“So, Kurt, how’ve you been?” Dr. Dalton asked at their next meeting.

      Kurt shrugged, “Fine.”

      Henry raised an eyebrow at Kurt as if to say really? We’re playing that game now?

      Kurt held out for a few more seconds before he sighed and began reluctantly, “Alright, things have been… stressful.”

      Henry nodded to himself.

      “It’s only been a week since our last session, why we pick up where we left off? What had been happening to you that first week when you started school?” Henry asked, relaxing back in his chair.

      “Um school, homework,” Kurt said. He knew in the back of his mind that he shouldn’t fight these things, but his first reaction was to block out his past and just forget it. If only I could forget.

      “Had you had any attacks?” Dr. Dalton asked bluntly.

      His mouth dropped open to say no before he thought twice about what he would be saying. Kurt closed his lips together in a thin line before nodding.

      “Okay, that’s a start. Tell me what happened.” Henry folded his arms over his clipboard, looking at the young man expectantly.

      “Just some jocks, thought they were being funny,” Kurt said with a shrug.

      “Alright and what did they do?”

      “Um. Well the first time—” Kurt paused and his brow crumpled like a piece of paper. He fingered the seam of his jacket carefully. “I suppose it’s not all that funny.”

      “What did they do to you, Kurt?”

      Kurt wondered in the back of his mind if they were still talking about the jocks at school or if Henry meant the guys from before.

      No, it wasn’t funny at all.

      “Shoved me into a locker,” Kurt said, his voice holding more conviction. He looked up and met Henry’s gaze, which was watching him with careful eyes.

      “Twice.”

      “And how did you react?” the doctor asked in a calm voice.

      “The first time wasn’t as bad. They just shoved me in the locker and walked away.” Kurt tilted his head to the side thoughtfully. “I was able to keep it together so I went to class.”

      “And the second time?” Henry prompted.

      “He shoved me into the locker again… but he didn’t let me go,” Kurt said carefully, keeping himself as detached from the memory as possible.

      Henry waited patiently for Kurt to continue. He subtly moved his clipboard so he could make a few small notes. Kurt barely noticed this time.

      “He held me there and he was pressing up against me.” His voice softened a little. “The weight— it felt like he was crushing me.”

      “Was this just one kid?” Henry interjected.

      “No, they were all there. Circled around us,” Kurt murmured. Like vultures around prey.

    “And what happened next?”

      “Nothing,” Kurt said offhandedly.

      Henry looked up then, “Nothing?”

      “Well, I suppose you could say Blaine happened.”

      “Blaine was there? Is he friends with the jocks?”

      Kurt snorted lightly and shook his head, “No. They’re complete opposites.”

      “Alright, then what was he doing there?”

      Kurt let his eyes sweep over the room again, he wondered how familiar he was going to become with this room. With the dips in the couch cushions and the scratches on the wood table in front of him.

      He leaned forward, his hands resting on his knees. “If it weren’t for him, I would have broken down,” Kurt said quietly.

      “So he… made them back off?”

      Kurt nodded, “Essentially. Well, a teacher came and that made them back off a bit more, but Blaine was being rather effective on his own. At least… I think he was.”

      “You think?” Henry asked.

      “I was a little… out of it,” Kurt murmured.

      “What happens to you during these attacks, physically?”

      Kurt fidgeted a little in his seat.

      “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

      “No, no it’s fine,” he murmured.

      “Well, it always… starts with the panic. The panic is instantaneous. As soon as he touched me my heart started racing and this chill ran over my whole body.” Kurt shivered lightly in his jacket.

      Henry was back to writing notes.

      “Then the helplessness,” Kurt murmured. “When he didn’t let go, everything got worse.”

      “I struggled, but not enough. If it weren’t for Blaine I would have broken. The kids at school, those jocks, they just see me as weak. And they have no idea!” Kurt’s voice rose and he looked at Henry, his words sharper.

      “They have no idea what happened to me and they judge me. I didn’t used to be like this. I didn’t used to be afraid of someone tapping me on the shoulder!” Hysteria rose in Kurt’s voice and his eyes were wide.

      He stood up and paced around the room, getting too emotional for his liking. Henry’s eyes followed him around the room.

      “Keep going, Kurt,” he urged.

      “They just want to be entertained,” he fumed. “There’s only two people at that school that have treated me with even an ounce of compassion, and they don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”

      The young man stopped pacing by the window and turned to look at Henry, “I don’t even know what’s wrong with me,” he said softly.

      “But you do,” Kurt stated.

      A pause of silence met this quiet remark before Henry inclined his head slightly.

      “I do.”

      “But you won’t tell me?” A light haired eyebrow arched higher on Kurt’s forehead.

      “You have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,” Dr. Dalton said as he set his pen down.

      Kurt swayed slightly as if his body was unsure if it wanted to fall over or keep pacing. Eventually he decided to sit back down.

      “When, um, when did you figure this out?” Kurt asked, trying to wrap his head around it. Somewhere in his mind he was thinking up all his previously acquired information on PTSD.

      “I knew as soon as I had that phone call with your father to set up these meetings,” Dr. Dalton said. “I guessed and I was right.”

      “And… there’s nothing we can do?” Kurt asked quietly.

      Henry sat up then and shook his head, “No, no, Kurt. Of course there is. That’s why you’re here. Look, usually besides the occasional medications the only way to really cure PTSD is to go to therapy. The key is talking, Kurt, and you are doing a fabulous job already. Sometimes it takes weeks for people to get where you are at right now.”

      Kurt clasped his hands together and took a deep breath. It’s okay.

      “I’ll get better?” Kurt asked.

      “I’m very confident that you will, Kurt. You just have to go back and consider all your feelings. I know you don’t want to, but you have to face your past,” Dr. Dalton said.

      “I don’t have to do that today, do I?”

      Henry smiled a little then, “No, maybe not today. When you’re ready.”

      Kurt nodded, “Okay.”

      “So this Blaine kid, he seems pretty nice,” Henry prompted.

      “Pretty arrogant you mean,” Kurt muttered.

      Henry tilted his head to the side, “Why don’t you like him, he did help you.”

      “Because he gets under my skin,” Kurt said. “He’s impulsive and careless. He’s…”

      “The opposite of you,” Henry finished with a nod.

      “Yeah, I guess.”

      “Why do you think he acts the way he does?” Henry asked.

      “Is this session about me or him?” Kurt asked.

      Henry smiled, “It would really help you out if you had a friend through all of this and if he’s one of the only people who’s willing to help you, why wouldn’t they help you some more?”

      Kurt crossed his arms over his chest.

      “I don’t think he likes me enough for that,” Kurt muttered.

      “You won’t know until you try,” Henry said with a light shrug.

      Rolling his eyes at the cliché Kurt relaxed back against the couch. “Are all therapists like this?” Kurt asked.

      “Like what exactly?” Henry raised an eyebrow skeptically.

      “Exactly how everyone sees them in movies and stuff,” Kurt said.

      Henry chuckled slightly and leaned back against his chair a little more. “The movies exaggerate it a little, but yes, we’re pretty similar to that. It works though, as much as people don’t like to believe it does.”

      Kurt nodded thoughtfully.

      “So other than those encounters with those guys, you’ve been okay?” Henry asked.

      “Yeah, pretty much.” Ever since Blaine had defended him the jocks had backed off. They barely touched Kurt anymore. “Are we done for today?” Kurt asked as he glanced at the clock, surprised at the amount of time that had passed.

      “Sure, but I do ask that you make at least one friend and open up to them a little,” Dr. Dalton said.

      “You’re giving me homework too?” Kurt asked as he collected his things and stood up.

      “Sorry to be a dud, but having someone besides me to talk to will really help you.”

      “Alright, I’ll see you next week,” Kurt said in goodbye before exiting out of the office.

      “Goodbye, Kurt,” Henry called after him before closing his folder and putting it away safely.

***

      “I don’t mean to pressure you or anything, but do you have an answer for me?” Rachel asked as he plopped down in her seat beside Kurt on Monday morning.

      Right. Glee Club.

      “Oh, um, sorry, Rachel. I need a little bit more time to consider,” Kurt said.

      Rachel deflated a little and nodded, “Alright, just make sure you figure it out, otherwise I’ll think you’re just avoiding the topic.”

      “I promise I’ll let you know soon,” Kurt said with a nod.

      “You look nice today,” Rachel commented off-handedly, her tone almost adding a silent why? to the end of it.

      “Oh,” Kurt startled slightly at the compliment, “thank you.” His hands brushed over the soft sweater that reached down over his thighs and nearly touched his knees.

      He’d woken up in the morning and for whatever reason he decided he didn’t want to hide as much anymore. He wanted to wear his old clothes. The clothes that felt like him; smooth silk and soft cashmere. His hands had caressed the gentle fabric lightly before he’d grabbed it and changed before he could change his mind.

      When he’d gotten downstairs his dad had done a double-take before grinning and pulling him into a hug. “You look good today, Kiddo,” Burt said.

      Flustered and a little shocked Kurt had nibbled on a granola bar on the way to school, feeling like the whole school would be staring at him and his new (more like old) wardrobe even though he knew nobody really cared.

      His heart hammered heavily against his chest as he’d made his way into the school, quickly getting to his locker before slinking off to class, glad no one had said anything to him.

      “I just wanted a change I guess,” Kurt murmured.

      Henry’s words ran through his head for the millionth time since his session on Saturday. Having someone besides me to talk to will really help you.

      Kurt sighed and debated for another moment before opening his mouth to speak.

      “Alright class, lets open up our notebooks and get those pencils ready for note taking!”

      Kurt’s mouth snapped shut and for the first time he felt a true annoyance toward a teacher. He sighed and got out his notes. Later.

***

      Later didn’t happen until lunch when Kurt was contemplating sitting at Rachel’s table. He’d thought about it all morning and decided to just go for it.

      Taking a deep breath, Kurt gripped his tray a little tighter, his knuckles turning white at the pressure as he walked slowly towards the table. He stopped in front of the table and cleared his throat slightly.

      Rachel looked up and grinned, “Oh, hi, Kurt! Are you going to sit with us?”

      Kurt hesitated before nodding silently.

      Rachel pulled out the chair beside her and patted it in invitation.

      He took his seat quietly, trying to ignore all the stares on him from the others at the table.

      Picking up his courage and giving it a firm shake he turned to Rachel with his shoulders squared and said, “I’d like to join Glee.”

      Rachel’s eyes widened and a grin spread across his face. “Oh, Kurt, that’s wonderful!” She squealed before pulling Kurt into her arms.

      Kurt’s shocked face was priceless and it was a good five seconds before he finally patted her back gently.

      “So rehearsals are every day after school, well actually they change a lot so it’s kinda sporadic. Oh, I’m so excited!” Rachel said as she pulled back and clapped her hands together.

      “Would you be ready to audition formally after school today?” Rachel asked.

      Kurt blushed before nodding slowly, “S-sure.”

      “Oh, don’t look so nervous, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Rachel reassured as she grabbed his hand in-between her two dainty ones.

      Kurt felt a rush of emotion at the simple act and his cheeks flared up even more. Having someone besides me to talk to will really help you. Maybe Rachel could be his friend.

***

      The end of the day came too quickly and Kurt took shaky steps to the choir room. Kurt clutched the strap of his messenger bag tightly as he rocked on his heels outside the door. He took a deep breath to brace himself before his hand closed around the cool metal of the handle and he twisted it open.

      The rest of the glee club was oblivious as he stepped through the room, all but Rachel and one other person.

      “Kurt, you’re here!” Rachel said excitedly as she bounded up to him.

      “Are you ready to audition?”

      Kurt nodded slowly and gave a weak smile, “Yeah, I guess.”

      “Alright, well we have the band here and Brad so just tell them the song and they’ll help you out, okay? Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll get the others to be quiet,” Rachel said with a smile.

      Kurt nodded again before making his way to the piano where he assumed the ‘Brad’ Rachel mentioned was sitting. He set his bag down beside the bench and turned to discuss his song choice with the man, checking if he knew the song. Brad didn’t say anything and only nodded when asked if he recognized the song. Kurt slowly made his way to the band to give them the song.

      Rachel appeared by his side again once he’d finished that. “Ready?” she asked eagerly.

      Kurt took a deep breath and rung his hands together, “Yeah,” he said softly with a small nod.

      Rachel beamed and turned to the class to get their attention and introduce Kurt.

      His eyes were glued to the floor as he made his way to the middle of the room and turned to stand in front of the class.

      He turned his head to Brad and gave a nervous nod in his direction so that he could start. The guitar started first.

      Raising his head Kurt looked at the members in front of him, noticing Rachel’s excited smile and Blaine’s curious stare.

      Wait, Blaine?

      Kurt’s heart seemed to jump in his chest as his eyes locked on Blaine. He was seated at the back row in his usual black leather jacket and brooding expression. Why was he here?

      He nearly missed his entrance in the panic and questions going through his head, but he managed to get his mouth open to sing, even if it was a bit quiet to start out.

You don't know my name

you don't know anything about me

I try to play nice

I want to be in your game

The things that you say

You may think I never hear about them

But word travels fast

I'm telling you to your face

I'm standing here behind your back

      Kurt glanced around the room, trying to get rid of the nervous flutter in his stomach. He could feel Blaine’s gaze boring a hole into him with its intensity. The rest of the class was blur to Kurt and it seemed like Blaine was all he could focus on.

      Brad improvised a bit of piano to keep himself occupied.

      His voice grew in power and he let the lyrics wash over him, making him more confident. He sang with more intention now, giving the lyrics depth.

You don't know how it feels

To be outside the crowd

You don't know what it's like

To be left out

And you don't know how it feels

To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

      Kurt didn’t notice the looks some of the glee clubers were sharing with each other or the way Rachel’s eyes were gleaming with barely contained excitement at finding a singer that could finally compete with her vocally.

      Kurt raised his head a bit higher and met Blaine’s gaze directly as he sang the next verse.

If you could read my mind

You might see more of me than meets the eye

And you've been all wrong

Not who you think I am

You've never given me a chance

You don't know how it feels

To be outside the crowd

You don't know what it's like

To be left out

And you don't know how it feels

To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

      Closing his eyes as he sang Kurt let the relief of finally expressing some emotion inside him wash over him. His voice carried a bit of bite with the next verse, making the words rougher and more emotional. He was so done with going day after day doing the same thing.

Well, I'm tired of staying at home

I'm bored and all alone

I'm sick of wasting all my time

You don't know how it feels

To be outside the crowd

You don't know what it's like

To be left out

And you don't know how it feels

To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

You don't know how it feels

To be outside the crowd

You don't know what it's like

To be left out

And you don't know how it feels

To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

      Kurt’s voice trailed off at the end as he finished the song. He took a small step back as the class erupted into the claps and hoots and hollers. Rachel was the first to his side, jumping up and down and hugging him.

      “Welcome to Glee, Kurt!” Mr. Schue said with a grin.

      He didn’t protest when Rachel tugged him to sit down beside her in the front row.

      “And now, Blaine, you have a song prepared too?” Mr. Schue asked.

      Kurt went pale as he heard a chair move behind him and saw Blaine moving to stand where he’d stood only seconds before.

      “Yes, Mr. Schue.”

      Blaine turned to face the class and gave them all a cocky grin.

      Oh. Kurt thought weakly.