Somehow, he woke up after Blaine, but once he heard the telltale sound of him barfing in the bathroom, he knew what had woken up his roommate.

The bathroom door was open and Kurt spied Blaine slumping over the toilet. He walked into the bathroom with a wrinkle of his nose and knelt down next to Blaine, helping him sit back from the toilet.

"I think I've gotten all of it out," Blaine said, his voice just the slightest bit hoarse. "I've never drunk before last night…I can't believe I let Nick talk me into it."

Blaine tried to stand up, but slipped. Kurt grabbed onto him and pulled him to a standing position.

"Thanks."

Kurt nodded and Blaine made his way to the sink. He gargled some water, brushed his teeth, and then pulled out mouth wash. Kurt just watched him. Nothing seemed to have changed, as if Blaine didn't remember anything, or he was deliberately not bringing it up.

Kurt deflated a little, but didn't leave the bathroom, just watching Blaine.

"I'm so lucky today's Sunday," Blaine said when he was done, "I think I'm just going to lie in bed all day. I don't even know what you're supposed to do to take care of these." He groaned and walked a little wobbly to the other room and threw himself into his bed.

Kurt followed, confused and hurt. Blaine had kissed him. He'd pretty much admitted that he found Kurt attractive.

He walked to grab his dry erase board.

'Gatorade helps.'

"David probably has some, could you fetch me some, Kurt?"

Kurt nodded. He needed to get out of there anyway. Blaine didn't remember. He'd been out with Nick and gotten drunk, come back to their dorm and kissed him and didn't remember. Kurt didn't think he'd been that drunk. He walked to Thad's and David's room, shoeless and knocked on their door out of politeness, before he pushed it open.

David was still asleep, but Thad stood by a window with a large mug of tea and oversized, blue toy glassed atop his head. He turned to look at Kurt.

"Hey. How's Blaine?"

Kurt erased the 'helps' and added a question mark.

"Killed of a hangover, then. In the mini-fridge."

Kurt nodded and walked to the mini-fridge on David's side of the room and found orange Gatorade. He pulled a bottle and closed it. He paused before turning to Thad, wondering if he should tell him what happened.

Thad seemed to sense that something had indeed happened, because he stepped forward, "anything wrong, Kurt? Does he know?"

Kurt shook his head.

'He kissed me,' he wrote on the dry erase board.

"Last night, while he was drunk." Thad frowned.

'I don't think he remembers. He hasn't said anything.'

Thad nodded and stepped closer, pulling Kurt into a hug. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with him right now. But, you know, people do tend to be more honest when they're drunk. En vino veritas."

Kurt nodded. He knew that, but it didn't make things better. If Blaine somehow knew that he liked Kurt, then why wasn't he doing anything about it? He went on all those dates looking for some guy that was perfect for him and he still didn't realize that he already had him.

He motioned for the door and Thad nodded. "I'll see you later, alright, and don't let it get you down."

Kurt gave a shrug and walked back to his dorm. He knew he shouldn't be mad at Blaine. The kiss had happened while he was drunk, there was always the possibility that he'd wind up forgetting it.

"Hey, Kurt," Wes said, brightly, "I heard Blaine got a bit drunk last night. How is he?"

Kurt touched his head to mime a headache and hopefully get across that Blaine had a hangover. Wes seemed to get it.

"Well, at least that means he'll stay in bed today, just act as his nurse or something for the rest of the day."

Kurt rolled his eyes. Of course he was going to take care of Blaine.

"See you later, then. Good luck."

Blaine had changed into pajamas and was wrapped up in his blankets, but he opened his eyes when he heard Kurt return.

"Hey," he said, "so I just drink Gatorade?"

Kurt nodded.

"Hopefully that will make me feel a little better. Thanks, Kurt. And, sorry if I was out of it last night." His cheeks were tinted pink and he looked away from Kurt.

For a moment Kurt wondered if Blaine remembered, if that was what he meant. He waited with baited breath for Blaine to say it, but he didn't. Instead he was drinking some of the Gatorade.

Kurt sighed and went to pick out his clothes for the day. Even if he wasn't leaving the room that day, there was no reason he couldn't be fashionable.

A part of me doesn't want him to remember it. I never wanted our first kiss to be drunken on either of our parts, but it was still our first kiss and maybe I was hoping it'd be a great moment we both cherished, not something like this and certainly not something that only I would remember.

Maybe it doesn't even count. We could have a do-over and call that our first kiss, but I don't even know if that will actually happen, ever, and so I'll take what I can get for now.

From the diary of Kurt Hummel

Never before had Blaine hated himself more than the moment he woke up that morning, head pounding, mouth dry, and something churning in his stomach. He just made it to the bathroom in time to collapse against the toilet, and he stayed there, head leaning into the cold porcelain. Why had he gotten drunk?

Regret and guilt rushed through him. He hadn't just gotten drunk. He remembered Kurt, beautiful and warm. Blaine groaned when it came to him, the kiss. His first kiss, and he couldn't properly remember it. It was just a hazy memory. What he did know was that it shouldn't have happened. If he was ever to kiss Kurt, it shouldn't have been some drunken kiss that probably did nothing to endear Kurt to kisses. Another stolen kiss to put next to the one that had been taken by Karofsky.

God, why had he done that!

Bile rose in his throat and Blaine didn't know if it was due to his hangover or the disgust he felt for what he'd done to Kurt.

Suddenly, Kurt was there and helping him up and Blaine couldn't help but want to be as close as possible to the other boy, even though Kurt probably wanted nothing to do with him. Still, Kurt helped him. Blaine didn't know what he did to deserve a friend like Kurt.

Blaine didn't want to be the one to bring it up. He was being a coward again, and hiding behind the possibility that he'd forgotten about it. Kurt didn't seem bothered, as if he didn't remember. For some reason, that Kurt could think so little of it made Blaine want to bring it up and want to talk about it. He didn't.

While Kurt went to get him Gatorade, he got out of his dirty clothes and into soft pajamas and then back into bed.

His head throbbed in a way that Blaine wasn't familiar with. He never drank, ever, and he couldn't even remember the last time he was sick enough to have a headache. He groaned and sank into his pillows, hiding his face in one of them. He really just wanted it to be over already.

Later, after he'd finally fallen asleep again, Blaine woke up feeling better than the first time. His stomach wasn't churning anymore, and although the headache was not as intense as before, it was still present.

Kurt was at the other side of the room, typing away on his computer. Blaine watched him for a while, wondering if there should even be a discussion. He'd already apologized for anything that he might have said, acting as if he didn't remember exactly what he said and what he did.

Kurt stopped typing, seemed to re-read what he'd written, and then clicked on something and sat back, content, just staring at the screen.

Blaine shifted in the bed, and Kurt turned at once.

"Hey," he said.

Kurt just smiled and brought out his board again, 'Are you feeling better?'.

"Much."

Blaine sat up and leaned back against his headboard. "Thanks for earlier. Do you have any idea where my phone went, by the way? And, what time is it?"

'No idea. 2:43.'

"Thanks. I'll look for it later, doesn't matter, now, I want to just stay in bed all day." His stomach choose that moment to make a noise.

Kurt lifted an eyebrow.

"But I guess I should eat something. Do you want to go with me somewhere? I don't think I could stand Dalton food today."

Blaine didn't know why he asked, or why he got so nervous about hearing the answer. It was just Kurt. And, yes, they'd kissed the night before, despite how much Blaine regretted the kiss, but that should not have made him nervous.

'Sure.'

Smiling, Blaine got out of bed. "I think I'll take a shower first." He gathered a few clothes for the day and took them with him to the bathroom, "I'll be out in a bit."

Blaine found his phone in the bathroom, sitting on the floor by the toilet. It was luckily not wet or covered in any other gross things that might have not made it into the toilet earlier. he had no messages or missed calls, but there was something that Blaine knew he wanted with his phone.

When he got out of the shower, feeling a tad better than before he'd entered it, he heard someone in the other room. Thad, he realized a moment later. From where he was standing he could barely make out what he was saying.

"…so, progress. I told you so. Kurt, stop fretting so much…doesn't…about that and…listen to that crazy friend of yours…you said…insane…just let it flow. Jeff said…connection…"

Blaine knew it was wrong, but he couldn't understand the friendship that Kurt and Thad had. It had gone from Thad questioning everything about Kurt to them hanging out constantly and Blaine had no idea why it bothered him so much. He pressed his head to the door.

"There was nothing between them. You gave up so much for him, and I know it's hard, and he doesn't remember and it's terrible and I hate that it's hurting you, but you're close. You'll get it back and Wes will be more thrilled than even him."

Blaine frowned. What were they talking about. He didn't understand. What had Kurt given up, and why was he hurt? More importantly, why did Kurt confide in Thad and not him. He thought they were closer than that. Kurt didn't need to hide anything from him. Blaine waited for Thad to say something else but nothing came, and then after a while he heard the door close.

He stayed in the bathroom a moment longer, fixing his clothes and wondering if he should even bother with gel, if he was going to come back and head directly to bed. He left the gel bottle in its place and went back into the other room.

"Ready Kurt?"

- - -

From the journal of Blaine Anderson

- - -

Blaine didn't know why he texted Sebastian, but he did and he was pleasantly surprised when Sebastian invited him out for coffee. Blaine, not one to turn down coffee, agreed and on the day that Wes had a dentist appointment, and so, the Warbler meeting was cancelled, he headed to his car after a quick "see you later" to Kurt, to meet Sebastian.

In the light of day and without the distractions of the club around them, Blaine discovered that Nick was right. Sebastian was just his type, and he could sing. It was the sweet, clear voice that had once been in his dreams, but it was just as good.

"So how was the hangover?" Sebastian asked, after paying for their coffee and biscotti.

Blaine snorted. "Terrible. Never drinking again. I kissed my roommate and I don't even know how to feel about that…and he really helped me out the next morning and I just felt awful, you know."

Sebastian tapped his fingers together. "Do you like him? You did kiss him."

"I…" He didn't know how to explain it to Sebastian.

"You like him," Sebastian said after a while, this time a decisive statement. Blaine couldn't even argue against it.

"So, what's holding you back, then? I mean, you're here having coffee with me and I'm not going to lie and say I didn't have an ulterior motive. I didn't think you were going to text me. I like you, Blaine, but you're sort of hung up on this guy, aren't you?"

Blaine shook his head. "He's my best friend, these days, and it'd be nice and everything, but I don't think I…I don't know."

Sebastian nodded. "You don't…and I'm not going to push you, Blaine. I mean, coffee's nice, but figure out what you want, first."

After that, things got a bit awkward, and both went their own ways once they'd finished with the coffee, Blaine thinking more and more about Kurt. He really didn't know where he stood with the younger boy. This week had been odd. Kurt hung around him more, and looked sadder and sadder with each passing day, especially after he went on his computer.

Blaine had asked him a few times if there was anything he could do, but Kurt had just given him a look that Blaine couldn't decipher.

And Thad and Kurt were spending more and more time together, sometimes with Wes and David. He didn't understand it, or why suddenly Wes was adamant that Blaine didn't need to date or get a boyfriend. David constantly asked Blaine about Kurt and if he was still so focused on the voice thing. Blaine didn't understanding any of them anymore, and he didn't want to.

When he got back to his dorm, he found Kurt sitting with Thad on the floor, their backs pressed to Kurt's bed.

Kurt's head was on Thad's shoulder and he looked like he'd been crying.

"You can visit them," Thad was saying, "they won't care. Maybe you should tell them. Rachel knows. They're your friends."

Kurt shook his head.

Blaine coughed, "Hey, guys, what's going on, what's wrong?" he walked to kneel in front of them. "Kurt, is there anything I can do?"

Kurt buried his head in Thad's shoulder and Thad shot him a glare and rubbed at Kurt's arm.

"It'll be okay, you can be strong, Kurt."

Blaine put a hand on Kurt's knee and rubbed it. Kurt looked up at him in surprise. His eyes were filled with unshed tears, but his eyes were the slightest bit red from crying before.

"What's wrong, Kurt? I can only help if you tell me."

Kurt shook his head, but instead of breaking down further, he pushed off the ground and walked into the bathroom.

Thad stared after him and then got up. "He just needs a friend right now, Blaine. I actually have to go. I wasn't going to, but now you're here. Just, don't ask him why, just be there for him."

Frowning, Blaine nodded and watched him pick up his things and leave. Blaine sighed. He couldn't even begin to imagine what could possibly be wrong with Kurt.

- - -

From the journal of Blaine Anderson

- - -

The wedding was in three days. Rachel had told him via e-mail. She was the only one that responded to him. He didn't care go on facebook to talk to his friends, to face the possibility that they wouldn't respond, but he'd e-mailed all of them and only Rachel responded. She filled him in on everything that was going at McKinley, every small nuance in her life. For a full page she'd ranted about Finn and Kurt had only managed to read it because he wanted to know everything.

Thad had found him crying over the wedding and how he hadn't even been invited. Thad had insisted at once that he go anyway, that he'd go with him, but Kurt knew there was no point. He didn't have a voice and his friends and family had forgotten him and all he wanted was to get to the wedding, his voice intact, and not even care how atrocious the decorations would be. Carole might have started to have a better eye for fashion, but Kurt knew she still desperately needed help with picking the right colors.

He splashed water on his face to rid himself of the evidence of his tears even though he knew that they would come again. He couldn't stop crying. It wasn't even just his family forgetting him. There was also Blaine.

Blaine who knew or didn't know about the kiss and either way had not been affected at all. He still acted like Kurt's friend. Closer to him, sometimes, touching him more at other time, but still just a friend. He'd gone off to meet some guy that afternoon, and Kurt had felt jealousy just eat him up inside. This wasn't a guy that Wes had introduced Blaine to. Blaine had met him by himself and liked him enough.

Kurt pat his cheeks dry and turned back to the mirror to look at his face. His moisturizing routine would need to be a bit more intensive that night after all his crying, he decided, and took a deep breath before going out to the other room.

Thad was gone as expected, gone to give him and Blaine some time alone.

Blaine sat on his bed, but stood up when he entered, crossing the room to take his hands.

"Kurt," he breathed.

It reminded him so much of the other night, but Kurt swept that out of his thoughts. He couldn't think about the way Blaine held him or called him his, or the soft lips that had given him a too wet kiss.

"I won't ask what's wrong…I know maybe it's not something you want to talk about, but I'm here, okay."

Kurt nodded and Blaine dropped his hands. Kurt started to walk around him, but Blaine pulled him into a hug, instead.

"You looked like you could use one," Blaine said as if that explained everything."

Kurt was still for a moment, but he relaxed a moment later, head falling to Blaine's shoulder, his eyes closing. If he had Blaine, everything else wouldn't matter. If he had Blaine he wouldn't care as much the his father had forgotten him. If he had Blaine, it wouldn't hurt that not even Finn tried to contact him and they were going to be brothers in three days.

But he didn't have Blaine, and slowly Kurt was starting to think that he never would. Blaine was wonderful and amazing, but Kurt couldn't just sit around for much longer, waiting for him to finally realize what he - if the alcohol had served to bring out his true feelings - felt for him.

"So, whatever it is, we should get your mind off of it. So, what do you think of a movie? Your choice. Whereas Thad is the resident bibliophile, Jeff happens to have almost every movie ever made that has come out on DVD in his closet."

Kurt wanted at once to comment on the improper use of a closet, but instead he nodded and pulled back, slowly from Blaine, who took his hand again and proceeded to drag him up the stairs to Nick's and Jeff's room. He knocked on the door and a tired looking Jeff opened up, one hand on the door, the other trying to smooth down his hair.

"Oh, good, you're not Thad," he said as if that was greeting enough, "what can I do for you boys?"

"Who is it?" Nick called out, "better not be Thad. I get tired just by looking at you after he drags you off."

"Nope," Jeff said and opened the door wider, "it's Kurt and Blaine. So, what did you need anyway?"

"We came to borrow a movie or two," Blaine said.

"Oh. Yeah, sure. Just go ahead into the closet." He stepped aside to let them through and Blaine pulled Kurt along.

Their room was a mixture of chaos and cleanliness, but it was so spread throughout the room that Kurt couldn't be sure which one was messy and which organized.

Blaine showed Kurt to the collection of DVDs and Kurt busied himself looking for something that wouldn't immediately remind him of home, but that could also comfort him. Blaine left him to it and walked to stand just outside the closet.

"How was the date today?" Nick's voice carried to Kurt.

"I don't think it was really a date. Although, that still went over better than any of the actual dates I went on. I like him. You were right about him being more my type, and he and his band were pretty good the other night."

Kurt's eyes swam with tears. Of course Blaine was interested in the guy he'd gone to coffee with. He wiped at his eyes and hoped that he wouldn't cry over this. He tried to find a movie, but couldn't see anything. He grabbed one at random and then another and after taking a few deep breaths handed them to Blaine.

"Oh, ready? Alright, cool. See you guys. Thanks, Jeff, I'll get them back to you later." Blaine smiled at them and turned to Kurt as they got back to the hall, "what'd you pick?"

Kurt shrugged and handed him the movies.

Blaine took the movies and laughed. "The Sound of Musical, okay, I have to ask, were you named after Kurt?"

Kurt nodded.

Blaine looked at the second and paused, "um…Kurt did you mean to pick this?"

It was The Wrestler and a very un-Kurt like movie.

Kurt shrugged and Blaine eyed him. "Right, well, I guess if you really want to watch it…"

Kurt continued to the stairs and Blaine followed. Kurt didn't even care that either movie he picked were not movies he wanted to watch. He didn't really feel up to a movie at all anymore. All he wanted was to go home. To sleep in his bed at home and wake up to his dad having burnt the toast again despite Kurt telling him to not bother making breakfast. He wanted to be able to go to Glee club and sing his heart out.

It had all been a mistake: Coming to Dalton and thinking that he could make Blaine fall for him. It was all a joke. Of course Blaine wouldn't like him. The kiss had meant nothing, it hadn't been a representation of his repressed feelings. Kurt was just being silly again and just making things up in his head and of course he was going to end up hurt.

"Kurt? Are you okay? Kurt?"

Kurt didn't answer, walking past their room to David's and Thad's and walking in without knocking, barely realizing that Blaine had followed.

- - -

From the diary of Kurt Hummel

- - -

If there was one thing Thad didn't understand, it was Battleship. He flitted from one side of the bed to the other trying to understand what the point was. Wes kept glaring at him every time he came around to his side and David kept asking for information on what was going on with Wes. He tried to get Thad to tell him with book incentives that Thad knew better than to take, if only because Wes was scary.

He'd just gotten to Wes' side, when the door burst open, sending a misplaced stack of books to the floor, but Thad could have cared less when he saw Kurt's face, splotchy, scrunched up, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I'll get the books," Wes said.

Thad nodded, absently, "thanks." He walked over to Kurt.

Kurt seemed to be gasping for air, but he fell into Thad, soundless sobs that made what sounded like choking sounds escaped him but not much else and Thad wished he could do something more for this boy that he'd grown to care way too much about in too short a time.

"Oh, Kurt, what did he do? Or did Rachel say something…"

Kurt couldn't tell him, and Thad didn't think he would have been able to write or type anything out in his current state. Blaine appeared then, holding two movies, looking confused and Thad wanted to beat him over the head, tie him to chair and present Kurt to him and get him to finally see the light. He'd never though Blaine blind or so confused before, but he was about this boy.

"What happened Blaine?" David asked, standing up.

Blaine shrugged, "no idea. After Thad left, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie to take his mind off whatever was bothering him, so we went to Jeff's room and I told him to pick something out. I did think he'd take longer, but he came out pretty quick with these two, and one of them isn't exactly something he'd watch. I asked him about it and he got upset and came here."

Thad rubbed circles on Kurt's back. He was limp in his arms, still crying a little, but trying to calm down.

Wes squeezed his shoulder.

"It doesn't have anything to do with you, Blaine," Wes said, frowning at Thad.

Thad shook his head. Kurt didn't want Blaine to know.

Blaine frowned, and Thad thought he looked as upset as Kurt did, except that he was holding his emotions better. Still, there was something there that Thad had never seen in Blaine's eyes before.

"…doesn't mean he can't confide in me," Blaine muttered, "I thought he trusted me, but obviously the three of you know, so I guess not."

Thad didn't understand. Was Blaine jealous? He really couldn't focus on Blaine, not when Kurt was hurting. Kurt who no one should ever have wanted to hurt. He took the other boy to his bed and sat him down now that he was quieter.

He fetched Kurt a water bottle and Kurt took it at once, taking a few gulps of water down.

"I…" Blaine stopped, finding Kurt's eyes and walking towards him, "Kurt, whatever it is, all I want to do is help. You're my best friend, Kurt, and I can't…I don't want to see you in this much pain."

Thad could see it, now, the love and the longing in Blaine. It was all in his body language, the way he looked at Kurt and stood, leaning towards him, hands fisted at his sides so he didn't touch him. It was this hesitance, this idea that Blaine had that Kurt didn't need him that way that would doom them. Kurt would give up and Blaine would not only lose this wonderful boy, but Kurt wouldn't get his voice back changing his entire life forever, and he wouldn't get to be with Blaine.

Thad had read many books in his lifetime, all kinds of books. Fiction, non-fiction, biographies, memoirs, anything he could get his hands on. He'd read the greatest tragedies and the greatest love stories. Sometimes, he liked to view people as books and looking at Kurt and Blaine, he didn't want the label to be tragedy. Their story needed to be one of those romantic comedies that had all the strife and journey that made the goal all the better; it needed every moment of misunderstanding and pain, but at the end - when they reached the last page - there needed to be that happily ever after. Kurt and Blaine needed to be a fairy tale. A fairy tale from the modern world.

Kurt pulled back from Blaine, turning his face away. A flash of hurt passed through Blaine's eyes and he moved away from the younger boy.

"Okay," he said, clearly shaken, "I guess…" He took a deep breath, "you don't need me, then, I…I'll see you later."

Blaine turned and walked to the door, he paused to look back at Kurt as if he wanted to say something, but he shook his head. He missed seeing the broken expression on Kurt's face as he watched him go.

"Kurt?" Wes asked gently.

He was crying again, but his shaky hand reached for something.

"What is it? What do you need?" David looked around the room.

Kurt made a writing motion.

David grabbed his laptop and put in his password, opened a word document and handed it quickly to a still crying Kurt.

Thad couldn't picture Kurt years from now, still grasping at written means of communication, trying to get his thoughts out in any way he could and still failing at getting tone or sarcasm to someone that didn't know him, forever mourning his voice and regretting using the stage.

'He likes that guy he met when he was drunk, the one he went out to coffee with…and all I want is my dad. I want to go to his room and open all the drawers of my mom's wardrobe and just smell her. I can't do this anymore. He'll be happy with whatever his name is…I don't…I can't keep waiting for him. I love him too much. I want to go home.'

Thad shook his head. "No, Kurt. No, you can't. Your voice…"

He shrugged and began typing away again, reaching up from time to time to wipe away his tears.

Wes and David had their arms around each other and were waiting, silently, as if they for once didn't know what to say.

'I could be happy someday, come to accept it. I just…I'm so tired. He kissed me and it was the best and worst thing to ever happen. He was there, so close and I knew still far away. My dad's getting married…and I can't not be there. I love Blaine, but I already gave up my voice and I just can't tear myself apart more. One day I know he'll feel the same, but it isn't today and I can't stand to even be around him anymore. I'm sorry.'

- - -

From the secret blog of Thad Jameson

- - -

You said you were free tonight, right? Well, how about a date? - Blaine

The text sat on his phone screen for a while, before Blaine sent it. He needed a distraction and he needed this. Kurt didn't trust him, and it obviously had something to do with the kiss. If that was any sign that Blaine should just not try to change their friendship into anything else, then Blaine needed to heed it.

Kurt seemed to like Thad anyway.

Sure. Pick you up in an hour? - Sebastian

Blaine responded in affirmative and picked out a different outfit for that night, trying not to think about what Kurt would say about the entire ensemble. From time to time he wound up just staring at Kurt's side of the room, wishing the other boy was there. He didn't even know why he'd texted Sebastian anymore, but he didn't want to just sit around knowing that Kurt was in the other room and obviously didn't need him.

He saw Kurt again when he was leaving.

Kurt still looked upset, but resigned somehow and he wrapped his arms tightly around Blaine, surprising him. Blaine hugged him back at once.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to stay with you? I was going to get something to eat, but I could cancel on…"

Kurt shook his head before he could finish.

"Are you sure?"

Kurt motioned for him to go and opened the door to their dorm, Blaine felt Kurt's eyes on him as he walked away and for some reason there was some finality to it. When he turned, however, Kurt was already in their room.

Sebastian was outside leaning against his car and he greeted Blaine with a hug, before letting him into his car, a beat up pick up.

Conversation flowed easily between them, even though half the things he said reminded Blaine of Kurt for some reason. They hadn't before, but everything was Kurt, now.

"Is something wrong?" Sebastian asked when they reached the restaurant.

"I don't know," Blaine said with a sigh.

"Well, earlier today you were sort of conflicted and then you asked me out, out of the blue. What happened, Blaine?"

Blaine shrugged, not wanting to answer. He's texted Sebastian, he knew, because he wanted some sort of distraction. Somehow, he couldn't be distracted from Kurt.

"It's your roommate, then?" Sebastian said, he sat back. "Nick mentioned him to me…said there could be something going on."

Blaine nodded, stiffly.

"Okay, then what are we doing here, Blaine? I like you, I told you that, but that wasn't to make you feel bad about not liking me the same way…what's holding you back from him?"

Blaine didn't even know anymore. He couldn't think of any excuse that should keep him from Kurt. "I…"

He'd kissed Kurt and Kurt hadn't reacted like he thought he should have considering Karofsky. He'd been telling himself for days that he wouldn't bring it up or think about it through how it had affected Kurt rather than him.

"I kissed him," he said at last, with a gasp. It was as if, finally saying it out loud, admitting it, made it real to him. "That night I was drunk, I kissed him…and I pretended I forgot. He's had a bad history with kissing and I thought maybe this would hurt him somehow, but he didn't bring it up too and now…I just, I don't know…"

Sebastian sighed and dropped his head to his hands, rubbing his eyes, before he looked up again, "you know, and I'm happy for you."

"What?"

Sebastian turned the key and the car sprang to life. "I'll take you back," he said.

"No!"

Sebastian's hand dropped from the wheel. "What is it?"

Blaine took a deep breath. "I don't want to go back just yet, can we just do something for a bit…I need to think about this some more. He…he's mute…I…I've always…that shouldn't matter to me."

Sebastian pulled out of the parking lot. "I'll take you out for coffee again, alright? That'll give you enough time."

When Blaine got back to Dalton, he noticed at once that Kurt's car wasn't in its spot. He said nothing to Sebastian, but smiled at him as best as he could and headed towards Stevenson.

Thad, Wes, and David were in the common room and it was surprising to see that there was no one else. Thad was on the phone.

"Come on, Rachel, you have to stop him. Don't let him do that…you know what will happen…"

Blaine stopped at the door, "what's going on?" He asked and then when they didn't answer, "where's Kurt?"

Thad was listening to the girl on the phone with him.

"I know he's miserable, just try to…Blaine's back, just make him really think about it, distract him, anything. We'll get there….I'm telling him."

Blaine looked between them. "What's going on?" He asked again, already fearing the worst.

He'd come, almost ready to go up there and see Kurt and tell him just what he was feeling…and now…

Wes and David approached him. "We have to go," David said grabbing his arm. "Come on, we'll explain on the way. Can you drive Wes?"

- - -

From the journal of Blaine Anderson

- - -

Kurt tried to smile at Rachel, but failed. He took a deep breath and stepped up onto the stage. It was different this time, harder to get up there now that he knew. His hands shook at they touched the microphone, holding it hard between them. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He opened his lips and without any effort and for the first time in weeks a note rang out loud and clear.