Sunday
Kurt's mind had been made up for days. All it took was the Rachel's kiss on Blaine's lips to really set him in what he knew had to be. Blaine was going to have to be pushed out of his mind. There couldn't be anything between them, even if Blaine was as gay as he assured Kurt he was. Kurt had tried to pretend that he was someone he wasn't once, and there was no room in his life for someone that could be so stupidly oblivious to Kurt's feelings that he'd kiss his new found best friend. Kurt didn't blame Rachel. He couldn't blame Rachel. She was his friend.
Things had gotten awkward at Dalton since the Blaine/Rachel affair, and it was that feeling that brought Kurt to his current conversation with Blaine. The older boy was sitting across from Kurt at the coffee shop, sipping his coffee in silence. Kurt had told him that there was something extremely important that he needed to talk to him about, and Blaine unquestioningly followed him to the cafe. Kurt's eyes couldn't meet Blaine's and the older boy's eyes.
Blaine spoke first.
“Kurt, what's up? There's been a wall up around you the last few days. It's like you shut down every time you're around me. There's something wrong, I know it. You may as well just tell me now, it'll hurt less the sooner your get it out.”
Kurt looked down at his hands and gathered his willpower. He forced himself to look into those gorgeous eyes. They didn't hold the same deep longing that they had for him before, but there was such openness, such love contained in them. It made it almost physically painful for the words to escape his mouth.
“Blaine, ever since you and Rachel--”
“Kurt, that didn't mean anything. It was stupid for me to even doubt myself for a moment. She's talented, and pretty. That's all. It's not like I'm in love with her. Besides, I think she's gayer than I am.”
“Rachel? Well...Maybe. I dunno. I doubt it. But that's not the point. The point is, you made me realize that there's an invisible line in my head that can't be crossed in order to maintain a relationship with someone.”
Blaine's demenor changed to defiant. Kurt had struck a chord that Blaine didn't feel like dealing with. It was confusing, and so many feelings were wrapped up into the idea of Kurt and Blaine's relationship potential that Blaine pushed them all down. Anger replaced what could have been a completely different emotion, in another time, on another day.
“We're not even in a relationship Kurt. Seriously, if you're going to start acting like we're together--”
“Blaine, don't be an idiot. We're friends. That's a relationship too. And your stunt with Rachel made me realize that whatever we could have had, or whatever we had or have, it can't be. There was a bubble that we existed in, and you burst it the moment yours and Rachel's lips touched. It's something I can't let go, and it's not your fault. It's a personal line that you couldn't have known about. I didn't even know about it.”
“So our friendship is going to be over because I needed an event in my life to reassure me of the choices I've made? I hope you know how stupid this makes you sound, Kurt. Not to mention selfish. It's not like I went out of my way to do anything to hurt you. I care about you, Kurt. You're important to me. I don't want to lose you.”
“Blaine. I've thought so much about this. I've thought about how much I'll miss you. I've thought about how much you mean to me. But. Whenever I think about how we were before. How I always hung on your every word, how I was so afraid to lose you. Especially when Valentine's Day rolled around. You meant too much to me for too long. Then, when you kissed Rachel...Something changed. I don't know how to explain it. I just don't feel like I'm talking to the same person anymore.”
“I haven't changed, Kurt. I'm still me. Whoever I am.”
“Well, then it's me that's changed, Blaine. I don't know if I'm changed for the better, but I'm changed for good. This isn't something that I can change.”
Blaine looked at the Formica tabletop and rubbed at the side of his coffee cup. This conversation wasn't one he ever thought he'd be having. Kurt didn't want to be around him anymore. Then the thought occurred to him.
“You said you'd miss me, Kurt. Where are you going? You have to see me every day at Warbler's practice anyway. How is this going to work?”
“Blaine. I've thought it over a lot. I didn't know what to do. I talked to Jeff a lot about it. He wasn't happy about what I came up with, but he agreed with me that it was probably the right decision. I talked to the Dean, and I'm getting a partial refund on my Dalton tuition. It's not the whole thing, but I haven't been here long enough to take too much of it away. My dad will get a honeymoon now, and I'm going back to McKinley. This is going to be my last week here. I sent a letter to the Ohio State Show Choir Board, and they gave me approval to transfer back to New Directions barring any chance that either of our groups copy the other at Regionals. I'm going back, and I'm happy about it. Coming here was more for our friendship than my terror.”
Blaine was flabbergasted. He knew that Kurt wasn't afraid of Karofsky since he and Rachel became close. He also shared with Blaine why Karofsky really wanted him dead. After kissing Kurt, Blaine knew that Karofsky couldn't hurt him. Karofsky was in love. Enamored. Full of adoration. Kurt was his crush. Violence would take a backseat to the heart.
“Kurt...I don't know what to say. I don't want you to leave.”
“I really will miss you Blaine. I hope you know how much you meant to me.”
Blaine ran a hand through his gelled hair. He didn't know what else to say. He downed the rest of his coffee and stood up. Two steps brought him to Kurt, and he looked down at the younger boy's ivory skin.
“I guess we have one more week.”
With that, Blaine left the cafe, going out to the rainy day. Kurt sat at the table, looking out to the distance, lost in thought. Blaine still meant so much to him, but in a way that was so twisted and warped by so many feelings, leaving was the only thing he could do. Rachel, Finn, and Mercedes were the only three members of New Directions that knew he was coming back. In a week, he'd be with all of the friends that made him love who he was. He knew that going back, it was the right thing to do.
Kurt knew...He knew that him and Blaine needed some time apart. Maybe then everything would make sense. The giant jumble of emotions that he had in his mind right now, Kurt hoped they'd make sense with time.
One week and he'd get away. The traditions, the politeness, the uniforms. It was all going to be behind him. He'd see Mercedes and Rachel daily. There would be so many happy memories to make. He'd miss everything at Dalton, but the last few months had seemed like a blur of being a peacock among pigeons.
He missed New Directions. He missed living. He missed his clothes.
God. He even missed the Slushies.