Sept. 12, 2012, 10:18 a.m.
Off Camera: Chapter 15
M - Words: 3,423 - Last Updated: Sep 12, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 22/22 - Created: Sep 01, 2012 - Updated: Sep 12, 2012 729 0 0 0 0
It was after three in the morning by the time Blaine found Kurt's house from the address Rachel had texted him. It was a homely looking two-story with a neat garden set on a wide street in a nice neighbourhood. The world had the sort of stillness that came with it being in the midway point between midnight and dawn. Curtains were drawn on the windows of the silent houses and the street was quiet and peaceful under the velvety blanket of stars. The air was still warm despite the early hour and the cloudless sky, and Blaine was able to stand comfortably in his thin cardigan on the sidewalk looking up at Kurt's family's house.
Rationally, he knew that he should be going back towards the centre of Lima and finding a hotel to spend the night in before returning here in the morning, as Kurt and his family were bound to be asleep, but the need to see Kurt and fix things overpowered all logic and reason.
Without another thought he walked up to the wooden front door and raised his hand, eyeing the doorbell for a moment, before passing over it and knocking tentatively on the door. He hoped that Kurt would be the one to hear his knocks and answer the door rather than Burt. He remembered Burt's uncertainty about his son dating him - another celebrity - and how he hadn't seemed inclined to approve of him to begin with; he was sure Burt hated him now.
He rocked back on his heels and then forwards again as he waited with mounting anxiety for someone to answer the door. When a couple of minutes had passed and there was no sign of anyone answering, he knocked again, a little more forcefully this time. Not long after his knocks had resounded through the house, he heard hesitant footsteps approaching the door and he wrung his hands, his heart pounding up in his throat. He didn't think those footsteps belonged to Burt - he wouldn't be that uncertain about answering the door - and they didn't sound heavy enough to be Kurt's step-brother Finn, whom Kurt described as being extremely tall and clumsy, nor did they sound like a woman's, which left-
The door pulled open slowly to reveal Kurt on the other side, his hand slipping off the door when he saw who had been knocking. Blaine stopped breathing as they stared at each other. Kurt was still wearing the clothes he had last seen him in, but they were now crumpled and creased, the carefully put-together outfit now hanging off him, and he was barefoot, his feet startlingly pale against the dark fabric of his jeans. His blue eyes were bloodshot, their irises a dull grey-blue, and there were puffy bags beneath them. His face looked raw, like he had dragged rough fabric across the skin too many times, his nose was red, and his lips were dry and cracked and Blaine could see dried blood where they had been bitten. His hair was a mess, sticking up in all directions and with a few locks hanging limply over his forehead. To anyone else he would have looked a mess, but to Blaine he was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen.
Kurt looked like he didn't have a clue what to do; he clearly hadn't expected Blaine to show up outside his house, especially not at this hour. He was looking around desperately, as if searching for someone else to come and deal with this, but both the street and the entryway behind Kurt were deserted but for the two of them. For a long moment, as Kurt continued to look around wildly, Blaine thought that he would just slam the door shut on him, but then Kurt held it open wider and stepped aside to let Blaine enter the house. A small parcel of relief burst in him as he stepped inside, not travelling very far and soon disappearing as it hit his cracked and damaged insides.
Once the door had closed softly behind him, Kurt turned and began climbing the stairs wordlessly. After a second's hesitation, Blaine followed, guessing that was what Kurt wanted him to do. He glanced around nervously when he reached the dark landing and followed Kurt into what was clearly his old bedroom, judging from the large vanity which had a few skin care products on its wooden surface, the stylish décor, and the neatly stacked Broadway musical CDs on a couple of the shelves. He closed the door behind him, as Kurt sat stiffly on the edge of a slightly rumpled double bed, before taking a few hesitant steps further into the room.
Now that they were both in a room together and the moment had come for him to actually talk to Kurt, he found he couldn't meet the other man's eyes. Instead he gazed around the room, slowly building up an image in his head of the teenage Kurt: a stylish boy who loved music and Broadway, who would sing to himself as he picked out an outfit from his vast closet and would sit at his vanity and meticulously apply creams and lotions to his skin every night. A small, fond smile curled the corner of his mouth.
He glanced back over at Kurt just as the other man raised his gaze from his lap. Their eyes met.
"I'm sorry," Blaine whispered, conscious of Kurt's family sleeping a short distance away. "I am so, so sorry." His voice broke a little as Kurt stared at him unblinkingly. "You were right; I made your life a mess when I entered it. I loaded all my baggage onto you as well: more reporters who would do anything and write anything to try and make some money, more paparazzi; all things that stopped you from living your life like you used to."
He exhaled shakily and took another step closer to Kurt who just continued to stare stonily back at him. "I know it's my fault that you haven't been happy these last few weeks and I know that as long as I continue to do what I do, to make music and share it with the world, and probably even if I stopped, I'll have the media interested in what I do." He licked his dry lips and tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. "I know it's hard to have a relationship with all of that and I know you are having to compromise on a lot when you're with me, but I love you, Kurt. I love you so much and I want to be with you more than anything else in the world; I couldn't stand not having you in my life."
Kurt still hadn't moved a muscle, his expression hadn't changed and he showed no signs that Blaine's words had affected him in any way. Kurt wasn't interested in his apologies; it was over. His shoulders slumped as all the fight went out of him and he turned to leave, feeling completely and utterly defeated. The fragile pieces of his heart trembled and he knew that when he walked out the door they would shatter and he would be completely broken - damaged goods, irreparable. He had lost the best thing in his life thanks to the media and his own fame, something he had never asked for or really wanted.
He placed a hand on the cool metal handle and glanced back over his shoulder at Kurt, one last look before he disappeared from his life altogether. "All I want is for you to be happy." He didn't know how he was still able to speak or how he was able to say the words so calmly; he supposed his body must understand that this was important, somehow. These were his final parting words to the love of his life, his goodbye to the man he would always love. "And if for you to be happy this has to be over, then it's finished, you never have to see me again." He blinked back tears, but they spilled down his cheeks anyway and he gave up trying to hold them back - what was the point?
"Goodbye, Kurt," he whispered.
Blaine began to turn the handle in what appeared to Kurt to be in slow motion and suddenly he was no longer paralysed.
"No!" he cried out sharply.
He jumped to his feet and ran towards Blaine who had spun around at his shout. He flung his arms around Blaine's neck and crashed their lips together in a desperate kiss. He kissed Blaine like he needed him to breathe and Blaine was clutching at his waist, his hands fisted in Kurt's shirt, and was returning the kiss just as frantically. Blaine's lips were slightly salty from his tears and the taste made Kurt hold him tighter and deepen the kiss, his fingers winding into the curls at Blaine's neck.
He drew away, gasping for air and leaned his forehead against Blaine's, keeping his eyes closed, his slightly trembling lips only millimetres from Blaine's. "I didn't mean what I said," he whispered. "I'm angry and frustrated with the media; they're the ones making me unhappy, not you."
He reached his hand down and wound his fingers through Blaine's as small, panting breaths escaped Blaine's mouth and puffed against his own lips. He lifted their entwined hands up through the small space between their bodies and held them between their racing hearts, which were strengthening, the cracks in them disappearing. Blaine gripped at his hand as if worried Kurt would slip away from him again.
"Dating you was the best decision I have ever made and I never want you out of my life. I never want to, and never will be able to, stop loving you. I need you, Blaine. I don't care about what those reporters do or write anymore, you're right, I shouldn't let them dictate how I live my life and I was stupid to let them affect me so much. I can't let them drive us apart and make me lose the person I love more than anything else in the world."
Kurt opened his eyes to find Blaine's hazel eyes gazing back at him with a mixture of hope and love. "What are you saying?" he asked in a low, slightly rough voice.
"I'm saying that I don't care about the media anymore and that I'm firing my publicist when we get back to New York because he has been completely incompetent lately," he said, gazing deep into Blaine's eyes. "I'm saying that you make me happier than I have ever been and that you are the love of my life. That I'm sorry for everything I said and how much I hurt you and I want to be with you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life." He clutched tighter at Blaine's hand. "I never want to lose you," he whispered.
"You never will," Blaine whispered a little frantically, before pressing his lips to Kurt's again.
The shattered pieces of Kurt and the cracks in his heart were not just repaired; it was as if he had never been broken in the first place. There were no traces of damage left behind, no evidence of repair - no lines where cracks used to be, no rough edges where pieces were glued back together. Blaine didn't just put him back together again, he made him complete again, restored him to normal - to Kurt.
When they broke apart again, Blaine rested his head on Kurt's shoulder with a soft sigh, his nose brushing the side of Kurt's neck, the slight touch enough to send shivers of pleasure through Kurt. A sudden, loud grunting snore sounded from elsewhere in the house and Kurt was reminded of how late it was. "Come on," he murmured to Blaine, "we should get some sleep." As Blaine raised his head off his shoulder, Kurt walked back to the bed, tugging Blaine along with him.
Unable to be bothered with changing clothes, he dropped Blaine's hand, unbuttoned his shirt, and tossed it aside - it was already a crumpled mess, so there was no point in folding it neatly. He began to unzip his jeans when he noticed Blaine staring wide-eyed at him with a light blush on his cheeks. Kurt glanced down at his pale chest, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. "Um-" he began, but Blaine shook his head at him.
"You're beautiful," he said in a matter-of-fact tone like he was stating an undeniable truth - the sky is blue, the Earth moves around the sun, you are beautiful. His voice also held a hint of wonder, like Kurt was something completely extraordinary. "You are so beautiful." He stepped closer to Kurt and raised a quivering hand and, after a moment's hesitation, lightly traced his fingers over the planes of Kurt's chest.
Kurt trembled under his touch, his muscles quivering visibly by the time Blaine's fingers caressed over his stomach, before being removed. Their eyes met and Blaine smiled at him before sitting down on the edge of the bed and beginning to take off his shoes. Swallowing, Kurt turned slightly away from him and tugged off his tight jeans, dropping them on the floor on top of his shirt and then stepping over to the bed and sliding under the blankets without looking at Blaine. He shut his eyes when he heard Blaine's shirt hit the floor, curling his legs up when there was the sound of a zipper being undone. Blaine's jeans were dropped on the floor and there was a moment of silence, then footsteps on the carpet. The lamp clicked off and the blankets and mattress moved slightly as Blaine slid into bed next to him.
Kurt was barely breathing and he could sense Blaine lying rigidly near the edge of the bed. Though they had shared a bed many times before, there was something different about being in bed together wearing nothing but boxer shorts. Kurt laid there stiffly, not daring to move, and listening to the soft sounds of Blaine's breathing. He rolled over, unable to stand being this close to Blaine and not touching him. He slid carefully over until the warmth of Blaine's body touched his skin and then he slowly and carefully draped an arm over Blaine's waist. Blaine exhaled deeply and relaxed, his arm moving to wrap around Kurt's shoulders and hold him close. He ducked his head to place a soft kiss to Kurt's head.
"Goodnight, Kurt," he whispered into Kurt's hair.
Kurt nuzzled closer to Blaine, his cheek on his boyfriend's chest. "Goodnight."
When Blaine woke he was filled with that heavy, fuzzy feeling of having slept for a long time. Yet, even knowing that he had slept hours and that it must be late in the day from the brightness of the light in the room which turned the insides of his eyelids a reddish-pink, he didn't attempt to move or open his eyes. He was warm and comfortable with Kurt's head resting on his chest and the smooth skin of Kurt's back under his fingertips. Kurt's soft, steady breathing filled his ears and, listening to it, he could barely believe that yesterday he had thought he had lost him forever. The memory encouraged him to open his eyes as he was filled with the need to see his boyfriend.
All evidence of the pain Kurt had gone through over the last twenty-four hours was gone. The skin on his face was pale and clear again, no longer red and raw; the puffy bags under his eyes were gone; his pink lips, slightly parted in sleep, were smoother and were healing where they had been cracked and bitten; his hair was ruffled with sleep, soft chestnut locks falling over his forehead and onto Blaine's chest; his forehead was no longer creased with pain and instead was smooth and his face was relaxed and almost vulnerable as he slept. Blaine resisted the temptation to stroke his thumb along the line of Kurt's cheekbone and the curve of his jaw, to brush the hair back from his forehead and press a soft kiss to the skin there, not wanting to wake him. Instead, he just contented himself with the feel of Kurt's skin against his and Kurt's breath caressing his collarbone, his eyelashes fluttering lightly on his skin as he dreamed. He closed his eyes again, floating in the feeling, scent, and sound of Kurt.
He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he felt Kurt stir, but he had a feeling he may have drifted into a doze at some point. He opened his eyes as Kurt shifted against him, mumbling something into Blaine's collarbone as he nuzzled against it. Rubbing Kurt's shoulder blades, he ducked his head and kissed the top of Kurt's head.
"Blaine?" Kurt said in a soft, sleepy voice.
Blaine hummed in response, lightly running a finger down the bumps of Kurt's spine.
"I love you," Kurt said in a louder voice, tilting his head up and rolling over so he was partly on top of Blaine, his belly on Blaine's hip and his left leg in the space between Blaine's. He rested his chin on Blaine's chest and gazed up at him, the remaining traces of sleep fading from his eyes.
Blaine smiled gently down at him, his hand stilling halfway down Kurt's back as he raised his other hand to softly caress Kurt's cheek. "I love you, too."
They held gazes for a long moment, and then Kurt lowered his eyes to Blaine's chest and tilted his head down. Blaine thought he was going to rest his head against him again and his heart stuttered when Kurt began placing open-mouthed kisses to his chest.
His eyes fluttered shut as Kurt kissed his way up to his neck. He let his hand trail the rest of the way down Kurt's back, feeling Kurt shiver as he got lower. When he reached the small of his back, his fingers skimming the waistband of Kurt's boxers, Kurt groaned and removed his lips from Blaine's neck where he had been sucking a mark onto the skin and pressed his lips to Blaine's, kissing him hungrily. Blaine moaned against his mouth and gathered Kurt closer, pulling him down so that he was hovering over him, straddling his hips.
Blaine's heart was pounding almost painfully and his breath was puffing out of him in loud pants whenever their lips detached. He sucked on Kurt's tongue as his boyfriend moaned into his mouth, his hands exploring the bare skin of Blaine's chest.
Kurt lowered his hips and Blaine whimpered, heat coursing through him as his stomach twisted and coiled with pleasure. "Kurt..." he groaned as his boyfriend nipped at his neck and smoothed over the marks with his tongue.
He gripped Kurt's hips, his fingers probably leaving bruises on the pale skin - not that Kurt seemed to mind; he kissed and licked at Blaine's collarbone, the palm of his hand smoothing over Blaine's stomach, the drag of his hands over Blaine's skin and muscles setting his nerves on fire with pleasure.
The air in the room was becoming hotter and closer and it was difficult to breathe in anything but gasping pants. Kurt's body was hot and trembling against his as he gently rolled them over, their legs tangling together.
"Love...you," Kurt gasped between hungry kisses. "I'm sorry...I almost let you go."
Blaine smoothed Kurt's cheek with his thumb. "Shh, we didn't lose each other and I love you, that's all that matters," he whispered, leaning in and kissing Kurt slowly and sweetly.
After a moment Kurt pushed back eagerly against his mouth, sucking at his lower lip and rolling his hips up. Blaine groaned into his mouth as heat flooded his stomach. One of Kurt's hands tangled in his hair while the other dragged across his back, his fingernails scratching gently at the skin. Blaine pulled back a little to look into Kurt's eyes, rubbing his thumb over his hipbone as he silently asked him if he was sure he wanted this - not that he really needed further confirmation than Kurt's passionate kisses, hot skin, and eyes darkened with love and lust, but he felt that it was the right thing to do before they joined in the upmost expression of love.
In response, Kurt lifted a hand and lovingly caressed Blaine's face. "I love you," he said softly. The words could never be said or heard too many times.
With a smile, Blaine leaned back down again so his lips met Kurt's, and closed the space between their bodies.