Chapter 19

Kurt only let himself leave the house because Mrs Hudson was spending the evening with his father. And he really wanted to see Blaine. He needed to see Blaine. Being together and talking so much in the last couple of weeks, made him absolutely certain there would be no way for him to go back to not having Blaine in his life. Having a friend, one who’d understand exactly what he was going through, one who wouldn’t judge, it was almost everything he’d ever wanted. More than a Broadway career, or a beloved man at his side. Or stuff from the latest Alexander McQueen collection. The only thing he ever wanted more than a friend, was his father’s unconditional love. And now, very warily and with a still persisting element of disbelief, he was beginning to acknowledge he had that.

He had both.

He met Blaine in the Lima Bean parking lot. Single snowflakes were falling, sprinkling the ground here and there. A few clung to Blaine’s hair, as he stumbled out of the car and approached Kurt.

‘Hi.’ Kurt smiled sheepishly and waved at the entrance, letting Blaine come in first.

The coffee shop was now quiet and almost deserted; they grabbed their drinks at the counter and found a table at the window. There was something oddly cosy about looking out on the cold December evening from over a steaming cup of coffee.

‘So, how are things?,’ Blaine asked, emptying his second packet of sugar into his cup.

Kurt didn’t have to ask what “things” were supposed to stand for. They’d discussed the matter the previous night, but Blaine still hadn’t been told the outcome of Kurt’s talk with his father. It was too important a subject for Kurt to deal with it over texts or phone calls.

Automatically, Kurt’s face lit up; he had already been quite cheery, and now he was positively beaming. Blaine couldn’t help it, but smile back, even though a small twinge of envy attacked his chest from the inside.

‘I’m assuming it went fine?,’ he asked.

‘Better than I’d ever expect it to.’ Kurt was nodding vigorously, and then suddenly shaking his head in disbelief.

Blaine inspected his friend’s face closely. He could definitely tell there was a peace he’d never seen in Kurt’s expression before.

‘But do you know what was the most… I don’t know… incredible? Surprising?,’ Kurt went on, trying to get all the foam off his stirrer.

‘Hm?’ Blaine raised his eyebrows quizzically.

Kurt shook his head again, the idea still boggling his mind.

‘He knew. I mean, that’s not surprising, gosh, look at me.’ He couldn’t resist a short chuckle. ‘But he knew and he was fine with it. He never even mentioned it.’

‘That’s great.’ Blaine’s tone was halfhearted; the struggle his emotions have been having was getting serious. He couldn’t decide which he was more: envious of Kurt’s accepting dad, or happy for his friend.

‘Blaine?’

His eyes snapped up to Kurt, who undoubtedly picked up on his mood, and he winced. At times like this he’d prefer they didn’t know each other so well.

‘I’m sorry, it’s just…,’ he started, trying to dismiss the whole thing and shrugged.

‘No, I’m sorry,’ Kurt cut in, extending his hand to place it over Blaine’s. ‘It must be tough for you, listening to me blabbing about how awesome my Dad is, when yours is… not quite as awesome.’

They stayed silent for a moment, Kurt’s hand still covering Blaine’s, their eyes connected in a gaze of sympathy and understanding.

‘No, I’m really happy for you.’ Blaine made an attempt at a smile. At least the corners of his mouth went the right way. ‘I just… I wish I could know the feeling myself.’

***

The next morning Kurt stopped in front of McKinley High with his heart in his throat. He wasn’t even inside yet, and he could already feel the stares falling on his back and see those hastily turned away as people realized he noticed them.

The first day back couldn’t be easy, and he was perfectly aware of that. But it did not diminish his anxiety at all, only made it ten times stronger.

‘Hey, Kurt,’ Mercedes’ voice came from behind him, and he flinched before turning around to smile at her faintly.

‘Hi.’

Kurt was absolutely convinced his heartbeats echoed in the parking lot, but Mercedes didn’t seem to notice. She gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder and hooked her arm at his.

‘Ready?’

He nodded; there was no point in stretching this out. He had already tried to persuade his father to let him quit school altogether, but Burt wouldn’t budge. Kurt was going back to school, end of discussion. And deep down he knew his dad was right.

Just as they were crossing the threshold, Kurt felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He opened the message quickly, his face lighting up at the sight of Blaine’s name.

Courage - - - Blaine

And the gazes directed at him felt just a tiny bit lighter.

***

The classes passed relatively peacefully; soon enough the presence of the runaway camp guy was old news and the number of looks directed Kurt’s way dwindled. Some of his friends from Glee club appeared sincerely happy to see him back, even Brittany, who rarely spoke to him, acknowledged him with a smile.

‘I thought you’d fallen back into another dimension, but they told me you didn’t,’ she said, shrugging. ‘But it’s nice you’re back, anyway.’

And she continued down the corridor, leaving Kurt confused at his locker, her ponytail bouncing up and down behind her. Santana never left her side, though stayed silent, rolling her eyes that she was wasting time greeting him.

Blaine kept texting Kurt throughout the day, asking how he was and whether they would meet later. It made Kurt feel that despite the physical distance that was now between them, they were still as close friends as they were before his return home. Every new message made him smile.

They agreed on Blaine coming to the Hummels’. Kurt was still reluctant to leave his father alone any more than was absolutely necessary, and Blaine didn’t mind getting out of his empty house in the slightest.

Finally, at the end of the school day, came the time for Kurt to head to the choir room. He’d already seen everyone when they came to take him to the hospital, and throughout the day in classes or corridors. But this was different. Glee club was something different. Something that he loved, despite every slushie facial and every dumpster toss. Something he didn’t need to finish high school and get into a decent college. He needed it, because – despite the people not always being the best of friends – it gave him a sense of belonging nothing else had ever given him.

Kurt pushed the door open and slipped inside, intending to run stealthily to the nearest empty chair, but stopped dead just beyond the threshold. Half of the New Directions, spearheaded by Mercedes and Tina, were standing in the middle of the room, a small Welcome Back banner painted in red and green in their hands.

‘Welcome back, Kurt,’ Mr Schue said from where he was standing with one elbow propped on the piano.

And even though half of the club members were sitting idly by, absorbed by watching their fingernails or playing with their cell phones, Kurt felt a wave of warmth flooding over him. It didn’t matter how much they would annoy or hurt each other, he had a feeling that the bonds that were beginning to form within the club had the power to survive that.

The absence of Finn in rehearsal was painfully visible, even to Kurt. Finn’s lines in Don’t Stop Believing were split between Puck and Artie, to Rachel’s obvious discontent, which wasn’t much appeased by the fact that Mercedes was singing the ballad. But she couldn’t not admit that Mercedes’ performance promised to be a highlight of the competition.

Everything seemed to be the same way as always, as if he’d never left. Only the rolled up banner they had prepared for his first day back and his hasty catching up on the routines for sectionals reminding him he was gone at all.