It wasn't until after class on Wednesday that Wes found him. Kurt avoided the upperclassmen's eyes. There was an awkward pause before Wes seemed to find his words. When he spoke, it was with a seriousness that was different than that of ruling the Warblers. It was something different, a different graveness that Kurt had never heard before.
“Kurt, I heard you're leaving.”
“You heard right.”
“Listen, there's got to be some other way to get what you need, Kurt. I know you didn't get the solo. I'm sorry. If it's any consolation, I voted for you. I thought Don't Cry for Me Argentina was fantastic...I had to put up the front that you stood out because David and Thad thought and decided that it wasn't a good idea to give the new member a solo. They thought it would decrease morale. Something about showing that just because we had you didn't change the fact that we are united. I always thought you were wonderful, Kurt.”
“Wes, listen. It's not your fault. I'm not leaving because of that. I'm not going because I lost out on a solo. That happened plenty at McKinley too. Rachel always beat me out for things. I'm not leaving because I don't get enough on the way of solos here. I'm leaving because I need to.”
“Why, Kurt? You're actually making us start to change. We've performed in public. We've broken out of our shells. Traditions are changing, even just bit by bit. We need you. You're a creative force to be reckoned with.”
“Frankly, I'm leaving because of all the traditions. They may be changing, but I'm suffocating. I can't be here anymore, Wes. I just can't.”
“Is it because of Blaine?”
“Yes. But that's not all. I miss everyone in Lima. I hope every day that they miss me too. That they haven't forgotten me. I miss how free I was there. I even miss all the things I hate. I feel so guilty, every day. I left them all. Just because I was afraid. Last week, Blaine kissed Rachel. Rachel Berry, my friend. Fellow Diva. Confidante. He made me realize how much I've lost. How much I'm at fault in staying here. I need less scripting. I need less planning. I miss the highs, I miss the lows. I miss the pain. I miss the mountains that made life worth living. I ran away from my life. I regret it so much.”
“Kurt, I wish I could change your mind. We'll be less with your leaving.”
“I know. Everyone keeps telling me that. None of you are at fault. I should have never come here in the first place. Whatever the reasons I convinced myself with, whatever excuses I made? They were excuses of a boy that didn't know what he had. I'm just not that boy anymore, and I never will be. Maybe that makes me guilty of something, but I know what I need. I need an out.”
Wes smiled. It was a sad, resigned smile. When Kurt saw it, he knew that the discussion was over with. He knew Wes understood. He didn't like it. He'd do anything to change it, but he understood that Kurt needed this. It wasn't about winning, losing, or anything else. It was about getting what you needed, and to hell with everyone else.
“Kurt, I'm gonna need your Canary back.”
With that, he gave the younger boy a quick hug, and walked off to his dorm. Kurt looked down at his feet. There were so many people here that would miss him. He wasn't innocent of not hurting anyone. Every decision seemed to go badly. He was always the guilty one. He wondered if it was wrong that as much as he felt like the Warblers deserved someone better than him, he was happy that he was leaving, and no number of guilt trips could change that. He wasn't the boy that came to Dalton to run away from a bully. He wasn't the kid that was so jealous of Rachel's talent, all he could do was hate her. The only thing he was truly guilty of was growing up. Dalton had been a catalyst to his maturity. He wasn't as helpless as he thought he was.

Thursday

Kurt was constantly reminded that it was his last week at Dalton. The teachers knew, though they never had shown any indicator that they had either positive emotions on Kurt's leaving. There weren't any 'We'll miss you's', 'It was great having you', or other sympathies. Kurt was glad. He was sick of people needing him too much. Putting him through hell. Jeff was the only one that gave him support, really. Wes had quietly accepted his leaving. Blaine...Blaine hadn't spoken to him since lunch on Wednesday.
It was halfway through his second class on Thursday when a note appeared silently on his desk. The pale boy probably would have noticed who slipped it to him if he wasn't gazing quietly into the distance, having given up listening to the teachers this last week. It wasn't as though they'd be testing him before he left for McKinley. The schoolwork at Dalton was so much more difficult than that of his old school, Kurt wasn't worried about catching up. He would probably a few months ahead of the other idiots. It was something to be thankful for. Kurt picked up the folded square of paper on his desk and opened it slowly, making sure not to crinkle the paper loudly enough to attract the droning history teacher's attention. The handwriting was as familiar to him as the writer, and Kurt's attention focused fully onto the words.

Kurt,

There's so much we need to talk about. There's absolutely no way that I can fit this into a note. We just need to talk. Please. Just once before you leave tomorrow. Right after class. Our table. The cafe.

-Blaine

The note was short. Simple. To the point. There wasn't anything cluing as to what would be said, so Kurt could only speculate. The bell had rung and everyone was standing up. Kurt gave a quick look around, but Blaine had already left the room. There was no sign of the boy with the curly hair anywhere. Kurt still had the note crumpled in his hand. He didn't know now if he would be going to the meeting. Blaine would try to convince him again, convince him to stay. He was always guilty of trying too hard. Or maybe not enough. Kurt supposed he just had awful timing.
When lunch rolled around, Kurt found himself sitting across from Jeff, neither of them speaking much outside of the pleasantries. There was an odd feeling in the air. Kurt would be leaving, Jeff knew it. This was the penultimate lunch they'd share together at Dalton. Kurt kept looking down at his lunch and picking at it with distaste. Jeff pushed his around food with his fork. Neither of them seemed to feel like talking that much. Kurt had filled the other boy in on his note. Jeff, ever the romantic, thought that it was Blaine's one last opportunity to make amends. It was the equivalent, according to Jeff, of showing up at the airport as Kurt was about to leave forever. Kurt just thought it was moronic, but agreed to go to the meeting, as one last favor to the guy that had lived with him throughout his Dalton experience.
After lunch, the day flew by. Kurt ended up sitting in the Dalton Library, pouring over a few books that he no longer had to study. It was just a distraction for him, he didn't actually need to study. Every moment he spent smelling the aged pages, glancing over the discolored words, it was a moment that he didn't need to think of Blaine. Every time he read the word 'and', he wasn't thinking of the boy's curls. Every vowel he sounded out in his head, it wasn't a thought of the older boy's voice, of his eyes, of his entire being. He wasn't guilty of thinking about the boy he was enamored with when he was reading, or at least that's the delusion that he told himself. Over, and over, and over again. But maybe he really was guilty of being stuck. Maybe he was guilty of falling too hard, too soon. That guilt was pushed to the side, though. Kurt knew he needed to leave.