Letter 12: March 15th

You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then

(Evanescence – Taking Over Me)

The tiny café was almost empty; apart from them there was only another couple on the opposite side of the room, and a lonely man in his thirties, half-hidden behind a newspaper. The place felt warm and cosy, especially compared to the chilly mid-March air and drizzle outside. A shiver went down Kurt's spine at the sole thought of getting back out there onto the cold streets of New York.

Blaine was sitting across from him, his lips twitching slightly in a suppressed smile.

'What is it?,' asked Kurt between sips of his deliciously hot coffee.

'Nothing.' Blaine raised his eyes at his boyfriend. 'I just- I always thought you were the one who remembered the anniversaries.'

Kurt's eyebrows shot up. Did he really forget something? His brain started putting everything in order. It was March. March 15th. What happened on March 15th…?

And then the memories from Dalton study hall, the fake jewels littered over the table, the tiny coffin, the smiles, as embarrassed as they were happy, the kisses exchanged over that silly little box. The way they left the school holding hands for the first time. The last kisses by his car, as they couldn't simply say goodbye, even though they were supposed to meet the next morning.

'Oh my god. I really forgot,' said Kurt in disbelief.

'Well, that's a first.' Blaine didn't seem to mind, he was visibly amused.

'You're not mad? I feel like such a bad boyfriend.'

Kurt grimaced, but Blaine only extended his hand to put it over Kurt's.

'I'm not mad.' A thought entered his mind and a mischievous smile arched his lips. 'But you can make it up to me.'

'How?'

'You can promise to take me here to coffee every March 15th from now on. I really love this place.'

Kurt smiled in response.

'Deal.'

***

It felt strange to be there alone. The ten last 15ths of March they spent holding hands over the tiny round tables and warming themselves up with the delicious coffee. Always together. It was their special place for that particular anniversary. Kurt had never went there alone. It just felt wrong.

He shifted uneasily in his seat. The café hadn't changed in the slightest; it was still the same cosy, brownish interior it had been that chilly afternoon ten years ago. The coffee was still great, the cheesecake as tasty as ever.

But somehow he barely ate a bite, and kept stabbing the defenseless dessert with his fork. His coffee was getting cold, and he still could hardly raise the cup to his lips.

His thoughts were wandering to those good old times and to the letter Blaine had left him for today.

Darling, darling Kurt,

You didn't forget, right? You do remember, what happened on March 15th thirteen years ago?

Gosh, I have no idea why it took me so long to realize what you meant to me. But that day has been one of the happiest of my life. Even though I felt so silly at first, I kind of expected you to laugh. I know you would never do that, but, well, I was never much experienced in getting boyfriends. Especially considering that you were my only boyfriend.

Anyhow, I don't want you to abandon our tradition of celebrating this anniversary. And as I've said several times already, I want you to get out of the house, at least from time to time. So go to our March 15th café, and order the usual. You know I wish I could accompany you, right?

And remember, you were my only boyfriend, but it doesn't mean I want to be your only boyfriend. Or your only husband. I'm not saying you should marry right now. I just want you to know I have no objections. You deserve happiness more than anyone else in the world.

I love you,

Blaine.

Kurt repeated Blaine's words in his mind, and shook his head infinitesimally. No, it was too early to even consider dating again. He couldn't even picture himself dating anyone else. Blaine was the love of his life, his soul mate, his best friend, his lover, his husband, his support system… How could anybody replace all that?

'Excuse me?,' a voice said somewhere to his left, startling Kurt out of his reverie.

A dark-haired man in his late twenties was standing next to Kurt's table, eyeing him curiously.

'Yes?,' Kurt asked, trying not to be rude.

'Are you Kurt Hummel? I thought I recognized you from some Vogue feature or something,' the man said.

'Yes, that's me.' He forced a quick smile, hoping to satisfy the man's interest.

'Oh, it's such a pleasure to meet you. Alan Bland.' He extended his hand for Kurt to shake.

Kurt took the man's hand, still fighting the urge to tell him to get lost.

'I'm such a fan of your designs!,' Alan kept prattling on. 'That last fall/winter collection was incredible.'

'Thank you,' said Kurt, in the hope to end the conversation.

'Is there by any chance any vacancy in your company? I graduated from Parsons, and that would be such an honour to work for you.'

It crossed Kurt's mind that work wasn't the only objective Alan had in mind. The guy's eyes seemed to be devouring Kurt's face and body in a completely different way. Or maybe it was just the consequence of Blaine's latest letter making his brain imagine things?

'I'm afraid I don't have any vacancies now, sorry.' An apologetic smile appeared for a second on Kurt's face.

And then Kurt picked up his cup with his right hand, taking a long sip of coffee. The scanty, dimmed light of the café glinted off the surface of two simple rings – a silver engagement ring and a white gold one that Kurt had never removed from his middle finger since the day he and Blaine got married. The thin vertical line made of microscopic diamonds on the wedding band sent multicoloured specks of light into the air.

Alan caught sight of the rings, and his frame shrank a little.

'Well, then, enjoy your cake. And it was really nice to meet you.'

With a last nod at Kurt, he went away.

And Kurt looked down at his right hand. He felt as if the rings had been a part of who he was as much as the finger they encircled.

But he was alone now. And someday those rings will no longer belong there.

But not yet. Not yet.