Blaine stiffened in the embrace. He let go of Kurt and took a step back.

"You did what?"

"I…I cheated on you. There is no other explanation and I can't keep this to myself anymore. I'm sorry Blaine, I'm so sorry."

"When?"

"I don't know, it's just… It's a blur, it's all hands and faces and I don't know why it feels that way but it does and I don't want to think about what I did but I'm sure I did it. There is no other explanation! I'm so sorry Blaine." Kurt looked desperate and frantic, throwing his hand in the air and then gripping his hair, crying and trying to get his words out. Blaine's heart was bumping loudly in his ears and all he could see was his boyfriend falling apart.

"Wait," Blaine said cautiously, "What do you mean it's a blur and there are no other explanations?"

"I… It's my nightmares, Blaine." Kurt answered between two sobs. "It… there are faces now. And I don't know what it means other than I cheated on you before the accident and it's coming back to haunt me because it's always the same hands, and the same faces and I don't know, it's not… It's not a clear picture or scene but those are men's faces and men's hands and what else would that be?" Blaine let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Kurt had been so distant over the past days that he possibly could've cheated, but it wasn't that. Kurt was under the impression that he had cheated, not that he did and it was two rather different things.

"Oh Kurt, come here." Blaine engulfed Kurt in a tight hug and didn't let go of him. "It's alright, those are just nightmares."

"It looks like nightmare Blaine, but it feels like memories. I can't help but feel that those are memories. What did I do?" Kurt was crying again against Blaine shoulder, and the firm body of Blaine against his was both soothing and a source of sorrow at the same time.

"Kurt, I'm sure that it must be people that you met and just stuck in your head, or clients you saw at work that were horrible. I'm sure it's nothing. You don't have to beat yourself like that about this. I love you, Kurt."

"But will you love me if I did it? Will you love me even if I did something that I can't remember right now?"

"I love you, for your qualities and also your flaws. I will love you no matter what, Kurt." But will you? Blaine added in silence. Because he knew that at some point, in the near future Kurt was going to have his memory back, and then what will happen to them?

The next morning, Blaine left for school long before his first class and decided to phone Burt to let him know.

"Burt Hummel, what can I do for you?"

"Hello, Burt. It's Blaine."

"Hi kid, everything's fine?"

"Yes, you don't have to worry; Kurt is… he is fine." Blaine got out with difficulty. "He's had nightmares for some time now, and we didn't think too much about it at first. But now he thinks it might be memories." Blaine's throat was dry from the emotion of just saying it out loud.

"What are the nightmares about?" Burt's tone wasn't cold or wary, it was just questioning.

"Hum… Well, it's hum… It's about hands and faces, men faces, and Kurt thinks he cheated on me because of this." Blaine closed his eyes and put a hand over them. He didn't know why but this conversation was more difficult than he thought it would be.

"So he has flashback of him with other men but he feels guilty about it. Why are you the one telling me and not him? I swear that kid is like a cave: keeping all his secrets inside! You told him it was probably boyfriends he had or… or, you know?" Burt added, not sure how to end his sentence.

"I didn't, to be honest. I didn't know what to tell him. Why would he have boyfriends or dates if we were together all this time?"

"Yeah, yeah. But I know my son, and he's going to beat himself up over this and going to think he cheated on you no matter what. You have to tell him the truth or find a good reason why he would see those men in his dreams." Burt argued. Blaine was able to feel where the conversation was going and he didn't like it.

"Nightmares, those are nightmares, not dreams. And Burt, if he is starting to remember, can we risk triggering his memory with the truth about the situation?" Blaine knew he was playing dirty, that he shouldn't lead Burt like that or that at least he should try to listen to the man. But he couldn't tell the truth to Kurt, he just couldn't.

"Listen kid, I'm sure that at this point the best thing to do is tell him the truth. He is starting to remember, which means that his mind, or whatever it is that regulates this, is functioning. I'm sure that telling him the truth will not trigger his memory. But you've also put yourself and my son in a tricky situation. I won't make you do something you're not comfortable with, and if you choose not to tell him I won't approve, but I'll understand." Burt warned Blaine. Blaine didn't say a thing and let Burt said goodbye to him before letting him hanging up.

He knew the right thing to do was probably to tell Kurt the truth, or maybe it was just the moral thing to do. Because who knew what the right thing to was, right? Telling Kurt that they had broken up at the end of Blaine's senior year could trigger his memory in one way or another no matter if he was starting to remember or not. But even if Blaine decided to tell him the truth, could he? Would he purposely put their relationship in danger? Would he purposely tell the man he loved more than anything in the world that he had lied to him about their relationship? Blaine knew he couldn't, he couldn't jeopardize his relationship with Kurt like that. He knew it was selfish and the immoral thing to do, but he couldn't help but fear that once Kurt would know the truth he wouldn't want to be with him and Blaine couldn't let that happen. He didn't want to lose Kurt, as selfish as it sounds. He wouldn't and couldn't tell Kurt the truth. He would navigate around it for as long as he could and try to show Kurt how perfect they were for each other for the remaining time they had.

Kurt's nightmares weren't getting worse, but they didn't disappear either. He would wake up in the middle of the night, feeling disgusted with himself and sweating, almost crying and utterly lost. Every single time Kurt reached out for Blaine, to bring him closer, to feel the heat of his boyfriend body against his, to smell his soothing scent and his firm arms around him, Blaine would capture Kurt's waist in a sleepy state to surround him with all the protection he could give. In those moments, the ones after his nightmare about nameless faces and the feeling of being alone, having Blaine there, all around him was soothing and was making him feel safer than he'd ever felt in his life. He felt safe, cared for and loved. He felt so much love from and for Blaine. The man, even in his sleep, was able to touch Kurt and to care for him like no one else could. In those moments, Kurt just lost himself in the cocoon of protection that was his boyfriend and drifted back to sleep. He never slept better than when he was tightly flushed against Blaine's body.

On a Saturday morning Kurt and Blaine were walking together, hand in hand with a cup of coffee in the other, just enjoying the cool air of January. New Years had passed fairly calmly, neither had really wanted to go out and party, so they just stayed together, in their home. Kurt had cooked and they kissed at midnight, smiling to each other and cuddling all night.

They were enjoying their walk, talking about little things or big projects for Blaine and the Glee club, until Kurt stopped and started to look around himself.

"I remember being here." Blaine frowned and answered jokingly:

"That might be because every time we go for a walk we come here." Kurt playfully smacked his arm and explained.

"No, not like that. I remember being here, before the accident. I remember the sun and the hot air." Blaine's smile vanished for a second. "I remember walking here and hearing music," Kurt turned around and guided Blaine down a little avenue while continuing to speak. "I remember hearing loud music and staying here a whole afternoon because some crew was dancing here. They were amazing and they stayed here longer than I did. I just stayed here all afternoon and watched them." Kurt faced Blaine suddenly and gripped the arms of the smaller man, eyes glistening with little tears. "I'm remembering something, Blaine." Kurt threw himself at Blaine and kept on repeating those three little words that were a source of happiness for him and were digging a hole in Blaine's chest. "I am remembering, I am remembering."

Blaine caught himself and hugged Kurt back, not so much to show him his affection and happiness but to ground him. He wasn't sure about himself right at the moment. Kurt had a flashback, of his life before the accident. His life without Blaine and full of men Blaine didn't know about. Kurt was starting to remember and this time it was much more than just some blurry nightmare, it was a full flashback with perception and feeling and details. Every single detail that Kurt was giving him was like a dagger in his body, he could feel them and had that terrible impression of losing himself and having a ton of bricks pressing against his chest. He was being tortured and mutilated by the happiness of the man he loved and there was nothing to do about it. He couldn't not share Kurt's happiness about getting some of his memory back, what kind of boyfriend would he be? So he would, he would share Kurt's happiness as much as he could but he also knew that he would be in constant perpetual fear of Kurt getting all of his memory back. It could happen at any time, and what would happen then?

Kurt was lost in his monologue about that afternoon that he got back in flashback. He couldn't stop talking about it.

"And I know it is a memory because it's not blurry or just a faded picture, it's clear in my head. Those nightmares had to be some post traumatic thing-y, but this? This is a real memory Blaine! I can't believe it is finally happening. It's not much but, God, it feels so great to have something, anything back! It also feels weird, like it's not me or that I've been drunk for far too long and that I transformed something that someone told me in a memory but it's real and… I'm so happy, Blaine!"

Kurt pecked Blaine a lot of times and hugged him. Kurt couldn't have been happier about the situation while Blaine was dying of fear and insecurities.

Kurt was sitting on Sebastian's couch. It was one of those nights that Blaine and he took to spend time with their friends, and fortunately Kurt had a lot to share with his friend.

"So, Bas. I have some big news for you." Kurt said excitedly.

"I won't be the third member of your threesome, Princess. It's really appealing since you're both as sexy as my old aunt but I'll have to pass." Sebastian answered brushing Kurt's news with his hand. Kurt looked angry for a second and took it upon himself.

"I am not offering for you to have a threesome with us. I have something to tell you that is rather important." Kurt paused for the dramatic effect and continued. "I had a flashback the other day!"

The taller man looked unimpressed and raised an eyebrow at Kurt.

"Bas, I had a flashback about something that happened to me before my accident! My memory is coming back!" Kurt said excitedly, hoping that his friend would understand this time and shared his happiness. The man didn't, so Kurt explained. "I had – have – those nightmares about nameless men and their hands are all over me, and I thought it was some memories at first, but it isn't and the other day I had a real memory back, Bas. A real memory!" Kurt accentuated every word of the last sentence, expecting his friend to catch up this time.

"Good for you, Kurt." Sebastian looked unfazed and obviously not in the same state of joy as Kurt.

"Can't you show a little more of happiness about this?"

"No." was Sebastian's answer. Kurt looked at his friend, mouth agape, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Care to explain?" They were both looking fiercely and angrily at each other at this point.

"Oh, yes very much. You jumped into a relationship with Blaine when you could tell that something was off, I warned you but as usual you just did exactly what you wanted without thinking. Now you're having flashbacks about men and their hands while you're sleeping, Kurt. Please tell me you're not that stupid and that you actually can put two and two together. Because as much as you want to believe it, your nightmares aren't nightmares, those are memories and your precious little Blaine could've told you about this!" Sebastian was growling now, Kurt stood up quickly and grabbed his jacket.

"You know what? I'm tired of you! I had freaking amazing news to share with my friend, but as usual all you do is ruin everything by being your perpetual asshole self. I don't know what I did to deserve such a pathetic excuse of a friend. You don't want to be here for me for this? Fine, I won't bother you anymore!" Kurt shut the door loudly and stormed out of the building.

In the meantime Blaine was spending his evening with Santana. He had called the Latina because he desperately needed someone to talk to about Kurt and his memory; he couldn't keep all of this to himself anymore.

"Stop fidgeting, Bilbo. What is wrong with you tonight, I hadn't even have time to look at the menu that you look like you're about to explode. You don't have a vibrator plug up your ass, do you?" The girl enquired.

"What? No! I… Just look at your menu, we'll talk after."

They both quickly scanned the paper, already knowing what they wanted, the waitress came to take their orders and the second she disappeared, Blaine opened his mouth to talk.

"He is remembering." The man blurted out. Santana looked at him, eyes wide as saucers.

"He is… What?"

"Not everything but it's starting. The other day we were walking and he… he had a flashback, Tana. Nothing important, he had a flashback about an afternoon he spent in a park, but still. He… he is starting to remember."

The Latina eyed him and stayed silent for a minute. She looked like she was thinking a lot about what she was about to say and that made Blaine uncomfortable and scared, the girl didn't think before she spoke, that was the reason why she was so honest. So seeing her thinking and choosing her words before speaking was dreadful and unheard of.

"You have to tell him the truth about the relationship and why you and his father did that. You have to tell him about the pretense before he starts remembering anything else and discovers by himself what's happened."

Blaine mumbled something and the girl leaned closer to him to hear him.

"He what?"

"He already is having bad dreams about nameless men's faces. He doesn't understand why but I think it might be exes or one night stands he had." Blaine looked devastated just thinking that Kurt could have been with someone else, but then why would Kurt have stayed alone? He was gorgeous, talented and so smart, everyone wanted him.

"So he is starting to remember pieces and he has dreams about his exes. And you still haven't told him anything?"

"No." Blaine said a little bit ashamed.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Anderson? You are leading him on! Worse, he is having dreams and from what I know about him must be panicking and imagining the worst about those faces and what are you doing about it? Nothing! He must be beating himself up about this and you could be the one to relieve him from everything he is carrying on his shoulders but because you're a fucking moron you just keep everything to yourself because it's so much more comfortable. What is your big plan? Waiting 'til he remembers? Then what? You're going to lose him, Anderson. Why would you put him through that misery if you love him so much?" The girl shouted, standing and pointing at him furiously.

"You know what? I didn't come here to be judged or yelled at, Tana. Think what you want about me, judge me all you want. But you're not me and you don't have to fear any outcome of any of your decisions. You were the wrong person to come to about this." Blaine stood up, left money on the table to pay for their meals and left, without shooting, without a word misplaced but feeling utterly wrong and alone in this.

When they both reached their home that night all they wanted was to get into bed and cuddle with each other.

Kurt was standing in his kitchen looking suspicious. He turned around and tried to concentrate on one thing in particular. Whatever that he was doing didn't seem to work so he turned to look at something else and repeated the process at least three times before Blaine stopped him.

"Hum, baby? What are you doing exactly?" Blaine asked, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend waist.

"I'm trying to get a clear image." Blaine frowned then laughed at the concentrated expression on Kurt's face. "Don't laugh! I'm having déjà vu and I want to try to focus on it to have a new memory back."

Blaine froze but didn't let go of Kurt. He needed him for the support right now. Cautiously he asked.

"A new memory?"

"Yes, it's like I know I've been here before, doing something or looking for something but I don't know. It's fuzzy and infuriating!"

"So it's like trying to navigate when it's cloudy. You know there is something here but you can't get a hold on what that is."

"Yes! Exactly, and it doesn't matter how long I concentrate on things, it's all blurry and not a single memory is coming back."

Blaine relaxed a bit at his boyfriend words. One memory had come back, a little flashback, the rest was just one big question mark. Blaine could work with that, for now.

The days passed and Kurt was still having nightmares, Blaine was there every time to catch him and soothe him after it. But Kurt seemed more and more afflicted every morning and Blaine knew that the dreams were tiring him and saddening him, but he couldn't bring himself to sit them down and just say the truth. Kurt was beating himself up over it and Blaine knew that, he knew that he could solve all the inner problems that Kurt was having by just saying the truth but then what? How would their relationship be affected by that? He couldn't risk it but he couldn't stand to see Kurt like that either and it killed him. Blaine was torn and every second that passed was just a fight against himself and his conscience about what to do.

They were cuddling in bed, wrapped into each other, placing little kisses here and there. It was their safe place: being in the arms of each other. Nothing was safer than the arms of the one you loved with all your being. But Blaine was still struggling with the decision he was making every second of every hour not to tell the truth.

"Kurt?" The brunette hummed and placed a light kiss on Blaine's lips. "Will you still love me if you get all of your memory back? Will you love me no matter what?" Kurt tightened his embrace and nodded into his boyfriend's neck.

"I will, Blaine. You know I will. Nothing could make me stop loving you. I feel cared for, I feel strong and safe when I'm with you. I love you for all your greatness and all the little flaws." Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek, his nose and locked eyes with him. "Nothing could make me stop loving you." Kurt said once again.

Blaine closed his eyes, seeing all the times he could have told Kurt about the situation, seeing all the beautiful moments they had shared together, all the fights and struggles they had to come by to become what they were. They were strong and together, it was the perfect moment to tell him.

Blaine opened his eyes and looked at Kurt and for the first time in a while he didn't just see the man he loved more than anything else in the world. He also saw the man that had broken his heart into millions of pieces, shattered it and never looked back, he saw the man that had stopped loving him.

Blaine knew he wouldn't be able to say a word about the situation. He couldn't look at Kurt and not be able to see love in his eyes. Because the minute he would once again see that in Kurt's eyes he knew it would kill him and that fear transcended the urge to be moral and do the right thing.