Chapter 2: Explanations

Kurt was one of those people who remember everything they were doing, no matter how drunk they got. He remembered every single tequila shot, every sentence uttered in the conversation. Every second of what went down in the bathroom. The mischievous sparkle in Liam’s eyes. The presence of the guy’s phone number in his cell. Just the way he remembered puking all over Ms Pillsbury’s shoes sophomore year.

It took him two days to muster the courage to open his contacts and almost press the call button to dial the number. His finger was still hovering over the screen long after it went dark.

The next day, he decided to screw it and call the guy. What did he have to lose? Apart from the terrible loneliness that was eating him from the inside out? He didn’t have a line of men begging for a date with him. You would’ve thought he would, working in fashion and all that. But no. Zero. Nada. Null. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Everyone was either taken or chasing after models.

So what that the Liam guy seemed to be fucking everything that moved – and had a penis – Kurt wasn’t really in a position to pick and choose. After all, Liam was totally hot, even if a bit of a man slut.

It was late morning, when Kurt finally got himself to call. He’d just put the finishing touches to the article he was preparing and was getting his second coffee. He was trying to convince himself he wasn’t calling this early to maybe miss Liam. Though he definitely did consider the possibility that Liam could be unable to answer.

But sure enough, two beeps later, the call was picked up.

‘Hello?,’ said a voice that sounded very much like Liam’s.

‘Um, hi- I’m not sure you remember me- Um, it’s Kurt,’ he said hastily, his cheeks burning. He’d never done anything like this.

‘Who?,’ the other guy asked, confused.

Now Kurt was positive he had never been this embarrassed all his life.

‘Um, we met at the- at the club a few days ago, but well, neither of us was sober, so…’ His voice trailed off. All he wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. ‘Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Liam.’

He was just about to end the call, when the person on the other side responded after a few seconds’ pause.

‘Wait! Did you say Liam?’

That was strange. Didn’t he know his own name or what?

‘Yeah… You said your name was Liam,’ Kurt muttered, flabbergasted.

‘That’s a first,’ the guy said as if to himself. ‘Listen, Kurt, right? This may sound weird, but could you meet me? For lunch today, for example?’

Kurt definitely hadn’t foreseen this kind of turn of events, but maybe Liam – or whoever he was – wanted to apologize or something. And it was lunch. In a public place, nothing bad could happen.

‘Okay, fine.’

They quickly got the details for their meeting settled, as if the matter wasn’t puzzling in the least.

‘Um, so see you at one, Liam?,’ Kurt asked.

‘Actually, my name’s Blaine,’ came the awkward reply from the other end. ‘I’ll explain it all, I promise. And I hope you remember what I look like, because I can’t say that I know that about you.’

‘I’m not sure what to make of it,’ Kurt said truthfully. The situation was getting more and more absurd by the second.

‘I’ll get to that, too, okay? It’s just not… Not something to discuss over the phone.’ He paused uncertainly for a moment, before adding, ‘ Did we- Did we have sex?’

Kurt almost choked at the word.

‘No, no, we did not. You almost- But no, we did not do that.’

Blaine sighed with relief.

‘Good. So I guess, see you later?

‘Yeah. See you.’

***

Kurt entered the café where they agreed to meet just two minutes before one and took a look around. He scanned all the people in the room twice, before realizing that his eyes slid over Blaine as many times without recognizing him.

Even though on closer inspection it was obvious that the facial features and the hazel eyes were the same, Blaine’s carefully gelled down hair, smart apparel and composed demeanour were as far from Liam’s appearance and behavior as Jupiter is from the sun.

Just like Blaine had told him, he didn’t recognize Kurt, until the latter came up to his table, his step and gaze nervous and uncertain.

‘Hi, Blaine?’

‘Oh, hi, you’re Kurt, right?’ In person his voice was still familiar, but seemed somewhat gentler than Liam’s a few nights ago.

Blaine gestured for Kurt to sit down, which he did, settling gingerly on the edge of the chair.

‘Okay, so what’s your story?,’ he asked, wanting nothing more than answers. ‘Do you have an evil twin? A doppelganger?’

Blaine gave a little chuckle, but didn’t sound amused.

‘Not exactly.’

He was fiddling with a napkin and biting his lower lip. A minute passed by in silence, and a waitress slipped them menus.

‘I was promised an explanation,’ Kurt said, once she left.

‘Could we order first?,’ Blaine seemed to be buying time.

Kurt agreed reluctantly. He picked the first chicken salad he saw and waited not quite patiently until Blaine decided on a wrap. Their server came and went again, finally leaving them.

‘So, who did I meet on Friday?,’ Kurt demanded. ‘Was it you or your doppelganger?’

‘Both.’

Kurt’s eyebrows shot up.

‘Now I’m even more confused.’ He stopped talking to smile politely at the waitress who brought them their drinks. ‘There was just one you- or one Liam, whichever.’

‘Liam is me, but I’m not Liam,’ Blaine muttered, clearly uneasy. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘What? Are you trying to con me? Or is this a joke?’

Blaine winced. So that stung him. Someone accusing him of lying. And that was definitely not a joke to him.

‘Have you ever heard of dissociative identity disorder?,’ he asked with noticeable effort.

‘I don’t think so, no.’

‘It’s a- a mental disorder.’

Kurt frowned. So what, Liam was a psycho? Was that what Blaine was trying to tell him? That he was a psycho magnet?

‘Like schizophrenia?,’ Kurt asked, uncertain if his train of thought was the right one.

‘No, not like schizophrenia,’ Blaine answered; he seemed frustrated, as if he’d had a conversation like that many times before. Kurt couldn’t have known he wasn’t very far off the mark. ‘I don’t hear voices- I mean not like that. I have alters, and sometimes they- um, come out to play.’

Kurt shook his head astonished. Blaine was the psycho here? The dapper, buttoned-up-to-the-neck, nice guy? Not the man whore from the club, Liam?

‘Wait, what? You have what?’

‘Alters. Alter egos. Alternative personalities. In a way they’re me, but I can’t control them, and they can very well control me,’ Blaine explained.

That was probably the silliest question that he could ask, and certainly the most inappropriate one, but Kurt asked it anyway.

‘Why?’

For a second he thought Blaine was going to explode into a million pieces, but then he composed himself.

‘It just sometimes- happens. As a result of a traumatic experience.’

It was obvious he didn’t want to go deeper into that, and why would he? Open up about a trauma to a complete jerk of a stranger who asked him something that private in the first place?

The waitress chose that moment to appear with their food and both took a few bites in quiet.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,’ Kurt muttered eventually. ‘So… does this happen often?,’ he asked after another moment of uncomfortable silence.

Blaine attempted a smile, but it turned out more of a grimace.

‘Not a lot, but it’s happened. Usually it’s more awkward though,’ he said.

The querying look on Kurt’s face sufficed to prompt Blaine to elaborate.

‘Usually I just wake up with some random guy that I’d never seen before in my life, and it gets… weird, when I have to tell them they didn’t really sleep with me, but with my slut of an alter.’ Blaine winced again.

Apparently, Liam was a troublemaker. Kurt was torn whether or not to be disappointed he didn’t meet Blaine the way most of Liam’s hook-ups met him. At least he’d have gotten laid and would’ve gotten his answers sooner. But then… The conversation was difficult as it was. What would it have to be like if they were naked and only one of them remembered having sex with the other?

‘So Liam doesn’t just give your number away on every street corner?,’ he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

It worked; this time Blaine’s laughter sounded sincere.

‘No. He must have liked you,’ he said, his mouth pulling up at the corners.

Kurt could feel a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

‘Thanks, I guess.’

‘You’re not his usual type, though,’ Blaine added, an unexpected playfulness tingeing his voice.

Kurt frowned in slight confusion. ‘Do I want to know what his type is?’

Blaine barked out a short laugh.

‘I don’t know. He’s more into tanned guys with six-packs and cheesy highlights, so decide for yourself if you like this piece of information.’

‘I’m nowhere near tanned, I don’t have highlights… How do you know I don’t have a six-pack?,’ Kurt teased. It was strange how easy, despite everything that was going on, they were able to fall into this kind of light-hearted exchange. ‘Blaine?,’ he said warily, when the other guy stopped chuckling. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘You just have, but yeah, shoot.’

Kurt swallowed, hoping his cheeks wouldn’t turn bright red again.

‘You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I know that Liam’s gay, but- um- does that like- um- differ for you and your other alters?,’ he said. He had never asked anyone about their sexuality this openly.

Blaine listened carefully, then stopped for a second to think of phrasing his answer.

‘It does differ, but Liam and me – if we have something in common, it’s that we’re both male and gay,’ he said.

Kurt’s jaw dropped a little. His gaydar was good enough for him to already assume Blaine was most likely gay, but another piece of information took him by surprise.

‘So… there are others that aren’t male and gay?,’ he asked. ‘You don’t have to tell me, if that’s too private.’

‘No, it’s fine. And yes. My other alters are straight, as far as I can tell, and one of them is female.’

For a moment Kurt’s mind was preoccupied by an image of Blaine in a dress and make-up. He had no idea if that was close to whatever the alter looked like, but it was strange to picture him as her.

‘What’s- uh- what’s her name?’

‘Kathryn.’ He paused in hesitation for a half minute. ‘You probably would’ve met her, if I wasn’t on meds right now.’

God, why did he have to be so cryptic and confusing all the time? Like the multiple personalities weren’t enough.

‘You mean like- today?’

‘Yeah. You asked why it is the way it is-‘ His voice trailed off and he took a few deep breaths. ‘I’m guessing if I couldn’t suppress it, she would’ve turned up.’

He shrugged, trying to dismiss what he’d just told Kurt. It was much more information than he’d ever given anyone he wasn’t really close to, like his Grandma, Wes or Sebastian. Or his therapist.

Kurt studied Blaine for another moment, waiting for a continuation. None followed.

‘Thanks for explaining it to me,’ he said finally. ‘I get it has to be hard for you to do this.’

Blaine smiled weakly.

‘At least this time I got to be fully dressed and all.’

They finished their lunch talking about less serious matters. Kurt learned that Blaine was a musician and played in bars all over New York City. To both of theirs astonishment they found out they were both from Ohio, their hometowns a mere two-hour drive away from one another.

‘It really was a pleasure meeting you, Blaine,’ Kurt said when they were parting ways.

‘Likewise,’ Blaine replied with a smile. ‘And thanks for not running away screaming when I told you I was crazy.’

Kurt shrugged his shoulders.

‘Back in Lima, I got a lot of shit for being gay. You’re gay and you’re- um- you have a disorder, neither of which is your fault. I’m trying not to judge anyone too hastily.’

‘Still, thanks.’

‘You’re welcome.’

Blaine extended his hand to Kurt who took it, shaking it gently, before they said their last goodbyes and went their separate ways.