Chapter 5

Kurt took a deep breath, hesitant. He'd been standing in front of Blaine's bedroom door for over five minutes, raising his hand to knock every half minute and then dropping it again.

It was Saturday afternoon and Blaine went to his room to do his homework, leaving Kurt alone with his thoughts and nothing else to do, but take care of the mess in his mind. With each moment passing, he became more and more desperate for someone to listen. And a tiny voice in the back of his head kept telling him that there was a sympathetic soul right next to him, and all he had to do is go and knock on that stupid door.

Finally, Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and tapped lightly on the door.

'Yes, Kurt?,' came Blaine's muffled voice from inside.

'Do you have a moment?,' Kurt asked, sticking his head into the room.

'Yeah, I was just finishing. Come on in.' Blaine assessed the other boy with his gaze; there was something in the way he held his shoulders that made him look very defenseless. His eyes were filled with fear as the moment they met. There was none of the sass and cockiness that Blaine had noticed in Kurt's demeanour in the last two days. This was the real, stripped-down Kurt. Vulnerable and very, very fragile.

Slowly and uncertainly, Kurt went in and sat down on the edge of Blaine's bed. They were silent for one more moment, as he gathered all his courage to spill his guts out.

'The other night… You asked me, why I ran away from home,' he began, quietly. Blaine nodded in acknowledgement, letting him continue without interruption. 'And I told you that it was because of my dad. Well, that's not exactly true.'

Kurt glanced at Blaine's face to ascertain his reaction; his face didn't betray anything, no shock or disappointment at being lied to.

'I mean… I don't get along with my dad. But that wasn't the only reason.' He paused to suck in another soothing breath before saying what he'd said only once before. 'I'm gay, Blaine. And there's no way I could just come out to my dad.'

Another nod was Blaine's only response. Kurt took it for a sign of encouragement to continue.

'Some time ago, there was this stupid thing… I was at my house with a couple of friends from Glee, and we were doing the Single Ladies dance, you know?' Blaine nodded again. 'And my dad caught us like that, me in a unitard…' Kurt's cheeks began to flush, and a small unintentional smile arched his lips. 'Anyway, my friends and I, we tried to somehow lie my way out of it. I was extremely embarrassing. But Tina came up with the stupidest excuse that ever was, and said, in good faith, that I was working out, because I got on the football team.

'So I figured I could ask one of the jocks from Glee club to help me really get on the team. And I did, only he started excusing himself and saying that he couldn't. By the way, those excuses were very lame. And I know that he wouldn't help me only because he didn't want to hurt his reputation.' Kurt winced at the memory. 'And to think I used to have a crush on him.' He laughed bitterly.

'So you ran away because you couldn't get on the team?'

Kurt sighed heavily.

'Well, it's not like I ran away the next day. I kept lying to my dad for weeks, telling him I couldn't get him tickets to the game, or that I wasn't playing, because I was too inexperienced and stuff like that. If he just found out that I was lying to him all along…' His voice trailed off. He felt so stupid, so pathetic for having such petty reasons for such a desperate act. But he couldn't help the enormous fear that rose within him every time he thought his dad could kick him out, if he ever found out… So he just took himself out of the equation. No need to bother Burt to do it. Kurt only spared his father the shame and finger pointing that was bound to stem from having a gay son in Lima, Ohio.

The next few minutes flew by in silence, Kurt anxiously picking at the edge of his shirt. Blaine pulled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them, digesting everything Kurt had told him.

'You know, I sometimes think I would run away from here, if there was a chance my parents would even realize I was gone,' Blaine said finally in a barely audible voice.

Kurt looked up to see a sorrowful expression on Blaine's face.

'Why?,' he asked as quietly.

'You're not the only one who's gay,' Blaine said with a sigh. 'And my parents- my dad especially- they still have a problem with that.'

'Still?' Kurt raised his eyebrows.

'I came out last year. And since then my dad… Well, he made some attempts at curing me.' His voice grew louder and bitter.

This time it was Kurt who stayed silent, letting Blaine talk. It seemed they both needed someone to hear them out.

'It probably wouldn't be as bad if not for one incident.' Blaine hesitated, then lifted his gaze to look into Kurt's eyes. 'I wasn't exactly truthful, either.'

Blaine was silent for a moment, putting his thoughts into a coherent utterance.

'I was at another school last year, a public one,' he went on. 'They were holding a Sadie Hawkins dance. That was last November. And there was this other guy, the only other out gay guy, we were kinda friends. So we figured maybe we could go to that dance, have fun, maybe they would leave us alone this once.'

Kurt didn't have to ask who they were; he'd known them – different them, but still them – from McKinley. Them with their dumpsters and slushies.

'But, um… They didn't leave us alone.' He paused, glancing again at Kurt, who was listening attentively. 'Let's just say that I didn't come home that night, because I was unconscious at the hospital.'

Kurt nodded; he didn't have to know more details.

'My dad- He always knew that, quote, something was wrong with me, unquote,' Blaine said. 'After that Sadie Hawkins disaster, once I regained consciousness and my bones healed, he sent me off to some fucking Jesus camp to turn me straight,' he scoffed. 'Well, that didn't work. When they came to pick me up after like a month in that shithole, I caused a scene. I totally lost it. But at least they didn't pull anything like that again.'

'So… They're fine with it?,' Kurt asked cautiously.

'They don't mention it,' Blaine shrugged. 'Maybe that's better.'

He got up to his feet and started towards the door.

'We need to stop with all this mopiness.' He hesitated. 'Have you ever been drunk?'