Dec. 31, 2011, 6:01 a.m.
How It Falls Apart: Chapter 25
E - Words: 4,792 - Last Updated: Dec 31, 2011 Story: Complete - Chapters: 29/29 - Created: Oct 28, 2011 - Updated: Dec 31, 2011 200 0 0 0 0
Kurt woke with a sigh. He was comforted to see that he wasn't alone but disappointed that the rather pleasant dream he'd been having in which the previous evening had consisted of dancing, kissing and a rather explosive finale was entirely fiction. "Morning," he managed softly before reluctantly removing himself from the gentle warmth of Finn's arm draped over him. "I have a moisturizing routine to go through... and I'm guessing you have some water to drink and an aspirin to take." Kurt picked up both items - which he'd set out the night before, and handed them to the other boy before setting Finn's cell phone down next to him. "I think you're past the point of drunk dialing, so it's safe to trust you to check your messages. If you aren't too queasy, come downstairs when you're not covered in fake blood and I'll make you something for breakfast." It was the least that he could do considering how Finn had saved his sanity the night before. After a quick check to see that the hallway was clear, Kurt padded down it and back into his own bedroom to get ready for the day. He was none too eager to find out what it might hold once he allowed himself to see past the warm, safe bubble of his own house.
Finn watched Kurt depart with a deep longing his his heart. It was all he could do not to call his stepbrother back and beg to let him hold him for just a little while longer. He sat up, opened his mouth and grimaced at the fierce wave of nausea that crashed into him. He barely made it to the bathroom in time to puke his guts out. Miserably, Finn managed to straighten up with the help of his crutches and cleaned himself the best he could. He brushed his teeth, downed some mouthwash and somehow made his way to the kitchen. "Kurt?" he called, looking pale as a sheet. "Are you okay? I didn't even get a chance to ask..."
Kurt swallowed hard and considered that particular issue. "No," he finally answered with a rueful smile before whisking the eggs a bit more briskly. "No, I'm not. I have to call Blaine today. I know I do. And the thought of it right now... it just... Well, bacon and eggs first." It was a simpler, less fanciful dish than Kurt generally preferred, but he'd known that Finn would feel terrible. Not seeing past his own needs and wants had been what started things splintering with Blaine. He didn't want to make the same mistake with Finn. They were brothers whatever else happened. "Think you're up to eating?"
"I... don't know," Finn replied, clutching at his tummy as he felt it lurch. Kurt had gone to an awful lot of trouble, and Finn wasn't about to disappoint him. "I'll try... Thanks for looking after me." He lifted his eyes, feeling another pang of guilt over getting completely smashed last night. "I'm gonna try my best and not make it a habit." Finn's fingers itched for contact with Kurt and, as soon as his stepbrother was sitting at the table beside him, he reached out and clasped his hand. "You probably think I don't, but I remember everything we talked about last night," he started softly. "And, I meant every word I said. I love you, Kurt. I'm not afraid to admit it anymore. I just want you to know that, okay?"
Kurt squeezed back and smiled brightly. "Thank you. I know it's not exactly what you want to heart, but even if things are... different now... I'm always going to care about you. Always." He withdrew his hand and nodded to Finn's plate. "Now, see if you can get some food in your stomach. It may not seem like it, but it will help." Last night Finn's dinner had apparently consisted of beer and vodka, and considering how much the quarterback usually put away at meals, it was definitely not enough to keep him going. Kurt carefully loaded his own eggs and bacon onto toast to create a makeshift sandwich and found that he'd apparently been on the edge of starvation himself given how wonderful it tasted. Remembering the annoying buzz of Finn's cell the night before, he ventured, "Who called?" It wasn't a matter of being nosy, more a way to make some sort of conversation that didn't involve subjects he was far from ready to discuss - like the upcoming call to his potentially ex boyfriend.
"Ryan," Finn replied, warming at the mention of the other boy's name. "He wanted to make sure I got home alright, and to remind me not to miss community service today." He had no idea how he'd ever make it through his hospital duties the way he currently felt. There was no getting out of his enforced obligation, even if all he wanted to do was to stay home and be there for Kurt. "This's really good," Finn complimented after taking a tentative bite of his eggs. "I don't think I can eat it all, but you're awesome for doing this, Kurt." He smiled across the table, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Will you promise me something?" he asked softly. "No matter what happens, you'll call and let me know? I'm gonna be worried to death if you don't."
Kurt's lips set in a thin line for a moment, but he nodded solemnly. "Of course." He knew that Finn was worried. Unfortunately he knew he wouldn't get away with blowing the call to Blaine off if he had to report in. //Which is for the best,// he reminded himself. "I'll take care of things one way or another. Just don't answer if it will get you in trouble. I can always fill you in when you get home." He pushed Finn's orange juice a little closer. "Try to drink a little of it. Vitamins," he advised somewhat dimly, waving one hand. It was difficult to focus when all he could think about was how very, very much he didn't want to call Blaine and talk about the last thing in the world that he wanted to think about.
"I'm happy to get into trouble for you," Finn replied, his boyish grin returning as he took a sip from his orange juice. Being near Kurt made him feel worlds better, and he hated the idea of having to leave when his stepbrother needed him so much. "Don't you even think twice about calling me. Seriously." He meant it, and he wanted Kurt to know it. Even if he faced jail time, he'd drop everything and come home if things turned out for the worst. "Any chance you could give me a ride to the hospital? I'll understand if you didn't want to..."
"No, no... I'd like that." It gave him a little more time to get his thoughts together, and Kurt saw no point at all in Finn wasting cash on a cab. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" He gave the other teen a measured stare. "You look... well, you don't look quite yourself." It seemed like kicking the man when he was down to say that he looked like hell even if it was true. Especially when Finn was being so nice to him. "I'm sure we could get a stay or reschedule or something if you're feeling too sick."
Finn appreciated Kurt's concern, and he was sorely tempted to try and find a way to stay home with his stepbrother. "Thanks, but... If I don't go, I'll keep trying to convince you to be with me, and that's the last thing you need to hear right now." He shrugged his good shoulder, glancing up from his half-eaten eggs. "I'm pretty pathetic, huh? I keep hoping things'll be different... better for us..."
"They'll get better. Maybe just not the way we thought they would," Kurt allowed with a sigh. He could still hardly believe the words though there was no lack of sincerity in Finn's voice. What he would have given to hear them a year before! "But you should go. Either way, we don't want you getting into even more trouble. I want to get you out of it, not just have you get into even more. If you're done eating, I can drive you." //May as well get it all over with.// The sooner he got Finn to work, the sooner he could get the most painful phone call of his life finished. "I'll drop you off and then hang around until you're finished."
"Kurt, you don't have to do that," Finn protested, hating the thought of him waiting for God knows how long. "You want to talk to Blaine; you can't fool me." Imagining what might be in store for Kurt made his heart clench painfully inside of his chest. Plus there was the possibility of Kurt running into Damien, and the last thing Finn wanted was to open up another world of pain for his stepbrother. "Don't get me wrong here; I'm pissed at Blaine for hurting you, but I also know how much he means to you... and, well... you need to talk that's all..." //Stop being so damn noble, Hudson! Grab him and kiss him and don't let him go!// It took every ounce of Finn's willpower not to do exactly that. He reached for his crutches and painfully straightened from the table. "Okay, I'm ready," he sighed, his muscles strained with the emotion he was holding back.
"Good." Kurt popped up and led the way to the car, stopping once or twice to make sure that Finn didn't fall face forward onto the pavement. "You have to be careful," he reminded the other teen, more concerned than critical. The drive passed pleasantly enough. Kurt even let Finn choose the radio station once or twice, something he considered a sacrifice on par with losing temporary control of a limb. When they pulled to a stop in front of the building, Kurt gripped the wheel a little tighter for a second. "I'll wait for you. Honestly, I can call Blaine from the car. I'll be here whenever you're done." He waved his cell phone. "Plenty of Angry Birds waiting for me here if I get bored."
"Kurt..." Finn started to protest, only to freeze in his tracks when Kurt's expression made it clear that there would be no arguments allowed. //God, does he really know how much I love him?// "Okay," he relented, shifting out of his seat and nearly falling flat on the pavement again. Finn grasped his crutches, righting himself and glancing back at Kurt. "If you need me, come on in and find me," he said meaningfully.
Kurt couldn't help smiling at the sweet offer, though the smile faded once he found himself a parking spot in the visitor lot. There were no more excuses and no more little things to busy himself with. Kurt's fingers actually shook as he found Blaine's contact information in his phone and ordered it to dial with a few expert flicks of said fingers. //Don't throw up, don't throw up, don't throw up,// he chanted to himself as nervous fear twisted his stomach into angry knots.
When Blaine eventually woke, it was only due to a monumental effort as he found the grandfather of all hangovers waiting to greet him. Blaine groaned and clutched both hands on his aching head, feeling as if someone had driven a spike through it. "Oh... god..."
"Just go by Damien lately," came the muffled whisper from beside him. Damien winced at the light filtering in through the window and then again when he caught sight of the clock. He was glad they'd had a safe place to crash, but he hadn't intended to sleep until nearly noon. Reluctantly the young man pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked over at Blaine. "Hey..." He caught himself short of asking if the other teen was okay. He knew better than that. "Why don't you grab first shower? We can-" The gentle strains of Sarah McLachlan's "Blackbird" cover drifted through the room, and Damien grabbed for Blaine's phone on the nightstand before holding the phone out to him. He suspected that Blaine knew exactly who was on the other end of the line. "I'll take first shower. You take this."
Still trying to process waking up beside Damien while the events of last night flooded back to him, Blaine answered his phone, his voice cracking horribly, "Kurt? I... can't believe you're calling me..." There was no anger in his voice, only genuine surprise. Was Kurt really going to break up with him this way? Not even face him? Tears sprang to Blaine's eyes, and his stomach lurched sickeningly. He'd never felt worse in all his life.
"Neither can I," Kurt answered. The sound of Blaine's voice alone brought tears to his eyes. He’d intended to hash it all out right then and there, but Kurt realized just as suddenly that he couldn't. "Look, I have awhile until I need to pick Finn up from his community service. Can you... could you meet me at the Lima Bean? We should talk. Not... not on the phone. Not like this."
Without hesitation Blaine found himself agreeing, "Okay, I'll have to call a cab... Meet you in thirty minutes or so?" He didn't want to talk over the phone, not after everything he and Kurt had been through together. His heart ached, and Blaine felt hot tears spilling down his face. He choked on a deep-throated sob of emotion, barely able to say goodbye to Kurt. Tossing his phone aside, Blaine crawled out of bed and somehow made it into the bathroom without falling on his face. He stumbled toward the shower, tumbling under the spray and into Damien's arms. "Kurt... he wants to talk," he explained, crying softly, "...I told him I'd see him..."
The lurching hug threw Damien momentarily off-balance. He put a hand to the tiled wall to steady himself and felt his head and stomach lurch in unison. "Fuck, Anderson," he muttered before finding his footing and shoving Blaine more firmly under the shower. "Then let's clean you up." He knew that as shitty as he felt, Blaine probably felt a lot worse and on a lot more levels. Over Blaine's weak protests, Damien washed the other boy's hair and helped him wash off as much as either of their blurry movements allowed. Finally Damien more or less shoved the other boy out of the shower. "Dry off, get dressed, go talk to him." He closed the shower door and then opened it again, tone softer as he requested, "Tell me... I mean, call me so I know what... uh... how it goes?"
"I will... and, thank you," Blaine managed, still unsure over what had happened between him and Damien last night. Alcohol aside, he had readily fallen into Damien's arms and he remembered with startling clarity pleading with the other boy to comfort him. It was a lot to digest, especially when he didn't know where things stood with Kurt. He called a taxi and, looking like death warmed over, Blaine felt his nerves and his muscles knotting. Several times he thought the contents of his stomach were going to heave all over the back seat, but somehow he managed to keep his hangover in check. He paid the driver when the cab pulled up next to the Lima Bean, and Blaine shakily entered the establishment, his heart clenching at the sight of Kurt waiting for him. "Hi," it was the best he could think of to say without breaking down.
Kurt stared at the other boy, eyes slightly wide. He'd honestly never seen Blaine look anything but gorgeous. He'd had the flu once and had actually still looked stunning. Feverish, nose swollen, and still stunning. At the moment, he looked like he had one foot in the grave, and most definitely not in a sexy Robert Pattinson sort of a way. "Sit down before you fall down," Kurt answered after a moment's hesitation. He sighed, watching as the other boy complied. Blaine looked like another person. There were bags under his eyes and his hair was askew and somewhat frizzy from the complete lack of product. Kurt picked at the styrofoam on his cup for a few beats as if waiting for Blaine to start and finally rolled his eyes. "Oh, for crying out... What the hell happened?"
Blaine started, visibly twitching in his seat. "I could ask you the same thing," he retorted, feeling more horrible with each passing second. Summoning the strength, he leaned forward and fixed Kurt with an accusatory glare, bursting out, "We were alone for what? Five minutes? And I find you and Finn..." Blaine paused, unable to finish as the painful visual of Kurt and stepbrother crawling all over each other flashed before his eyes. Pure anguish gripped Blaine as he felt tears stinging his eyes.
Kurt looked every inch as confused as he felt, mouth hanging slightly open and brows knit. "Finn? What... I was with Mercedes in case you were so smashed you completely forgot! It took twenty minutes to get her damn wig straightened, and when I went looking for you, Wes said that you were in the garage and... and..." Kurt was read in the face and had to take a few deep breaths before he could continue without screaming and attracting attention from every other patron in the place. "I didn't see Finn until he and I got a cab together to get home since my ride was too busy getting sucked off by his ex boyfriend," Kurt hissed before sitting tall in the chair, back ramrod straight and eyes blazing. It felt good for a moment being too angry to cry, and Kurt embraced the protection of that fury gladly.
"But... I saw you! I know I did!" Blaine protested, unable to fully process what Kurt was angrily telling him. Suddenly he wasn't so sure of what he believed had happened before his eyes. Replaying last night's events, Blaine murmured half to himself, "You left with Mercedes and... that's when I..." He didn't start looking for Kurt until after he'd downed almost all of the spiked punch. All he had really spotted was a blur of white straddling Finn's lap... "Oh god..." He lifted shimmering eyes to Kurt, utter shock and disbelief making what little color left in his face drain away. "...Are you telling me... that really wasn't you with Finn?" It was barely a whisper. If he'd been wrong, then he had made the worst mistake of his life.
It was on the tip of Kurt's tongue to say 'Of course not,' but that wouldn't really wash. Not when he'd given Blaine more than enough reasons to think he would do exactly that. He found himself counting to ten in his head and wondering if clicking his heels together would have any affect on his current location. He sure as hell didn't want to be there anymore. Instead he found himself looking back at Blaine and hating the fact that he could only see the scene from the night before replaying in his mind. //You deserve this,// he reminded himself. //You put him through this too. You deserve it.// But even with the recriminations ringing clear, Kurt couldn't quite block the anger and the hurt. "No," he answered quietly instead of yelling, "no, it wasn't me. I was with Mercedes. I finally reminded her that she wasn't the only one with romantic plans for the evening. Then I went to look for you, Blaine."
"And I was with Damien..." Blaine's stomach lurched; leaping out of his chair, he dove into the bathroom and disappeared into a stall. Knowing he had believed the worst of the one person he loved most in the world was the catalyst to send his hangover spiraling out of control. Tears flowed as he emptied the contents of his stomach, and Blaine sprawled on the cubicle's cool floor an emotional and physical wreck. How could he have been so blindly stupid as to think that Kurt would throw himself into Finn's arms the instant they were apart?
Kurt hesitated for a beat before hauling himself up out of his chair and going after Blaine. Once the sounds of retching stopped, he knocked on the stall door. "Blaine, open up. Please? This is... we can both go catatonic later, but right now we need to figure this out." He couldn't just wait around to see what happened. They needed to make some decisions and find out where they stood. "We can stay in here if you think you're going to puke again," he offered, wondering if that was helping or hurting his case.
With an effort Blaine reappeared from the stall, looking worse than ever as he leaned against the door. Unable to bring himself to meet Kurt's gaze, he staggered over to the sink and splashed cool water on his face. It helped to clear his senses although the sickening nausea remained. Finally he glanced up at Kurt standing behind him in the mirror and, his heart shattered, Blaine's devastation was thick in his throat. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am," he murmured, visibly shuddering. "Last night was supposed to be special for us, and I... ruined everything. I could tell you it was the drink's fault, but I've got no one but myself to blame." Tears streamed uncontrollably down his face. "If I could believe that easily that you'd be with someone else, then there's something seriously wrong with me..."
Kurt swallowed hard, unshed tears standing in his own eyes. He forced a wavering smile. "With us. Not just with you. Blaine... I know it's my fault that this started. I made a mistake that I can't ever take back. Now you have too. I wish I could say that it makes us... even or something, but..." Kurt picked at a button on his shirt idly, not wanting to bring the speech to its logical conclusion and knowing that he had to. "We aren't even. We're just broken. I don't know if there's a way to fix it."
"Don't say that," Blaine sniffled, turning to fix shimmering eyes on Kurt. "I thought we could fix anything... together. Isn't that right, Kurt?" His expression, desperate and pleading, deepened as his sorrow and guilt over last night's events threatened to wrench him apart. "Can't we... just forget what happened?" he ventured softly. "Erase it like chalk on a blackboard and start over?" How could he even suggest such a thing? Despite being blind drunk, Blaine had believed Kurt was capable of cheating on him at the drop of a hat, not to mention how easily he had fallen into Damien's arms.
Kurt wiped ineffectually at his eyes "If we could would last night have happened?" The thought of what was happening made it hard to breathe. "Maybe things will change and we can... we can be different, trust each other again, but it would be a lie to pretend we do now. We both know it."
Blaine wanted to curl up into a ball and die. "Kurt...?" He murmured, blinking through tears as the world crashed and burned around him. "Is this it? Are we breaking up?" //This is a dream... a nightmare... it has to be!// Blaine couldn't breathe, his legs quaked and he feared he might drop to the floor at any moment. "Kurt, please..." Somewhere in the back of his mind, Blaine knew that Kurt was right. Both of them had made mistakes and, no matter how much they loved each other, they'd reached the point of no return. "...I don't know how to say goodbye to you..."
The words were enough to wrangle a choked sob from Kurt, who just shook his head. "Don't. I know it... it's weird and awkward, but I can't not have you in my life... even if it's just as a friend." Kurt bit his lip and looked at the other teen. He tried to figure out why they were being robbed of their storybook ending but couldn't quite put it together. "Is that... can we try that? Please?" He stepped forward, heart pounding. It was a hell of a lot to ask of them both, but Kurt knew it would be worth it. It had to be. Because he had no idea how to say goodbye either, and he didn't want to find out.
Blaine nodded, agreeing without hesitation, "Yes... yes, please?" Despite the unbelievable heartache, he reached out and embraced Kurt warmly. "I can't imagine you not being a part of my life," he wept softly. "We'll still see each other, right? I'll be at McKinley soon..." How awkward might that be? Both he and Damien attending the same school with Kurt? Slowly drawing away, he couldn't focus on Kurt's beautiful features thanks to the abundant saltwater blurring his vision. "I love you, Kurt... I always will..."
Kurt's smile flickered, faltered, and threatened to die off altogether, but he still managed a soft, "I love you too." He drew back a little further. It hurt too much being so close and thinking that he might not ever be that close again. It was really too bad Finn couldn't drive again yet because he had no idea how he was going to keep from crying long enough to make the trip safely. Instead he attempted to divert both of them from the topic at hand, reaching out to tug at an especially unruly curl. "I like this. Bit dirty hippie for my usual taste, but... of course you make it look good." Kurt swallowed hard and drew in a shaky breath. Yes, he did look good, and focusing on that wasn't make anything easier. "I... I should go... Finn will be waiting."
"Okay..." Blaine really, really did not want to let Kurt go. He desperately wanted to try his best and convince Kurt they could work things out. The hopelessness of it all had crushed his spirit, and Blaine couldn't even begin to find the right words without sounding completely and utterly pathetic. "Kurt..." He took a step forward, wanting to say something - anything. "I'm still here for you whenever you need me. Please, remember that?"
The words reminded him sharply of what Finn had said just that morning, and Kurt had to fight to keep from crying again. He nodded instead. "I know. And... and I mean... you can too. Call me or talk or..." He doubted he would precisely enjoy updates about Blaine's continuing romantic exploits, but Kurt couldn't cut the other teen out of his life. That would have killed him. "I mean it. I'm not used to going more than a few hours without a text." He offered the same watery smile and then gave up trying to look cheerful. "So don't feel like you can't still. I want you to."
"I will, I promise," Blaine replied, on the verge of completely falling to pieces. He waved Kurt on his way, somehow managing to flash a toothy grin that was completely at odds with how devastated he felt. "You'd better hurry... From what I know about Finn, if you don't show up he'll be as stubborn as an ox and try to get home on those crutches by himself." He could already imagine the uncoordinated jock falling flat on his ass and breaking his other leg along the way. "I'll text you later..."
"Good." Kurt hesitated and finally flashed a nervous little smile before all but fleeing the bathroom. He climbed into his SUV and gripped the wheel as if he might drown otherwise. Determined not to think about it all until he was safely home, Kurt turned the radio on loudly and began singing along despite the fact that he actually hated the derivative hip hop trash that happened to come blaring out of the speakers. When he finally found a spot at the hospital, Kurt texted Finn quickly to let the other teen know he had arrived and tried to keep his focus on anything but the fact that he and Blaine had just broken up.