When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

(Evanescence – My Immortal)

Kurt thought the set in the building of the local PBS station looked ridiculous. The walls ended somewhere mid-air, without a ceiling, whose place was taken by wires, cables, and a metal scaffolding. Not to mention the fact that everything was made out of cardboard, and no matter how hard he tried to convince himself it looked believable, like scene decorations in theatre, he couldn’t. He only hoped that shooting in black and white will do the trick and make everything as fabulous as it would be in an actual chalet in the Swiss Alps, if he and Blaine were to be hosts.

The girls were bustling around the mirrors, putting finishing touches on their make-up or checking their hair. Blaine was among them, trying to apply an additional layer of gel onto his curls over Mercedes’ shoulder.

Kurt kept staring at Blaine from his spot next to the door to the fake chalet, until his boyfriend finally turned around to beam at him, and walked back to him.

‘What is it? Nervous again?’

‘No… It’s just- I have to introduce you. And I’m a little afraid that calling you my boyfriend-‘

‘Which is what I am.’

‘-might be a little too much for Western Ohio.’ Kurt grimaced. ‘I mean, I don’t think they’re not going to figure it out anyway, but why rub it in their faces?’

Blaine nodded

‘I agree. At least as long as I’m still your boyfriend.’

Kurt sent him a grateful smile.

‘Thanks. And I would never give up a boyfriend like you.’ He leaned forward to give Blaine a peck on the lips. Nobody was even looking in their direction, busy with their make-ups and lightning, and cameras.

‘So, who am I going to be today?’

Kurt took a moment to consider his options.

‘What would you say to “best friend and holiday roommate?”’

‘Hm, “holiday roommate” sounds sexy,’ purred Blaine right next to Kurt’s ear, causing him to blush deep scarlet.

***

It was a lovely way to initiate the Christmas holidays, an afternoon at his house, alone with Blaine. Kurt was sitting cross-legged on his bed, his eyes glued to the paper ring circling his right middle finger, while Blaine couldn’t stop watching him, as he was lying there, propped on his elbow. The tiny arch Kurt’s lips made proved to him it was a good way to celebrate this Christmas.

Their first Christmas together.

‘Blaine?’ Kurt raised his eyes at Blaine, his smile fading. ‘Why did you give me this ring? I mean, it’s not that I’m not on cloud nine right now, I am, but- Did you need a proof that I love you?’

Blaine sat up and took Kurt’s hands into his own.

‘No. No, I know you love me, I have no doubts about that.’ Kurt had dropped his gaze to their hands, so Blaine leaned to make him look back at him. ‘It’s just that, when we were shooting the special- I started wondering- We’re boyfriends, right? But doesn’t it sound a little- I don’t know- childish? You mean so much more to me than can be contained in that word.’

Kurt’s smile started creeping back onto his face, lighting it up.

‘So what are we now? Fiancés?’

Blaine chuckled.

‘Not exactly. What I had in mind was that we’re soul mates.’

***

The launch of Kurt’s first clothing line took place eight years later, when New York City was already adorned in Christmas lights, and it snowed from time to time, leaving thin layers of white on the sidewalks and streets. Despite Kurt fidgeting, twitching and obsessing over every tiny detail that wasn’t just perfect, the show went well, and all of his former colleagues from Vogue congratulated him on the designs.

And then the fashion reporters started queuing to get him to comment on camera. Blaine didn’t leave him for a second, standing by his side and whispering encouraging clichés into his husband’s ear.

‘What is your greatest inspiration, Kurt?,’ came one of the numerous questions.

Kurt took a short, loving glimpse at Blaine, before answering.

‘It’s not what, but who.’ He slipped his hand in Blaine’s. ‘Blaine, my husband and soul mate.’

***

This time Kurt slept relatively well. But once he woke up before eight, there was no chance of getting back to sleep. The morning was gray and cold, with clouds hanging so low they seemed ready to swallow some of the tallest buildings in Manhattan.

Although his fingers tingled at the thought of tearing the next envelope open, Kurt decided to wait just a little bit longer. He wrapped his thick, soft bathrobe tightly around his body, lit a fire in the living room fireplace, and made himself a cup of steaming tea. Only then did he proceed to curl up into a ball on the leather sofa next to the fireplace, and retrieved the letter from the pocket of his bathrobe.

With one more deep breath, Kurt opened the fourth envelope.

Darling, darling Kurt,

I just realized I never really thanked you. You are the most important person in my life, and yet I never got around to say that to you.

Thank you for being there for me, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Few people are truly capable of that, and I had the great fortune of meeting one of them, loving him, AND getting him to love me back. That’s a blessing I still find difficult to grasp. It’s so overwhelming.

Thank you for being my best friend. Since the moment we met, even before I came to my senses and fell in love with you, you’ve been the greatest friend anyone could ever hope for. Sure, we’ve had our crises and rough patches, but – well, who doesn’t have them? Point is, we are stronger than that.

Thank you for giving me the most beautiful love story I could ever dream of. Maybe no one would want to shoot a movie based on our lives, but hell, it’s not what matters. What matters is that we found each other, we love each other, and we would never abandon each other.

And thank you, thank you a thousand times, for teaching me what it’s like to have a soul mate. I really feel sometimes like a piece of my soul is within you, and a piece of yours within me. We are two halves of the same apple, no matter how cheesy that might sound. And that’s the most wonderful, most magical thing that’s ever happened to me.

Look forward to another letter around Christmas!

I love you,

Blaine.

Kurt found himself clutching his heart, his eyes flooded with tears that refused to fall. The emptiness that he’d been feeling since Blaine’s death was finally defined; a fragment of his being died along with Blaine.

But simultaneously, a strange warmth arose next to the pain in his chest. Because a piece of Blaine was still alive in him.