The idea didn't leave Blaine. It was a long shot and a slightly crazy one, but who knew?

Blaine was past trying to pretend that all of this wasn't real. But for now, all he knew was that he felt serene and safe whenever he saw the designer. He always felt unsure and unsettled whenever he stayed away from him for too long. Porcelain had this way of making Blaine feel like he was the sun and the moon, like he was his days and nights and Blaine knew it had to be more than just plain simple attraction. It wasn't just a coincidence that Blaine had been willing to give so much to the man without a second thought. And if Blaine was being honest with himself he wanted so much more from their relationship and for them.

He knew quite well what he had said that night right before falling asleep. He hadn't meant to say it but it was true. It was true and just the thought of it gave Blaine a dulcet and warm bubble in his chest. He knew that he couldn't be Porcelain's soulmate since the man didn't have one. But could the other way around be true? Could someone have a soulmate who didn't have his name on his body? Blaine wasn't sure if it was possible or not but he hoped nonetheless.

Blaine did some research about the Denying Syndrome. It usually didn't end up very well for either person. The sickness came from the fact that one of the two bonded people denied what is was, denied that the other was his or her soulmate until it reached the point where the denied person was starting to have physical proof of the denial like headaches, nosebleeds, fevers, tiredness and in the worst case: a coma. The illness could only be provoked by your soulmate and no one else.

Blaine had read that line over and over again. He didn't know if it was giving him hope about who they were to each other or if he was scared about the aftermath of it.

The more he thought about it the more it was clear in his mind that if he wanted to know exactly what was going on, he would have to experiment. He was going to have to push Porcelain enough to make him deny something to Blaine and then Blaine would wait to see how his own body would react. It was perfectly stupid and he could've just shown his mark to the man. But Blaine was afraid that Porcelain would say that it wasn't him or just brush it off; Blaine wanted and needed proof before doing anything. And since he knew perfectly well it was the stupidest idea ever, he didn't tell any of his friends about it.

The first thing Blaine tried wasn't too involving. He thought that he might as well start little just to see if anything could do the job or if it was just something specific. So Blaine started to ask for stupid things that he knew Porcelain would never agree to.

"I want to buy a whole store of candy." The designer had looked at him with an amused face and just pecked him lightly before answering.

"I don't think so, no. Where would you store them anyway, and who would eat them?"

"I have a big place and I would eat them all."

"Just no, Blaine." The man had finally said chuckling a little.

Nothing happened, at all.

But maybe it wasn't really denying him as much as preventing him from having a stomach ache.

Blaine tried to ask for a myriad of little things like a puppy, Porcelain said no and of course nothing happened. So Blaine asked for marathon-ing all the Doctor Who Classics in one sitting. Once again Porcelain had refused, there were 26 seasons, how were they supposed to survive watching those in one sitting?

Nothing happened.

It was obvious that not anything was working at this point. Blaine wasn't sure what could be a trigger, his research hadn't really helped him with that, since every relationship was unique, the denying could be in any shape or form depending on who was involved.

So Blaine tried something else. Something risky and naughty because if the designer agreed to it he was quite sure he wouldn't be able to go for it.

"I want you to touch me while we're sitting around our friends and I want to come in your hand and just for us to know." Blaine had blurted one day while they were watching some trashy TV show. Kurt had turned his head sharply and his eyes immediately darkened.

"You, what?"

"I said –"

"I know what you said. Are you serious?" The designer asked, kneeling between Blaine's legs on the floor and opening his fly before starting to stroke Blaine's cock.

"I... yes. Would you?" Blaine was already panting and just the sight of his boyfriend on his knees was enough to make him forget what he was asking.

Blaine came quicker and harder than he ever had before and he didn't really feel denied after that, quite the opposite.

After this last failed attempt Blaine sat down in his flat and tried to think about the whole situation. The Denying Syndrome wasn't like a basic cold or the flu.

It was a rare disease that had no treatment and was only curable by very specific actions. It was a disease caused by a loved one. If all of his attempts had shown him something it was clearly that the disease was not some light thing and not anything would trigger it .

It obviously had to be something that mattered.

So Blaine thought about what mattered to him the most, and what could matter to his boyfriend as well. He also tried to rank it. Though it was near impossible Blaine tried to think about what was more important to him than the rest.

The devotion, the caring was important to him. But so was the fact that he wanted his boyfriend to be close to his family. He wanted to know he could count on him but that Porcelain would feel comfortable enough to ask for help as well when he needed.

So one night after a rather unpleasant day Blaine wanted nothing more than to spend the night with his boyfriend, hugging and cuddling and forgetting about everything that had happened. He just wanted to relax and to be taken care of.

So Blaine called his boyfriend.

"Hello you. How are you?" Kurt answered, apparently bubbly.

"Not good." Blaine pouted and hoped that his boyfriend would be able to pick this up over the phone. He heard him chuckle a little, and was glad he got his point.

"What's wrong?"

"I want to spend the evening in my boyfriend's arms but he is not here." Blaine pouted harder, he even tried to cross his arms over his chest but, well, he also needed his hand to hold the phone so he chose to roll over his bed instead.

"Blaine, what happened today?" Blaine could hear him walking and the noise disappearing as the other man closed the door to his room, Blaine supposed.

"I had the shittiest day ever, that's what happened. And I want to cuddle with you and sleep with you and just be lazy together tomorrow morning."

"I... uh. I could always come over and cuddle a little until you fall asleep?" Blaine rolled his eyes in annoyance. He didn't ask for just being put into bed, he really needed his boyfriend to hold him all night.

"No, I really want you to stay the night. Please?"

"Blaine." The man's tone sounded like a warning.

"Please? Just tonight? I know you don't particularly like to stay over because it doesn't really blend with your "just being fun and no feelings involved" policy but just for one night? Could you do that for me?" Blaine was pushing it. He knew it, Porcelain knew it, but he didn't back off. He really wanted to see the man.

"I'd rather not, Blaine. But like I said I could always come over until you fall asleep."

Blaine sighed and declined the offer, saying that he really needed his boyfriend all night and they hung up saying a bitter goodbye to each other. Blaine because he didn't get his boyfriend and Kurt because he had to deny his boyfriend what he needed.

Blaine got a throbbing and skull-deep headache that night and the man instantly knew what it was about it. He needed one last piece of proof to be sure; it could be just a coincidence after all.

Blaine didn't particularly like the idea of using his feelings for some experiment on his boyfriend. But he also felt like he didn't have lots of possibilities. He pondered what he was about to do. He thought about it and he wanted to try. He wanted to bring the whole soulmate thing up, he wanted to talk about it with his boyfriend, he wanted his opinion and he wanted to get the name out. He wanted to know what his boyfriend's soulmate name had been and he wanted to show him his mark. The fact that they could talk to each other and trust each other about that was something strongly significant for Blaine. He needed to get this out and if it could help him understand a bit better where they stood together then so be it. He was tired of wondering and tiptoeing around this. It was too much and too important not to be acknowledged.

"Can we talk?" Blaine asked one afternoon. They were lying on Blaine's bed, spooning and sharing little anecdotes about their days.

"I thought we were."

"Yes, I mean, I want to talk about something else. About... about soulmates." Blaine rushed out, afraid that he was going to chicken out.

"What about them?" Blaine could feel the wariness in his boyfriend's behavior and the way his body had frozen next to him.

"I put a lot of thought into... this, and I guess I want to know his name. But I also want you to know the name of mine. Because it's something I feel comfortable sharing with you and it would mean a lot if you'd trust me with that."

"No." Blaine turned to be able to look at the designer while they were talking. It wasn't a discussion he wanted to have while facing away from each other.

"Why not?" Blaine pressed, already feeling like he was losing it.

"Because it's not something I want to think or talk about when I'm with you. Who they are is not important. His name is irrelevant to this relationship and I don't want to know the name of yours either. This, us, is supposed to be fun and easy, knowing each other soulmate's name is not something that would keep this relationship easy."

"But –"

"Blaine, no. We have fun, we spend some nice time together. Let's not ruin it." It wasn't exactly what Blaine had wanted to hear, even if he knew there was a slight possibility that it would be the outcome of the conversation. He wanted the commitment, he wanted to know bits and pieces of his boyfriend's past and history, he wanted to be able to say Porcelain's real name. He didn't want to be like everybody else that were kept at protectively at arm length from the man. He wanted in. Into Porcelain's heart.

"What if we were each other's soulmates?" Blaine blurted out. His hands flew automatically to his mouth, shocked at what he just said.

"I'm sorry?" Kurt's glare was cold and his tone was ice. Blaine could see the anger and walls building up.

"I... I know you want this to be easy. But I fell for you, badly. And the way I feel, it can't be just simple attraction to someone who's cute. It runs deeper than that and every day I'm going to bed wondering if you could be it. Because it's more than just me wanting it. Sometimes it's like I can feel it, like I can feel the bond from you to me, here in my chest, in my neck, in my hand it's warm and it's just... You. So maybe, if you could just tell me his name or agree to see my mark, I would know the truth."

Blaine saw his boyfriend slowly getting up from the bed and smoothing his clothes. The man leaned to Blaine and pecked him on his lips.

"I don't have a soulmate, Blaine." Kurt started, his tone sharp and cutting. "So no, you are not my soulmate and I'm not yours. This is your truth."

Kurt gathered his things and without a single word made his way out of the building. The moment he stepped out Kurt let out all the tears that he had tried to keep for himself during his walking out. He sobbed on the pavement and rushed back home, Blaine's words ringing into his head.

He had wished all his life to hear something like that. He had hoped and longed for someone to tell him those words, to dare to ask the question, to bring up the possibility of a bond. But Kurt also knew that no matter what he hoped or no matter what happened it could never be true. Blaine, his Blaine, had died years ago and no one would ever be able to claim his place. No matter how nice and appealing the proposition was.

Yes, Kurt wanted this Blaine to be the one and keeping him afar was the only thing that was preventing Kurt to just give in and to let himself believe that he was the one. But he couldn't and just the mere thought of knowing the name of this Blaine's soulmate was more than he could ever handle.

Somehow, at some point, he had fallen for him too. He didn't want to, couldn't. But it had happened and he didn't want reality to crush his fantasy just right now. He needed some time to mourn what he had with Blaine before letting him go to his real soulmate and knowing the name of the man would just be too real for now.

Kurt needed some more time. Just a little longer.

Back at his place, Blaine was shivering and emptying his stomach into the toilet, his whole body shaking and his head dizzy.

If Blaine was looking for a proof, this was it. He was sure that if his body was reacting so violently to someone it could only mean one thing. Blaine just needed to find a way to show how right he was to his boyfriend.