“Let's go to the beach,” Kurt said, interrupting Rachel's complaint about how a landlord she spoke with that afternoon had seemed unimpressed by her Broadway credentials and had the nerve to inquire about her ability to pay the rent.  Rachel had been talking non-stop about her search since she came back to the apartment that night, although she had been momentarily distracted by tripping over the grocery bag of melting Ben & Jerry's ice cream Kurt had left by the door.  Blaine and Kurt had been curled up on the couch when she came in, on the edge of moving past the gentle kisses stage into something more heated, but relocated to the kitchen when Rachel suggested making milkshakes out of the melting ice cream.  Blaine thought her idea was particularly clever, and it had the added bonus of giving him the opportunity to tease Kurt, playing with the straw with his tongue.  At Kurt's statement about the beach, he let the straw slip out of his mouth and tried to focus. 

Sam slurped up the last of his milkshake and patted his stomach contentedly.  “The ocean?  Awesome idea.  I need to work on my tan.”

“Oooh, yes, I love the beach!” Rachel exclaimed.  “Although I'm not sure the ones around here can really compete with West Coast beaches.”

“Wait,” Blaine said, his brain finally catching up.  “Kurt, I didn't think you liked the beach?”

Kurt turned to Blaine, a scheming look in his eye.  “Just because I've lived on the East Coast for three years and haven't gone to the beach once doesn't mean I don't like it.”  Kurt leaned in and whispered in Blaine's ear, “Sam got to go swimming with you.  Now it's my turn.”

----

Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny, and even Rachel's early morning vocal exercises couldn't dampen Blaine's mood.  He loved the beach, and whether or not Kurt was mostly doing this for him – to distract him from his upcoming surgery, or to tease him by spending the day almost naked – he was going to make the most of it.

Rachel had been put in charge of refreshments, but after much arguing over what to do, she had finally brought home a take-out menu from a nearby deli and everyone had made their own selections.  She picked up the food that morning and packed it into a cooler, then stood in the kitchen glaring at Sam while he slowly finished his coffee.

“Relax, Rachel, we're got plenty of time,” Sam said.  “Kurt isn't going to be here until ten.”  Kurt had somehow managed to borrow a car from Cora, his NYADA classmate, who had also given him some tips on where to go and driving directions to Jones Beach on the south shore of Long Island.  Blaine had stuffed his backpack with towels and sunscreen, and had found his sunglasses with the yellow frames, which he thought looked particularly nice tucked into the neck of his white polo.  For now he had track pants on over his bathing suit, and was pointedly not thinking about his leg.  He was going to have fun today, and he was not going to feel awkward about the fact that walking on the soft sand was likely to be about ten times harder than walking on concrete. 

Sam had on bright blue Hawaiian print board shorts, and at the moment, no shirt.  Blaine managed to convince him that he'd be more comfortable on the drive out if he had one, so he reluctantly went back to his room and found a melon colored t-shirt.  Blaine had thought more than once that Sam would make an excellent surfer, and today he definitely looked the part.

Finally ten o'clock rolled around and Kurt texted to let them know he was outside.  They piled into the elevator, Rachel nearly bumping into the wall as the wide brim of her sun hat interfered with her ability to see where she was going.  Blaine thought that Kurt was remarkably calm about driving through the city and over the bridge, although he was nervous just watching him.  Blaine finally relaxed as they found their way to the right highway, and settled in, watching the world go by through the window.  Sam plugged in his iPod and put on a mix of 80's rock and roll, and the four of them sang along happily as they cruised down the road.  It was as picture perfect as such a moment could be, and Blaine was already grateful to Kurt for arranging the day.  He took Kurt's hand where it rested between them on the console, and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on Kurt's palm.  Kurt glanced quickly at Blaine, and his smile remained when he shifted his gaze back to the road.

Blaine's happy mood was challenged when they arrived, the parking lot full to bursting, and the water itself seemingly a million miles away.  But Sam immediately insisted that Blaine climb up on his back, and soon enough they had managed to get themselves and all their gear down to the beach.  Kurt picked a spot relatively close to the water's edge.  The sand was wet there and not as squishy, and Blaine thought he might have a fighting chance walking around, especially if Kurt continued to stick close.  The salt air seemed to be making Kurt particularly frisky, as he seemed determined to keep his hands on Blaine, playing with his sunglasses and pushing his hair out of his face at every opportunity.  This was fine by him.

Rachel and Sam were spreading out their beach blankets – again, courtesy of Cora – and had wasted no time divesting themselves of extraneous clothes.  Rachel looked beautiful in her black one-piece and movie star sunglasses.  She immediately asked Sam to put sunscreen on her back, and then Sam did the same for her, although Blaine thought neither of them did a particularly thorough job.  He intended to spend quite a bit more time on Kurt.  Sam grabbed his phone and took a few pictures of them, in various pairs and all together, and then tucked his phone back into his bag. 

Moments later Rachel pulled Sam away to go test out the water, and Blaine and Kurt were left by themselves, or at least as by themselves as they could be surrounded by a sea of people in various stages of undress and sunburn.  Blaine loved the noise of the ocean beach, the pounding of the surf, the whistle of the wind, and people yelling and laughing.  He could hear music playing somewhere nearby, though not quite clearly enough to make it out.  Blaine glanced over at Kurt, who was applying some fancy brand of sunscreen to his long legs, looking like a young James Dean in his sunglasses and white t-shirt, his hair still miraculously coiffed.  Although Blaine was willing to guess James Dean never owned a t-shirt from Marc Jacobs, and now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure if the beach was a James Dean thing at all.  No matter.

Kurt peeled off his shirt, his whole body exposed now except for his short black swim briefs.  Blaine took off his polo, folding it and placing it in his bag.  “Want me to do your back?” he asked Kurt, who was rubbing his arms and face meticulously. 

“Sure.”  Kurt situated himself in front of Blaine, and groaned with pleasure as Blaine started to lotion him up.  Blaine took his time, enjoying the feel of Kurt's skin under his fingertips.  It felt like he had almost skipped a step, somehow – they hadn't yet taken their shirts off during their various make-out sessions, and yet here he was, in front of all these people, with his hands all over Kurt.

“Okay now, your turn.”  Kurt moved behind Blaine and began the same process, coating his back with sunscreen with the same precision he had used on himself.  Then Kurt paid careful attention to the back of his neck, his fingers going just up to Blaine's hairline.  He slid his hands up over Blaine's shoulders and down his chest, pulling Blaine back against him to press a kiss just under his ear.

“Mmm, nice,” Blaine said appreciatively, letting his head fall back against Kurt.  Kurt squeezed out some more sunscreen and worked on Blaine's arms, then laced his arms around Blaine's middle, his fingers toying with the waistband of his pants. 

“You're going to take these off too, right?”  Blaine nodded, bracing himself for the awkward moment that was sure to follow.  He hooked his fingers into his pants, leaning back against Kurt as he pushed them down over his butt, and easily pulled his left leg out, then took a breath as he prepared for the contortion that was required to deal with his right leg.

Kurt's hands landed on top of his, and Blaine paused.  “Let me help?”  Kurt slid around in front of Blaine and gently pulled the pants the rest of the way off.  Kurt picked up the sunscreen again and met Blaine's eyes, asking permission to continue.  He nodded again, leaning back on his elbows and closing his eyes as Kurt started on his right thigh, his fingers immediately coming into contact with the scars there.  Kurt had seen them before, of course, angry and red, jagged ones from the accident interspersed with neat lines from surgery, but that was a long time ago.

“Does this hurt?” Kurt asked softly as he carefully worked the sunscreen into Blaine's skin.  Blaine shook his head.  “They look a lot better now,” he remarked, glancing quickly up to Blaine for his reaction, and Blaine was glad that his sunglasses hid his eyes.

“They do,” Blaine agreed.  The scars had faded to a light tan, and were partially hidden by the hair on his leg anyway, but they still sometimes seemed to Blaine like a neon sign advertising his weakness.  He tried not to think about the new one that would get added to his collection next week.

Kurt dropped a kiss to his thigh, right over the scars, and then squeezed out some sunscreen onto his left leg and began working it in.  Blaine was frozen, wanting to say something, but he wasn't sure what it was, so he just sat still, letting Kurt soothe him.

“Close your eyes.”  Kurt removed Blaine's sunglasses and proceeded to put lotion on his face, holding Blaine's cheek with one hand while he traced around Blaine's eyes.  Blaine could feel the heat coming off Kurt's skin, both of them smelling of the sunscreen and a little bit of sweat.  Kurt put an extra dab on Blaine's nose, and then kissed him softly.  “I think you're done.”

Blaine reached for Kurt and kissed him back, then pulled him into a slightly sticky hug.  “I adore you, Kurt Hummel.”

“Same here.”  Kurt smiled broadly and got to his feet, holding out his hand.  “Come on, let's go swimming.”

The wind had been calm the past few days so the waves weren't as high as Sam had hoped for, but Blaine was a little relieved – he didn't think Kurt would be that excited about the surf, and he wasn't sure that his leg would stand for much tossing around.  When they got down to the water, Sam and Rachel splashed out to greet them, and demanded they come right in.  It was freezing cold, and Blaine was in fact nearly toppled by the first big wave that hit him, but Sam grabbed him around his waist and steadied him.  By the time the next big wave came he was ready, diving through it and coming up safely on the other side, where he was shortly joined by Kurt and Rachel.  They swam out a little bit, then body surfed back in, repeating this until Blaine was exhausted.  Kurt looked ready for a break too, so they all headed back up to their blankets to let the hot sun warm them back up.

Sam got the food out of the cooler and they all lounged about, exchanging bits of their sandwiches and salads, and discussing the very scientific fact that food simply tasted better when you were at the beach.  Rachel pointed out that the mere presence of so much salt in the air obviously caused this phenomenon, and they all took tiny bites out of her caramel brownie, debating whether the person who thought of salted caramel got the idea from a beach trip.  Kurt finished re-applying sunscreen to his entire body – rather more quickly than he had the first time around, but still being careful to cover every exposed inch – and then looked appraisingly around the group, waiting for a pause in the conversation.

“Kurt?  What's up?”  Blaine slid the empty container from his fruit salad into the bag they had designated for trash, and gave Kurt his full attention, poking Sam on the leg until he did the same.  Even Rachel noticed, and turned to Kurt, a curious look on her face.

“There's something I wanted to do while we're here, and I thought you guys might want to do it with me.”  Kurt looked a little nervous.  Blaine had no idea what he was talking about, but he smiled in what he hoped was an encouraging manner.  “Right after I came to New York, the fall after graduation, Rachel introduced me to a custom called tashlich.”  Kurt pronounced the Hebrew word carefully and looked at Rachel for approval.  “It's something Jewish people do around the Jewish new year.  You go to a body of running water and symbolically cast off your sins by throwing bits of bread into it, to give yourself a fresh start.  Rachel took me to the Brooklyn Bridge, and there were crowds of people there, all thinking about ways they could be better people, and saying goodbye to the past.”

“Kind of like a new year's resolution?”  Sam asked.

“Yeah, but I don't want to wait for new year's.”  Kurt looked at each of them in turn, determined.  “I'm not saying we have sins to atone for.  But there are things I'd like to say goodbye to, to let go.  So I want to go out in the water, and cast them off.  You guys don't have to say anything, but I'd like you to come with me.”

“Of course,” Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand.  Kurt squeezed it back, looking a little relieved.  As if Blaine would deny him anything, much less support for something like this.

“I'll come too.  But,” Sam bit his lip, “can I have a few minutes to think about things first?”

“Yeah, me too,” Rachel breathed out, looking a little bit overwhelmed.

“Sure.  Why don't we meet down at the water in half an hour or so?”

Sam headed off to walk along the beach and think, and Rachel moved to sit down close to the water's edge, looking out over the waves.

“This is a beautiful idea, Kurt,” Blaine said when they were alone.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don't need to,” Kurt said.  “I've been thinking about it for a few days.”  He paused.  “You don't have to say anything, you know.”

“I know,” Blaine replied.  He lay down on the blanket and Kurt did the same, their hands bumping up against each other between them.  He liked Kurt's idea, although it made him nervous, too.  He thought he knew what he wanted to say.  Blaine let his mind wander as the hot sun beat down on them, thinking about everything that had happened over the past two years, and what he wanted to happen in the future.  And what he needed to let go.

He lay still for a while, enjoying the feel of the air and Kurt's presence next to him.  He felt Kurt shift and rolled on to his side, resting his head on an arm, finding that Kurt was doing the same, smiling at him.  Blaine realized something and reached out to touch Kurt, tracing a line over his collarbone.  "You always lie down to my left."  Kurt nodded.  "So when I roll over to face you, Im not lying on my right leg."

"Seems only polite."  Kurt smiled.  "Although it does mean youll have it risk me putting sunscreen on you with my left hand."  Kurt took off his own sunglasses and Blaines and reached over into his bag for the tube of sunscreen.  "We can't you have winding up with one of those raccoon burns where your nose is red and your eyes have big white circles around them." 

"Hey, you know I dont burn."

"Thats what they all say."  Kurt squeezed some lotion into his hand and then proceeded to delicately smooth it into Blaines skin, being especially careful with the area around his eyes.  He traced his forehead, then down his nose and over each of his cheekbones.  Blaine thought of all the times Kurt must have paid the same careful attention to his own face, cleansing and moisturizing every morning and night.

Blaine closed his eyes, practically purring with the attention.   "You like to touch my face."

Kurt paused, then rubbed his thumb along Blaines jaw.  "Is it weird?"

"No.  I like it."  Blaine tilted his cheek into Kurts palm.  "Theres nothing about you touching me that I dont like."

"Nothing?" 

Blaine thought of Kurt gently touching the scars on his thigh earlier that day.  He opened his eyes, squinting a little, and looked at Kurt.  "Nothing."

Kurt gazed back, running a finger along Blaines nose again, and then over each lip.  "I just want to be close to you."  Blaine let his right hand rest on Kurts waist, not wanting to interrupt him.  "I want to know your face as well as my own."  Kurt smiled shyly, tilting his head at Blaine.  "I sound crazy."

Crazy was just fine as far as Blaine was concerned, as long as it was Kurt.  "I dont want good and I dont want good enough, I want cant eat, cant sleep, without your love," Blaine sang softly, humming until he got to the lyric he was looking for. "I dont want easy, I want crazy."

Kurt grinned.  "I will overlook the fact that youre singing Hunter Hayes to me, because I really do appreciate the sentiment." He kissed Blaine sweetly, then went back to mapping his face with his fingers.  When he traced Blaines eyebrows, Blaine couldnt help but laugh. 

"Youre not going to tell me to trim them or anything, are you?"

"What?  When have I ever done that?  I love your eyebrows."  Kurt smoothed a finger over each one.  "Although I think you have sand in them."

"I think I have sand everywhere."

As if on cue, a gust of wind blew a stinging shower of sand over them.  Blaine pushed himself up on one arm and looked around.  Although the late afternoon sun was still strong and the sky was cloudless, the wind had really picked up.  It reminded Blaine of sailing with Wes, just the two of them and a little boat flying on the wind, hands and bare feet holding on.  Fewer people were in the ocean now, and all around them people were packing up and heading towards the parking lot.

Kurt looked at Blaines face and then sat up to look out at the surf.  "Maybe well do this thing sitting down by the edge of the water."  He shuddered as more sand swept over them.  "Whose idea was it to go to the beach, anyway?"

"Are you kidding me?"  Blaine asked, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Kurt from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder as they both looked out at the sea.  "This is an awesome day, Kurt.  Ill never forget it."

They met Rachel and Sam down by the water's edge, and then scooted back a bit, trying to find a spot where the highest waves would come close to them, but they wouldn't get swamped unexpectedly.  Privately Blaine thought that they were likely to get pretty wet before this was over, but he figured three people debating the issue was enough.  Finally they settled in a semi-circle facing the waves, sitting pressed close together so they could hear each other over the noise of the wind and the surf.  Blaine was between Sam and Kurt, and Rachel sat on Kurt's other side.

Kurt took a quick look at each of them, apparently found that they were ready, and began.  “Thanks for doing this with me.  I told Sam the other day that I was really glad to have friends like you in my life, and I mean it.”  Blaine bumped his shoulder up against Kurt's, and Rachel gave his knee a squeeze.  “So I'm just going to say what I've been thinking about, and then if you guys want to say anything, you can.”  Kurt fiddled with the bakery bag in his hand.  “Oh, one more thing.  If we start throwing pieces of bread now, the seagulls are going to swamp us.  So I thought we'd do that all at once, at the end.”

Rachel beamed.  “There's a future for you in reform Judaism, you know, Kurt.  You've got a real talent for adapting traditional ritual to current situations.”

“Thanks, Rach, but I think that's one career I can safely eliminate from my options.”  Kurt took a breath.  “Here goes.  I want to let go, once and for all, of guilt that I don't need to feel.”  His eyes flickered briefly to Blaine's, and Blaine smiled softly at him, nodding.  “And I want to be done with closing myself off from people who care about me.  I've realized lately how much better it feels to let people in, even if it hurts a little, too.  I want to be more open to both good and bad feelings, my own, and those of my friends and family.”  Blaine recognized some of their conversation from the other day in Kurt's words.  It felt inexplicably good to think he may have played a part in helping Kurt want to open up again.  He deserved to be surrounded by friends, not closed off and lonely.

Kurt pulled a little roll out of the bag in his hands, and looked up as Sam held his hand out. 

“Okay if I go next?”  Kurt handed Sam the bag.  “This was a smart idea, Kurt.  It's hard to find time just to think about things, you know?”  They all nodded, but Sam wasn't really looking at them, focused instead on his hands folded in his lap.  “I think I need to let go of denial.  I thought I was over the accident, that I was handling everything fine.  But I'm not.  I've got a ways to go.”

Blaine rubbed Sam's back.  “It'll be okay, Sam.  You'll get there.”

Sam leaned against Blaine, still not raising his eyes.  “Thanks, man,” he said quietly.  They all sat silently for a few moments, Blaine wondering if all of them were considering Sam's words the way he was.  He wasn't sure if the accident was ever something he was going to be over.  But he could find a way to live with it, as best he could.  Blaine was also relieved that Sam hadn't said anything about him; he had been just a tiny bit worried that Sam would say he needed to let go of his dependence on him.  Blaine really believed what he had told Sam on the Fourth of July - that depending on someone wasn't a bad thing.  But Sam did need to heal enough to depend on him differently, and Blaine was so proud of him for being ready to work on it.

Sam looked up, finally, and held up the bag like it was a talking stick.  “Who wants to go next?” 

Blaine took the bag from him, pulled out a roll for Sam and took one for himself.  “Don't eat it,” he joked as he handed it to Sam.

“Jerk,” Sam muttered, as Kurt snickered under his breath.

Blaine settled the bag and the roll in between his crossed legs, and wiped his hands on his thighs out of habit, realizing as he did so that he was damp and salty everywhere and he wasn't going to make his hands any drier this way.  “For me, the consequences of the accident are visible to everyone around me.  I can't hide it.”  His hand fell to his right thigh and the scars there.  “I've learned a lot over the past few years about what it means to be disabled, to be different in such a public way.  But I've let my injury change the way I see myself, too.  I'd like to try to let that go, to not let it define me.  I need to not let my self-consciousness get in the way of being there for my friends, and working towards my dreams.”  Blaine wasn't really sure this was possible, but he wanted to try, and figured it was worth saying out loud, here in front of Sam and Kurt, and Rachel, too.  He felt Kurt's hand come to rest on top of his, on his leg, and he knew, without a word more, that Kurt understood.

Suddenly a wave rose up the beach and rushed right up to them, catching Sam and Rachel where they sat and sliding up under Blaine.  Rachel shrieked and she and Sam jumped up, Sam pulling Blaine along.  Kurt grabbed the bag of bread as the retreating wave threatened to steal it away, and they all laughed.  Rachel rubbed her hands over her arms, shivering a little, and took the bag from Kurt.  They remained standing, letting the cold waves crash over their feet.  Sam and Kurt each had an arm around Blaine, and Kurt reached over to pull Rachel next to him as well.

“I'll try to make mine quick so we don't all freeze to death,” Rachel began, the gusting wind whipping her hair around her face.  “First, I have to thank you all for including me in this, and in your lives again.”  She looked meaningfully at Kurt, who blushed under her gaze.  “I mean it.  I feel like you guys have been going through some in-depth group therapy program, and you just opened up your circle and let me in.”

“Much as I hate to admit it, your timing was excellent,” Kurt said.  “A few months ago, and I don't think it would have turned out the same way.”

“In any case, I'm grateful.  I'm also grateful for a chance for self-reflection.  As a person who too often steps on others' toes as I reach for the stars,” Rachel paused to smile at them, apparently to make sure they realized this was meant as a joke, “I have had plenty to atone for each year on Yom Kippur.  But I took Kurt's words to heart and tried to think instead not of sins, per se, but of things I wanted to cast off.  You probably expect me to say guilt over sleeping with that guy, but honestly, I've let that go already.  My therapist certainly wouldn't be worth what I pay her if I hadn't.”  Rachel took the bag from Kurt and held it in both hands.  “What I'm working on now is why I ran away.  And it's kind of a work in progress, but I think I can say that I want to let go of the regret I feel, about leaving New York, my education, my Broadway career, and my best friend.  I'd like to try to make up for lost time.”  Rachel pulled the last roll out of the bag.  “Shall we do this?”

-----

Hours later, after the trek back to the city, Kurt dropped everyone off at Blaine's place and returned the car to Cora.  He left it with a full tank of gas and a note reminding Cora that he was going to take her out for drinks as a thank you.  Back at his own apartment, Kurt took a long, hot shower, amazed at the amount of sand the ocean waves had left on his body.  Afterwards, warm and clean, he paced around his apartment.  It was after ten, but he wasn't sleepy.  His ears were still ringing with the sound of the ocean, and he felt unsettled, as if the day hadn't properly come to a close.  He picked up his phone.

“Kurt?  Hi!”  Kurt grinned at how happy Blaine sounded, even after a long day.

“Hi,” Kurt said, not sure what he was going to say.  But Blaine said it for him.

“Want to come over?  We're just about to order pizza.  Do you still like peppers and mushrooms?”

“Yes to both.”  His heart swelled.  Apparently late-night delivery pizza was exactly what he needed.  And, of course, Blaine.  A perfect end to a perfect day.