How It Falls Apart
ElizabethWilde
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How It Falls Apart: Chapter 1


E - Words: 1,777 - Last Updated: Dec 31, 2011
Story: Complete - Chapters: 29/29 - Created: Oct 28, 2011 - Updated: Dec 31, 2011
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Finn simply could not explain what had possessed him. Ever since Kurt had returned, he had been thinking about his classmate more and more, often to the point of distraction. Now, as he sat waiting to be called upon to sing, Finn caught himself casting surreptitious glances over his shoulder at Kurt. He actually jumped when his turn came around and, wearing a sheepish grin, he stood and walked over to the band. Finn felt himself flush warmly as he began to sing.

I can feel a new expression on my face
I can feel a glowing sensation taking place
I can hear the guitars playing lovely tunes
Every time that you walk in the room

I close my eyes for a second and pretend
It's me you want
Meanwhile I try to act so nonchalant
I feel a summer night with a magic moon
Every time that you walk in the room

Maybe it's a dream come true
Standing right alongside of you
Wish I could show you how much I care
But I only have the nerve to stand and stare

I can feel that something pounding in my brain
Just anytime that someone speaks your name
Oh, the trumpet sound and I hear thunder boom
Every time that you walk in the room
Every time that you walk in the room
Every time that you walk in the room...

When he finished, he felt almost elated by the joyous melody. His heart was pounding as his eyes flitted across the room at Kurt again.

Kurt knew he was imagining it. Obviously. Because Finn was not singing a romantic song while making googly eyes at him. Finn was straight. Finn was firmly re-entangled with Quinn, and someday his half brother would be making perfectly white bread babies with said former head cheerleader. It was the way of the world. Kurt had been telling himself that long enough that he almost believed it. The only thing that made a lie of the oft-repeated thought was that he still felt a familiar quiver whenever Finn stared at him for too long. Instead of letting himself indulge the urge to dwell - Kurt took a quick moment to remind himself that he had an absolutely gorgeous boyfriend across town - he smiled at Finn as he moved back to his seat. "Your taste in music is improving."

"You think so?" Finn was far more pleased to hear that from Kurt than he was prepared to admit. An almost sheepish smile lit up his features, and Finn realized that if he wasn't careful, then Kurt and everyone else would start to notice the effect the other teen was having on him. Ever since Kurt had returned, the irrational attraction Finn felt for him had only intensified. It was nuts and made no sense whatsoever. Still, his song had made Kurt happy, and Finn couldn't help impulsively adding, "Maybe you can help me learn some more eclectic songs?"

"Of course," Kurt answered despite being caught more than slightly off guard by the request. Finn had never shown much interest in anything but 70s and 80s hair bands. Not that there was anything wrong with that, exactly, but they were hardly Kurt's first choice musically. "I'm sure we can see about expanding your horizons a bit. Actually-"

Mr. Schuester's voice broke in, "Mercedes, you're up next."

"C'mon, ladies - time to turn this out."

Kurt rose on cue along with Santana, falling into place as one of Mercedes’ appointed background dancers. If he was completely honest with himself, there were moments when he envied Mercedes her voice. Though he could easily rival Rachel's skill with a show tune, he knew that he couldn't touch his friend's soulful, sexy renditions. //I suppose we all have our niches.//

What's it gonna be
Cuz I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
Have the right to loose control
Don't let go

I often tell myself
That we could be more than just friends
I know you think that if we move to soon
It would all end
I live in misery when you're not around
And I won't be satisfied 'till we're taking those vows
There'll be some lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
Oh, lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking

He was almost certainly imagining it, but Finn seemed to be watching. //He did say he wanted to try different things.// Still, En Vogue didn't seem much like Finn's style, and even if it was, his eyes should have been glued to Mercedes as she belted out the main lines or Santana’s curvaceous form swaying behind her. He was there to provide harmony for the two of them to build on. After two full verses, however, Kurt had to admit Finn Hudson was staring at him so hard that Kurt had to studiously pretend not to notice or he would have completely lost the thread of the song.

I often fantasize
The stars above are watching you
They know my heart and speak to yours
Like only lovers do
If I could wear your clothes
I'd pretend I was you and lose control
There'll be some lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking
Oh lovemaking, heartbreaking, soul shaking, oh yeah

Running in and out my life has got me so confused
You gotta make the sacrifice
Somebody's got to choose
We can make it if we try for the sake of you and I
Together we can make it right

The song ended to the usual flow of applause along with a whistle from Mike. Kurt smiled as though he'd done more than simply back the ladies and filtered back to his seat behind Finn's.

Beads of sweat had broken out across Finn's forehead as he watched transfixed while Kurt sang. He was growing increasingly uncomfortable, shifting restlessly in his seat and nearly jumping out of it when Kurt brushed past him on his way back to his own. His pulse quickened, and Finn gave a soft sigh of relief when class was over. As his classmates started to file out of the room, Finn whispered to Quinn that he would see her later. //What the hell am I doing? I should leave with her now...// "Kurt," he called out, his voice cracking slightly as he caught the other teen by the arm. "I was serious earlier, y’know, if you want to help me broaden my range in music?"

Kurt glanced at the hand around his arm and then at Finn's flushed face and wondered exactly what he'd missed. Rather then pressing the issue, he just smiled. "Of course. I think that a little stretching would be good for you. It was today." Certainly the class had responded just as warmly to Finn's rendition as he had himself. "Blaine's coming over tonight, but that might be a good thing if you don't mind two tutors for the price of one."

Finn hesitated, "No, I don't mind. Sounds cool." If he didn't mind, then where had the hot flash of irrational jealousy come from? He was losing his mind. That was the only explanation for it. How else could he explain his behavior, or his growing attraction for Kurt? "Erm, are you sure I won't be a third wheel? I don't want to interrupt you and Blaine or anything?" //Yeah, right. Of course I want to.//

Kurt gave a slight shake of his head, though now that Finn brought it up, he wasn't sure exactly how his boyfriend would react to sharing the evening with his step-brother. "No, it's fine. He'd promised to help me practice for nationals anyway - and this is practice too. Besides, we live down the hall from each other and I feel like I hardly see you." Between Finn's sports practices and his own outings with Blaine, it actually felt as if they'd spent less and less time together since their parents' marriage and the subsequent joining of their households. "It's high time we fixed that."

"Yeah, we should," Finn agreed, sounding far huskier and more eager than he'd intended. "But, maybe after we're alone? You and Blaine need your time together, and I'd only be intruding..." It pained him to even say it. Knowing that Kurt and Blaine would be in the next room filled him with another hot rush of envy, and Finn felt his hands balling themselves into fists. "We can listen to music anytime, I guess..." More flustered standing so close to Kurt, Finn shook his head and started to head out of the room. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Oh... sure." Kurt watched Finn walk out and felt completely confused. Only the sound of the second bell got his feet moving again. As he tried to focus on English, Kurt found himself fidgeting and checking his phone as if waiting for something. Finally he slipped it beneath the desk and, as discreetly as possible, fired off a text to Blaine:

NEED 2 STUDY 2NITE. TMRW?

Not ten minutes later, the plan was agreed upon, though Kurt couldn't help wondering to himself why exactly he was putting off a make out session with his gorgeous boyfriend to help Finn learn songs he probably wouldn't like anyway. //I'm an idiot,// Kurt concluded with a sigh as he tried to focus his attention on Julius Caesar.

-----------

On the way out to his SUV, Kurt spotted Finn trudging out to the parking lot. "Finn!" He caught the note of foolish excitement in his own voice and tried to sound a bit more together as he walked with a carefully measured stride - because sprinting over would have seemed even needier and more pathetic - over to the other teen. "Turns out Blaine has a test he had to study for. Still free tonight?"

"What? Really? Yes!" Finn exclaimed a little more loudly than he'd intended. Another rush of heat rose up from his neck, and Finn lowered his voice as he nodded. "Sorry Blaine's busy though." He wasn't in the least. Tonight he would have Kurt all to himself, but exactly why that made Finn excited only confused him that much more. //Not gonna question it. Me and Kurt need to spend some time together, that's all.// "Gonna jump in the shower soon as I get home..." He paused, frowning slightly. //Why am I telling him that? Do I want him picturing me naked and wet? Actually...// "Then, we can get started."

"I do prefer a clean canvas," Kurt answered in what he hoped was a flippant manner. Because he wasn't picturing Finn doing what he'd discussed. Certainly not. That would be bad and inappropriate. "I'll have some cds set aside for you to look through," he promised before quickly excusing himself. The longer he stood there, the more likely he was to say something even more ridiculous. Instead of dwelling on his glaringly stupid decisions for the evening, Kurt threw his books in the car and hoped he could maintain a bit more composure later in the evening.


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