Letter 10: February 14th

Why should I care if they hurt you
Somehow it matters more to me
Than if I were hurting myself

(Evanescence – Give Unto Me)

There was nothing better than parents away on Valentine's Day. Or having a boyfriend, whose parents were constantly away, leaving the house to them and their teenage hormones.

Kurt propped himself on his elbows, studying Blaine's face. He had missed him so much while he was recovering. It was impossible to go to the hospital in Columbus to visit as often as he would have wished.

But now Blaine was alright again, right next to him, and staring back, with both his eyes, the eye-patch gone for good.

'I missed you so much,' Kurt muttered, not quite aware if he said it out loud or just thought it.

'I missed you, too,' Blaine answered, his hand wandering to Kurt's face, caressing it.

Kurt shifted to kiss Blaine on the lips. That was another thing he had missed.

'I didn't get you anything.' Kurt grimaced; had he known Blaine would be released from the hospital early, he would have planned things out differently.

'You didn't have to give me anything, dummy,' said Blaine, pulling Kurt closer. 'I didn't get you anything either. Sorry.'

They lay in silence for a while, every breath and every heartbeat synchronized perfectly, as if they were one.

'I got my gift. I got you back.' Kurt raised his eyes at his boyfriend. 'I don't need anything else.' He paused for a second, visibly hesitant about saying something. 'And thank you.'

It puzzled Blaine. He pulled Kurt's chin up to look him in the face.

'What for?'

'For taking that slushie for me. You know Sebastian was aiming at me, not you.' Kurt shivered; the sole thought of that dreadful night and the icy red drink all over Blaine, as he writhed on the concrete floor in agony, made him feel the guilt and pain one more time. 'I could just stay where I was, I didn't have to duck. And you didn't have to go all knight-in-shining-armour on me.'

Blaine never averted his eyes from Kurt's face, as it started turn brightly red. They were lying naked in bed, side by side, their bodies practically intertwined, and Kurt was feeling embarrassed for jumping out of that slushie's way, of all things?

'Don't you want me to be your knight in shining armour?' A playful spark danced in Blaine's eyes.

'Yeah, I do, but…' Miraculously, Kurt's cheeks managed to become even redder.

'But?'

'I- I wish I could be yours too,' he mumbled in response, dropping his eyes.

Blaine chuckled, hugging Kurt more closely to his chest.

'You are. I know that had the situation been reversed, you'd try to protect me.'

'You do?' Kurt's voice was muffled, his mouth almost pressed to his boyfriend's chest.

'I do.'

Kurt had never been this irritated by all the lovey-dovey crap littering every shop window and counter. The entire city seemed to have caught a serious case of Valentine's Day fever. But no matter how contagious it was, there was no way Kurt would get infected as well. Not this year. Not ever again.

The day lost its purpose for him with Blaine's last heartbeat. Now it was just another day, February 14th held no more meaning than 13th or 15th. The past was the past, now there was nothing left to celebrate.

How could one celebrate the day of love, when the person they love is long dead and buried?

This year there was just one thing to look forward to: the letter.

Apparently, Blaine hadn't thought that Kurt would be unwilling to celebrate Valentine's Day, as he left him a letter bearing the date Feb. 14th written very clearly on the envelope.

Early in the morning on the 14th, before settling down to work, Kurt picked up the ecru envelope. For a moment he turned it gingerly between his fingers, hesitant. He couldn't wait to read the next letter, but on the other hand, he was starting to think that they stopped him from moving on, giving him a semblance of Blaine's presence, an illusion that his husband had never died.

But Blaine wanted him to read it, so finally, Kurt ripped the paper.

Darling, darling Kurt,

Valentine's Day, huh? I bet it sucks. I couldn't handle getting rejected by a crush on that silly holiday with any dignity at all, I'm not expecting you to be loving all the cheesy heart-shaped decorations.

But do you remember the Valentine's Day after my eye surgery? We were at my house, being naughty, and you thanked me for standing in the way of that slushie. And you said you wanted to be my knight in shining armor.

Well, you have been these past few months. Maybe there were no frozen beverages involved, and you didn't have to jump in front of me to save me from anything thrown my way, but you've saved me in more ways than you can imagine.

All this time, you've never failed me. You've been my rock, no matter how hard it's been for you. I don't know what I would have done, if you weren't here by my side. I'd probably be clinically depressed on top of the whole cancer thing. You're saving the bits of happiness that are still in me in this shitty situation. Not to mention that there's any happiness left only thanks to you. And you keep it alive. You keep me alive. As long as the cancer doesn't beat me, it's you who keeps me breathing.

Don't get too sad about being alone this Valentine's Day. Please, honey.

I love you,

Blaine.

Kurt pressed the letter to his heart.

No, it wasn't a bad thing to keep reading, to keep reliving the moments they had had with Blaine.

Because no matter what happens now, or when there would be no more letters, he would at least know how lucky he was. How much he was loved.

Blaine was gone, but his love stayed behind. Even if only on pieces of paper.