even more. He went in for another greedy and sloppy kiss, messy with tears, trying to get as much of Blaine as he could. Their tears mixed and tasted salt on their lips but that didn't stop Kurt from trying to make Blaine melt into his body. “Please...” Kurt whimpered, his voice breaking. Blaine sniffed and wiped his eyes before looking at Kurt again.
“Kurt, you've made my last few months worthwhile. I can't thank you enough for what you've given me.”
“You can Blaine, you can by staying with me.” Kurt pleaded.
“Please, let me finish,” Blaine silenced him by putting a finger on Kurt's lips, Kurt silenced by surprise at how cold Blaine's finger felt, looked at his boyfriend with pleading eyes. “I need to say this to you.” Blaine smiled lightly but it didn't reach his eyes, not like it usually did. “I love you Kurt and it would kill me to know that I am the reason that you stopped being you. You knew how this was going to end. You've always known.” Blaine sniffed.
“I just had hoped...”
“I know. Me too.” He hugged Kurt tightly again, breathing in his familiar smell. He took everything in one last time, knowing he wouldn't see him back again. that realisation made Blaine cry all over again, tears falling into Kurt's hair as they rolled down his face. “I'm going to miss you so much.” He sobbed.
Kurt gasped for air, feeling as if he couldn't breathe any more. He could barely see cause of his tears and his sobs made it hard for him to speak. “Please.” He begged, desperate.