I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. I fell asleep on the floor again. I don’t want to get up. Where’s my phone? It's probably just Wes or David checking up on me, or it might be…Kurt. I scramble to get up, my head is pounding. I empty my bag by dumping all of its contents, there it is, my phone. One message.

Hi Blaine, It’s Kurt, thanks again.

��������������� I have no idea what to say to him, I may just have placed him in more danger than before if he does what I say, I save his number. I check the time, 12:30, Lunch. I could get to my other classes for the rest of the day, save my guidance counselor the time and effort to call my mother to inform her of my absences. I take a proper shower this time, eat some leftover pizza from my fridge and get to class.

��������������� I get through the day and it’s 4:30, means only one thing, Warbler practice. I get to our choir room and Kurt’s visit is still a hot topic. Not because he’s a member of our competition but because Wes and David told everyone about our conversation and what they saw, another version of me. Boys can be such gossips. Wes calls the meeting to order, we’re working on something for sectionals. Auditions for the solo are coming up and I was invited once more. I feel good about it. Choir, singing, music, it’s what keeps me going. It’s something I am sure of and something I know I am good at.

��������������� The meeting is short so some of the guys decide to get some coffee at the Lima Bean. I feel tired and excuse myself from the group. Wes follows me to the corridor. “How are you holding up? Must be difficult for you to see someone like Kurt” “What do you mean by that?” I sounded so defensive, I didn’t mean to. “You’re put together now, or at least you show it to everyone, but as your senior and the one who’s been right here with you since you got here, I know you’re not really okay. Not yet. Today Kurt looked a little like how you were, minus the eye bags, bruises and stitches. I know you skipped class today because it came back to you when Kurt left”. I take a few seconds to make myself sound less irritated. He just cares. “It’s weird to see it, in someone else’s eyes.” That’s all I can think of to say. �“Maybe you need him, maybe you can get thru with it together. Because he gets it, we don’t. We’re here for you man, but maybe your common experiences can give you both the strength.” Wes is looking straight through my eyes now. “Maybe you’re right, I’m sorry I’m still a mess.” I say. He gives me a hug, pats my head, makes a mess of my hair like older brothers do and says “You’re very good at making everyone else believe you’re whole, but David and I see through you.”

��������������� I get to my room and before getting changed, I decide open my laptop to watch one of the New Directions’ performances. Regionals. The Journey medley, Kurt is second to turn when “Don’t Stop Believing” starts. He is happy, smiling, dancing. They lost but created enough buzz for this year’s season. I loosen my tie. Grab my phone. I type and delete then retype and delete words:

Hi!

Delete

Hello!

Delete

How are you?

Delete

Mind if I use you to get over my anxieties that have been plaguing my life the past year?

Delete

I walk around my room thinking of what to say. What do I say to help him? How can I feel better about what I did to him today? How can I help us? It hits me, I type it out, send it. God knows I’ve been trying hard, to move on, but Wes is right. I could use someone who knows. We could get through things together. What Kurt needs to confront his attackers, what I must have to get over my scars, is now up on my phone screen, the first message I send Kurt, COURAGE.

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