It was all the little things he would miss. Wide grins or gentle smiles used to spread across the face of the one he loved. Those quirked eyebrows and passing glances always caught him off guard. Running his hands through those curls when they were wet and free from their gel prison and suddenly having water shaken all over him had made his sides ache with laughter. But now, the only ache he could feel was in his chest as he numbly remembered every single second that they spent together.

There were moments of time he would never forget. The night of the West Side Story musical, watching the performance he only thought that his boyfriend was absolutely perfect. Later, he remembered falling asleep, head resting on the gently rising and falling chest of the boy he loved. Then, he had known that they belonged together. Nothing could ever break what they had together. Lying on his boyfriend's bed, wrapped tightly in his arm, it had seemed as if all of the pain he had ever felt left him. Right now, though, he would welcome the passed pain, because presently he couldn't even feel the agony that would be expected, there was just numbness.

Excitement of adrenaline had run through his veins so many times before. Gazing up at the lights New York City, he had seen a hope in the world that he thought had been all but lost. Next to him, the eyes of the boy he loved sparkled with the same wonder. Together, they were going to shine in the spotlight, no more bullies, just courage. When they graduated, they would rent an apartment and live their dreams. That was The Plan. Yet now, entirely alone, all he felt was a hollow filled only with the emptiness of nothing.

Finally, he had found somewhere to belong and someone he belonged with. Coming back to an apartment that was their home someone was waiting to whisper "I love you" gently to him as their lips met in a soft kiss. New York was everything they fantasized and so much more. Every day they were together the bad memories seemed to float away and new, blissful ones took root. All of these memories, the good and the bad, were what had inspired them and wove their hearts together. For now, though, memories didn't have any other purpose than to be searched for some possible hidden meaning, a hidden pain, or just any kind of sign.

Together, they had walked down the chilly winter streets, scarves wrapping their flushed cheeks and fingers intertwining in an inseparable bond. Looking away from the other's eyes was impossible; the meaning in his boyfriend's caramel-mocha eyes was all that mattered. Love engulfed his boyfriend's features, and he knew then that this was the boy he was going to spend the rest of his life with. They knew everything about each other. The nights of whispered secrets kept them sleepless, yet they both finally had someone to confide in. Pulling the blankets over their heads, they stared into each other's souls. He thought that nothing was hidden anymore. But there was something unsaid.

Why hadn't he told me then? When was I not paying enough attention? There must have been something I missed. Why didn't I listen a little bit closer? Maybe then, I would have realized.

Were those smiles just a way of hiding behind a mask of what was on the outside? What if he was trying to say something every time he caught my eye? Was every extraordinary, precious moment that we spent together a fa�ade? When he talked of no more bullies, no more prejudice, and no more sadness was it just a lie? Were the plans for New York, for us, for a future just a fairy tale dream? Or was there something that he told me in every single one of these moments. What was the last thing he said to me? Did he try to say something more than just words?

But he couldn't remember. He couldn't find any signs or hidden meanings. The memories were just that, memories. No clues or hints came with them. All they were, scrolling through his mind in these mere seconds of thought, was just a time passed. They were gone; something that was never going to come back.

Regrets of actions and uncertainties of feelings were all that he was left with. Every single moment together was something that he hadn't done right. If it were right it wouldn't be this way.

Standing in the doorway, he didn't realize that this moment right here was just that. Only a moment. With his breath frozen in his lungs and his heart finally lurching with a start again, time began moving again. But he was still there.

In the middle of the porcelain white tile floor of the bathroom was something that he had never even considered in all of the time that they had spent together. Tears wouldn't come to his eyes, yet he knew that he was supposed to be crying. Sorrow should have been consuming his soul, but there was only a numbness that he had never felt before. It felt as if his insides had been torn out; as if he was only a hollow shell of the person he had once been.

But then, through the static in his ears, he heard faint music coming out of the headphones that had been thrown aside. Suddenly, he realized the sign that he should have before. It was the music. Exactly the thing that he should have paid attention to was what he had dismissed. Music was what had brought them together in the first place, starting with the moment that the Warbler he had just met took his hand and led him through those hallways into a fantasy that he had never imagined would come true. Music was there through everything, the gloom and the shining joy. And it was here now.

He finally remembered that last thing his love had said to him. It wasn't exactly said, but rather sang.

He recalled lying in bed that morning, pretending to be asleep so that he could listen to the beautiful soft singing flowing through their bedroom. Keeping his breath regular, he remained in the perfectly fitting niche of his boyfriend's warm arms. The vibration of the chest next to him was soothing and comforting, and he let the velvet of his boyfriend's voice wash over him.

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me

Until this moment, until he was staring the truth in the face, he hadn't believed it. Tears stung his eyes as a sob ripped it's way from his chest, the numbness giving way to a burst of painful grief. Choking on the breath he had been holding for the last few seconds, his lungs began contracting rapidly. His stomach lurched as his first burst of air brought with it the taste of the thick metallic odor hanging in the air.

Suddenly, reality hit as the seconds raced from the almost frozen time to a speed that seemed to multiply. Blood pooled in the grooves of the tiles, making the floor slick, yet Kurt didn't care as he subconsciously moved towards the one he loved. As the tears slid down his cheeks and sobs tore from his lungs, Kurt's mind stabbed the harsh reality into his chest with a harsh agony.

Blaine tried to commit suicide.

Blaine's left arm was mutilated to the point that it was barley distinguishable, and below his right hand the razor blade that he had been holding had slipped from his grasp as he had fallen unconscious.

Staring in anguish at his love, Kurt finally realized the only question that really needed to be answered

Did I find him just a little late or is Blaine still alive?