Kurt couldn't handle it anymore.  He felt like he was in some movie where he would wake up every day and have to relive the same thing. He had felt like this for close to three years.  He went to school and got pushed around by Karofsky and a lot of the football team, then he went home and had his feeling pushed around and smothered by Blaine.  He was hoping that once Blaine's mom had officially signed the divorce papers in eighth grade things would be different, or that when they both started high school together they would finally figure things out between them. Or even once Burt started dating Finn's mom and Finn found out Blaine was gay he would be okay with everyone else finding out, too, but here they were, mid sophomore year, and they were just as not together but together as when they first shared their feelings.

Things between them had started off great.  Kurt had felt so relieved to know that the feelings between them were mutual.  They started having Friday night dinners with Blaine and Tracy every week. They would have movie nights and hold hands and only every once in awhile would they rest their heads on each other, and for only being in middle school, that was fine with Kurt, but they aren't in middle school anymore, and Kurt has had enough.

Kurt and Blaine were in Kurt's room for their typical Friday night dinners with Tracy and Burt were down in the kitchen cooking.

"Blaine, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"It's important."

Blaine looked up from the game he was playing on his phone.  Off of the look on Kurt's face he put the phone down and turned to face him sitting cross legged on the bed.  "What's going on?"

"Where do we stand? You and I, I mean."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what are we? When someone asks me about you how am I supposed to introduce you?"

"Did someone at school ask about us?" Blaine was up on his feet pacing across the room, "Kurt, how did they find out? This is terrible. This is honestly the worst thing that could ever happen."  Behind him, Kurt could feel himself breaking with each word.

"What do you mean? We can't hide forever, Blaine. I don't even have to tell anyone at school I'm gay, they all already know."

"You told them?"

"Look at me!"  Blaine froze and slowly turned.  Kurt could feel the tears begin to sting his eyes in frustration.  "Do you think I can even try to hide who I am anymore? I'm gay, Blaine. I'm gay and I'm proud! Everybody at school knows... they have since before I did, I just had to accept it."

"I can't just do that, Kurt. I'm not you. I can't have that associated with me."

"What's so bad about it?"  Kurt was crying now, his voice had become raspy from trying to work past the lump in his throat.  "What is so bad about being yourself?"

"I can't do that! Why can't you just understand that? I have so much more to lose, Kurt. I've already lost my dad what else am I supposed to put on the line? I have so much more to lose?"

"Why? Because I already get my face shoved into the lockers every day? Or because I've already been called every name in the book?  Newsflash, Blaine, life isn't a cake walk! Life is hard! Life sucks! But you can't let it control you! You can't be afraid of who you are!"

"Well I am, okay?" Blaine let out a heavy sigh before sitting down with his head in his hands.  "I'm on the football team, Kurt. Finn is the only one who knows, and that's only because your parents are dating. I have to deal with Karofsky and Azimio and all those other guys every day. I can't handle them getting on my case anymore than they already are."

"So you're just going to let them keep hurt me during school, and come hold my hand after?" Kurt sat down next to Blaine leaving a little more space than usual. "I can't do this in between thing anymore.  It worked out when we were twelve, but I'm out and I'm proud and I can't sit back and wait anymore.  So either we make this official or we end it."  Kurt never looked up from his lap, but he could feel Blaine's eyes grow to face him.

"What?"

"I don't want to do this, Blaine, I really don't, but we haven't even kissed. How can you call us something when nothing is happening? I want to be yours. I want to call you my boyfriend, I want the world to know that you are the person I want, I want to be able to walk down the hallway and hold your hand. I just want you."

The silence in the room grew with every minute that Blaine didn't say anything.

"I can't, Kurt. I just can't."  Blaine was up and running out of the room before Kurt could even process his words.  He heard the slight mumble of words from the kitchen before the front door slammed.

Kurt lay down on his bed and pulled the covers over his head, letting himself be consumed by darkness.  After a few minutes, he heard his dad shuffle into his room and sit down in his chair at his desk.

"Are you really going to make me ask? Or are you going to come out from under there and tell me what just happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." 

"Well, I'll be downstairs whenever you're ready."

Kurt would be forever thankful for his dad and knowing boundaries.  Kurt never came out from under the covers, though.  He laid there trying to fight off his thoughts.  He knew that he couldn't sit around and wait for Blaine for forever, but was giving him an ultimatum the right choice?  In any other situation Kurt would go to Mercedes for help, but Blaine had insisted that the two of them not tell anyone at school.  Even their friends in glee.  So he was stuck­­­ lying in bed being lost in his head trying to, once again, figure the world out for himself. At some point between the tears and the silent screams Kurt felt himself drift into a light sleep. 

It wasn't a good sleep, though. Kurt found himself waking up at every crack the house would make, or every time he would roll onto his other side.  He was awoken by dreams of Karofsky, but when he woke up he didn't feel much better.  Whether he was in the land of dreams or his reality Kurt was alone.  He had no one to turn to for help, and no one to accept him for who he was.

The next morning, Kurt woke up with a strange stiffness throughout his muscles and dried tears on his cheeks.  He started a hot shower and the let the water pour down over his face and down onto his body until it rolled into the drain.   He spent a majority of the time watching the water start to spiral around the drain until it was going so fast that he got dizzy just trying to follow it.  Eventually he stepped out and used his towel to dry off before getting dressed.  Kurt and Blaine had had plans today to go to the mall, but all Kurt wanted to do now was grab his iPod and let his music take him away.

Burt watched from around the corner in the kitchen.  He could see the dark circles under his son's eyes and the way his muscles weren't forming the ever present grin on his face.

"He hasn't said a word to me. Have you gotten anything out of Blaine?"

"No, he is still in bed." Burt could hear Tracy adjust the phone on her shoulder through the receiver, "He ran home last night, and by the time I got there with the van he had already locked himself in his room.  I could hear him crying, though.  Whatever it was they were yelling about last night had to have been pretty bad."

"Well what are we supposed to do? I can't ask Kurt to talk to me again, or he is never going to."

"I think Blaine has given up on trying to even get advice from me." 

"Well, Carole is coming over later today, so I am hoping that either he will snap out of it by then or she can talk to him."

"That might actually work.  Maybe he needs someone who isn't so emotionally involved in all of this to talk to."

"I will call you if I figure anything out."

"Me, too. Let me know how it goes with Carole. Talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye."

As soon as Burt hung up with Tracy he immediately dialed Carole's number.  "Hey, can you come over sooner than we planned? I need your help."

"With what?"  Burt took the time to give a brief overview of everything that happened with Kurt and Blaine.  He told her what they could make out from the yelling that happened and how Kurt wasn't talking now.  "Sure. I can be over in an hour, although, Finn is going to have to come with me."

"That's fine.  I can take him out for ice cream or something."

"Okay, sounds good. I'll see you soon."

"Can't wait."  No matter how much Burt tried to deny it he absolutely loved the feeling he got even just by talking to Carole on the phone again.  He was glad that she and Kurt got along and they could even has some time to talk about boys together.  He knew that Carole could never replace what Kurt could have had with Liz, but having a mom around sure seemed helpful when it came to things Burt knew nothing about.

Within the hour Carole and Finn were coming in the front door armed with all the ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies.  Burt grabbed Finn and the two of them went off to the shop, where Burt was going to teach Finn how run the place while Carole was going to stay back on her mission with Kurt.

"I promised your dad and Finn some cookies when they got back, do you wanna come help?"

"I know why you're here, Carole."

"Your dad has never really been good at this type of thing, huh?"

"Let's just say last week he brought me home some pamphlets because he didn't want to give me the sex talk."

Carole let out a giggle while she sat down on the opposite side of the couch from Kurt, "Well, I'm not going to pressure you into talking to me, but I will say that having some outside perspective on whatever happened last night may help.  But for now let's just go make some cookies."  Carole reached over and turned off Kurt's iPod before taking his hand and helping him off the couch.

They worked together silently until the cookies were in the oven and there was nothing to do but wait for them to cook in the oven.

"Is it wrong of me to want more from Blaine?"

"What do you mean by more?"  Maybe it was a good thing that Burt wasn't the one having this conversation with Kurt.

"Well, I told you about how we both like each other so we made that weird we're not together but we like each other and it was kind of confusing and all of that. But that was like, three years ago and nothing has changed. And I'm out at school now, but he is too afraid to come out because of the football team and Karofsky and everything and-"

"Wait, what is up with Karofsky?"

Kurt immediately caught his slip up.  He tried to keep his face calm while he thought of a cover up, "Oh, he has just been avoiding me since I came out, and Blaine doesn't want that with the football team and everything. So anyway last night when he was over I asked him what we were and he freaked out at me and I told him we had to decide if we were going to be together or not officially. And he said he couldn't and ran out."  Kurt felt the tear slip from his eye as he turned away from Carole.  She reached up and pulled him into a gentle hug.

"You can't force Blaine out, Kurt. No matter how much you want to be with him, he needs to be who he is on his own time.  But that doesn't mean that you can't defend your own heart.  I know it doesn't feel like it, but you can't have your heart played with like that.  There comes a point when you need to be you."

"I guess I am trying to force him out, huh? But, I just care about him so much.  I can't imagine not having him here like that.  I honestly didn't' think he would run out like that.  I just want him to be okay with who he is...."

"You know?" Carole pulled Kurt over so he was sitting next to her at the table, "Your dad talks to me about Blaine like he was his own son.  I know that I don't know every detail about his situation, but I know a lot and you just have to give him time.  If I know anything about Blaine he can't not have you with him either, but he isn't as strong as you, Kurt.  You're tough because you've had to be.  You went through so much when you lost your mom, and Blaine is just now having to experience these kinds of feelings.  I'm not saying he has it harder, it's just a lot more recent for him.  If anything, right now he just needs to know that you're still his friend.  Be there for him, give him time, and it will all work itself out. I promise."

"But what if I'm wrong. What if it works out and we get together and things go horribly wrong with the football team, or his dad comes back and things go downhill. I don't want to be the cause of all of that."

"You won't be, sweetie.  When you two get together, if any of that happens, you will be the solid rock that he would need.  Understand this, you are the only person who has been a constant in his life.  You will always be the person that he goes to when he is in trouble. It's always going to be you, Kurt. You just have to be there."

"So do you think I should call him?"

"No. Let him be. I'm sure his mom is trying to talk to him right now, anyway.  Let him come to you, okay?  For now all we can do is finish these cookies and go about your life.  You'll see him Monday at school."

And just like that, the timer on the oven was going off.  This time, Kurt popped his iPod on the speakers and went to the special playlist he made for afternoons with Carole.  Together they finished up the cookies and made dinner for everybody.  Kurt put a smile on his face, but really, he couldn't keep his mind from worrying about Blaine.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Blaine, honey, you're going to have to come out of your room at some point."

"No."

Tracy sighed and got up from the floor in the hallway outside Blaine's room.  Whatever it was that happened between the boys Tracy wasn't going to get to the bottom of it this way.  She only had one last trick up her sleeve before she called Burt back to ask for backup.

She walked downstairs and grabbed her purse before going back up to his room and creaking the door open. "Come on, sweetie. I've got to go somewhere and I'm not leaving you home."

"I've stayed home by myself before."

"Ya, but I'm not going to allow it this time. Up, up."

Tracy drove them just a few minutes down the road the coffee shop that changed their lives so many years ago.  She ordered Blaine a strawberry smoothie with extra whipped cream under Kurt's name, and walked back over the table with their drinks.

"Mom, I'm not seven anymore."

"No, you're not. But this place means more to you than even I will ever understand. And whatever it is that went down last night is not worth you two locking yourselves away in your rooms for. So spill."

Blaine hung his head and accepted his mother's victory. "He gave me an ultimatum. He told me that either I come out and we make things between us official or whatever it is that is between us needs to end."

"And I'm guessing you chose the latter?"

"Well... ya."

"Why don't you want to come out at school, sweetie?"

"Well, I know the kids on the football team would have a problem with it. They always say stuff."

"And so you would lose... their respect?"

"Ya..."

"And if you don't come out you lose Kurt?"

"Ya..."

"The decision seems easy to me, but you have to do what you gotta do."

"But I can't lose more than I've already lost, Mom."

Tracy took a moment to look at her son, to really look at him.  She could still see the sweet little Blaine that wanted a cookie and kiss when he fell off his bike, or would make her watch the Elmo movie over and over again, but she could also see the man her son was turning into, the one he was afraid to become.

"You already have the most important person in your life, Blaine.  If you lose Kurt you will lose everything.  Compared to that, you've lost nothing."

Suddenly everything changed in Blaine's eyes.  It was like the flood gate of common sense opened up and all he could think about was Kurt. Kurt, the one person who had always been there. Kurt, the one person who helped him understand who was and accept that it was okay. Kurt, the one who threw his heart out on the line and Blaine had been too blind to accept.

"Mom, you gotta take me to Kurt's. Right now."

"No." Tracy grabbed her drink and stood up waiting for Blaine to follow her, "You need to give him time, too, okay? You two can work everything out on Monday at school, or after. But I think it would be good for you two to spend today and tomorrow apart. Let you both cool off and figure things out without the other."

"But Mom-"

"Trust me, Blaine. Just wait until Monday."

Blaine was helpless against his mother's words. So he frumped into the front seat of the car and spent the rest of the weekend silently storming around the house doing homework.  Monday could not come soon enough.

Blaine planned on talking to Kurt at lunch, and, therefore, decided that he was just going to avoid him before school started so he could get it all out the first time he saw him.  But when Kurt still hadn't shown up five minutes into lunch Blaine decided to go looking for him. 

After searching the choir room, the auditorium, and by Kurt's locker Blaine was going to go to the locker room to see if he was with Finn.  Down the hallway before he even got there, Blaine heard someone yelling.  He quickened his steps until he rounded the corner and opened the door. 

Blaine was met by Karofsky's back and Kurt's arms flailing and trying to push Karofsky away.  It took him a moment to realize that he was kissing Kurt.

"Hey!"  David suddenly turned around and Blaine could see fear flash across his eyes before anger took over.  Behind him Kurt had tears streaming down his face.  He brought his hand up to cover his mouth like he was going to be sick.  Blaine ran over to his side never taking his eyes off of David.

"How nice of you to join us, Anderson." Before either Kurt or Blaine could react, Karofsky's fist was hitting Blaine's eye knocking him backward against the locker.  He hit his head against one of the combination locks and fell to the floor unconscious.