Chapter 30: Shut Them Out

Even before he opened his eyes, Blaine knew he was alone.

Only that he wasn’t and it felt like nothing he’d ever experienced before. He could hear them – no, feel them talking, even though, wherever he was, the place was silent, apart from the disturbing beeping somewhere in the near proximity. It took him a minute to realise the beeping came from hospital equipment and it made sense for him to be in a hospital. In the end, if that was afterlife, he’d be gravely disappointed.

Slowly, he lifted his eyelids, praying somewhere deep inside his soul for the impossible, but when he glanced around, he knew that everything he feared must have been true, since there was no one sitting at his bedside.

He tried focusing on what Kathryn and Cooper were saying, but it was all vague and incomprehensible, as if they were speaking in another language.

He tried lifting his arms to his face and learnt that they were still in their places, uninjured. As soon as he touched his forehead, though, he knew there had to be a huge cut going across it that was now hidden under a dressing. There was also an IV drip stuck in the back of his hand.

All this time he was forcing himself not to think. Not to think about what had happened. About why he was here. About Kurt. He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t let himself think about what he had lost. He could barely remember the way the car was pushed to the sidewalk, so loudly. He thought then his eardrums would burst. And then there were the buzzing voices in his head and that fucking beeping reminding him that he was still alive, even though he had nothing left to live for.

‘Shut up, shut up, shut up,’ he muttered to himself, squeezing his eyes close again.

‘Blaine, you need us, sweetie,’ Kathryn said in a voice full of sympathy and love.

Blaine had never heard her speak before. This was the first time he had ever truly met her, despite her being a part of him for over a decade. It felt strange to hear a voice that would be so much like and unlike his own at the same time.

‘I don’t need you. I need Kurt,’ he said out loud.

‘But Kurt’s not here anymore, little brother,’ Cooper told him gently, like he used to back when Blaine was a toddler to comfort him. ‘We’re gonna take care of you, squirt.’

A wave of anger swept over Blaine. He almost jumped out of bed, even though dizziness hit him as soon as he sat up, and his knees were close to buckling under his weight when he stood on his feet. He jerked the IV needle out of his hand.

‘I’d rather die than be stuck with you for the rest of my life,’ he said through his teeth.

‘But who will take care of you now that Kurt’s gone?,’ Kathryn said desperately.

‘You know I’ll never leave you alone, Blainey,’ Cooper added.

Blaine put his hands on his throbbing head, groaning as if the confusion in his mind pained him physically.

‘You don’t even know if that’s true!,’ he almost screamed. ‘I don’t know that! I was unconscious! We were unconscious.’

He tore off the electrodes that connected him to the surrounding machines, causing the heart monitor to flat-line. He couldn’t care less. He pushed his feet towards the door.

A mixture of dread and shock hit him when the door opened before he was able to reach them, and Carole ran into the room with her eyes wide with fear.

‘Blaine?,’ she asked, astonished to see him standing up.

‘Where’s Kurt?,’ he demanded. His voice was trembling so badly he could hardly pronounce the words.

‘Oh, sweetie, you’re fine,’ Carole said, a wave of relief coming over her. ‘I was so scared for you for a moment there.’

She pulled him in a hug, but he pushed her away after a split second.

‘Where’s Kurt?,’ he repeated as firmly as he could in this state. Kathryn and Cooper kept on trying to convince him only they could take care of him, but he did all he could to shut them out.

‘Oh, honey, he’s right here.’ Carole smiled at him weakly through her tears.

Blaine swallowed.

‘The morgue?,’ he asked in a barely audible whisper.

‘Morgue? What? Who told- No!’ She put her hands on the sides of his face, looking him in the eye. ‘Kurt is fine. He’s got a little banged up, like you did, but it’s nothing serious. He was unconscious for a bit, too, but he’s awake now.’

Somehow, Blaine’s heart didn’t feel any lighter. He had to see Kurt before he believed any of that.

‘Really?,’ he choked out.

‘Really.’ Carole didn’t break the eye contact even for a second. ‘Do you want to see him?’

‘Yes.’

***

Despite his protests, Carole forced Blaine into a wheelchair to get him to Kurt’s room two doors down. She could see that his knees were still wobbling underneath him, even though he played tough. He didn’t care about himself at this moment. All he needed was to know that Kurt was alive, that he was fine and that he wasn’t leaving him alone.

Kurt was sitting up in his hospital bed, propped on a stack of pillows. A huge red bruise spread on the left side of his face where the air bag hit him. He was still nauseous and weak from the dull throbbing in his head, but he smiled at the sight of Blaine. His concern about him had been making him even sicker than his injuries.

‘Blaine! Are you alright?,’ he asked as soon as he saw his boyfriend. Carole had already told him that the loss of consciousness was likely the most serious thing that happened to Blaine.

The only answer he was able to give was a tiny nod. Tears welled up in his eyes as Carole stopped his chair next to Kurt’s bed and he took his boyfriend’s hand. Feeling the familiar touch finally let relief sweep over him. He placed a series of kisses to the back of Kurt’s hand.

‘I thought- I thought-,’ he stuttered. ‘I thought you were gone.’

He lifted his wet eyes up at Kurt, who brushed the side of Blaine’s face gently with his fingers.

‘I’m not. I’m fine, we’re both fine.’

Blaine attempted a smile, still not fully believing his life wasn’t over. They were both alive, both were barely injured, and he didn’t need his alters, because Kurt was still there. He realised he couldn’t feel Kathryn or Cooper anymore.

‘I don’t think I’m getting in a car ever again, though,’ he said. ‘Bad things tend to happen with me in a car.’

‘It was just an accident,’ Kurt said softly, stroking the back of Blaine’s hand with his thumb. ‘The guy that crashed into us got a heart attack behind the wheel. It was nobody’s fault, just a bad coincidence.’

‘Yeah, I’m a magnet for those.’ Blaine grimaced. ‘Is he dead?’

‘No, but he’s in ICU.’

Blaine inhaled deeply. Knowing no one was to blame was comforting, yet nothing could help him get rid of the gnawing thought he really attracted accidents somehow.

He didn’t manage to say anything before Burt showed up at the door with a relieved smile on his face. His eyes were suspiciously red.

‘The doctors say you should be released this time tomorrow,’ he informed them.

‘Should? Tomorrow?,’ Kurt repeated. ‘I thought we just had some cuts and bruises.’

‘They’re just being cautious,’ Burt answered calmly. ‘They want to make sure you’re fine before they let you go. You both hit your heads,  so they have to know if there’s no damage there.’

‘Well, my head wasn’t fine to begin with,’ Blaine said lightly, surprising everyone in the room, including himself.

Kurt smiled at him.

‘Your head’s alright, honey.’

‘Except for the moment when it wasn’t a moment ago.’

‘But now it is. And I’ll do everything in my power for it to stay that way.’