Chapter 8: Firsts

Neither of Blaine’s roommates dared interrupt them, and they were grateful. It was Saturday, so they could stay in that quiet room, not caring about anything else. It was calm and blissful.

They were lying on Blaine’s bed facing each other, their hands at first touching gingerly, but now firmly intertwined between them. Kurt couldn’t help staring into those hypnotizing hazel eyes that stared back at him with a similar stunned expression. They didn’t talk much; an hour passed by with only a few sentences and a couple of gentle kisses being exchanged.

‘What are you thinking about?,’ Blaine asked tentatively, breaking their companionable silence.

‘Nothing, really,’ Kurt shrugged with one shoulder, dropping his gaze to their locked fingers. ‘Just- I’m happy I’m here.’

His smile and his confession dazzled Blaine for a moment.

‘You’re not saying it just to be nice, are you?,’ Blaine asked quietly, his expression momentarily wary.

Kurt shifted to lift his free hand to Blaine’s face and make him look up. There seemed to be a battle going on inside of Blaine, hope fighting with doubt and neither getting the upper hand.

‘I told you, this is where I want to be. I couldn’t be happier,’ Kurt said.

Blaine nodded infinitesimally. This was too much to absorb; not long ago he used to chastise himself for his thoughts straying in the direction of maybe finding someone. He did want to get off the drugs to be more himself and try looking for someone. He wouldn’t even dare let himself hope for anybody like Kurt.

Kurt was so far out of his league it hurt. Yet somehow he was right here, on top of his bed, holding his hand. Blaine could feel the touch, the warmth of Kurt’s body, and see him clearly, but despite the undeniable tangibility of the man in front of him, he was still unable to believe it.

Seeing Blaine was unconvinced, Kurt sighed sadly, before cupping Blaine’s cheek and closing the distance between them. This time the kiss was far less tentative than any of the earlier ones. Without thinking what he was doing, Blaine opened his mouth by a fraction. It felt so good.

Kurt didn’t think much either. He deepened the kiss, his tongue finding its way into Blaine’s mouth. Blaine kissed him back sloppily, his own tongue chasing Kurt’s and his lips working instinctually against the other set. At the same time, they let go of each other’s hands, throwing arms around one another instead. A hand would slide down a back or a chest from time to time, sending shivers down the owner’s spine. Once they finally broke apart, they were both gasping, lips red, kiss-swollen and arched in matching grins.

‘Well- I guess this could count as my first ever make-out session,’ Blaine mumbled, his head still hazy and full of Kurt, his mouth, his tongue, his eyes, his body flushed against his own (he tried his best to ignore what he was quite sure was Kurt’s erection).

‘Seriously?,’ Kurt asked, before checking himself. ‘Oh. Right. So there was never- anyone?’

Blaine grimaced.

‘No, it’s kinda hard to date people, when you have alters that constantly get in the way. When people realize you’re crazy, they just run away.’

‘I didn’t,’ Kurt said softly.

‘Yeah, you didn’t. Or haven’t. I’m still waiting for you to bolt.’

Blaine attempted a smile, but it came out weak and unconvincing, making Kurt believe he was being serious.

‘I’m not going to. Unless you throw me out.’ Kurt reached out to brush a stray curl from Blaine’s forehead. ‘And if you threw me out, I’d probably just stand in front of the building until you started feeling bad for me and took me back.’

‘I wouldn’t throw you out,’ Blaine whispered.

‘I know.’ Kurt leaned to give him a short kiss on the lips.

‘But- um- you know that, unlike me, Liam isn’t exactly a saint, right?,’ Blaine asked timidly, biting his lip.

Kurt nodded with a playful smile.

‘I do, after all the night I met him he almost gave me head, so-‘

Blaine nearly choked, his eyes bulging in shock.

‘What?’

‘Um- Right, I guess I haven’t really told you that…’ Kurt’s cheeks turned red.

‘What do you mean that he almost gave you head?’

‘I stopped him before it got too far,’ Kurt explained. ‘You know, it was a failed attempt to be a gay bar superstar on my part. I’m just a silly romantic and in the end I don’t think it would feel right.’

Blaine sighed with relief. Kurt having sexual experiences with Liam would be as awkward as it gets.

‘Good.’ He paused with hesitation for a moment. ‘This is kinda how I became friends with Seb, actually.’

‘What do you mean?,’ Kurt asked curiously.

‘We went to school together,’ Blaine began. ‘Wes graduated two years before us, and Sebastian only transferred for his junior year, so they first met for real when we moved in together here. But anyway, Seb’s a bit of a- player, I guess I could call him. He and Liam have quite a lot in common, to be honest. I don’t know what exactly happened, I only know what Sebastian’s told me, but well- It had gone pretty far, especially for a couple of seventeen-year-olds in a boarding school dorm, before Seb realized something was off about me.’

Kurt was listening carefully. He was curious were the story was going, but wouldn’t interrupt with questions.

‘So he stopped whatever he was doing, and believe me, that doesn’t happen often. It took him over an hour to somehow get through and for me to become lucid again.’ Blaine winced at the memory. ‘I was so shocked I almost transitioned again. I couldn’t understand how I ended up in his room, we never really talked, I only knew him as that arrogant prick that tried to flirt with every cute guy around.’

The sole memory was making him anxious again, but Kurt’s hand had been rubbing soothing circles on his back and it calmed him a little.

‘That was when I found out about Liam,’ Blaine added.

‘Found out? You didn’t know about him?,’ Kurt asked softly.

Blaine shook his head.

‘No. Until then, I didn’t know. I suppose that could’ve even been his first appearance,’ he said. ‘He was the last one to turn up. The rest’s been there pretty much from the beginning.’

They fell silent. Kurt didn’t want to ask something that would strain Blaine more, and he wasn’t even sure if his new boyfriend was ready for that conversation. They would get there eventually, but rushing things would probably not be the best idea in the world.

Having Kurt stare at him was beginning to send Blaine’s self-consciousness levels skyrocketing. He raised his eyes at Kurt with an apologetic smile.

‘I’m sorry I’m such a moment ruiner,’ he said. ‘I wish every conversation didn’t have to finish with DID.’

‘Don’t apologize.’ Kurt ran his fingers down Blaine’s face gently. ‘It’s a part of you, and talking about it is better than avoiding the subject like it doesn’t exist, isn’t it?’

Blaine nodded shortly.

‘Still, I’d rather you didn’t have to deal with all this shit. And I honestly don’t know how it is that you’re even here,’ he said sheepishly.

‘I came and I stayed,’ Kurt replied simply.