"Faster!" Ms. Shannen shouted. "Focus!"

Kurt tried the difficult dance move again, but lacked speed and missed his cue again. The music was abruptly stopped and his dance instructor walked up to him, her face set on war.

"Hummel! Did you lose your ability to focus over the break? Have you even remotely tried to remember the play or must I remember you that you have the lead."

"I am fully aware, miss." Kurt managed to say.

"Then focus!" she spat. "Again!"

The entire cast grunted and Kurt got back to his spot. Ever since he returned to New York he felt like he lost his touch, his motivation and will, and he knew very well why: it was because he lost Blaine.

When he and Cooper broke up he felt numb and empty, but feeling lost was even a worst feeling. He had no idea what he was doing, walking around school and doing things he was ordered to do - but nothing felt right.

He had to find out the New Directions - and therefore also Blaine - had won regionals via Tina's Facebook. Not even a text from Blaine. Not a reminder of the concert - nothing.

One afternoon Kurt tried to find the place where the concert was being held and ended up on the Alice Tully Hall website, where a huge banner flashed with the announcement of the concert. He had clicked it with curiosity, but shut down the browser immediately when a picture of Blaine popped up next to the first piece. After that he never went back to website again.

With the lack of ‘life' coming from Blaine, Kurt was doubting whether Blaine wanted him there after all. He had never mentioned the date before, he had never mentioned the name of the piece - maybe he just blabbered it out and now regretted every moment of it.

Blaine didn't need him there. He had said it himself it was one of the most important moments of his life and he didn't need Kurt to waltz in.

He probably didn't even want him there.

After a run through Ms. Shannen declared the rehearsal to be over and Kurt almost sprinted out of the room.

"Kurt!" someone yelled behind him and he turned around to find Nancy catching up with him. "You want to get food with me?"

"Sure." Anything to distract me, he thought.

"Here's your suit, Bee."

Blaine looked up from the floor where he was sitting, surrounded by bits and pieces of the orchestration version he had received from his co-conductor. All week long he had been adding notes and feedback for the orchestra and tomorrow he was finally going to New York to actually practice it.

"I had it pressed, so we need to lay it carefully in the car." his mother continued and hanged the dress-bag on his door.

He couldn't be more relieved his mother was going to drive him to New York and stay with him the entire week, eventually also seeing the concert. His father hadn't said a word about it, but his mother was determined to see the school for herself.

"How's it going?" she asked and kneeled down beside him.

"Trying to figure out why Pierce added that." He pointed at a section near the end. Pierce Noah was his co-conductor and from what they have been talking over Skype - this guy was the best. "I also need to talk about the ending. You think it's safe to take my violin with me?"

His mother looked up at him. "Well, next year it's coming with you I presume, so I wouldn't see why not?" She smiled a toothy smile and he returned it.

"Thank you, for coming with me I mean -"

"I wouldn't want to miss it for the world." She stroked his cheek before pressing a kiss on it. He felt the lipstick stick, but didn't mind it.

A throat cleared in the doorway and both them snapped up to find Mr. Anderson standing there. Slowly his mother stood up again from her kneeling position and Blaine jumped up as well, feeling more nervous than that he was for the concert.

"I filled the tank completely, so you won't have to go for at least a couple of miles." he said, looking at his wife. "Be careful, call when you're there." He already started to walk away but halfway his turn he looked back to Blaine. "Good luck."

Blaine wanted to say something but the words were evaporating in his throat. This was more support than his father had shown the entity of the year.

"It's going to be alright." his mother said soothingly while his father walked away. "We'll talk again after the concert. After I've seen it with my own eyes." She hugged him, squeezing his sides and walked out herself.

He let out a shuddering breath, kneeled back down and started to gather up the musical papers. He was so close he could almost taste it, but he was scared. Afraid of his phone to see a text from Kurt telling him he wanted to break the friendship because he ruined it. He feared choking on that stage for the entire world to see and lose his one last chance of going to New York without a fight. He was scared Kurt wasn't going to come at all.

He hadn't talked to him since March, terrified he might scare him off completely and wasting his last chance of showing Kurt how much he really loved him.

His mother was driving back home immediately after the concert so he wouldn't miss anymore school and the only chance he had to talk to Kurt - if he was coming - was going to be after the concert.

"Please come." he whispered and piled up the papers.

"Are you okay?"

Kurt jumped up at the voice. He had almost forgotten he was with Nancy practicing a scene together but halfway try five he was drifting off and he knew exactly who to blame for that.

He turned his head to her and stared for a little while without saying anything until Nancy repeated her question.

Without realizing he shook his head a little and swallowed loudly.

"You want to tell me what's going on? Ever since you got back you haven't been yourself." Nancy said worriedly.

"I, I feel -" He tried to find the escaping words but they were failing him. Nancy reached out to take his hand, squishing it soothingly. "What - what would you do," he finally managed to say, "if your best friend told you he loved you?"

Nancy chuckled a bit. "I'm flattered, honey, but I thought we established you were also into the male species -"

"Nance." he cut her off. "Please."

He saw her chew on her tongue a little bit and decided he wasn't going get an answer.

"He - he just said it. Out of the blue." he said. "And he walked away. Not even explaining -"

"I'm suggesting this is about Blaine?" Nancy asked without really questioning it. She was more or less stating it. "Kurt, have you ever tried to explain someone why you loved him?"

"N-no."

"That's because it's impossible." she said seriously. "There are thousands of reasons someone could love a person but putting that to word? People just can't tell things, why do you think there are so many love songs? Why do you think that in most musicals the composers let the characters sing their feelings instead of telling?"

 "I just feel so lost." he said softly. "I feel like there's something missing and I want to know why, why he loves me, why it has to happen to me."

"Have you given him opportunity to explain?"

"No, he walked away. He told me to -" come to the concert. Kurt's eyes snapped up and Nancy stared at him, waiting for an answer. "If I asked you one day to cover for me at rehearsals, would you do that?" he said suddenly.

"Hell yeah, what do you need for excuse? Sprained muscle? Sick? I can make teachers believe shit so hard, they'll bring a fruit basket." she said smug.

"It doesn't matter what, just - just when I ask you to, please make sure nobody tries to find me?"

Nancy nodded with intense eyes. "You're scaring me, but I'm sure you have valid reasoning."

They dropped the subject and continued their scene, but Kurt never could fully recover his focus.

---

April tenth was dawning and Kurt was still doubting on going to the concert. He didn't exactly had a pass or something that would show that he could come or maybe it was an open concert?

He sighed deeply, wandering around the quad with his feet aching from the run-through of the entire first act. Halfway his walk home he passed a bench and thanked God for that before sitting down, leaning backwards and kept as much pressure off his feet as possible.

It already started to become dark, making all the lights around the college shine brightly and Kurt stared up to the sky. "What am I going to do?"

The concert was tomorrow - and he was scheduled for an entire day of rehearsals, vocal lessons and scene interpretation. He couldn't miss those, but somehow he didn't feel the need to go.

It felt like Blaine was more important.

Kurt snapped up, tensing his entire body into a sitting position. Blaine was more important, he repeated in his head. Blaine was more important than his rehearsals, the thing he had been working so hard for was meaning nothing if it meant he could see Blaine.

"Holy shit." he whispered. Blaine was the person he would give it all up for.

But? But that was impossible, right? They were friends, best friends - Blaine was Cooper's little brother! His ex's little brother! But he was also Blaine. The boy that was his first call, the one that cheered him up by singing - the boy that had been in love with him this whole time.

He looked up to the sky of New York and wondered if Blaine was currently staring at the same sky. Maybe he was already sleeping, it was an important day tomorrow after all and Kurt wanted to be there more than ever.

Maybe he could just go there and leave after Blaine's concert?

He forced himself up, wincing at the straining muscles but ignored them while walking to his room. Tomorrow he was going to see Blaine again.

---

The entire night Kurt kept on doubting, making up other reasons to go to Blaine than just because he wanted to see him. He wanted to support Blaine, he didn't want him to think he was alone.

Continuing on he thought about the music Blaine was going to show. He seemed very emotionally invested with it, which was of course logical because it was his audition piece. But why was it so important for him to hear it? What could an orchestral piece explain to him?

With his eye on his watch he walked into the rehearsal room, spotting Nancy already stretching on the floor.

"Nance?" he asked softly and she looked up. "Remember when I asked you to cover for me?"

"Yes?" she replied confused.

"Today's that day."

Nancy was quick on her feet, asking him if he was sure and Kurt nodded. Right now he was going to be as sure as if he was ever going to be. Nancy kept staring over his shoulder to the door and after familiar sound of feet started to fill the room, she looked him straight in the eye.

"On three, start coughing." she commanded, counting softly and on three Kurt burst out in a fit of coughs, feeling tears well up in his eyes and Nancy petted concerned on his back.

"You okay, Kurt?" she asked with admirable acting skills. Kurt let a new load of coughs out, making even more obscene noises.

"Hummel!" the strict voice of Ms. Shannen shouted and he let himself being held up by Nancy.

"Miss Shannen!" Nancy interfered. "I think - I think he has that nasty cough that's been circling around campus!" She started to tell an ridiculously believable story that ended with even someone else coughing in the ensemble.

"Dammit," Ms. Shannen cursed, "take him to his room, make sure he drinks some tea and then get your butt back here. Don't you dare delay. Piper! You understudy for Kurt, pronto!"

Kurt grunted a bit when Piper jumped up, but let Nancy carry him outside with a random cough escaping his lips. As soon as they were out of sight of the rehearsal rooms, Kurt started to walk up straight again, fastening his pass to his room to get changed.

"Where are you going anyway?" Nancy asked when they reached his room.

"Alice Tully Hall." Kurt looked down to his watch: he had an hour and a half to get there. "I think I might take a cab. Rush hour is over anyway."

"What are you going to do at the Alice Tully Hall?"

He wrapped his scarf around his neck, knotting it tightly before a smile played on his lips. "I'm going to let him explain."

Nancy held out his bag with raised eyebrows. With a nervous grin he took it and ran out of his room, trying to get as quickly out of the dorms as possible. A block down he finally saw a yellow cab turn around the corner and he raised his hand.

"Taxi!"

Blaine was going to be sick. He was standing with his back against the wall between backstage and the concert hall, hearing the muted noises of people finding their seats.

His heart was thumping against his chest and sweat was already forming on his upper lip. He had an urge to peak through the door he was going to enter to see if his mother had found a seat yet, but remembered he's not allowed to go inside yet until the entire orchestra was seated.

The past week had been emotional, crazy and amazing. This was what his school was going to be, talking to the musicians, letting them feel what he felt with his music and after he told an altered version of the story of behind the music - about unanswered love because he was taken - a few string-playing girls were sniffing.

Working with Pierce Noah was an honor and terrifying all the same. The man originally came from Australia and had buckets of talent and experience, teaching Blaine every trick he needed to come over as professional as he could. When Blaine told him his plan of standing out, Pierce had been perceptive but after trying it out one time, they agreed on letting it into the piece.

And now it was time.

The first violinist was the last one to go in before him together with Pierce. The girl smiled at him supportively and Pierce nodded once before opening the door and a racket of noise filled the hall backstage, disappearing just as quickly when they shut the door again.

There were two minutes left.

Was Kurt there? Was he sitting there? Maybe he was even sitting close to his mother - or maybe he wasn't there at all.

He trembled all over, waiting for his cue. One minute. One minute left. He rested against the wall once more, closing his eyes and trying to even his breathing again.

"Blaine?" the backstage-assistant called while walking to him. "It's time."

He nodded jerkily, pushing himself off the wall and composed himself. The assistant opened the door for him and he stepped into the hall, greeted by applause.

This was it, he thought, he was going to face the music.

Kurt couldn't look away from the boy, the man, walking confidently toward the conductor's platform. His hair was combed back and plastered with gel. His suit was tailored onto his body, dark blue with a black bow-tie and shiny polished shoes peaked underneath the pants. He was the youngest in the entire orchestra-hall, he might even be the smallest - but Blaine Anderson looked like he belonged there the most. Kurt felt his heart take a little leap at finally seeing him after all this time.

He shook hands with the co-conductor, Kurt remembered Blaine mentioning that he was the one who rehearsed the piece the most with the orchestra and considering Blaine didn't have any experience as a conductor - he had been glad that someone was there to make sure everything would go smoothly.

Kurt saw him taking out his dark, wooden baton and he prayed that he misinterpreted his quivering hand - Blaine shouldn't be nervous. Both conductors took their places, Blaine up front, and waited for their cue.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer said through the microphone, "Invidia in E-minor, composed by Blaine Anderson, co-conducted by Pierce Noah." A small applause faded as Blaine straightened his back, raised his baton and started his ticket to freedom.

A small section of strings filled up the room, creating a steady base. There was no meaning, Kurt didn't feel one - yet. Blaine turned to the wind instruments and on cue an oboe started to overrule the strings.

Kurt understood music, he understood orchestration - but only the theatre-kind. The kind where voices fill up the voids of emotion. But Kurt never had imagined to get infected this kind of feelings because of an oboe.

The sounds it was producing; low, stretched - thinned - it sent shivers throughout Kurt's veins, limbs and bones. Kurt sensed the pain of the melody, hatred - envy. The oboe received support from the main portage of the orchestra , swooping into a burst of pure classical eruptions.

The burst disappeared as quickly as it had come, returning to the oboe and the strings. The violins were growing in volume, fighting the crude notes of the oboe. Another eruption followed and Kurt finally dared to look at Blaine - but he immediately wished he hadn't. As if the music itself wasn't hurtful enough, Blaine had lost it completely in his creation and grew his gestures bigger and bolder with the eruptions, only to slow it down as they returned.

Kurt felt it all through the music: sneers, loathing, loneliness and despair. Jealousy.

Kurt's hands were shaking, trembling and he was sure any moment now he was going to cry. This wasn't just a piece of music Blaine composed, this piece - this music - represented Blaine and what he felt when he wanted something that couldn't be his. And it broke Kurt's heart even more than Cooper had, listening and watching this was making his heart crumble.

Blaine threw out another eruption war between strings and winds, dropping his arms suddenly and stepped back. Pierce, the co-conductor, stepped in right on cue and for a moment Kurt thought Blaine was choking.

"No!" Kurt breathed in silence. Blaine mustn't choke, not like he did - no, Blaine deserved this, he needed this. Kurt dropped his head into his hands, waiting for it to be over and a small solo of a violin broke through the violence.

Kurt snapped up at once and found Blaine still standing on the conductor's platform with the violin tucked under his chin. ‘Do something that will make you stand out.' The melody was complete opposite of the entire piece. There was no hatred, no envy - it was soft and sensual. Blaine was playing with his eyes closed, ignoring every little thing around him and played the melody as he needed to.

The rest of the orchestra grew silent, as if they were defeated by the small melody from the violin.

Kurt's body wasn't tensing anymore. He felt his shoulders relax under the touch of the music. He felt Blaine guiding him away from the pain and the loathing and gave him something else: hope.

Blaine was playing a soft melody of love, overruling the jealousy - as if the love was worth going through it. As if Kurt was worth it.

Something clicked in his head, realizing what Blaine was explaining - not the reasons why he was in love with him, but why it was so important for him to know. There are no simple reasons why a person falls in love, it was about the journey during the most difficult stages of wanting something you can't have.

Kurt had to remind himself to breathe, clenching his fists in the fabric of his jeans and tried to break his gaze on Blaine. The melody was reaching a peak, similar to the playing he did at McKinley that Friday afternoon and Kurt remembered how badly Blaine wanted him to love him back.

The orchestra was completely silent as Blaine played the final notes, stretching out the last tone and lowering his violin in the process.

People in the audience were already starting to applaud, but Kurt had only one thing in mind: get the hell out. He stood up with the rest of the crowd and started to make his way out, hearing a few annoyed sounds from people.

He was breathing heavily, trying to let everything sink in what was going on. Never in his life had he felt like this before: confused, lost, and a small part of his heart was trying to catch attention. He already loves you, it said, all you have to do is love him back.

Kurt tried to find his way back to the exit, but ended up in a foyer next to the orchestra hall. He cussed under his breath, trying to find someone to help him out but a door swung open on the left side - not even twenty feet away from him.

A ravel of blue suit and plastered hair stormed out, panting harder than someone who had just run the marathon.

Kurt froze at seeing Blaine with his hands swiping off the sweat on his face with languid moves. He was muttering to himself, undoing his bow tie and loosening his suit.

"Holy hell." Kurt could make out of the mumbling and he remained staring at him, unsure what to do because the little part of his heart was shouting loudly to go to him. His heart was practically cheering at seeing him and Kurt didn't feel lost anymore.

Blaine suddenly turned around and looked straight at Kurt with wide eyes, sweat droplets still on his forehead and his mouth open wide.

"Kurt!" he breathed, dragging his feet toward him and Kurt wanted to meet him halfway, but couldn't move. "Oh my God, Kurt." Blaine said while finally reaching him. He stared at him for a second before flinging his arms around him. "I'm so happy you're here." Kurt closed his eyes at hearing his voice so close. "I was so scared. That was the most terrifying thing I have ever done." He felt Blaine's nose sniffing the side of his hair, wrapping his arms even tighter around him as if the past month hadn't happened at all. "Did you watch?"

Kurt let out a breath he had been holding. "I listened." he managed to say and Blaine pulled back to look him in the eye.

"You listened." he echoed with huge Bambi eyes, loosening his grip on him and started to step back.

No, his heart said, come back.

"What -" Blaine panted, "what did you -"

"Blaine?" a voice called and behind Blaine's back, Kurt saw a girl with a headset. "The board wants to talk to you for a minute, can you come?"

"Yes!" Blaine hollered back immediately, turning back to Kurt and took his hand. "Stay, please stay, please wait for me, please. I'll be back in a minute, please wait for me." he pleaded. "Please." He brought up Kurt's hand and actually pressed his lips on his knuckles, petting them one last time before turning to the girl.

Kurt watched him walk after her, turning his head once to silently ask him to stay and disappeared around the corner. And so did Kurt, turning around swiftly to find the exit. His heart was contracting, angry at Kurt running but he felt like he had no choice.

He couldn't love Blaine. He couldn't fall in love with Blaine because he simply loved him already. It didn't work that way. He was forcing his feelings, he knew it.

Finally he found the big doors to lead him back to New York. He was almost through them when he heard someone run down the hall.

"Kurt!" Blaine yelled. He turned around, seeing Blaine jog toward him, still panting. "There you are, I've been looking for you forever!" He stopped a few feet in front of him, catching his breath. "Were - were you leaving?"

"What did they say? The board, I mean?" Kurt deflected and Blaine hung his head a bit.

"They wanted to know some motives." he explained. "Some of my artistic choices were a bit... unusual." He stepped even closer, looking Kurt straight in the eye with begging eyes. "Kurt, I'm sorry I ran away that afternoon." Kurt started to shake his head. "I panicked, I was scared and I didn't believe I told you something I've been cropping up for months. I - I can't explain why I love you, I just do. It's like - when we met in November, it was like - you moved me, Kurt." He inhaled deeply. "But you were with Cooper and I couldn't - I just couldn't. So I hope you noticed, the piece and how I felt - how I feel." Tears were welling in eyes, Kurt could see them clearly. "But, please, you have to know that I -"

Kurt couldn't control his body anymore. His heart was winning, happily cheering as he surged forward, cupping Blaine's jaw before he gently pressed his lips on Blaine's and kissed him.

This was a very vivid dream, Blaine decided. If he didn't know better he was currently being kissed by the boy he was madly in love with, but that would never happen.

Except the lips touching his own feather-lightly were almost too real. The smell surrounding him was too intense to simply come from his Dalton sweater, once worn by Kurt, and the hand on his cheek was warm, only a bit sticky from sweat - but then again he was sweaty all over because of the concert. The concert. Kurt - this was real, he realized.

Their lips were barely touching anymore, only a soft puff of breath let Blaine know Kurt was still there. He felt the hand on his cheek pull back and so was Kurt's body. A small protesting noise escaped his mouth and he grabbed Kurt's waist without thinking it thoroughly, pulling him back immediately so their lips were touching again.

Blaine had shared one kiss before, back in High School with another boy and that kiss had not ended well, making him even more determined to make this kiss perfect. Instead of the little touch they just shared, Blaine took control of kiss, moving his lips to feel as much of Kurt's full ones as possible.

Kurt let out a squeak, not relaxing one bit, but heavily breathing through his nose, surprised by the sudden closeness of Blaine.

If this was a dream after all, Blaine thought, I might as well make the best of it. And languidly sucked on Kurt's lower lip. It was all overwhelming this feeling of - of rightness. Blaine had never felt more complete in his life.

He was about the deepen the kiss even more when Kurt's body went rigid, tensing under his hands and he pulled back carefully to see what was going on, missing the soft press of Kurt's lips instantly.

His eyes fluttered open, inside his stomach butterflies were racing, but as soon as his vision sharpened, the butterflies died and were gone. Kurt was staring at him with eyes wide open in shock, his lips, slightly swollen, were parted in horror and his breathing was close to hyperventilation.

It was as if someone hammered on Blaine's already fragile heart and the last blow made it shatter into a million pieces. He tried to tighten his grip on Kurt's waist, but he was already backing out, shaking his head disbelieving.

"K-Kurt." Blaine stuttered out with a broken voice, still trying to keep him close but all of a sudden there was a distance.

He felt Kurt slip away from his fingers, turning his vivid dream into a horrifying nightmare.

"I can't." Kurt choked and turned away. Blaine heaved forward to grab his hand, his arm - something of Kurt to stop him from running, but he grasped only air and Kurt was already through the doors.

"No!" he shouted, bringing up his hands to grab his hair in despair. "This is not happening, this is a dream." he muttered to himself, pulling a few of the gelled locks. "I'm going to wake up and have the concert, this is all a dream."

But the breeze slipping through the creaks of the door blew away his wishes. This was all very real. Kurt didn't feel the same, he would never feel the same. Not only had he ruined his friendship forever, he had tasted the life he could have if Kurt did love him back and it was even worse than never having to experience at all.

He let out a shuddering breath.

"Why?" he said with a crack in his voice, staring down the glass doors where the love of his life had just left him to drown in miserable feelings, surrounded by little pieces of his heart.

"Bee? Blaine?" someone called behind him and suddenly he was wrapped in a hug with his mother. "What happened? It's intermission, I tried to find you backstage but the assistant said you went after someone." She rubbed his back with long strokes, trying to make the tension fade away. "Did something go wrong with the concert? It sounded perfectly, honey, it was perfect. So beautiful." He let out a sob, relishing in the words but still hearing Kurt say ‘I can't' in the back of his head. "I'm so proud of you."

He forced his breathing to calm down. He didn't want to scare his mother with his overflowing emotions and she kept on telling him how wonderful it was.

"I can't believe you composed that, you're so talented." His mother pulled back and patted the loose curls out of his face. "Did something go wrong?"

He shook his head. "I want to go home." he cracked. "Can we please go home?"

"What?" She stared at him concerned. "Don't you want to stay for the rest of the concert?"

"I just want to go home, I've already spoken with the board, please? I don't want to be here anymore." he begged.

"Okay, baby, okay." She pressed him down against her chest, hugging him firmly. "We'll go get our things and we'll leave straight away, yes?"

"Yes." he choked. Away from here, away from his nightmare and while they walked back to retrieve his violin, Blaine was sure he could hear his heart crack underneath his feet where the shatters were spread all over the floor.

Kurt had no idea where he was going. He was walking blindly through the streets of New York, as far away from the orchestra hall as possible.

"I kissed him." he kept on muttering, still experiencing aftershocks and his heart was currently hating him. "I kissed him."

And the worst part was that he had never felt the sensation before. It was electricity sparkling through his veins all over his body as soon as their lips had touched, but it was a mixture with guilt. As if alarm bells were ringing loudly at every spark, remembering this was Blaine - Blaine - and that he was wonderful. And so much more deserving.

What have I done?

He walked. He walked until he was absolutely and utterly lost, searching for the nearest subway to head back to Tisch. It was already passing noon, but Kurt wasn't hungry. He had barely slept last night, but he didn't want to sleep.

All he wanted was to make it right.

He entered a small park, dropping down onto the nearest bench with his head resting in his hands, trembling all over.

This was wrong, this was supposed to be wrong - that is why he walked away. He couldn't just fall in love with Blaine, but all he could do was imagine how lovely it would be if he did. How Blaine would play music every second they were together, how they would spend entire nights watching bad reality TV and then slowly forget the program because they were making out.

Kurt tried to shove it off, claiming he missed it because he wasn't in a relationship anymore, but the more he thought about it - how more he realized he did miss it, he did want it, but only with Blaine.

Hours later he found his way back home to his dorm. Guilty and broken he walked to his room, not even aware of the time.

"Kurt!" the familiar voice of Nancy's yelled. He turned around to find her jogging toward him. "How was the - doctor's - appointment." she asked, swiftly looking around in case people were watching them.

"Horrible." he cracked.

Nancy's eyes grew wide, taking over his keys immediately and ushered him inside. "What happened?" she asked while Kurt dropped down onto his bed. He murmured something into his pillow. "What?"

He turned his head sideways to face her. "I kissed him."

"What! Who? Blaine?!" she said astonished and he nodded. "Then - then what happened? Why are you here? Where is he?"

"I kissed him." he repeated. "And then I ran away."

There was a moment of silence, before Nancy pulled the pillow away underneath his head and smacked Kurt repeatedly with it. "How. Could. You. Do. That!" She smacked him with every word.

He crawled up into the farthest corner of the wall, trying to dodge the pillow but not really succeeding at it.

"Toy with a boy's feelings like that!" She ended her rant, smacking him one last time.

"I freaked out!" he reflected, trying to save himself. "He's Cooper's little brother, he already loves me, I - I'm so confused. It feels like I'm forcing myself to be in love with him. It can't, I can't."

"Why?" Nancy kneeled beside his bed. "How can't you at least try?"

"Because I don't want to get my heart broken again." he murmured.

"So you break his?" She stared at him incredulously.

"I never meant that to happen! I can't help it that he fell in love with me and wrote that gorgeous piece of music that made my heart pound and my stomach sick!" His face started to redden with anger. "I can't help it that ever since he told he loved me I don't feel like anything anymore! Not the play, not - not..." His voice faltered. "It feels like I can'tbreathe. And then I saw him today, and he was all - all Blaine." He started to sob into his knees, clenching himself into a small ball.

His bed dipped and hands started to unwrap him, giving him permission to clamp onto Nancy, and so he did. He shook over his entire body, jumping into her arms.

"Sweetie." Nancy whispered. "I don't think you're forcing yourself."

"But - but -"

"No honey," she shushed him, "stop trying to find your way out."

He moved himself up to a sitting position, back resting against the wall and stared across the room at the wall of pictures. His gaze ended on the picture of them on Times Square. Blaine already loved him back then. He really loved him, and Kurt could love him back.

"You really think so?" He swallowed and Nancy stared at him questioningly. "That I'm not forcing myself?"

"Oh, Kurt," she sighed, "I think you're forcing yourself from it. You're trying to stay out of love, but it's already too late." They stared at each other for only a few seconds before the truth kicked in with Kurt, hiding his face into his hands, muttering several exclamations.

"Oh my God, what have I done? I -" He jumped off the bed, trying to find the damn thing that was his phone. "I need to fix it." he said softly. "Need to -" he finally found his phone, unlocking it quickly, "fix... it..." He stared down at the screen where one text message was displayed. It was a simple text, only a few words:

To: Kurt               From: Blaine     (12:09 PM)
I'm sorry. Goodbye.

"No!" he cried. "No, no, no." He quickly dialed Blaine's number and held it up his ear. "No, I'm never saying goodbye to you. Never. Never." Voicemail. Hang up. Dial again. "Never saying goodbye." So it went on for at least five tries before Nancy took the phone out of his hand.

"I - I have to fix it." he muttered and Nancy nodded slowly.

"But not tonight."

"I have to go to him."

"He's already back to Ohio." she said with a small voice. "He left me a text too, I just saw it, he left right after the concert. He didn't dare to tell you, so he texted me." She held up her phone.

"N-no."

"I'm sorry." Nancy hung her head.

Kurt's mind was bursting with escapes, ideas and solutions, and every one of them seemed more improbable than the other. His head snapped up and slowly he opened his mouth: "I'll have to go to Ohio."

"What?"

"I - I need to go after him. I can't, I need to - I'll have to go to Ohio." He settled his mind, deciding he really had to go after him if it was the last thing he would ever do.

"You, what - how?" Nancy spluttered. "You can't just go to Ohio in the middle of the semester."

"I'll have to." he said seriously. "I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'll never be able to focus again. I need him." He raced to his wardrobe, trying to find his bag to pack things. "And if I don't do it now, he'll never talk to me again."

"But, Kurt, think rationally, you both took a blow to the heart today -"

"Need to fix it."

"Okay, fine, why don't you sleep it over one night and then tomorrow you'll go through rehearsals,"

"But -"

"A-ah! No buts, you'll do rehearsals. You can't miss another day, I'm sorry, I know Blaine is important but you need to give him some space as well." Nancy said calmly. "So we'll figure out the best way how you can travel to Ohio and you can beg for forgiveness on Friday."

Kurt took in the words, still feeling the urge to just go already. "Okay."

"Okay." Nancy said. "Now, how can we get you to Ohio and let this stupid romantic comedy get its conclusion?"

He thought for a minute before a light bulb was switched on in his head. "Give me my phone." Nancy handed it over resentfully. "I already have an idea." He went through his contacts and found the number he was looking for. Quickly he pressed call. "Santana?" he asked when she picked up. "I need your car."