The first thing Kurt wanted to do when he woke up was call Rachel. Hed spent hours over the last year or so listening to her rambling and reminiscing about some boy from her theater group and another from a rival show choir whom she had a disastrous relationship with. It was his turn now. It was his turn to have someone to squeal excitedly with while he described the exact look on Blaines face just before theyd kissed and someone to listen while he described the feel of Blaines mouth on his own. He wanted to gush.

Snatching up his phone, he opened up a new message to Rachel and began typing out a request that they meet for coffee in an hour - then he paused.

Rachel had been so cautionary and hesitant about him communicating with Blaine outside of dreams that he doubted she would listen excitedly to him or let him gush for hours. She would question his actions, shake her head in disapproval, and warn him about putting too much stake in dreams and giving his heart away to someone from his dreams. She would then question the authenticity of the kiss and basically burst his bubble. He didnt want such a hard fall from his high.

He could picture it now: Rachel seated across from him, tea warming her hands, and a deepening frown drawing her brows down as she listened to Kurts recount of the kiss. He knew the agitated pitch her voice would rise to when she questioned his feelings; he could almost picture the concern and warning in her gaze as she told him to avoid getting in too deep with Blaine. No, he couldnt handle that now. The part of him that was slowly waking up pointed out that it would be best to keep his developing relationship with Blaine a secret while it was in such early stages.

Nodding to himself, he deleted the half-written text and set his phone aside. He would just have to keep the elation to himself and be content with re-playing the kiss over and over again inside his head.

With a happy sigh, he leaned back on his hands and stared vacantly across his room, a rather dopey smile on his face. Remembering the look of awe and tenderness in Blaines eyes sent a spark of delight through him that sang along his nerves from his head to the tips of his toes, making them curl into the carpet. It was almost hard to believe it wasnt a daydream.

Then something occurred to him: he had no idea what the kiss even meant. He had woken up almost right after it had happened, giving them no chance to talk. He had no idea what it all meant - how Blaine felt and how (or if) Blaine wanted their relationship to change. The thought made his spirits sink a little.

Abandoning his daydreams, Kurt bit down gently on his bottom lip and looked down at where hed set his phone. His stomach twisted with a wave of nerves. Slowly, almost robotically, he reached out and picked the phone up. He stared down at the blank screen, thinking.

From what Blaine had said before theyd kissed to the way he had looked at him... it had to be okay; Blaine had to feel the same. Rubbing his thumb over the screen, he debated with himself for a moment, and then unlocked his phone. He had to put his mind to rest now; he had to know for sure.

Heart rate steadily picking up speed, he opened up a new text message to Blaine.

‘Good morning (afternoon)! I know we just saw each other, but could we do our phone call a little earlier today? Our meeting was cut short rather abruptly and I think we should talk.

Stomach squirming, he hit send and waited for the confirmation that it had gone to appear on the screen. Maybe it was a bit reckless to have romantic ties with a dream partner, but their attraction and connection were something he couldnt fight. Besides, they couldnt be the first ones to do this. There had to be other cases of this occurring.

Too antsy to sit and wait for a reply, Kurt started to get dressed, but it didnt take long for his anxious energy to bring back a strong need to check his phone. Giving in, he quickly buttoned up his jeans before scooping up his phone to check for any replies despite knowing there wasnt any. The nerves were getting worse the longer he waited and paranoia was starting to settle in. The memory of the kiss replayed in his minds eye from a different perspective - had he forced himself on a purely friendly Blaine? His pulse and breathing turned erratic at the thought. If Blaine had been unwilling then hed ruined their friendship and theyd be stuck sharing painfully awkward dreams for the rest of their lives.

In an attempt to distract himself, he went into the bathroom to style his hair, taking his time meticulously combing it up into a swooping coif. His trembling hands made holding the comb harder and he was still distracted, so much so that he almost sprayed deodorant onto his hair instead of hairspray. He understood now why Rachel had been so scatter-brained while dating Jessie.

His dad looked in on him while he was making his bed.

"Youre awake," he noted with a small smile. His gaze flickered to the bed. "Good dream or bad dream?"

Kurt plumped up one of the pillows and smoothed out the creases in the pillowcase. He turned his back on his dad to hide his involuntary smile, setting the pillow back in its spot on the bed. "It was a good dream." He pretended to adjust the pillows until he had gotten his expression under control, and then he turned to face his dad again.

His dad was still smiling. "Carole and I are going to the mall to get a few things - do you want to come?"

Kurt shook his head. "I really need to go through my closet and re-organize it for summer. I havent had the time until today and its getting annoying having to push aside all of my light sweaters to get to my short-sleeved shirts."

Ordinarily, he would have jumped at the opportunity to go shopping, but he just couldnt enjoy himself while he was so anxiously awaiting Blaines reply.

Just as he finished speaking, he heard his phone chime softly behind him. He itched to spin around and grab it

His dad clapped a hand against the doorframe he was leaning against and straightened up. "Alright, well be back in a few hours."

Trying not to look impatient, Kurt nodded and waited with tensed muscles until his dad left his room. When he heard him starting to descend the stairs, he snatched his phone up, his stomach spasming sickeningly when he saw Blaines name on the screen. 

‘If youve just woken up, its morning, irrespective of what time it says on the clock. Your body thinks its morning, therefore it is. I can call you now if youre free?

Kurt exhaled shakily through his mouth and sank down onto his bed. The tone of Blaines reply was encouraging, so he couldnt have decided to completely abandon their friendship. The churning nerves in Kurts belly settled down to an uncomfortable flutter. He sent Blaine an affirmation and then balanced his phone on his thigh to wait for his call.

It wasnt even a minute later when his phone rang, buzzing against his leg. Taking a deep breath, he pressed the button to answer.

"Hi," he said uncertainly, the small boost in confidence hed gained from reading Blaines text beginning to waiver.

"Hey." Blaines reply was quiet and he sounded just as hesitant as Kurt. He cleared his throat softly. "Im glad you suggested we talk now; I didnt particularly want to wait until tonight."

He sounded as nervous as Kurt felt, which helped Kurt regain some of his lost confidence. His nerves surely meant they felt the same way about each other.

Kurt tightened his grip on his phone. "I think we should talk about where things are going with us."

A shaky sounding exhale came through the phone. "Okay."

"Okay," Kurt repeated. He fell silent, not having a clue what to say next. He had no experience with this sort of thing and he was worried about saying something wrong or coming on too strongly and scaring Blaine off. Having this conversation over the phone didnt help, but what choice did they have?

After almost a minute of silence, Blaine took the leap into uncertain territory and spoke.

"Kurt, I really care about you and I dont know how you feel about it, but that kiss meant a lot to me. It wasnt just something that happened that I want to forget about."

Hands shaking more than ever, Kurt let out the breath he hadnt realized he had been holding. Relief left him feeling loose and limp, like his muscles had loosened their death grip on his bones. He was so relieved that his feelings were reciprocated that he couldnt even get excited over Blaine liking him.

"I feel the same way," he breathed. He hesitated over adding more and decided to take the plunge. Holding back now would only be a detriment. "Ive had a bit of a crush on you for a while now," he confessed shyly, his cheeks warming.

An odd sound came down the line then that was either Blaine shuffling around with his phone or just something going weird with the connection. Kurt listened to the sound of his racing pulse as the noise stopped.

"Me, too," Blaine confessed. "I felt a connection the first time we saw each other and since then it has just developed." His voice softened. "Ive never felt this way before."

Kurts stomach squeezed in pure delight, his body flooded with the same thrilling elation. He felt the return of the bubbles in his stomach and the sensation of being able to do anything he wanted, of being invincible. He had to bite his lip to control his smile and prevent a burst of laughter from escaping. Hearing Blaine say that like he was sharing a deeply personal secret with him, like he was baring his soul, felt just as good as their kiss had, perhaps better. Nobody had ever said something like that to him before. He almost didnt know what to do with Blaines words - shout them from the rooftops? Lock them away deep inside of him? His blush darkened as he became flustered.

He swallowed down the delighted little squeals of sound fighting to burst out of his throat. "I wish it werent so complicated. I love sharing dreams with you, but I wish this was simpler, like wed met at school or something."

"Then wed be able to see each other more," Blaine agreed, his voice turning gloomy.

Kurt perked up a little bit. "At least we get to see each other soon. Itll be hard while we dont have much opportunity to visit each other, but well be in college soon and you never know, we might both end up in New York!" He felt considerably happier about it now; a year wasnt that long and they still had their phone calls and their dreams until then.

Blaine didnt seem to share his optimism. "Yeah..." he said, still sounding unhappy. Kurt heard him shifting around. "Im a bit worried about what impact the dreams will have on us if- if we started a relationship - if that was something you wanted?"

"I do." Kurt swallowed dryly. "It is something I want." He thought about it for a moment, trying not to let himself get carried away with his feelings and not considering it properly. "It will probably be hard at times, but so is every relationship. Well just have to be mindful of when the other needs space or time to be alone in any shared dream. And well take things slowly."

"Its not going to be easy," Blaine said. "Especially seeing as weve got distance against us, as well."

The reminder made Kurts heart sink and, for a moment, he felt their situation was a bit hopeless. He scrambled to point out the silver lining to the dull grey cloud hanging overhead.

"We can still make it work - phone calls, Skype, visits during vacation - and it should be easier once we finish high school."

Blaine let out a small sigh. "I know. I just worry that the dreams and distance complicate things and if it all crashes and burns, how do we manage sharing dreams? I dont like thinking about it ending badly between us, but I cant help but worry."

Kurt swallowed again, his stomach tightening with concern. A potential breakdown of their relationship wasnt something he liked to dwell on either, but like it or not it was something they had to think about. They werent entering into a typical relationship they could walk away from if things went south; they were bound together in another relationship, possibly for life. Kurt didnt want the safe haven of his dreams to turn sour.

"It worries me, too," he said. "Thats why I think we should take it slow until weve finished school and know what were doing for college, then we can re-evaluate. If we both end up in New York, thats all the better."

He waited for Blaine to respond and frowned when the silence continued. He removed the phone from his ear to check the connection.

"Blaine? Is that- Are you okay with that?"

"Oh - yes; yes, I am. Going slow sounds good."

Kurts frown deepened. "This is what you want, isnt it?"

"Of course it is!" Blaine assured him immediately, his voice so sincere, the tightening of Kurts muscles relaxed. "Im sorry, Im just- I just wish there was a way to make it easier."

"Me, too," Kurt sighed. "But well make it work," he added confidently.

He felt better having some form of plan in place. They were maybe still feeling their way through the dark, but he felt confident they could handle it. It wouldnt be the easiest of relationships, but with effective communication and the use of modern technology, they had a good shot at making it work.

"Ill do my best to make sure we do," Blaine said. Kurt could hear the smile in his voice, though he still sounded a little off. He put it down to nerves over their new, somewhat complicated relationship.

Kurt glanced at his open closet. "Id better go; Ive got a closet full of clothes I need to re-organise."

"Okay. I guess Ill talk to you tomorrow - if I dont see you tonight."

Kurt smiled fondly. "I guess you will."

"Bye," Blaine said softly.

"Bye."

Still smiling, Kurt ended the call and set his phone aside on his bed. He felt like a weight had been taken off him, like his stomach had been full of lead and now it was empty of it once more. It was such a relief to know he and Blaine were on the same page.

Stretching, he stood up and headed over to his closet. It really did need organising, but it was not a job he was really in the mood to start now. With a small sigh, he reached for one of his sweaters. He should have thought of a better excuse for not going to the mall.

The next day Kurt invited Sam and Rachel out for ice cream to celebrate his new relationship with Blaine. Sticking to his decision to keep it a secret, his friends didnt know they were celebrating, but Kurt treated himself to an extra scoop and more toppings to mark the occasion.

Since it was a beautiful summers day with the kind of weather that had Kurt fervently hoping the SPF in his moisturiser wasnt just a gimmick to charge more, Sam suggested they walk around the streets surrounding the ice cream parlour instead of sitting indoors. It was the most carefree Kurt had felt all summer - talking anything and everything with his friends and with the knowledge of Blaines feelings for him tucked in close to his heart, filling him with a pleasant glow. He could feel the hard crust of hatred and resistance formed over the school year beginning to shed, the weariness and sense of entrapment lifting. Maybe surviving his senior year wouldnt be so bad. It was one year and then it didnt matter anymore; it seemed silly to get so worked up about it.

They rounded a corner onto one of the busier streets. It was lined with shops and cafés and the street was thick with people out enjoying the sunshine. Still eating their ice cream, Kurt, Sam, and Rachel weaved their way through the crowds, their conversation stopped for the moment as they split from walking in a group to navigate the packed sidewalk.

Frustrated at trying to make his way around so many slow walkers, Kurt ducked off the street onto a much quieter side road that joined with the main street further up. After the crowds hed just left it felt good to lengthen his stride and walk briskly towards the end of the road where he could catch up with Sam and Rachel.

Focusing on eating another bite of his ice cream, he didnt notice the group of McKinley students seated outside one of the cafes until he was already alongside them.

"Hummel!"

Frowning, Kurt turned to look at whoever had shouted his name - and almost fell flat on his face when something tripped him up. Staggering, Kurt struggled to stay upright while loud, raucous laughter rang out from the café tables he was passing.

Heart racing and stomach sinking with dread, Kurt turned slowly to see what had tripped him and saw a blond guy sitting in the chair closest to the sidewalk slowly withdrawing his leg back under the table.

"You still need to learn to watch where youre going, Hummel," the blond guy, who Kurt recognised from his math class, sneered. "Thats how you end up flying into lockers and dumpsters."

The girls sitting beside him sniggered. A guy from Kurts English class called Mark stood up from where he had been sitting at the far end of the table. He glowered at Kurt, his expression twisted into a disgusted grimace.

"His kind never learn, otherwise theyd stop rubbing their sick, perverted fantasies in our faces all the time."

Kurt wanted to say something witty in his defence, to snap a retort that would leave the whole lot of them reeling and then march away with his head in the air, but his throat had locked up and his breath had seized in his lungs. Blood rushed behind his ears and his vision sharpened, focusing in on Mark moving out from behind the table. The big muscles in his thighs trembled as his body itched to run away, but another, stronger instinct kept him routed to the spot. Air whistled out of his lungs as Mark stopped a few feet in front of him, a twisted grin on his face.

"We dont have a choice about seeing your face around school, but we do have a choice here." He took a step closer to Kurt, and Kurts muscles tensed for flight.

"Lets see..." Mark looked around them briefly, still keeping a close eye on Kurt. "There are no dumpsters around here, no lockers, no stairwells, and no slushies. I could shove you into a brick wall, I suppose, or hit you with my bare hands and try and knock some sense - some normalcy - into you."

Swallowing roughly, Kurt watched Mark take another step closer to him while his friends eyed them hungrily, waiting eagerly for the action to begin.

Kurt regained his voice when Mark was right in front of him, barely inches away.

"Or you could be a decent human being for a change and leave me alone." His voice was higher and squeakier than he would have liked, but it was better than mutely taking Marks threats.

Mark scowled. "Dont talk to me about being a decent human being. You have no right to say that to me, you sick fag."

One or two people passing by looked around at Marks raised voice, but after sweeping their eyes over the scene, they turned away again. Not one of them looked concerned or appeared to consider intervening. Kurt swallowed again, fighting the urge to step backwards.

"Youre disgusting, Hummel; youre an abomination. Youd better watch your step around here, because Im not sure how much more of you I can take - and Im not the only one who feels this way. You shouldnt be allowed to walk our streets and come to our schools - its wrong! You should be locked away in some kind of hospital." Nostrils flaring, Mark lowered his voice to a dangerous, threatening growl. "Watch your back, Hummel, because one of these days someones going to snap and see that you get what you deserve."

With a final glare at Kurt, Mark turned away and moved back to the table his friends were sitting at.

Exhaling shakily and with his muscles quivering, Kurt made to hurry away. Quick as a flash, Mark snatched up one of the half-drunk drinks off their table and threw it over Kurt, splashing him with the hot liquid. Roaring laughter followed Kurt as he spun around and marched away, tears stinging in his eyes as the front of his t-shirt soaked up the coffee splattered all down his front.

It wasnt until he had stepped back into the crowds on the main street that he remembered the half-eaten ice cream still clutched in his hand. His fingers were clamped so tightly around the little cardboard bowl that hed crushed it slightly. He tossed it in a nearby trashcan; hed lost his appetite.

"Kurt!"

Kurt tensed, his shoulders instinctively hunching in a protective gesture, until he recognised the voice. He looked over the heads of a family walking around him and spotted Sam coming towards him with Rachel in tow.

"There you are," Rachel said when shed reached Kurts side. "You should wait for us before you decide to go into one of the shops."

"I didnt go in any of the shops, Rachel," Kurt told her wearily. He wasnt in the mood to pretend everything was okay and pass the coffee stain off as an accident. His enjoyable day had been ruined and he wanted nothing more than to go home and be alone.

Rachels eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Then what-?"

"What happened to your shirt?" Sam interrupted, his eyes on the large stain that was causing Kurts shirt to cling uncomfortably to his torso.

Kurt avoided their eyes. "I had a run-in with some idiots from school."

He heard Rachel make a noise of exclamation and start to curse the bullies, but he took a moment to gather himself and get his emotions in check before he looked back to his friends.

Rachel looked angry and was complaining about the safety of the streets, while Sam looked concerned.

"Are you okay?" he asked over Rachels continued ranting. "Did they hit you?"

Kurt shook his head. "Just the same old slurs and a coffee thrown over me," he sighed.

Sam nodded slowly, his eyes searching Kurts face. "Did you want to go somewhere else or go home?"

"I- Do you mind if I go home? I want to be alone."

"Are you sure youll be okay? I dont mind staying with you if you want company," Sam offered.

Kurt shook his head again. "Thanks, but I just want to be alone for a while."

Rachel had stopped ranting and had been listening to their exchange. Her forehead was still creased with worry, but she stepped forward and hooked her arm through Kurts.

"Well take you home," she said quietly.

On the journey back to his house, Kurt plucked at his ruined shirt and wished there was a way to guarantee he would share a dream with Blaine that night. If there was anything that would lift his mood it would be seeing Blaines smile. Blaines smile that was like sunshine: bright, beautiful, and warming. He had thought he was free from the bullies and the torment while he wasnt at school, but he couldnt get a break from it. He couldnt even walk down the street in town without being harassed. His dreams were the only place he was free from prejudice and hate. If he could, he would gladly sleep for days; anything to get away from what he faced in reality.

After learning about Kurt, Blaines parents had pushed to know more about him and the dreams they shared. It had quickly become apparent to Blaine that while they were concerned about the change in his condition, they were not pleased with Blaine sharing dreams with another guy. He tried to tell himself that they were just afraid and uneducated about homosexuality, but he couldnt help but sense an undercurrent of prejudice homophobia.

Pausing in his pacing of his room, Blaine rubbed at his eye and let out a sigh of frustration. He had been so weak letting his parents get to him and telling them about Kurt. If hed just held his tongue and ignored their insistence that he go back on treatment he wouldnt be in the mess he was in now. Why did he always have to be such a people pleaser? So determined to appease his parents and follow their ideas and plans that he muted the calling of his own head and heart? How much longer would he keep doing this? Would he find himself in a college he didnt want to attend a few years from now studying a degree he didnt enjoy on the path for a career hed never had any interest in? He couldnt go on like this. He couldnt keep making himself miserable just to make his parents happy. He needed to get a grip and stand up for himself.

Unfortunately, it was easier said than done. His biggest problem now wasnt going back on the cycle of testing treatments, but the plan for Kurt to visit him in Massachusetts. Theyd been planning it for weeks now, but there was no way it could happen. He couldnt ask his parents for permission for Kurt to visit, not now. They would refuse on the spot and he hated to think of what the resulting angry, panicked outburst would be like. His parents would be horrified that he and Kurt were communicating outside of dreams, so much so, that he wouldnt put it past them to take his phone away, cutting off his ability to talk to Kurt outside of dreams. He knew Kurt could always stay somewhere else for his visit, but he knew his parents would still find out, either by Blaines stupid, guilty mouth blabbing it to them or one of their many friends seeing him and Kurt out together. It just wouldnt be possible. He was too cowardly to take a risk and either ask his parents if Kurt could come and stay or to keep Kurts visit a secret, and he was too weak to take a stand and do something he wanted for a change.

Since talking to Kurt on the phone about their relationship, guilt had been constantly gnawing at Blaine. He carried it around with him all day every day, an ache in his stomach that just would not go away. His reasons for keeping his parents reaction to Kurt a secret sounded feebler every day and it became increasingly harder to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. However, with his parents becoming more concerned about his condition and his relationship with Kurt, and his nightly phone calls with Kurt becoming more difficult to hide, he knew it was only a matter of time before he would have to tell Kurt.

Sitting on his bed one afternoon after returning from a doctors visit where his enrolment in a clinical trial was discussed, Blaine glanced anxiously at his phone, biting on the inside of his cheek as he turned the whole situation over in his head once again.

He knew he should tell Kurt everything that had happened and that the meeting was off, but- The flesh of his cheek split, sending a trickle of warm, coppery blood onto his tongue. He was afraid to tell him when what they had was so new and fresh. Kurt would think he was being rejected and that it was all a mistake - Blaine couldnt let that happen.

Blaine probed at the ragged, raw cut in his cheek with his tongue, the dull pain a welcome punishment for his stupidity at getting into this mess. As he stared down at his phone, conflicted, the screen lit up with a new text from Kurt. His stomach lurched sickeningly; he wasnt ready for this.

He watched his phone until the screen dimmed to black again, and then he reached over and picked it up. With his heart thumping, he pressed the button to light the screen up again and opened Kurts text.

‘Ive been looking at flights and my plans and I think I could manage to visit for four days. How does that sound? I wish I could stay for longer, but I really dont want to leave my dad for too long.

Blaines heart sank. He should have known Kurt would be texting him about his visit; it was pretty much all he talked about these days. Kurt was so excited about it. Knowing he would have to crush this excitement shattered Blaines heart.

Pressing a button to light the dimmed screen up again so he could re-read Kurts text, Blaine worried at the inside of his cheek with his teeth, destroying the blood clot that had formed there.

Reluctantly, he rationed that telling Kurt via text message wouldnt be the best idea, so with his stomach churning worse than ever, he replied to the text as if all were fine.

‘Sounds great! Id be happily take any time with you, no matter how long or short a period. Well have to start thinking about dates now!

He pressed send and swallowed thickly around the guilt coating his throat and the rest of his insides. He couldnt go on like this; he had to tell him.

Tossing his phone aside, he dropped his head into his hands, pressing the heel of his palms against his eyes. There was a horrible argument raging inside of him, one that shouldnt even be taking place. A part of him was determined to keep the truth from Kurt, to keep the peace and to keep the relationship he had yearned for. The rest of him wanted to tell Kurt, to stop lying to him and to let him know the real Blaine, the one who couldnt bear to disappoint his parents, no matter how irrational they were being. He was caught between being selfish and possibly destroying what he and Kurt had, and being brave and also possibly destroying what they had. He couldnt believe it was such a difficult choice to make or that he was currently sticking with the selfish option. He never had been able to take a risk; the one time he had hed ended up in hospital, and now he couldnt even do it to be true to Kurt.

It was times like these that Blaine truly hated who he was.