Aug. 13, 2012, 12:59 p.m.
Busted: Chapter 13
T - Words: 2,834 - Last Updated: Aug 13, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 20/? - Created: Mar 24, 2012 - Updated: Aug 13, 2012 931 0 1 0 0
As much as he had willed it not to be, things at school were different. Kurt had spent so much time trying to hide himself from the world that he never came to think about what it would be like when he finally figured out who he was. None of the other kids knew, besides Blaine, and they didn't ridicule him any more than usual but now everything had a different meaning to Kurt. The stares and the harsh words and the random shoves meant something different. They weren't something that Kurt could defend himself against; they were the honest to goodness opinions of his classmates about who he was. No denying it.
Every time someone would whisper homo behind his back it cut just a little deeper. The shoves into the lockers became a little more personal because he knew that's all they thought he was worth. If seventh grade was beginning to become a nightmare Kurt didn't even want to imagine what the rest of his life was going to look like. Kurt had always known that he wanted to go to New York but today was the day he decided that it was more than just a dream; it was a plan for his life.
By lunch time on Monday Blaine thought he was going to lose his mind. He still hadn't heard from his parents, his football gear was left at home so he had to tell his coach he wasn't prepared, and he was sweating from trying to avoid the eyes of all the other students. He felt like they could see right into him and they knew everything about him. Blaine wasn't sure how Kurt did this every day; nobody even knew that he was gay, or even questioning for that matter, and he still felt the wrath of the student body as if he were only holding onto this shield by a thread. Each time he heard a whisper behind him he ducked his head and turned to see if they were talking about him, each time a locker slammed he flinched remembering Kurt's stories about being slammed before. People had always made it seem like life would get easier after you come to terms with yourself, like that is the hardest part, but Blaine had to disagree. Living in constant fear of people's ignorance was far worse.
Kurt and Blaine walked to class together in silence taking their respective seats on the other side of the room from each other. That was one thing that Kurt loved about their friendship, they didn't have to constantly be talking with each other to be there as support. Each boy knew that the other was having just as hard of a time so their silence actually became reassuring; if only the rest of the world could figure that out. But instead the rest of the class filed in nosier than ever. Every few people would give Blaine a friendly slap on the back that made him flinch or yell his name across the room. Dave walked in and immediately shoved Kurt a little not wasting any of the precious hour of class they had together.
"'Sup, fag?"
"Leave him alone, Dave." Blaine's eyes barely flashed up to meet Dave's before they went back to being planted on his desk.
"What's up with you lately, Anderson?" Dave slammed his book down on Blaine's desk making him flinch, "You've gotten super defensive. You better be careful or ladyboy here might think you have a crush on him. You better keep your distance before you catch a case of the fag, too."
"You know what Karofsky?" Blaine stood up as she shoved Dave's book off of his desk. Their faces were just inches from each other. "I'm done with you. You have this obsession with bullying Kurt through me and I'm sick of it. I just-"
"Is there a problem boys?" Mrs. Liberko walked into the room and placed a hand on Dave's back.
"No, ma'am." Blaine huffed in Dave's face before he grabbed his bag and walked out the door. From across the room Kurt stood up to go after him before Mrs. Liberko turned to face him.
"What's going on here, Kurt?"
"Umm... I'm not exactly sure. Can I go check on him?"
"Of course. I'll call the office and tell them you're out on an excuse, for both of you."
Kurt knew he always liked Mrs. Liberko for a reason. She was one of the few teachers at their middle school who didn't hold him to a different standard. Sometimes it even seemed like she gave him special treatment because she saw what he went through in the halls.
"Thanks. I'll be back." And with that Kurt grabbed his bag and ran out into the hallway.
Either way he looked when he got outside the room, though, the halls were bare. Kurt frantically tried to think of a place that Blaine would go but the locker room was the only thing that came to mind and he knew that Blaine hated it in there.
Kurt wandered aimlessly through the halls trying to find Blaine until he found himself in the performing arts part of the school. He stopped off in the bathroom when he heard Blaine crying in one of the stalls. Before he said anything Kurt walked over and locked the door to the bathroom.
"Blaine, you need to come out of there."
"I don't get it, Kurt. Why is it such a bad thing, huh? Why does Dave continue to use you to get to me? Just-" Kurt flinched when Blaine began to scream at the top of his lungs. It wasn't a scream of terror or fear, but just a way for Blaine to take the emotions he couldn't put words to and let them out for the world to hear.
Both of the boys were silent for a few moments after that until Kurt heard the click of the lock on the bathroom stall and Blaine was slowly coming out. His eyes were red and puffy and his hair was a complete mess from all the times he had ran his hands through it.
"Why do you get it so easy?" Blaine's tone wasn't hurtful, he was genuinely curious.
"Because I made myself invisible." Kurt took Blaine's hand and pulled him over to the wall where they both slid down until their knees were at their chests. "You have to remember that this has been going on since we were eight, Blaine. I've had four years to get used to hearing all the things they say about me. It still hurts, but I don't let them see that. Dave used to say all his insults directly at me instead of using my friends but eventually I stopped showing him my pain and he got bored, I guess. Bullies only go after people who will give them a reaction. They need to be able to see that their words are affecting you, so if you don't give that to them then they suddenly have a lot less to say."
"But you shouldn't have to get used to it, Kurt."
"But I do. That's just the way things are in this place. You have to, too. It's not going to stop, the bullying I mean. There are always going to be people who disagree with us and what we are."
"But they don't even know."
"That doesn't matter. People pass judgment on other people the second they see them. We just have to prove them all wrong. Show them that we are worth something." Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand forcing him to look up from his lap.
"How do you always manage to make me feel better?" Blaine wiped away the last of his tears from his cheeks and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. "Do you ever just wish we could have our own little world where no one can touch us?"
"We've been pretending that since we were little."
"No, but I'm serious." Blaine sat up and turned to face Kurt, "What if there was a place we could just go and be best friends and no one would ever hurt either of us."
"New York." The words came out of Kurt's mouth before he could stop them, and his cheeks turned bright red.
"What?"
"New York is that dream place for me. I hear that Times Square is just amazing. I want to go there one day. I want to live there."
"We'll go together. Two best friends taking on the world."
Kurt smiled up at Blaine. "I wouldn't want it any other way."
Before Blaine could say anything else his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out quickly and saw his mom's number flash across the screen.
"Hello?" His sudden shaking was evident in his voice. Kurt sat up a little straighter waiting to hear what was about to happen.
"Yea.... Okay.... Uh huh.... Sounds good..... See you then." Blaine hung up and stared at his phone for a few minutes.
"What'd she want? Is everything okay?" Kurt couldn't wait for Blaine any longer.
"She said she was going to pick me up after school and take me home. She talked to coach and everything to get me excused from practice."
"That's good, right?"
"I don't know." If Blaine could fall any more to the ground he would have. Suddenly the events of the day were getting to be a little too much. "She didn't say anything about my dad. She kept saying ‘I' so I guess we will have to see?"
"Okay. Well I'm always here if you need me."
"What would I do without you?"
"That's what friends are for."
Eventually the boys got up and wiped off their pants from the gross floor. Blaine checked himself in the mirror to make sure no one could tell he was crying before they walked back into class together.
When his last class ended Blaine was in no hurry to get outside to the parking lot. His stomach was in knots and he was pretty sure that if he walked too fast he was going to throw up. By the time he packed up and got out of the classroom Kurt was there waiting for him.
"Are you ready for this?"
"I don't really have a choice, do I?"
"Not really. Just make sure you call me later, okay? I'm going to be a nervous wreck until I hear from you."
"Sounds good. I'll see ya later."
Blaine gave Kurt a quick hug before walking off to the parking lot to find his mom's car. She was in about the third row back parked reading some sort of magazine while she waited for him. The entire walk to the car Blaine had to remind himself to breathe. If anything went wrong he knew that he could always go stay at the Hummel's house.
When Tracy looked up from reading a smile stretched across her face. Blaine's heart slowed down only for a second before he realized that she was the only one in the car; his dad hadn't joined her to come get Blaine.
"Hey, sweetie."
"Hi." There was an awkward silence that last several uncomfortable minutes before Blaine had to break it. "Where's Dad at?"
"Well, there's something I need to talk to you about."
"What's going on, mom?"
Tracy stayed quiet until they pulled in their driveway and got inside. She got Blaine a glass of chocolate milk and sat him down at the kitchen table.
"Obviously, your father and I didn't call Burt and pick you up yesterday."
"Ya, I kinda figured that much out."
"Well..." Tracy began to fiddle with her fingers on the table, "There really isn't an easy way for me to say this so I am just going to come on out with it. Your father is really struggling with what he walked in on you and Kurt doing."
For a moment Blaine had forgotten that he hadn't come out to his parents. He had been so worried about hiding what had happened over with weekend with his classmates that he never even thought about the fact that he couldn't be himself at home, either.
"And, what does he think?" Blaine stared his mom straight in the eyes. He thought maybe that was the best way to get the truth from her without beating around the bush.
"He, actually we, neither of us really know what it means. And I'm not going to make you tell us because I understand that it can be confusing and hard to deal with, but your father was not pleased at all. I told him that if he had a problem with what he saw he could schedule some business trips and come home when he was ready. He was gone when I woke up this morning."
"I see." Blaine went silent trying to take in the information. His dad literally left his house because of Blaine. Nobody could lay the blame on anybody else; this was entirely his fault. "And what about you? What do you think?"
"Well, like I said, I'm not going to make you tell me or us anything. If there is something that you need to figure out about yourself then you need to do that for you. I can't help you decide, but I can be here for you. Blaine," Tracy reached across the table and took Blaine's hand, "I don't ever want you to feel like you can't talk to me. No matter what the issue is I am your mom and I love you no matter what. I don't want you to feel ashamed of anything, not around me alright?"
The lump in Blaine's throat stopped him from answering verbally so he just nodded his head. Blaine's watery eyes didn't go unnoticed by Tracy. She let him sit in silence while she rubbed her hand over his on the table. Blaine's eyes wandered all over the place: his dad was in some city pretending that his life was going on as usual, and probably pretending that Blaine didn't exist. Kurt was at home waiting anxiously by his phone for him to call about what he was talking to his mom about. Blaine couldn't stop himself from thinking about Saturday afternoon with Kurt upstairs in his bedroom. He remembered what it felt like to have Kurt's face leaning in towards his, or how warm his lips felt against his own.
"It was amazing, mom."
Of all the things Blaine could have said in that moment, Tracy was not expecting that. "What was amazing, sweetheart?"
"The kiss. When Kurt kissed me. I got these butterflies in my stomach and I felt like my brain was suddenly in the clouds and like... my stomach twisted and it made me feel a little sick, but, like, in a good way. Is that crazy? Am I losing my mind?"
"Lovesick. That's why they call it that." Tracy smiled at her youngest son trying to figure out when he had grown up and fallen in love with someone. Even if he didn't know it yet Tracy could see it in his eyes when he was talking just now. He was in love.
"So that's normal? Those things I am feeling are actual feelings for Kurt? Not just because he is my best friend?"
"I think the person you are in a relationship with is your best friend, Blaine." Tracy watched as Blaine's eyes grew at her words.
"I'm not in a relationship with Kurt, Mom. I don't want a relationship right now. I just found out that I'm..."
"Gay?"
"Ya, that." Tracy stood up and pulled Blaine into a tight hug.
"You don't have to be ashamed. Not around me. I love you no matter what. In fact," Tracy pulled back and took Blaine's shoulders, "Do you want to know a secret?" Blaine nodded. "When you were little and you and Kurt had just met, Liz and I would spend our days at the park watching you play wondering if you two would end up together."
"Mom, are you serious?"
"We wanted it so badly. Liz would be so happy if she could hear what you just said about Kurt."
Blaine pulled Tracy into a close hug again. "Thanks. That really makes me feel better, but please don't be mad if I don't start a relationship with Kurt for a while. I know he isn't ready and I know I'm nowhere near ready to start dating anyone. We both decided that we aren't going to tell anyone at school or anything. Only Burt and you know."
"I completely understand. It will be our little secret."
Tracy and Blaine talked for a while longer about Blaine and what he had been going through. He told her about how hard he had struggled with it and how he wished Cooper had been home to talk to. During their conversation Blaine realized he could never really pinpoint an exact moment as to when he started questioning things himself... it had always just been Kurt there by his side.
Eventually Tracy let Blaine go call Kurt so that the Hummels could rest easy. As Blaine stuck the ringing phone to his ear he couldn't help but let a smile spread across his face when he thought about being able to talk to Kurt. Everything was going to be just fine.
Comments
Aww! I'm glad Tracy told Blaine abou what her and Liz used to think about. It was a good way of telling him that she will always love and support him no matter what. Now Blaine, since you have your mother's support, go get him!