How It Falls Apart
ElizabethWilde
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How It Falls Apart: Chapter 4


E - Words: 3,287 - Last Updated: Dec 31, 2011
Story: Complete - Chapters: 29/29 - Created: Oct 28, 2011 - Updated: Dec 31, 2011
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It felt as if the bottom had dropped out of the world. Kurt couldn't even feel the ground beneath his feet for a moment. He hovered somewhere between bliss and panic, the desire to lean forward and an overwhelming desire to run - whether to save himself or Finn, he really wasn't sure. Around the time he noted that Finn's lips were surprisingly soft, Kurt finally found the strength to pull back. He wondered what he looked like because he couldn't even begin to sort out what he was feeling. "Finn..."

Finn barely recognized his own name being whispered from those oh-so-sweet, pillow soft lips. That was how thick the stupor of desire had fogged his senses. It was only when he realized he was no longer kissing Kurt that Finn blinked open his eyes and stared incredulously at his stepbrother. "I don't wanna stop," he told Kurt, more sure of that than anything in the world. "Do you?" Finn's hand caressed its way to the back of Kurt's neck, drawing him in close again.

Kurt shivered at the touch and found himself leaning in despite his better judgment. The thought that Finn was drunk, that the alcohol was the only thing fueling the whole thing, hit Kurt with enough force to bring tears to his eyes. Of course Finn would never do something like this sober. That was crazy. This was crazy. Kurt put his hands on the other boy's chest, bracing himself, and found that the contact didn't exactly lessen his desire to continue. "You wouldn't do this... not... not if..." Feeling absolutely ridiculous for being on the verge of tears, Kurt looked away from the other teen's too-handsome face and tried to catch his breath.

"Kurt..." Finn forced the other teen to look at him again. He caressed Kurt's flushed cheek with his free hand, while the other remained firm on the back of his neck. "...I've wanted to kiss you all day," Finn admitted, certain of his feelings despite the confusion he felt over them. He brushed his forehead against Kurt's, craving the contact and finding it more intoxicating than before. "I should've told you. I... should've said *something*..."

Kurt could barely breathe. His fingers curled in the lapels of Finn's tuxedo out of genuine fear that his legs might give out without the support. The whole thing was like a dream. He'd actually had several that weren't the least bit dissimilar from what was happening, but in those dreams, Quinn was out of the picture and he didn't have to think about breaking anyone's heart. The whole thing was too much. He found himself looking to Finn as if the other teen might somehow be able to hand him all the proper solutions to the strange moment they found themselves trapped in. Finn's proximity made the whole thing that much more surreal, and Kurt forget that there was any chance of someone else being anywhere nearby as he fought to catch his breath. "Feel like I'm going to wake up... be back in my room..."

"Your room?" An idea sparked in Finn, and he was quick to jump on it. "Let's go back there, get away from here... just you and me?" Reluctantly releasing his grip on Kurt, he was already scanning the parking lot for the limousine that had brought him and Quinn to the prom and dragging Kurt toward it without waiting for his stepbrother's answer. All Finn wanted was to be alone with him, to tell Kurt everything he had been feeling even if he didn't understand it himself.

Kurt stumbled along behind Finn without being able to find the words to say no. He didn't want to say no. He wanted to be swept up and swept along and to believe that the whole thing wasn't just some crazy, alcohol-induced hallucination for either of them. Kurt's heart pounded as he held Finn's hand a bit more firmly. The sight of the limo jarred one thought loose in his brain, and before he could stop it, he squeaked, "Quinn?" She was going to kill them both, probably sooner rather than later.

Hearing Quinn's name did nothing to stop Finn from pulling Kurt close and telling him gently but firmly, "What about her? This isn't about her, it's about us. I'm not stopping now, Kurt - not for anything." He gazed deeply into Kurt's eyes, making no mistake about how serious he was despite his inebriated state, then he opened the limo door and shuffled his stepbrother inside. Finn leaned forward and gave the driver, who had been waiting patiently, directions before sitting back and once more reaching for Kurt's hand. "D'you think I'm crazy?" he asked, wearing a lopsided grin.

"Yes." The word was out of Kurt's mouth before he could stop it, and the shock was enough to break the tension for a moment. He found himself smiling, and the world felt slightly less as if it were spinning off its axis. "Obviously." Kurt had recovered some of his equilibrium and arched an eyebrow at Finn. "What else am I supposed to think?" He lifted their conspicuously joined hands as if to illustrate the point. "This is... not something that happens. And now..."

Finn just sort of grinned stupidly. He glanced down at his hands as if they might magically give him an answer. When none was forthcoming, Finn sighed and turned his attention back to Kurt. "Okay, I know I'm kinda out of it here," he started. Kurt’s hand felt so warm that Finn's train of thought momentarily derailed. "But, I want'cha to know it's not the punch talking. I..." He swallowed, all the while gazing at Kurt. "I don't know what's happening, but... I started feeling this way... for you... and I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner."

Kurt bit his lip and tried to understand what Finn was saying over the sound of his common sense telling him to be very, very careful. "So what do you want?" He looked up, uncertain but fighting to sound calm and in control as much as possible. "You're with Quinn, and I'm with Blaine and... and I'm not ready to go back in the closet, Finn. I can't." The young man found himself holding his breath as he waited to hear what Finn was thinking, what his stepbrother had in mind if anything. Finn could be terribly impulsive, never more so than with relationships. His romantic track record was more like a chronicle of disaster, and Kurt knew that if he had any sense at all he would probably run screaming in the other direction before things got any messier.

Finn sighed, "I don't want you to go back in the closest." He reached up and cupped Kurt's cheek, gently stroking his warm skin. It felt so good to be touching him that Finn almost lost himself in the moment. "You're perfect, and I want you just the way you are." His mouth hungry to taste Kurt's again, Finn drew closer and, taking care that his stepbrother didn't pull away, he kissed him softly, moaning at the contact.

Kurt didn't bother even trying to stop the other teen. He didn't want to. He hadn't wanted to the first time. Common sense would catch up soon enough, and for a second Kurt wanted to pretend that none of the barriers that he could feel looming in front of them existed. Kurt could barely find the mental power to breathe as Finn's lips met his once again. This time he knew that Finn wanted him. Crazy as it was, Finn really wanted him. Finn knew exactly who he was kissing, and he was still doing it. The thought alone made Kurt lightheaded, and he didn't stop to think what might be going through the driver's head as his hands came to rest on Finn's shoulders.

Finn had never kissed anyone the way he kissed Kurt. He quite literally melted as the other boy's hands brushed his shoulders. Kurt's touch set him on fire and, somewhere in the back of Finn's mind, he cursed himself for being so blind for so long. He briefly wondered if he could ever find the words to apologize to Kurt for being so stupid, but then Kurt's slick tongue was caressing his again and Finn couldn't think anymore. His blood raced, his heart pounded, and Finn only broke the kiss when he was forced to draw in breath. He gazed wide-eyed at Kurt for a long moment. Raising his fingers, he ran then along Kurt's beautiful face. "I just love the way you feel," he whispered.

Kurt blushed but couldn't help smiling. "Feeling's mutual." The smile faltered just slightly as he reached out to touch Finn's cheek. It was an intimate gesture, one he'd never thought he would be allowed in such an equally intimate setting. The dark limo felt as if it was a whole other world. They'd stepped through the mirror into a place Kurt barely understood. "We have to talk to them first. Quinn and Blaine. I don't know what's going on with you and Quinn," Kurt hurried to add, "but... I don't want to hurt him. Not more than I have to."

Finn sighed heavily, closing his eyes and savoring the feel of Kurt's hand on his cheek. "Can we worry about that tomorrow?" he asked gently. "I don't want you to hurt Blaine, and I don't want to hurt Quinn, but..." He opened his eyes and, heavy-lidded, gazed hopefully into Kurt's. "...Tonight, can we focus on us?" They had a lot to deal with including emotional consequences Finn simply did not want to think about. Right now, all he wanted was Kurt.

There was absolutely no way that Kurt could say no to that. His stomach fluttered, and he nodded at once. They would talk about it. He'd secured that much of a promise. The rest would just have to take care of itself because Kurt didn't think he could make himself hold Finn back any longer. It was too difficult to do as it was.

As if to break the spell for a moment, the limousine pulled to a stop. Flustered, Kurt quickly checked to see that his hair was more or less in place. "Inside?" He was thankful that their parents had taken the evening to do a date night of their own because he knew he would have looked as uneasy as he felt otherwise, and his father would have picked up readily on the strange signals.

His pulse hammering, Finn nodded and hurried Kurt along. He ached to touch him again, to kiss him, to do everything he'd been dreaming about but never dared to indulge... until now. Once they were safely inside, Finn wasted no time in grasping Kurt's shoulders, forcing him against the closed door and pressing the hottest, most ravenous kiss to that much too tempting mouth. He groaned at once, completely swept up in the moment.

Kurt felt like he was melting. Glad that they were more or less the same height, Kurt threw his arms around Finn's neck not just to get closer but also to give himself something to hang onto as he savored the feeling of his stepbrother's lips on his own. He said a silent prayer of thanks once more that their parents were out. His mind was too clouded to think of what might come next or of what to do. He only knew that as good as it had always felt when he and Blaine made out, it was absolutely nothing compared to the heat of Finn's mouth on his.

Burning up with desire for Kurt, Finn very nearly lost all control when he felt his stepbrother's arms encircling him. His body responded in kind, grinding against Kurt with feverish urgency. Although he had never been so close to another guy before, Finn's instincts took over and he found it far easier and natural than he ever realized. "Kurt," he gasped between kisses, lifting the other teen effortlessly and carrying him over to the bed. Finn was on top of him in an instant, unable to be apart from him. He writhed and groaned, his tongue plunging between Kurt's lips.

Kurt let out a sort of whimper and wished he hadn't. It sounded absolutely idiotic to his own ears, but it felt amazing. He was beginning to see that it wasn't just the way Finn looked that had kept Rachel coming back and even Quinn after everything they'd been through. He just wondered how the hell Quinn had managed to keep her panties on so long. It seemed like a waste of talent and- That thought did bring him up a bit short, and Kurt mustered the control to put his hands on Finn's chest and push him back just slightly. "Wait... you... I mean... you know I... um... haven't..." He was blushing to the very tips of his ears, and Kurt suddenly wished that he'd been more vigilant in trying to have guy-to-guy talks with Finn sooner since then he wouldn't be trying to confess his virginity at such an awkward moment.

Now that took Finn by surprise, and gave his ravenous hunger for Kurt pause for thought. He would have bet anything that Kurt and Blaine had already been together, the idea of which had only fueled his jealousy. Finn's rapidly beating heart gave a little lurch, and he beamed down at Kurt, comforting him softly, "Well, if it helps, I've never been with another guy before." Kurt looked so adorable, his perfect skin warm with a mixture of desire and bashfulness. Finn couldn't help wanting his stepbrother that much more. He kissed him again, groaning as he shifted his body to gaze deeply into Kurt's eyes. "Listen, I'm not going anywhere. We don't have to do anything you don't want." Another smile, then, "But, I think I might die if you say you want to stop..."

Kurt shivered at the look in Finn's eyes and the unreal sensation of being the focus of desire of someone he'd lusted after for years. The whole thing was enough to make his head spin in an absolutely wonderful way. "We don't have to stop," he clarified quickly. Frankly he wasn't looking to get away, but the idea of going too far did add a knot of uncertainty in his stomach. Everything was so new that Kurt didn't quite know where the line was, how much he could handle. Just the thought that Finn wanted him was a big deal. Rolling the idea of sex into the equation was a whole new level of difficulty. "Just... just slow? It’s not like you don't know where I live," Kurt pointed out with a slightly impish grin. "I'm not going anywhere."

Both satisfied and relieved by Kurt's answer, Finn could not resist diving in and licking one corner of his stepbrother's enticing mouth. "Good," he murmured, nipping at Kurt's bottom lip. "Cause I'm not about to let you go." Gazing into his eyes for a long moment, Finn returned Kurt's smile before burrowing under the other teen's chin and latching onto his throat. His mouth roamed all over Kurt's sleek neck, laving the graceful curves with his tongue. Finn relished the taste of him, having never sampled anything quite so sweet before.

Kurt shivered at the touch. He'd discovered with Blaine that his neck was a particularly sensitive area, and it seemed that Finn had taken only moments to discern the same thing. "There," Kurt encouraged, his legs splaying to let Finn settle more comfortably between them. He didn't want there to be any space between them that didn't have to be there. While Kurt wasn't ready to strip down and take things to the next level just yet, being touched and held by Finn was more of a thrill than he could have imagined.

Finn was in Heaven. Kurt felt so good beneath him, tasted incredible, and his scent was far more intoxicating than the alcohol he'd consumed earlier. His ravenous mouth traveled along one side of Kurt's throat and then down across the other. His hands roamed all over his stepbrother's body, which shivered beneath him. Finn caught his breath as the increasingly uncomfortable bulge in his tux's pants brushed against Kurt's groin. It was as if fireworks burst inside his brain, the sensation was so intense. "Kurt," he whispered, his hot breath gusting out over the other teenager's neck. "I don't... want... to stop..."

Kurt had never been so excited, so confused and so outright terrified in his whole life. He couldn't decide whether he was turned on or about to throw up. "Stop," he heard himself gasping, instinct apparently having taken over and made the decision he couldn't quite bring himself to. "Not... now. Not like this." The reasons filtered in behind the reaction, and Kurt tried to explain, "You're drunk and... and Blaine and Quinn... this just... not yet."

Buzzed out of his mind with a combination of cheap alcohol and raging teenage lust, Finn did not register Kurt's breathless protests until he was close to the point of no return. He drew back, blinked at Kurt as if seeing him for the first time. Something cold and sharp cut through the thick fog of desire clouding his brain when he caught himself about to start ravishing his step-brother all over again. "Kurt..." Finn croaked, barely recognizing his own voice even as he sobered a little. "...God, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... I..." He shifted abruptly, causing himself to groan as he made a clumsy attempt to lift himself off of Kurt.

Though he still felt his heart beating a mile a minute, Kurt forced a shaky smile. "It's fine. Really. I'm... it's fine." He couldn't remember ever having felt quite so awkward before. With Blaine it had been so much easier. They'd been close enough beforehand that Blaine had known the limits from the start, had wanted to take things just as slowly. Having to stop things so quickly when Kurt was only just beginning to understand how they started was jarring. "Just need to catch my breath."

Finn nodded dumbly, somehow managing to extricate himself from the tangle of limbs and rock back onto the bed. "Kurt," again he started, heaving in great lungfuls of air, "I didn't mean... to hurt you or... force myself on you..." Deeply ashamed and confused over his reckless actions, Finn glanced away quickly from Kurt. The action was so swift, however, that it left him feeling more lightheaded than before. He stumbled off the mattress and swayed drunkenly on his feet. Clutching Kurt's door for support, Finn whispered another "I'm sorry," before darting out of the room.

Shortly after, Kurt's cell phone illuminated with a text from Blaine: SORRY I COULDN'T MAKE THE PROM. C U TOMORROW?

Kurt was pretty sure that this was what having a heart attack felt like. The beat thrummed in his chest so loudly that Kurt was pretty sure anyone in the room would have heard it - if there had been anyone there anymore. Instead he was alone with the buzzing phone and thoughts so jumbled he wasn't even sure where to begin sorting them out. //One thing at a time,// Kurt told himself firmly before grabbing the phone from the nightstand and reading the message. He felt his stomach twist into a knot. What would he say? Was there anything *to* say? Would Finn regret the whole thing when he woke up hungover in the morning?

Without having any idea why he didn't just say no, Kurt found himself texting back: COFFEE @ 9

He set the phone back down and twisted his fingers together, half wishing that it was already the next day so that he could start figuring out just how bad the fallout was actually going to be.


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