The black clouds should have come sweeping down like those antediluvian plagues of locusts...but they didn't.

Yes, my body was aflame with pain. Yes I was absolutely miserable. Yes, the beatings were worsening again. But at this moment, I have a stunning boy to keep the fog at bay.

We both pulled into Dalton around the same time on Sunday evening. Him already rising out of his Navigator and retrieving his suitcase as I pulled in on the crunching gravel. His face broke into one of his great smiles, the kind with pearly teeth, not his reserved one. He dragged his bag over towards me as I grabbed mine out of the trunk.

"Hi Blaine Devon."

"Hi," my formerly cracked glass eyes glowed with pleasure.

"What? You're not going to fight me on your name?"

"I have a feeling that we are never going to resolve this issue, so I decided to let you win."

"Oh? How kind of you."

"Mm," I took his bag out of his hand to carry it. Yes it hurt (a whole darn lot), but one must always remember to be a gentleman...especially around one's crush.

"Oh, I could have gotten that..." He tried to reach back for it.

"I know, " I walked quicker, out of his reach, "But just go with it."

"Ok...well thanks."

"Welcome."

I lugged both bags up the stairs (Kurt packed a LOT of stuff!), my sore shoulder sizzling, my shins bruised blue, and up to Kurt's room.

He opened the door to let me set the suitcase inside, "Um, so, I-I missed you this last week..." Kurt looked anywhere but my eyes, blushing lilies.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"No! No, you were fine...it's just, um...Would you like to go try and find some decent coffee again with me sometime?"

"Oh! Yeah, sure, definitely. Um...when? When were you thinking?"

"I-I guess Friday? If that's ok?" This was silly, we had been to coffee before, why the sudden stumbles? What was so different about now?"

"That's great, yeah..."

"Ok."

"Ok..."

"So...I'll see you tomorrow morning then..."

"Yeah, see ya,"

I had about half my body out the door when I stuck my head back in at Kurt's voice. He was right there, inches away, hands wringing behind his back as he worried his rich lips.

Stunning.

"It's nice to see you again."

That's why it was different.

It was gone so fast, I was out alone in the hall before my mind even thought of catching up with my nerves, skin, heart. I stood watching the door with my mouth parted, seeming to think that if I stood long enough it might open again to reveal that resplendent boy.

It didn't.

I was just left with the soft ghost of a memory. His face looming down, rosy, then lips of the top of my cheekbone, right under my eye. My hand lifted to the spot and rested there, trying to feel again what I had felt moments before, that soft mouth pressed for barely a breath against my skin.

If only he could understand that, to me, it wasn't JUST a peck on the cheek.

He was kissing my wounds away.

•••

"So how were all the kids?"

"Um, they were fine, I guess. Annoying, but fine, "Simon stammered out in his usual squeaky way, "What about you? You look tired, rough holiday?"

"You could say that..." He eyed me warily from across the room.

"Huh...well so how are things with Kurt, hmm?"

"Oh...so you know about that?"

"I think the whole school knows it. Honestly Blaine, you go on coffee dates, hang out daily, and you blush like crazy every time he even approaches you."

"Oh...well um, today he, um-"

"Yes...?"

I ducked my head and let it out as one rush of a word, "hekissedmeonthecheek."

"He...what?"

I puffed air out of my lips, "He kissed me on the cheek."

"Oh my god! Really? Congratulations!" Simon's eyes inflated behind his thick glasses, "Does anyone else know?"

"No...I think it would be rude to blab it all over the school. If even one Warbler found out, it would only take about ten seconds before anyone else knew."

"True, Kurt and you are going to be adorable. God, I sound like a teenage girl, look what you've done to me Blaine!"

"What?"

"I have never made a sound like that until I figured out that you had a crush on Kurt."

"Like what?"

"I actually squealed Blaine. Squealed!"

Oh Simon, "Have you ever dated anyone?"

"Nope, never even been asked out."

"Sorry to hear that, but at least now I know I'm not the only one."

"Nope, I am. You are crushing on a boy who is seriously crushing on you back. I think you are a lot closer to getting a boyfriend than I am. Well you're definitely closer to getting a boyfriend, especially since I like girls..."

"You'll find a nice girlfriend, don't stress it."

"Blaine, I have never even been asked out! You at least are cute!"

"You're cute!"

"No, you're saying that because you can't physically find it in you to be even remotely rude. I'm not cute, I am the ultimate nerd."

"Well, being nerdy is kinda in right now so..."

"No being a FAKE nerd is in, not a real one."

"Well you play soccer and stuff."

"Ok, so I have like ONE thing going for me."

"Well you're also good with kids, smart, and...and you're really nice."

He cocked his head at me with a tiny smile, "Thanks Blaine, you're quite nice yourself."

•••

The pain was like a thousand razor blades being scraped down the inside of my skull, like elephants stomping on my shins. I tried singing to keep calm, it worked for awhile. Broadway, folk, pop, oldies, anything I could think of. Simon was pretty used to my clammer by now, I didn't hold back anymore. I just let myself go, fly, run, not caring wether or not my mousy suite-mate would judge me (which he would never. Simon was wonderful). I had also regularly started leaving little tokens of courage hidden away in Kurt's room, more to myself than him. I knew he found them, I could see him carrying them around in his bag, and I knew he knew that I was the giver. He never mentioned it though, realizing that it was something beyond words, something to be shared in glances and feelings. I think he also knew that it was helping me, almost more than it seemed to be helping him.

•••

I walked into the Junior commons to be met by a very disgruntled and confused Kurt seated across from an amused Jeff. They had a large deck of playing cards on a table between them.

"Wait, I don't understand this game!"

"Well you just try and get as close as you can to 21, you just draw cards, it's not that hard."

"But it's just luck! That's not a game! That's just picking up cards!"

"Playing 21 then?" I asked, Kurt looked up at me with one of his "looks".

"So you like this game too?"

"Yeah! Jeff taught me how to play when we were freshmen. I won every time."

"How can you win every time! This game is stupid!"

"Blaine has the best beginner's luck I have ever seen. It was insane."

"Yes, I pride myself in that."

"And you make fun of me for not being humble," Kurt mumbled.

"Well ya know Kurt, Wes is over there looking for someone to play Scrabble with..." Jeff smirked.

"No! I played with him yesterday! He spends like an hour looking for each word."

"I swear he has the entire dictionary memorized just so he can always win."

"Exactly why no one will play with him."

"Well he got David to play with him, but only because he bribed him with a packet of gummy bears."

"He's getting desperate..."

"Well so Kurt, am I going to have to bribe you or will you willingly play 21 with me."

"Fine, fine. I'll play the stupid game."

I left them to battle out their luck, and walked across the room to where Nick and Trent were perched. I just had to pass Wes on the way.

"Hey! Hey, Blaine! Wanna play Scrabble!" He jumped up so hopeful out of his chair.

"Um, no, not really..."

"Pleeeaaase!"

"You could bribe someone else."

"So you heard about my unclean methods?"

"It was just candy, I think you're ok. I bet you could rope in Thad if you did his homework." I smirked, waiting for the outburst that was sure to come.

"I could NEVER do that! People need to expand their minds on their own accord! I cannot resort to such TERRIBLE methods!"

"Whatever Wes, but I think you are only left with unsuspecting freshmen for opponents now."

"Fine, I'll just go to the main commons and wait for some then." Wes picked up his game board and started to exit the warm colored room.

"I was kidding you know Wes, don't prey on the underclassmen."

"Well I'm not kidding! I need an opponent!" With triumph he strutted out.

A Junior at the next table over had his eyebrows raised in shock, obviously having not spent enough time around Wes, "He is too serious about Scrabble..."

"Hey Blainers!"

"Hey Nick, Trent."

"So I see your love interest is hanging around my bestie, jealous yet."

"Um no, 'cause Jeff is straight. You jealous?"

"Nah, if Kurt is hanging around my bestie then I'll get to hang around Kurt some more. Kurt's cool." Nick gave a firm nod.

"Yeah, he's great, and a wonderful addition to the Warblers." Trent piped in.

"I'm glad that he seems to be fitting in."

•••

"So I figured I would give you your report on Kurt's wellbeing. Hah! This is awesome I feel like a spy!"

"Um...ok, my what?"

"Well you are always asking about him so I figured I could just make it a thing."

"Alright," I figured I should just go with it, "So, um, how is he doing?"

"Sleeping better, eating more, and he seems more comfortable hanging around me now."

"So you guys are pretty close then?"

"Yeah, I told him I would beat up anyone who laid a finger on him. Well I mean like, if they lay a mean finger on him. You can lay a finger on him if it's nice, like if you're kissing and stuff."

"Yeah, Carver, I got what you meant..." Wow, ok...

"So yeah...he's doing a lot better. He calls home like every day too." I wish I had someone back home that I wanted to talk to everyday. Someone who would want to talk to me back.

"Thanks for looking after him, that's really cool of you."

"Same to you, that's what friends do though huh?"

"Yeah."

•••

"Good evening Blaine Devon, would you care to accompany me to find the absolute best coffee in Westerville?"

"Of course."

Kurt seemed to have a miniature debate within his head before he stuck his hand out towards me. It was something so simple, benign, a hand. One used hands for everything, often forgetting that they were even there, but when offered a hand by another, it was suddenly so much more. It was a life ring saving me from drowning, an unspoken promise that, if I held on, I would be okay.

All I wanted was to be okay.

I took it, of course, he seemed to relax a bit as I squeezed it, a soft cotton smile playing across my features. Neither one of us let go until we reached Kurt's car, earning us many foxy grins on the way.

We parked in the main part of Westerville and decided to walk around the glassy snow-covered streets. Eventually we voted just to go into the first coffee shop we saw, which turned out to be a very classy looking place, everything modern glass and squares, leather couches and geometric tables.

The barista looked exceedingly bored, "Hi, what do you want."

"A Medium Drip and Grande Non-fat Mocha, please."

"'Kay, they'll be ready in a couple minutes."

"Thanks."

We leaned up against the counter waiting, when the steaming cups arrived we made our way to the table nearest the window, where we could watch the bundled pedestrians mingle in the frost.

We had only been seated for about five minutes when the door opened with a frigid gusto and three middle aged women came in. The immediately reminded me of my mother's friends, classy, shallow, and rude queens of gossip. I saw them looking at us over Kurt's head, he was still completely oblivious and was rattling on cheerfully about the pros and cons of a new shampoo that was in a magazine. This was not going to be good.

One of the ladies approached us with a revoltingly fake smile plastered across her primped lips, "Excuse me, if you don't mind, we don't want to have our gathering interrupted by, well, shall we say, distasteful people like you." She cocked her head and gave a look that was apparently supposed to be apologetic.

Kurt stiffened with obvious fury, "I'm sorry."

Another woman came to join the current one, "Well young man, Julianne here was just trying to tell you kindly that homosexuals are not welcome here."

"Excuse me ladies, " god I hope I can stop this, "My friend and I were just trying to have a nice coffee, if you don't want to be near us then you could sit at a table across the room."

"We always come here, you don't have a right to tell us what to do, now please leave before you cause this to become any worse than you've already made it." Could grown up women REALLY be this immature?

This cracked Kurt, "And so you have the right to tell US what to do? We weren't even bothering you. You approached us and ruined OUR afternoon, you could have perfectly well left us alone and you know it, " the whole shop was pen-drop silent by this point, glued to the unfortunate commotion at our table, "We did not cause this situation, you did."

"How rude! Gays really are terrible people." Julianne's voice was so calm and chiming.

Like my father's.

Not now, not now. I needed to get out of here before I lost all cause to breath.

"Kurt," I mumbled tugging on his sleeve, "Come on, let's just take our drinks and go."

"Blaine, we can't let them win!" He hissed back, already puffing up for a steaming battle of words.

I needed cold, now, "Kurt, please." I grabbed both my cup and his arm, pulling him up and out before anyone else could say a single word. I didn't stop speed walking until about a block later when I practically fell onto a park bench. I placed my face into my hands, sucking in air at an alarming rate, Kurt sat beside me with his face upturned, shaking, livid.

"It really shouldn't hurt after all this time," his voice sounded small, like a cat caught in too tall of a tree, finally he was deflating.

"But it does," I finished for him.

"It does. God I wanted to hit them so bad! I still do!"

I couldn't stand it anymore, I yanked off my blazer, loosened my tie, and rolled up my dress shirt sleeves. Finally sitting up, breathing better.

"Blaine, you're going to get frostbite."

No Kurt. Please don't do this I thought. I can't not right now, I can't. As much as you make me comfortable, I still need this. I begged him with my eyes to drop it. To please just let me freeze.

He huffed out a frozen cloud of air, "fine then, the guys told me not to hassle you about it. I just can't help but worry though," Kurt's voice was calmer now.

"We might as well still try and make something out of the afternoon..."

"Yeah, I guess."

We both sounded so dejected, it was sad.

"The library is just a couple of blocks that way, why don't we go there. Get you out of the cold."

"And you."

It hurt deep that he cared so much about something he wasn't going to be able to fix.

•••

The smell of books was calming in itself, yellowing pages, dusty covers. The smell of hidden dreams and tremendous adventures. I was washed over in that great tide of quiet voices and crackling paper. Neither of us really knowing what to say, we headed to a secluded corner of the library, the one with the old encyclopedias, no one was going to bother us there. It was silly because we had both been stabbed in the exact same way and knew precisely what the other was feeling, but we both too humiliated and beaten down to know what to do.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Not your fault."

"Doesn't help."

"I know. Believe me." I do.

I reached across to squeeze his hand quickly, the burns were still too fresh on my mind, so I didn't let my grip linger, but I hoped it helped.

It helped me.

Kurt sucked in a breath and then let it out as a shaken sigh, "So...um..."

"Yeah..." We both searched for anything to talk about.

"What are you planning on doing after high school?"

"College, then I don't really know. What about you?" I didn't like talk of the future, I wasn't sure I would exactly get one.

"Well, I want to go to New York, they say don't settle on a location, settle on an occupation, but I can't help it, I love New York. The parks, the plays, city lights...the freedom."

"New York is pretty great, what do you wanna do there?"

"Well, I mean I've always dreamed of broadway, but kind of in the sense of how every middle school boy, except me of course, dreams of being in the NFL. It's not realistic really, but it would be so great."

"Same here...I actually did like football in middle school..." Oh those days.

"Seriously? I can't imagine you playing. No offense of course."

"Nah, you're good. I never played on a team or anything, I like sports but I like music better."

"Ah, but yeah so I think I want to do something in fashion design. While it is still incredibly competitive, there are more job opportunities, and I love it."

"You would be good at that. It's a pity that you're fashion side is being quenched by Dalton's uniforms."

"You have no idea. What do you want to do though?"

"Well my thoughts are the same on musical theater, but other than that I honestly have no idea what I want to do."

"Well you've got time."

"I guess..." It's not like I'll actually get a choice when it comes down to it. Whatever my father wants, I will do.

And I will hate myself for it.

Suddenly Kurt was rambling, seemingly trying to force it out before he lost the will, "So, I asked my dad, and he said yes, now I know it's a really long drive, so if you don't want to it'll be fine but-"

"Kurt!"

"Yeah?"

"What is it?" He was too cute when he got nervous.

"Would you like to come to Friday Night Dinner with me next week?"

"Oh Kurt, I couldn't. That's a family thing."

"But my dad said it would be fine, and Rachel Berry comes quite often."

"And look how much you can't stand it when she does."

"I hate her in general Blaine, not just during dinner. Anyways, I need someone there to suffer with me, I hate going to dinner alone when she's there." So if I went I would get to meet the lovely girl...great. I couldn't possibly impose though. But look at his hope filled face! How could I refuse?

"So you're sure it would be just fine?"

"As long as you don't mind the drive." If Kurt was there, any drive would be worth it.

"I'll come." I was still unsure, but what could I do.

Kurt's face slipped into a glowing smile, "Oh! I can't wait! This'll be great!"

I couldn't wait either. Especially if it promised more smiles like that exquisite one.











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