He looks so peaceful, still in his uniform.

Kurt stirs as I carefully drop my blazer,bag and sit across him. "Hey." I whisper.

"Hi..." he says wiping his tired eyes open.

"What are you doing on the floor? Did you get locked out? You should have gone to the housing officeto get them to open your door. You can stay with me for the night if you'd like." I offer.

"No," he sits up. "I was waiting for you."

What? Why?

He takes out a paper bag. "It's a mint chocolate chip cookie, we went to the Lima Bean, Wes remembered you loved them... Congratulations! You got the solo for Sectionals!" he jolts with excitement. "You weren't there when they announced it. Where did you run off to?"

I take the paper bag and stare into it like it was a deep, deep hole. When I snap out of it, Kurt is looking straight into my eyes. I sigh deeply. "Thanks, Kurt. I... um.. How about you? W-What happened?" I stutter, unable to make any eye contact.

"Oh, apparently my audition was a bit over the top, according to David." he huffs. "Nick and Jeff got a duet though. Andrew and I are subs, I feel good about it. Wes ended the meeting with a speech about the Warblers, about helping each other out - shining as a group." he says, half-smiling.

"I'm sorry."

"What for? Are you serious? Your audition was beautiful. But you left right after, and you're covered in dirt." he says looking at me worriedly. I shift my arms trying to cover up the mud stains.

"I went out for a walk." I answer, my head down.

"Did you fall into a ditch or something?" he retorts, his worried green eyes piercing through me.

I don't speak.

I want you to know Kurt, but it hurts, it hurts too much. I can feel it now. Seth died because of Justin and me. Because of who I am. I lost my best friend because of what I am.

He takes my hand, crawls closer to me and gives me a hug. I cry into Kurt's shoulder.

Sectionals is three weeks away, I spend much of the first week rehearsing vocals with Wes and David while Kurt rehearses with Andrew, Nick and Jeff. All the Warblers will hustle through vocal rehearsal, dance rehearsal, classes and deadlines. We don't hangout as often or even eat together 'cause everyone is using their free time to get schoolwork done by the time we put together vocals and choreography, the second week. The final days leading to the competition, we rehearse til lights out, sing in our bedrooms, and wake up early the next day to at least run the whole routine twice.

Last year, we lost to Vocal Adrenaline. I am hoping our arrangement of Hey Soul Sister and the duet will get us through this year. Our green room is bustling with excitement. We're ready, the routine is perfect and we're all warmed up. I finish parting my hair to the side and straightening my tie, when I see Kurt in the mirror's reflection. He seems agitated about something, his phone in his hand.

"Are you alright? " I ask, walking over to his side.

"Are you?" He replies, eyes shifting from worry to care faster than a blink.

"Of course! It's d-day Kurt, we're gonna win this thing!" I say loudly, the rest of the boys cheer.

He stands from the dressing chair and leans toward my ear, "I mean really, how are you? You cried in my arms, thanked me for the cookie and closed the door. You zone out at rehearsal and you've been avoiding me for the past few days..."

You make me feel like...

"It's Rachel. I have to go to the lobby..." he puts on his blazer and starts to walk, but stops and turns to me.

"We're friends, right? Somehow, from my experience, that means you can tell me anything that's bothering you whenever you choose. It also means I've been worried since that night, and you can't blame me for trying to say this to you now, I'm here for you too. The same way you've been there for me."

He walks out and I bow my head. From the corner of my eye I see Wes looking on. He gives me a look sort of asking if every thing's alright. I nod.

Focus Blaine. Focus.

"Warblers, the organizers are asking us to fill our seats in a few minutes, we're going on second. When the first group ascends, we will be ushered backstage. Warblers at Sectionals, let's go out there and win this thing!" Thad announces.

We all gathered at the center of the green room, arms around each other's shoulders. This is the best part of being a Warbler, every time we perform we huddle and council members say a few words. This what kept me going last year.

"Wait! Where's Kurt?" Nick ask as we pull closer for the huddle.

"He went out to see his friends. I'll go get him." I say rushing out.

"Hey, it's time." I give Rachel a nod and a smile and take Kurt by the shoulders.

"Where are we going?"

"Another Warbler tradition." I whisper.

The boys cheer as we enter, I lead Kurt to my side and wrap my right arm on his shoulder. He smiles.

"Boys, last year we were here, we lost, and though we accepted that defeat, it was not easy. I just want to say how honored I am to be leading a team that continues to work together harmoniously despite the drawbacks. We were never a team that dwells on negativity, and I am proud of us." David starts.

"We started this year in the best way I could think of. I would like to congratulate Blaine, Nick and Jeff for their efforts to lead us into the first round of the competition. I know you three will perform your best and we will all be beside you all the way."

"They've said everything so seriously! I just want to say that let's go out there and have fun! Let's dance away! It would be tons of awesomeness if we win, but if we don't, as part of the graduating class, I want us to remember this performance as one where we had a blast!" Wes adds.

Everyone is in high spirits now, smiling and placing their hands in the middle of the circle when Kurt speaks,

"I... I just want to add how thankful I am of everybody. For asking me to join you guys and for letting me stay." Looking straight into my eyes he continues, "I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be friends with."

I smile. He puts his hand over mine and we all scream "Go Warblers!" as loud as we can.

We were moving out to the lobby and into the back of the auditorium to find our seats, when I hear the most adorable voice call my name. I turn around and there she is, running towards us, pushing people's legs to get through the crowd. Our mother tries to catch up with her but quits when she sees that Eva found me.

"Blaine!" I scoop her up, making her yellow dress crease.

"Careful!" she cautions but holds onto my neck tightly. "I came to hear you sing!"

"Yeah, not gonna lie, you're my lucky charm. I think we're gonna win for sure." I whisper, kissing her hair.

"You're just saying that." She protests as I put her down. I laugh.

"Hello, dear!" our mother greets me with a hug as Eva takes my hand. I look around, waiting, hoping my father would show up. He isn't around. I fail to hide the disappointment on my eyes, something my mother sees and as she cups my face, fingers stroking my cheek - I smile, It's no big deal.

"Dad told me to give you this." She hands me an envelope with a letter inside it. It reads:

Dear Mr. Anderson,

We would like to inform you, your primary audition has been accepted and we would love for you to be present for the second round of auditions on the 12th of December. Please prepare two holiday songs, you may bring sheet music or prerecorded accompaniment. Good Luck!

Mr. Riley Cooper,

Program Management,King's Island Christmas Spectacular, Kings Island Theater

"We're spending Christmas in Ohio?" I asked, confused. "Wait...What audition?"

"We sent one of our home movies of you singing. He wanted to be here." my mother responds.

"But he isn't." I say. Eva tugs my blazer. "What is it?"

"We get to go to this theme park for Christmas baby girl!"

"Really?" she answers wide eyed. I kneel so I can talk to her without her needing to look up.

"It's a magical place, Dad used to take me there all the time. You'll love it. I have to go inside now, watch closely okay. Remember, you're my lucky charm and I want to see you from the stage." I tap her nose and let go of her hand, she laughs and crinkles her face.

"We have to take our seats, you should both find yours, it's about to start." I slide the note into my pocket and kiss my mom's cheek before I catch up with the rest of the Warblers.

Why is he doing this? What does it all mean? Is he trying to make amends?

Since I came out our relationship has been strained. What used to be a very close father-son relationship turned to stern looks and quiet dinners. He never sat at my bedside at the hospital, always just outside my room. He wasn't there at Seth's funeral he hasn't called since I transferred to Dalton. He assumed we had nothing in common because of who I loved.

I find the boys already seated, the place next to Kurt is the only empty one.

"Your mom is here?" he asks.

"Yeah, my sister too. You should go talk to her later, her dress is something you would like, I think."

The stage lights are out. I feel my heart beating rapidly against my chest. We take our places behind the curtain. I feel uneasy. The intermission starts, a local comedian has at least a few jokes to let out before the curtains open. I close my eyes.

...

"Dad, do you think by next year I'll be tall enough to ride the roller coaster?" I ask.

"I think you should listen to your mother when she tells you to drink your milk and eat your vegetables. I hear Seth does that's why he's tall enough."

"But you know I'd never go without you buddy." Seth punches my arm.

...

"No, I won't go out, everybody is out there, Dad, I'll mess up." I say clutching to the microphone.

"Why do you think you're going to mess up? As far as I know my son is a really good singer, really good. And it's mommy's birthday tonight and you want to make her happy. And if you're nervous just look at me okay, or look at mommy's smile."

"or her belly?"

"Yes, or that. You'll be amazing son."

"OH YEAH ! Go BLAINE!" Justin cheers standing on a chair at the back of the crowd of family members.

...

"And now for our second performance of the program, from Dalton Academy in Westerville, The Warblers!"

The velvet curtains start to rise, I take one deep breath and the boys start our intro. I smile, Seth if you can hear me, thank you. The spotlight hits my face and the memories fill me up with so much warmth and I know. I know I can do this.

My solo ends. The feeling of accomplishment, relief and overwhelming joy flows through me. I feel heat on my cheeks as I look over the audience, Mom and Eva standing up, clapping wildly.

We move towards out second formation, the group is divided equally on both ends of the stage. Nick and Jeff take center, the spotlight hits them we harmonize: VummVummVumm

You can't find the phone, so you can call it off

But it might be for the best

You can't walk away, anyway

Cause you've nowhere else to go

Is he worth all this, is it a simple yes?

'Cause if you have to think, it's fucked

Feels like you loved him more, than he loved you

And you wish you'd never met

Our oohs and ahhs compliment the two perfectly. I look at Kurt from across the stage, and the whole time I could hear his voice and only his as he sings in the background, an octave higher than Nick.

Don't keel over now

Don't keel over

Don't keel over now

Don't keel over

You've been up all night, and the night before

You've lost count of drinks and time

And your friends keep calling, worried sick

There's strangers everywhere

"You don't always have to be so strong. Whatever it is that you're going through, I'm here and like you made me feel once, we are not alone." Kurt whispers as I fight the sobs that try to escape my mouth, the paper bag he handed me squished.

And in one little moment

It all implodes

This isn't everything you are

Breathe deeply in the silence

No sudden moves

This isn't everything you are

Just take the hand that's offered

And hold on tight

This isn't everything you are

There's joy not far from here, right

I know there is

This isn't everything you are

When you took the call

How could you know

That he'd slipped away last night

And you wish you went home, days ago

To say goodbye or just hello

"All you have to do is ask for help Blaine. You can tell me anything."

And in one little moment

It all implodes

This isn't everything you are

Breathe deeply in the silence

No sudden moves

This isn't everything you are

Just take the hand that's offered

And hold on tight

This isn't everything you are

"Uhh...Thanks for the cookie, sorry I ruined your shirt. Goodnight." I stand up, take my things and hurry to open my door. I shut Kurt outside still on his knees, looking scared and worried.

He is looking right at me as the last words of the song escape his mouth.

Just take the hand that's offered

And hold on tight

This isn't everything you are

There's joy not far from here, right

I know there is

This isn't everything you are

We bow our heads slowly as our vocals fade out. The lights are dimmed and the curtain closes. Everyone breaks out of formation, and for a moment Kurt and I just stand there. Jeff proceeds to push him out of my sight and we all exit the stage.

Wes grabs my shoulder, as we hustle backstage, "I think we both agree we got this in the bag. Kinda weird though, I feel like winning is great, but if we win against Kurt's friends, what then?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"It must hurt, for him, to compete against his friends, If i were in his place and we won against you guys, it wouldn't feel like much of a win. Surely Kurt's voice is as important to the New Directions, as it is to us now. He may not have won the solo against you, but the whole group heard how good he was. I just hope that if we do win, Kurt would still feel like he has a place in the Warblers, and he doesn't feel too bad about it."

I'm the worst friend. Kurt must have been so torn about being here. That's why he looked so distressed. Our hallway encounter added to his worries.

"You guys were awesome!" Mercedes says, pulling me out of my thoughts, the New Directions are going last.

" I bet you guys have something amazing as well! Break legs!" I say offering a hug.

"Where's Kurt?"

"He's out there with Rachel. She's still a bit cranky. Finn thing. Catch you later!" she waves as she enters backstage.

I see Kurt holding Rachel's hand and wishing her luck. She passes by me and smiles. Then walks away muttering something about Santa or Satan or someone.

I smile. "Hey!"

"Hi, you were great as always!" he says beaming.

"Thank you. I...uhh...I'm sorry. It must be difficult, seeing them perform. You should be there." I reply.

"It's mind boggling actually. I miss them, but we worked so hard too. I want us to win badly enough, though." he smiles.

"We, us." I laugh and nudge him teasingly.

"Uh..the Warblers, I mean..I..We are a unit..a group..togetherness.." he stutters turning red.

"I know Kurt, just like Wes says all the time..." we stand there in silence.

"We should get back to our seats." he suggests.

"Right." I say, I have to apologize properly later.

The New Directions start their set, two blonds begin with their duet. Kurt looks on excitedly, then he lets out a long sigh.

"Who are they?" I ask, just to get him out of his thoughts.

"Sam, and Quinn." he answers.

"Why isn't Rachel singing lead? I thought..."

"Apparently Mr. Schuester, our director, vetoed her. She's been devastated, texting me her sorrows. I think there's some trouble within the group as well." he shares.

Sam and Quinn reach the stage and the curtain opens to reveal the rest of the group. They look amazing, dancing around to the beat.

Mercedes hits the final high note and Kurt is up on his feet, clapping. I stand up as well, and the rest of the Warblers follow suit. Kurt laughs. It's been a while since I heard him laugh. We take our seat again.

The drum beat of a very familiar song starts and a very refreshing voice comes out of one of Kurt's friends. I look at him to ask, but he notices right away.

"That's Santana, her attitude is as fierce as the voice you hear right now. She'll tell you how it really is without hey, Mike and Brittany are going to dance. They've never done that before... Wow... Mr. Schue really thought about this."

I see Wes watching worriedly, none of us dance like these two. We might not win this after all. They manage to pull out flips and turns that end with the guy sliding the other blond around his waist, Thad looks downtrodden, Nick and Jeff whisper at each other. They execute one final flip and the New Directions fall to their ending formation.

We stand up and applaud with Kurt a second time, it was a great performance, whole, they put out all their strengths. An usher directs us to head backstage, all groups must be there before they announce the winner.

"They were awesome Kurt." I say.

"We were too, just different. We have as much chance as they do, or we both might not win and the oldies get to move on to Regionals." he says smiling.

Huh. Kurt Hummel, how are you even real? Who thinks that way? How is it that you are the one who is still very hopeful right now?

Wes passes by us and I shout to him, "Don't sweat it, it's not over yet."

The rest of the group hears.

"Yeah, we were gold guys, Mercedes thought so, and I would trust her opinion with my life. I think we're still in this thing. " Kurt adds.

Wes looks around. He sees the faces of a team who is now unsure of themselves. He looks at me as I try to say, time for another speech.

"These two are right. The New Directions' performance was stellar. But our two groups are very unique. I know last year Vocal Adrenaline crushed us with their moves, but this year is different. They didn't try to poison us for one. So let's get in there and congratulate Kurt's friends for putting together an awesome number."

As Kurt opens the backstage door, he runs straight to Mercedes and Quinn. The rest of us shake hands with the others. I find Finn looking at Rachel as I pat his shoulder and extend my congratulations. Their director Mr. Schuester comes up to me and says, "May the best group win."

"WARBLERS at REGIONALS! YEAH!" Thad shouts. The energy backstage cascades from the New Directions jumping around to the Warblers hugging it out. A tie. That's the best resolution for us, for Kurt. I find myself in the middle of a celebration. Kurt finds me and I offer a hug, "We made it."

"Yeah, we did." He says, his bright blue eyes looking right at me again. We don't move. "About that night, the one after our auditions..."

"Guys! We made it, we're going to Regionals!" Andrew cuts me pulling Kurt away as the boys file out jumping around and running to the lobby to meet their families. He looks stunned and worried. Later, I'll find time for that later.

Mercedes takes my hand as we move out, "Congratulations!" she lets go as the New Directions find their supporters in the crowd.

"Blaine, Blaine, Blaine!" Eva shouts as she runs to me again.

"Told you, If you weren't here we probably wouldn't have won." I say as I kneel to hug her. She chuckles sweetly. "Where's mom?"

"There," she points out to the crowd. I find my mother talking to a pair of parents, one of them holding a Dalton blazer. I wonder who they are, I've never seen them before.

"Hi mom!" I say. She puts an arm around my shoulders resting the other on my arm and leading me forward, "You were amazing, honey." I smile. "This is my son, Blaine. Honey, this is Burt and Carole Hummel."

Hummel, Kurt's parents.

I extend a handshake to Mr. Hummel, "So you're Blaine? Kurt's told us a lot about you."

He has?

"You know their son, dear?" my mother asks.

"Yes ma'am,you remember Kurt? You met him the last time you came to visit..." I say as I see Kurt and Finn walk closer to their parents.

"Please tell me you haven't told him anything embarrassing, Dad. I just went to say goodbye to Rachel... Please don't tell me Mrs. Anderson knows where my birthmark is now" Kurt says, a tone of mock exasperation in his voice.

"I haven't, I promise - you beat me to it." Mr. Hummel responds, pulling his son into a quick, one armed hug.

"Kurtsie!" Eva exclaims.

"Oh my goodness, who is this lady? Have you grown since we last met? You have, right? I love the outfit. You mesmerize me, Eva." Kurt says playfully as he lifts her up.

"So what are your plans, kids?" Mrs. Hummel asks.

"Well the New Directions are going to Breadstix, Mr. Schuester's treat." Finn answers.

"And the Warblers will be having a party on campus later to celebrate." Kurt adds. Eva patting his hair, amazed that it doesn't come undone.

"We could grab a bite before you fly back, Mom." I offer.

"No, we're fine, you guys enjoy your party - I'll see you in a few weeks." she kisses me and rubs her lipstick off my cheek. Kurt puts Eva down.

"All right, you kids have fun, but not too much fun. Finn - home by midnight, Kurt call me when you're on campus." Mr. Hummel says, the two boys nodding in unison.

"Olivia, we could take you to the airport, if you'd like." Mrs. Hummel offers.

"Oh that would be lovely. Blaine dear, take care of yourself always. Eva it's time to go now, say goodbye." My mother says.

Eva looks up, asking me to carry her again. "I wish you were back home with us." She whispers.

"I'll be home soon, we'll have Christmas, I promise." I say.

"But you weren't home last year, what if you change your mind?"

"I won't, baby girl."

"Okay." she agrees, but I can see the fear and rebellion in her eyes, she wants to tell me to come home, but I just...

"Okay, take care of mommy and tell Dad, hi." I say before putting her down, tears already forming in her little eyes.

Kurt takes his blazer from his mom and gives her a kiss. Our parents walk to the exit door, the lobby is almost empty. Kurt and I are left in silence.

"The boys must be waiting for us, c'mon Kurt." I take him by the shoulders, he tenses up.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. A text.

You sound flawless, you didn't tell me you sang. - Jeremiah

The west gardens had been transformed into a discotheque, the boys set up a party tent where loud music is blasting, Andrew dj-ing club hits, everyone dancing. Alchohol is never allowed on campus but somehow the boys manage to spike the soda, no one will admit to it tomorrow. I take one sip and taste the spirits they mixed together, this night will not end well if I drink too much, but I still do. I move out to the dance floor and let loose. The bass pumps through my ears and my stomach, I feel lightheaded and free as sweat starts to unravel my curls. Wes comes up to me - also dancing, "You alright? I haven't seen you like this!" he shouts at my ear so I could hear him through the music. "I'm great, I'm fucking awesome, we fucking won!" he looks at me stunned, and laughs.

In the blink of an eye, the dance floor becomes packed, everyone brushing against each other, the music getting louder and louder and the air thicker. I try to stop but everything is spinning. I feel knots in my stomach and my dry mouth suddenly filling with saliva, I know what's coming next.

I push everyone out of the way and manage to run outside the tent. I find a patch of soil and lean forward. The heat rising from my back, cold night air suddenly on my skin, I feel it rise as I let go, holding on a tree for support as the mix of alcohol, water and our dinner are now on the well kept grass.

I breathe deeply, wipe my mouth with my tank top and slump onto the next tree trying to keep my head up. The fresh air helps, but I could really use some...

"Here." That voice. That sweet sweet voice.

"Kurt?" I ask, my throat hoarse and painful.

"Yeah, now drink this, it's just water." He hands me a glass.

"Thanks. " I say as the water soothes me.

He sits beside me and takes off his jacket to cover me up.

Where did my overshirt go?

"We can sit here 'til you feel better, or we could try to get you to your room so you can sleep it off. Your choice." He says as he sits across me.

"Why are you here?" I ask groggily. I could use my state of tipsiness as an excuse for being straight forward, but I really want to know.

"You looked like you could use the help." He answers.

"Fuck." Is all I manage to say. "Sorry, I... I want to tell you something...because you.."

"You can tell me in the morning Blaine."

"No, I'm a hypocrite. I told you to have courage, but I'm the one who's still terrified, who's still broken."

"You're not."

"Let me finish. I killed someone Kurt, for being myself."

"What? That's it, c'mon you need to get to bed."

"No!" I shout. Kurt looks terrified but he lifts me up and puts his arm on his shoulder. He doesn't need to drag me. By the time we get to the dorms, I'm on my own feet and I take off his jacket. We walk up the stairs silently. I still feel a little dizzy.

As I turn my doorknob, I look back at Kurt.

"Stay with me, listen. I want you to listen. Please..."

"I will." He says as we enter my room. I flick my light switch, nothing. We look around, no power. I sigh. The moonlight illuminates my room, shades of grey, blue and dark shadows. I open my balcony door to let the night air in. Kurt looks on, and steps outside.

I take Justin's journal out from my desk drawer and put on a new shirt. Kurt is now sitting on my balcony floor. I hand him a soda can and take my place right next to him.

"What's that?" he asks.

"A journal, a timeline... Memories." I answer.

"I came out to my parents when I was 14, barely 15. I did because I was at a party with my friends and one of them kissed me, Justin, we had just started dating, and he did it on impulse. Everyone saw, and everyone in that party had parents who knew my parents. I had to tell them before anyone else beat me to it.

Eva didn't understand why our Dad did not take me to the park with them the next morning, I had to tell her I just wasn't feeling well. Since then, we haven't been on good terms."

"By the time school began, everyone knew. The hallways were no longer the same for me. But no one threatened me when Seth was around. He was my best friend. We literally grew up together cause he lived next to us. He's part of the cool kids clique and they couldn't do anything about him hanging out with me. So we remained close. But whenever he wasn't around, I... was kinda like you. Thrown into lockers, pushed to the ground. I never told Seth or Justin that I was treated that way, I feared a worse beating if I told. Anyone who saw managed to turn a blind eye. So the months went on."

Kurt was listening intently, his soda left untouched.

"One day after drama class, I was fixing my things when, Sid, my Karofsky, banged my head into the lockers, Seth saw. He was so mad, he was able to stop him and he asked me to fight back. To have...courage. But I didn't. I went home with a sore back to a mother who was nurturing but also too busy helping my sister and a father who no longer cared."

I hand Kurt the journal, their loose pages almost flying out. He takes it but doesn't open it. Still looking right at me, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

"The bullying got so bad, one night Seth and Justin found me pinned to the wall by the same guy. Seth's girlfriend managed to take a photo of it before they pulled him off of me. The next day we were all called to Principal's office, my mother, Seth's father and Justin's brother were all in the room, Sid was expelled. Seth's father is a lawyer like my dad and they give out the most donations to the school every year. Sid was kicked out quite easily because of the photo, the bruises still on my body and our connections."

"I thought we were safe. I never felt more at ease than the weeks that followed. All that went away after I saw a note on my locker, a warning, asking me to not show my face at the Sadie Hawkin's dance or the one who wrote it will end me. I was terrified. But I thought, courage, Seth always said, have courage. I didn't tell anybody about it. And Justin and I went. We had just about enough of the dancing when he asked me to follow him, he took me to the rooftop of our building. The city lights were beautiful. He was beautiful." I say, tears starting to form in my eyes."

"Next thing I know a group of seniors held my arms and I saw Justin bleeding on the floor. They started to beat me up, the last thing I hear is Seth's voice. Sid had an older brother who was part of a gang."

Kurt moves closer to me, taking my hand.

"I was unconscious for days, but I remember hearing Seth's voice. Still telling me to fight. I wake up to discover Seth tried to lead the police to the gang's alleyway, their usual hangout. They don't find them but the gang was aware of what Seth tried to do. On his way to the hospital one night, they beat him up..."

I stop. Sobs come out of me as Kurt holds me closer.

"He bled internally - too much and too fast... Then... He was gone. He had to pay the price for me. I was too weak to go to the funeral, but somehow my mother and I still got to. I saw his velvet black casket lowered, his girlfriend crying. I tried to talk to his parents, tell them how sorry I was. But my mother and I had to fly out here. We stayed at a local hospital until I got better. When all that's left of me was stitches and a cast arm, I enrolled at Dalton."

"And Justin?"

"That's his journal, he flew out the moment his parents found out about Seth's passing... They thought it best that we do not communicate since the assailants were still at large. He left that for me."

I sob louder, shoulders heaving. I feel like lying down as all of my weight falls to Kurt. I can't breathe, I want to stand up but I can't.

"It's alright Blaine." Kurt lifts me up and leads me to my bed. I try to sit up but I feel so weak. He takes some water and asks me to drink. I struggle to take it down and speak again.

"I'm sorry, when you came, I thought I saw myself in you, and I could redeem myself. So I told you to fight for yourself because Seth always said that. Look at you now, forced to go up against your friends, you miss them a lot, I can tell."

"I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry because for once in my life someone was with me to confront him. I wasn't scared because of you. Never say you're sorry for giving someone strength." Kurt says, his eyes watering as well.

Tears dampen my sheets as Kurt sits on the floor. I don't know how long it was before I drifted to sleep. But I remember Kurt holding my hand in the dark.

The morning after I find him asleep on the second bed In my room. The power is back on. I take my blanket to cover him up. Pieces of Justin's journal are scattered on the floor. Kurt read them all. I step on the letter he sent a few weeks back. I pick it up and try to read it once more.

"Forgive, Blaine." Kurt says as he stirs.

"Why? It won't erase any of it." I answer without second thought. He gets out of bed an kneels in front of me.

"Because he is going through the same thing you are. You're both blaming yourselves for something you had no control over. It's not easy Blaine, but forgive yourself. Forgive yourself because we only have one life and Seth gave up his own fighting for you. And I know Seth wouldn't want you to stay this way. Also, you helped me, more than anyone. Because you were there for me, Seth would've been proud."

I wrap my arms around him. Tears messing up his shirt again.

"You can get through this Blaine. Forgive and heal from what happened. Pull from the strength Seth gave you, from these beautiful memories Justin left you. I'll be here I too, to remind you that none of it was your fault."

I feel numb and hollow. All of a sudden, it was a secret no more, Kurt knew what happened. He listened. He wanted to stay in the room with me, but I knew the guys were still raving about our win, I didn't want him to miss it.

Forgive?

How?

I sit on my floor after a cold shower, hoodie and sweatpants on, and stare at the pages on the floor. I check the binding of Justin's journal, to see if I could repair it. I place the sheets into one pile, arranging the pages by memory, some dated, some not. I take out some string and start to punch holes into the pages with a needle.

By the time I'm done the journal looks a little like what it was. I placed Justin's letter on the front page, kept it on my nightstand, with intentions of reading it later tonight. I head downstairs for dinner, the Warblers are by the fountains.

"There's the party animal!" Andrew teases. "You look like shit!" They all laugh. I run towards him ready to tackle, though he's much taller. He runs away and we chase each other around the fountains until he trips and falls into the water. I stop and start to run away, but Andrew splashes around getting everybody else wet. It turns into an all out splash war.

We all stop, wide eyed, when Andrew splashes Mr. Cobalt, a horrific Calculus professor, right on the face. "I realize the Warblers has given so much pride to this institution. But if you do not act accordingly, I will inform the headmaster of your drunken festivities last night. The others seem to disregard your misdemeanors, I may not be as lenient."

We all stand up and walk out of there with out heads down, Wes apologizes, we go running up the dorms when he's out of our sight.

Kurt and I are the only Warblers in our hall, his laugh fills the air. "Oh I hope he doesn't give me a hard time on Monday." he says still laughing. "Hey, we're all hanging out in here later, be there?" he asks.

"Sure, let me just dry off." I respond.

"Great!" He hurries to get into his room.

"Kurt," he turns around.

I want to say thank you for being there, thank you for listening, thank you for being you because I never thought I'd tell anybody about it. I always thought I was alone. And I thank the stars you walked into these halls to spy on us.

"I..uh..nothing..just..few minutes.. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Kurt: Blaine SOS

Blaine: Where are you?

Kurt: Common room...

"Hey, got your text what's wrong?" I ask worriedly, trying to hide the fact that I rushed to get over here.

"It's Pavarotti. I think he's sick. I've been taking care of him but he won't sing and he's losing his feathers." Kurt sighs.

"Oh, he's just molting. He's growing a new coat of feathers so his body has to shut down for a while. But don't worry about it, he's got food, water, he seems to like his cage. Just give it a little while, he'll be singing in no time." I say confidently.

"In no time?"

"Yeah, he just needs to replace those old worn out feathers, for the better."

He manages to smile.

"Don't forget, Warbler practice tonight at 5. Regionals here we come!"

I run back to our rehearsal room. I left Justin's journal wide open on a page I've started scribbling on. I reposition my hands lightly on the piano and resume the chord progression I figured out before Kurt's text.

I've been alone,

Surrounded by darkness,

I've seen how heartless

The world can be.

I've been crying....

no..that doesn't sound right.

I've felt like it's hopeless...

You always do your best

To make me see...

no..that isn't right either...

The scratching sound of my pencil fills the room, as I wait for the Warblers to start coming in for rehearsal.

tbc

A/N: I hope you guys like this Chapter, it's the longest I've written in my life and I feel quite happy about it. I tried to set up a lot of things in this one, a lot of bits to look forward to, because updates for this fic will not be out for a few months. I will be sort of going back to school this February all through June, so I may post a new chapter in between that or after. Back to the fic, in the next chapters we'll all go through Blaine's relationship with his father and where he's been all this time, Eva's play, Christmas with the Andersons, some Jeremiah, more of Justin's journal, Blaine will also go home for New Year's and hear some good news, an old friend will help him deal with his losses and, where is Justin anyway?

So yeah, I hope you guys stay for that. I know this is so behind the glee timeline, but I never actually thought I would get past 3 chapters, and here we are! I want to thank again each and every one of you who read. It gives me great joy! Til then, you guys can find me on tumblr: flutteroncemore. :D Songs used in this chapter: This Isn't Everything You Are by Snow Patrol, Not Alone by Darren Criss. I know a lot of people think that using Darren's songs in a Klaine fic is weird but I really couln't find one that fit the context of Blaine's situation here, Not Alone fit perfectly imo. :D