Feb. 13, 2012, 7:31 p.m.
Stick To The Script: Chapter 5
M - Words: 3,559 - Last Updated: Feb 13, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 15/15 - Created: Dec 16, 2011 - Updated: Feb 13, 2012 273 0 0 0 0
The next morning I left with Finn and Kurt to go to Rachel's house where they would then go to school and I could take care of Riley for the day. When we arrived at her house I gave Kurt one last kiss before hopping out of the car towards the open front door where Rachel's dad's waited for me.
"How is she doing?"
"She said she was sore this morning, but that is understandable. Other than that she looks a lot better than she did yesterday. I think the sleep helped a lot." I gave them a quick nod before walking into their house towards the stairs where I saw Rachel sitting on the top step. I heard a faint song being sung and thought for sure it was just a part of Rachel's usual morning routine of waiting for Finn to come pick her up but when she turned and smiled at me the song continued.
"How come you never told me that your sister has such a beautiful voice?" I hadn't realized until then that the singer was Riley. I had never heard my sister sing, well, not for real. My brain quickly flashed back to when Riley was four years old and she and I would play ‘Ring Around The Rosy' for hours. That is the only time I have legitimately heard my sister's voice. She never got any solos in choir and wouldn't dare sing around the house.
Now she's showing me mercy as much as she can,
She's letting me live with my demons.
She's washing her hands and she's walking away,
Oh but still she looks back, she looks back
While she's leaving, she leaving.
I sat down next to Rachel and closed my eyes while I took in my sister's voice. She really did sound amazing. I knew exactly what song she was singing; she and I had a special connection with The Script ever since we went to see them in concert last year.
When you've forgiven but you can't forget,
It feels like you're drowning but you've still got breath.
And we've been trying to lay these ghosts to rest,
Oh but there ain't no getting out of this mess.
I let the lyrics sink through my skin as I closed my eyes.
What's done is done, can't resurrect a setting sun
What's done is done, oh you can't reverse a bullet from a gun
What's done is done, can't resurrect a setting sun
What's done is done, oh you can't reverse a bullet from a gun.
Finn came over behind us and Rachel stood up and kissed him. He tapped me lightly on the shoulder and said he would be back tonight. I stood up giving Rachel a hug and Finn a pat on the back before I went downstairs to meet Riley.
She was sitting on the edge of the stage with her head resting on her knees. I walked over sitting down next to her and pulled her over to lean against me.
"Hey, how are you feeling today?"
"I know." Her voice was quiet and I had to pull away from her to look at her to try to understand what she had just said. She didn't look away from her legs as the tears began to stream down her cheeks.
"What?"
There was a long pause before she spoke again, "I know. I know about what Dad did to you a year ago. I know about your... your scar." My mouth went dry and my brain couldn't think of how to form words. I just stared blankly at my sister. "That's why I did it. I know you blame yourself for my getting hurt, but I knew what I was getting into." She finally looked up to catch my eye. There was so much sadness that I lost my breath for a moment.
"How did you find out?" But halfway through my question Riley began to shake her head and face her knees again.
"No. I can't tell you that."
"Ri, you can tell me anything."
"What did the social services guy say last night?" When she looked up at me with the most pleading eyes I knew that I wasn't going to convince her to tell me today, so I went along with her topic change.
"I actually have to talk to you about that. How attached are you to your school?"
"We're transferring to McKinley." Surprisingly she didn't sound disappointed or sad, she just simply said it like she was stating a fact.
"Ya. I'm sorry, I know everything is changing so fast and it's a lot to handle but..."
"Brother, it's fine. I kind of figured that we couldn't expect them to get us to our schools."
I lightly squeezed her shoulder and she leaned back over onto me. "I was hoping that this would be a good chance for us to make a completely new start, you know? New home life, new friends, new glee club?" I paused for a second, "I heard you singing before I came down here. Good song." I could feel her tense against me but she didn't move to look up at me.
"Sometimes I just need to sing to get everything out. You taught me that."
"Ya, I guess we're kinda the same in that sense, huh?"
"I guess so." She smiled up at me as I wiped the tears from her cheek.
Her and I sat there in silence for a while both caught up in our own thoughts. Eventually both of Rachel's dads came downstairs and said they were leaving for work and would be back this afternoon and we were welcome to any of the food in the house, but we had to tell them if we were planning on leaving for anything. I knew that wasn't likely because Riley was still limited in her movement.
I made chicken nuggets for lunch, although I don't know if you could count them as real chicken nuggets because the only ones they had in the house were made of meat substitute, and sat Riley down to the table to eat.
"So, your birthday is in a week. What do you want?"
"Blaine..."
"Riley, don't even try to pull the ‘I don't want anything because of everything that has happened' card. I'm your big brother and I am getting you something, now what do you want?"
She had to think for a long while before her eyes lit up with her idea, "How about you and I have one of our old brother sister dates again? We can go out to lunch and then to the mall? I know you tried really hard to get all the stuff I need from...." Riley's eyes dropped to the table for a second as she searched for the right word, "the apartment, but most of the clothes you grabbed were ones I don't like."
"That sounds perfect. Is there anything else?"
"Well, maybe you could spend the night here? We could stay up talking about how our first week of school went?"
"Done." Riley's eyes grew like the day she opened that Barbie. I smiled at her and she began to eat her lunch.
The next couple of days flew by in a similar pattern and before we both knew it the weekend was over.
I came home early on Sunday night to allow Riley and Rachel to talk about McKinley and I was glad that those two were getting along so well. I was able to spend the whole evening with Kurt. He and I were planning a small dinner party for Riley on Thursday for her birthday. Nothing big, just a dinner at the Hudson-Hummel place with all of New Directions, something to show her how many people in her life were here for her. I knew Riley didn't have many friends at her old school because Dad never allowed her to go out, and after everything that had happened she had insisted on breaking off all connections she had with her "old life". I was planning on spending Friday night at the Berry's house and she and I would go out Saturday for her birthday date so we could have the entire day together.
After the plans for the party were all laid out Kurt and I headed upstairs to his bedroom.
"Oh, I have the perfect shirt to go with those pants."
"Kurt, I love you and all, but I think I am perfectly capable of picking out my own clothes for school."
"I don't know," Kurt wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me close to him so our foreheads were touching, "You were always in uniform at Dalton. Fashion is more than just red and blue, Mr. Anderson." He kissed me softly on the lips and I found my hand wrapping in his hair. He and I hadn't had much alone time over the past week because I had been too busy making sure everything with Riley was okay. I missed how it felt went he leaned in and kissed me. I pulled him closer to me and began to kiss him more passionately. We made our way over to his bed and things got even more heated. I could feel his hands go under my shirt and up my back pulling me desperately toward him. I obliged, of course, and started to pull his shirt up when I heard someone clear their throat at the door.
Kurt and I both jumped and looked over to find Burt standing in the doorway staring at us. I could feel my blood rush up through up neck to the tip of my ears.
"Uh, it's time for dinner."
"We'll be right there, Dad." Kurt answered with a shaky voice. Burt turned and walked out the door leaving us alone again. "Well, it was fun while it lasted." Kurt winked at me as he held his hand out and we walked down to dinner.
The rest of the night went by in a blur of embarrassment at dinner and nerves afterwards. Kurt went to bed at eleven as I took my rightful place on the couch. I put in my iPod and tried to let the music lull me to sleep like it usually did but I couldn't stop thinking about having to start at a new school. Not only am I coming from a private all boys school, but I was also coming into a school that I knew would be a living hell for me because I am gay. I may have gotten Riley out of the shit with Dad, but I was far from safe. I tried to distract myself with finding the perfect song for my audition for New Directions tomorrow. I pulled up The Script and began to listen to all of their songs. Somewhere in the middle of the song I had decided on I finally fell asleep.
I thought for sure I was going to throw up. I held Kurt's hand so tightly on the drive to school that I saw his fingers almost turn purple, even then I only barely loosened my grip on it, just enough so that I could see his fingers turning a normal color again.
"Blaine, you need to calm down."
"I can't. What if something happens to Riley?"
"Blaine, I'm sitting right next to you, I can hear what you're saying. And Kurt is right; you need to calm down." She gave a slight smile as she looked at our hands, "By the way, I think you are going to kill Kurt's hand if you don't let go." She laughed a little with Kurt and turned back to looking out the window. How was she so calm right now? Come to think of it, aside from my dad and any episodes he may have had over the years my sister was always very relatively calm.
"Aren't you nervous, Ri?" She shrugged her shoulders but didn't respond any more than that.
As we pulled into the parking lot I quietly whimpered to myself and I saw Riley and Kurt exchange a look before they both burst into laughter. I officially hate them both.
After hearing the stories Kurt had told me about the slushies and the shoving from the football team I expected my first day to be much worse than it really was. Riley and I had lockers right next to each other even though I never saw her during the day and I knew at least one person in each of my classes. I had three with Kurt which I was beginning to believe wasn't a coincidence because he had helped me forecast my classes, one with Finn and Puck, and one with Rachel. The curriculum was very similar to the one at Dalton so I didn't feel behind on anything and the homework load was actually very light for my first night. With only five minutes left in my last class I began to smile to myself knowing I had made it my first day without any mental breakdowns or run-ins with the football players. Then I remembered my audition for New Directions.
The nerves started all over again and I tapped my pencil faster and faster against the table. Rachel's hand reached over on top of mine to stop the noise. I looked at her and mouthed a quick "sorry".
As soon as the bell rand I practically ran out the door to find Kurt. I turned the corner too quickly and bumped right into him.
"Whoa, hey, was your last class that bad?"
I pulled him close to me in a hug, "No, I just missed you that's all." He returned the hug and very quickly pulled away while looking around the hall. A lot of people were staring; I was going to have to get used to not doing that around here.
"So, you ready for your audition?"
"Ready as I'll ever be."
"Come on then." I followed Kurt down the hall to the choir room. The first thing I noticed in the room was the change in atmosphere; everything was so much brighter and warmer in here. Riley was already in the room sitting between Rachel and Finn while Rachel rambled off very quickly to her, some sort of pointers for her audition I think, but Riley yet again looked perfectly content. Kurt sat down in the back row and I sat down right next to him.
Right as I was about to turn and ask Kurt for any last minute advice the director walked in the door.
"Alright everybody, in case you forgot we have Blaine and Riley Anderson with us here today to audition. So, let's get this party started."
"Kurt," I quickly turned and whispered in his ear, "Do they know about us? Like what happened with our dad?"
Kurt didn't respond with words, just a simple head-nod.
"Blaine," Mr. Shue was talking again, "You're up first?"
"Sure."
I walked to the front of the room and turned to face the room of my peers. I was a nervous mess and I'm sure I looked like bobble-head up there bouncing on my toes.
"Well, as I understand it, you all know about my dad and why my sister and I transferred here. It has been a tough week for us both so I wanted to dedicate this song to her." I looked at her with a smile and she was bright red and wouldn't make eye contact with me. I went through the intro in my head and I cleared my throat.
I've been kicked right down I've been spat in the face
I've been pulled, weighed down to the lowest place
I've been lied to, shamed, I have been disgraced
Been ex-communicated from every holy place
I've been beat up, been robbed I've been left for dead
For the way I look for the things I've said
But when troubled thinks it's found us
The world falls down around us
I promise baby you won't ever feel a thing
I could feel the eyes in the room shifting between my sister and me but at this point I couldn't look at her. I had my eyes fixed on the back wall and I would sometimes let them wander to look at Kurt. He would give me a slight smile and his eyes would light up making all my nerves melt away.
Cause I will take it on the chin for you
So lay your cuts and bruises over my skin
I promise you won't feel a thing, no
Cause everything the world can throw I'll stand in front I'll take the blow
For you
For you
My nerves had vanished and I got complete wrapped up in the lyrics on the song. There were only two other people in the room that knew how true the next lines of lyrics were to my life. I heard everybody begin to sing harmonies and the band began to back me up.
I've been put on the streets I've been left in the cold
Had my dreams held up had them shot full of holes
I've been laughed at, burnt, beat, the butt of the joke
I've been lit up in flames I have gone down in smoke
I've been stabbed in the back I've been promised the earth
Tried to keep my head high for all I'm worth
Outside our double glazing I know a war is raging
I promise baby you won't ever, you won't ever feel a thing
I finally struck up the courage to look at Riley and she has tears streaming down her face. They weren't tears of sadness though, they were tears of understanding.
Cause I will take it on the chin for you
So lay your cuts and bruises over my skin
I promise you won't feel a thing, no
Cause everything the world can throw I'll stand in front I'll take the blow
For you
For you.
They all applauded loudly and Kurt stood up in the last row with the biggest smile on his face I had ever seen. I quickly ran up to hug him. He took my hand and we sat down.
"That was great, Blaine. Wow, you have an amazing voice. Are you ready Riley?"
She didn't say anything; she just stood up and took the same place I had just been standing. Now that I thought about it I was so worried last night about what song I would be singing today that I had completely forgotten to ask her if she needed help. My audition was over but my stomach twisted in knots yet again after thinking about how bad of a brother I was.
I watched as Riley looked around the room and I saw Rachel give her a slight nod.
"Like my brother said, you all kinda know about what is going on in our lives. This song is about that." She took a deep breath and her angelic voice began to sing.
My hands are cold, my bodies numb
I'm still in shock what have you done?
My head is pounding my visions blurred
Your mouth is moving I don't hear a word
I recognized the song and my stomach sank. I grabbed Kurt's hand a little tighter and he put his arm around me for support.
And I hurt so bad gotta search my skin for the entry point where love went in
And ricocheted and bounced around, and left a hole when you walked out
I could tell Kurt recognized the song now too because I could hear a tiny gasp come from his mouth.
I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds
Her voice filled the room and echoed quietly off the walls. There was so much emotion in her voice and so much story behind her words that there was no way everybody in the room could understand the full meaning of it all. I watched different member's reactions to the chorus as they grabbed other people's hands or let their head sink down.
Marks of battle, they still feel raw
A million pieces of me on the floor
I'm damaged goods for all too see
Now who would ever want to be with me?
I've got all the baggage, the drink the pills
Ya this is living but without the will
I'm backing out, I'm shutting down
You left a hole when you walked out
I saw tears streaming down Rachel and Quinn's faces and even Finn had to look away from her. Nobody joined in the background of her song and each breath she took left an eerie silence in the room.
I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds
I couldn't take my eyes off Riley now as I watched her loose herself to the song. Tears were streaming down her face and she dropped to her knees
Lose your clothes and show your scars, that's who you are
Lose your clothes and show your scars, that's who you are
Lose your clothes and show your scars, that's who you are
Marks a battle, they still feel raw
A million pieces of me on the floor.
As Riley finished the song there was no applause, there were no smiles, there was no sound. Complete silence consumed the room and she dropped her head to the floor and began to sob.