Chapter 11

The whole trip back to the dorms, Blaine went on autopilot, immersed in a whirl of confused thoughts about the previous night. Their conversations were as comfortable and friendly as ever, that impromptu duet joined their voices together as if they had always been meant to be combined…

He was also more certain about his feelings for Kurt than he'd ever been before. He was falling for him, falling fast and hard. Everything he felt seemed like a bulldozer striking a fragile building. Never before had he felt anything so overpowering, so destructive, but at the same time thrilling, filling him with joy so intense he wanted to scream and laugh and cry every time Kurt was near him.

But as certain as he was about his own feelings, he was unsure of Kurt's. They were friends, who enjoyed each other's company, yes, that was true.

Still, what Blaine wanted from Kurt was definitely not friendship.

What did Rachel mean, though? Blaine wanted to believe that Kurt liked him back, but why wouldn't he say something himself? Then again, Blaine himself hadn't mentioned his crush on Kurt to its object…

He tried not to get his hopes up. But he couldn't help a tiny dreamy smile that crept its way onto his face, and that was still there, when he entered his room.

'Okay, this time you're not going to tell me it wasn't a date,' greeted him Trent, who was sitting at his desk.

Blaine stopped, startled. He'd completely forgotten about his roommate.

'What? Um- No, it wasn't a date.'

Trent raised a querying eyebrow at him.

'Oh, really? So if it wasn't a date, it was just a fuck?'

A flush of red came onto Blaine's cheeks. He attempted to cover up his uneasiness by rolling his eyes.

'No. It's wasn't a date, or a- a fuck. I was at Kurt's, and I kinda- fell asleep on his bed.'

'And you're saying you didn't fuck?' Trent was radiating disbelief.

'God, what's wrong with you?,' groaned Blaine. 'No. WE. DID. NOT. FUCK. We're not even boyfriends!'

'Seriously? You're still not together?'

Blaine frowned at him.

'What do you mean, still?'

'Come on, it's not like you don't spend more time at his place than here. And it's not like I don't get it, who wouldn't?' He waved his hand at the room, and paused, biting his lip and thinking for a moment. 'And you do like him, right?'

Blaine sighed, sitting on his bed.

'It's that obvious?'

'Duh.'

***

'So what about Blaine?'

Kurt didn't get what Rachel meant by asking.

'What about him?'

She traced the rim of her tea mug with her finger, thinking how to reformulate her question.

'Where do you two stand?'

'We don't stand anywhere. There's no us, I told you a dozen times already.'

Rachel raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. Another half minute went by in silence.

'Are you sure there's no you two?'

'For fuck's sake, Rache! Why are you so insistent about it?'

She shrugged, looking down at him. He wished she wasn't standing over him; it made him feel vulnerable under the Rachel Question Attack.

'I just have a feeling there could be you two.'

Kurt groaned, putting a pillow over his head.

'Go! Be a matchmaker somewhere else! Get an online dating site. My room is not your office!'

'Okay, I'll go.' She pulled at the pillow, and it slipped out of his grasp. 'Just one more question. Have you ever thought about Blaine that way?'

'No,' answered Kurt hastily.

'Liar.' She threw the pillow back to the bed. 'But if you insist that you haven't… Do that now.'

***

On Monday afternoon Kurt was waiting for Blaine at the front entrance, trying strenuously not to act any differently to all the other times they went out for coffee. Despite his attempts at ignoring Rachel's words, his mind seemed determined to bring Blaine back into focus. And finally Kurt gave into the nagging of his best friend's and that of his own brain, and considered his opinions on Blaine.

Yes, he definitely thought Blaine was cute; he was a kind soul, he was sexy, and had incredible eyes. Even thinking about him made Kurt's chest warm up from within. He enjoyed every second he got to spend with Blaine. The understanding between them was extraordinary; a welcome change after twenty years of being convinced there was not a person in the entire world that could ever truly get him.

And having thought all his conclusions over as thoroughly as he could, Kurt decided that he simply wanted to keep Blaine's friendship. There was no guarantee an attempt at forming a relationship wouldn't screw everything up. He'd already failed to part ways with a boyfriend in a civilized manner, and was far from willing to repeat that.

Especially with Blaine.

Blaine showed up, exhausted after his dance class, but smiling goofily at Kurt, who grinned slightly nervously in response. They exchanged greetings, and started in the direction of their usual coffee shop, their step ideally synchronized. They didn't say much on the way, but conversation wasn't really necessary.

Once at the coffee shop, they took a place at the end of the line. Then Blaine broke the persisting silence.

'Um- You're really not mad about that unintended sleepover thing, right?'

Kurt's hands suddenly seemed much more sweaty; like he was keeping them in a basin full of water.

'Yeah. Why would I be mad? We're friends, right? It's fine.' Keeping his voice level was a difficult task, but he somehow managed.

'Friends, yeah, sure.' Blaine paused, dropping his chin a little. 'Is it really what we are? Friends?' His head snapped up.

A wave of terror washed over Kurt. So here it was. Apparently not only Rachel had this ludicrous idea of the two of them in their minds.

'Yes, we're friends, what else would we be?' He rushed out the words, his heartbeat quickening frantically.

Blaine looked away, visibly uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken.

'Well, it's not about the whole sleepover thing… It's more about everything else… You know my coffee order, we hang out all the time, we sing flirty duets…'

He peered hopelessly into Kurt's eyes; he could swear the depth of the blue-green irises could swallow him whole, and never cough him back out.

Kurt flushed, instinctively loosening his tie; the coffee shop became unbearably hot, as if the golden hazel eyes were spreading a fantastical warmth over him.

'Blaine, I really, really care about you,' he said quietly. 'I just don't want to screw it up.'

His lips twitched as he tried to give Blaine a reassuring smile, and failed miserably.

Blaine took a deep breath. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear. But, well, it could have been so much worse.

'Oh. Okay. So it's just like When Harry Met Sally. I'll let you play Meg Ryan.' He sent Kurt a sheepish grin.

Relief started coming over Kurt, and then his breath hitched.

'Don't they get together in the end?'

But Blaine never got a chance to answer; they'd just reached the counter.

***

The next day Rachel caught up with Blaine after Madame Tibideaux's class. The way he looked that day seemed off; he wasn't sad, or upset, not really. Only she couldn't recall when she'd last seen him so quiet, so oddly tranquil. It almost felt like… resignation?

'Hey, Blaine, wait.'

He spun around; Rachel could swear he'd wanted to get away before she could stop him. She felt a pang of guilt somewhere in her chest.

'Yeah?'

'I just-' She looked down, feeling silly for getting between him and Kurt. 'I just wanted to ask, is everything fine? You seem a little- um- strange today.

Blaine shook his head. It was a curious feeling, to have someone you've known for such a short while, and not even very well, pick up on your moods so easily. Or maybe his increasing heartache was much more obvious than he'd thought? He couldn't be sure.

'It's- It's nothing, Rache.'

She appraised him with her gaze; it couldn't be nothing. Nothing doesn't switch off sparks in anybody's eyes.

'Come on, Blaine, talk. I pride myself on being a very good listener.'

'Seriously, don't worry about me,' he insisted. People were passing them in the hallway, and he felt more and more uncomfortable, twitching and tapping his foot impatiently.

She must have noticed his uneasiness and led him to a window nearby, away from the crowd of students.

'It's about Kurt, right?,' she asked, her voice tentative and quiet. 'Did you have a fight or something?'

Blaine laughed at the irony of the situation. No, they did not have a fight. They were as friendly as ever. The coffee they had yesterday was filled with lively conversation and cheerfulness. He even forgot for the time everything Kurt had told him in the line earlier. But once Kurt went home, and he was alone with his thoughts, it hit him: there wasn't anything more to expect from Kurt. They'd never become anything more than friends, this was it. And Blaine simply had to get over that.

'No. We didn't have a fight. We're perfect friends.'

'Oh.' She hesitated. 'Did you two- like- talk? About you? The two of you, I mean.'

There was no point in refusing to answer; Rachel seemed to be reading him like a book, flicking to the precise pages she was interested in.

'Sort of.'

'And?,' she pressed, realizing after a few seconds he wouldn't tell her anything without being forced into it.

'And nothing.' Blaine shrugged, trying to get her off his chest. But his voice had to betray he wasn't indifferent about the matter at all.

Rachel nodded slowly, deep in thought. He took an advantage of her silence, and started to walk away.

'Blaine?,' she stopped him again, and he turned once more, even more unwillingly than before. 'Kurt is- Kurt hates hurting people. And I guess he thinks that he would hurt anyone he'd get involved with. I don't know many things- There is loads of stuff he never told me, stuff he doesn't want to talk about- But I know him more than he thinks. Maybe sometimes even better than he knows himself. And what I know better than him is that- He became someone new since he met you. It's not that he's not Kurt anymore. He's still Kurt, but… It's like he's a better Kurt, you know? He's happier than I've ever seen him. It's like you came and took away everything that's been keeping his happiness always at arm's length… Really, really close, but right outside of his reach. And I know that after how he ended things with Chandler, he doesn't want to get involved, because he's afraid he'd hurt someone- That he'd hurtyou.'

She paused, looking straight into Blaine's eyes. He didn't speak; the whirl of thoughts in his brain turned into an even greater mess than it had already been.

'You do like him, don't you?'

Blaine was only able to nod infinitesimally.

'Then don't think it's all done. Don't let go this easily.' She tried smiling at him, but his eyes were fixed somewhere over her head. 'I'm going to hug you now.'

He gave another nod, and felt her small arms encircling him for a few seconds.

And then she left.

***

Blaine's thoughts were so preoccupied with Kurt and what Rachel had told him, he barely knew he went to the rest of his classes that day. Reality passed him by in a blur, leaving him with only an awareness of its presence, without actually experiencing anything. He couldn't tell what was happening, anything that was required of him, he did automatically, while his brain struggled to get his thoughts in order.

But it was impossible, when every clearer thought got distracted by the image of Kurt that seemed to never wane in his mind.

Whenever he did manage to think straight, even for a second, Kurt's words rang within his head, followed by Rachel's. Their words fought in his mind, playing some ridiculous game of tag of war, making his head spin and throb unbearably.

And then he went out the main door just to see the beaming face, and the sparkling blue-green eyes of the perfect man waiting for him.

And suddenly Blaine's head felt completely in order.

Just seeing Kurt made everything right; there was no confusion, no more aches. Because if there was one thing he was sure of, it was this: he loved Kurt. And no matter if Kurt wanted him, or not, the best thing Blaine could do as his friend is be there for him. And if that ever led to something more – hell, he'd be the happiest man in the world.

He smiled back at Kurt.