Feb. 20, 2013, 2:53 p.m.
Chorus of Crickets: January 17*
T - Words: 3,168 - Last Updated: Feb 20, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 5/? - Created: Feb 01, 2013 - Updated: Feb 20, 2013 313 0 0 0 0
Why did you talk to Rachel?
I was worried about you
Well don't be. I'm fine.
You're not.
Since when do you care?
All the time
Leave me alone
I don't really want to but I will
Alright then
Text Blaine
Why?
I know you want to
You don't know anything about what I want
Alright. I thought you wanted me to leave you alone.
I do.
[Silence]
Good.
Ugh why can't he realize that he doesn't have any right to interfere in my life anymore?
[20 minutes later]
Oh.
What?
Oh. Um. Sorry. Not meant for you.
Obviously.
Not about you either
It kind of sounds like it's about me.
It's not. Seb got Rachel to talk to me. Trying to help me. But he doesn't get that privilege anymore
Sebastian's not so bad.
What do you know about Sebastian?
More than I should.
He's actually not a bad person. Really cares about his friends.
Since when do you know that about him?
Doesn't matter.
Okay, he's telling me to text you and suddenly you know about him.
What happened?
He told you to text me?
So did Rachel.
Rachel tried to talk to me. I didn't talk to her.
She talked to me too. We sort of yelled at each other. A lot.
Why were you yelling?
Because I'm tired of her interfering. And Seb too
I think I would have frozen to death if Sebastian hadn't talked to me.
He talked to you.
Yes.
Oh.
Do we have to break up? (unsent)
Yeah.
It's nice that you two are friends.
We're not really friends.
You're not?
No. I think he just felt bad or something.
About what?
I don't know.
It feels weird that you saw Seb.
If it makes you feel any better, I thought I was going to be seeing someone else anyway.
Someone else?
Actually, I was slightly incoherent. I really wasn't sure what was going on.
What all have you eaten in the past couple of days?
I had some pancakes, you know. I was thinking of eating a granola bar actually.
Yeah, the pancakes were two days ago.
Oh? A granola bar?
Yeah. I'm just not really that hungry.
Why not?
Because I'm not.
You're upset
What? No I'm not.
You don't eat when you're upset.
I'm fine.
Tell me the truth, Blaine.
Why does it even matter to you?
It didn't matter when you got up and ran away from breakfast.
It shouldn't matter now.
What difference does it really make to anyone if I skip a meal here and there? Especially if I'm not hungry.
I don't get why you act like you care so much when you just run every time something happens.
I can't handle that.
You broke up with me.
BROKE
UP
WITH
ME
Remember?
Okay, half of that isn't fair. I do care about you. We broke up to figure things out. And I don't run every time something happens. I care about you. So much. And I don't like that you're not eating.
WE didn't break up. YOU broke up with ME. I even remember saying that a break and a break up were the same thing because either way, I still love you and I'd spend the rest of my life doing just that. If you're going to break up with me, then just do it. I don't need time to figure things out because I already know. I knew from the moment I saw you come into that coffee shop and turn around to leave.
Can you try to answer a question for me?
What?
Why is it virtually impossible for me to not answer a text from you?
I don't know. Our whole relationship is built around text messages. Or was.
It still is. Because I still can't resist answering you. Even if it's something unproductive.
I'm sorry that I text you about unproductive things.
No. I meant that even if all I can text you is something that makes no sense, I still feel compelled to text you back
I don't know.
It's weird
I guess so.
Listen, I still love you
Kurt, don't play with me.
I'm not. I love you. I just need to figure out some things.
[silence]
When I figure things out I hope you're still there
me too (unsent)
[silence]
I love you
dont
I'm sorry
just dont lie to me okay?
When have I ever lied?
i dont know. it just hurts okay?
I don't want you to hurt.
then stop playing wtih me
I'm not playing with you.
i miss you
I miss you too.
you do?
All the time.
then what is there to figure out
Why I always run away.
sebastian kind of explained that to me (unsent)
oh
Yeah.
I wont hurt you, you know.
I know.
So you dont have to run away from me
[Ten minutes later]
I know I don't but I still do and I don't know why. (unsent)
[silence]
ok
I'm really sorry about the other day
its ok
I'm only really nosy when I'm worried
you dont have to worry about me
You're one of my closest friends. Of course I worry about you.
im just fine though, so dont worry
I hate this.
Neither of you two will admit that something's wrong.
Ugh you two.
if kurt would just stop running away everything would be fine
I know. I'm working on that. So is Seb.
why wont he just talk to me about it
I don't know. I wish he would talk to you, though.
do you think its over with him and i
because it feels like it might be
it hurts so bad rach
I hope it isn't. You two completed each other.
Can I come over?
i guess you cna
my doors unlocked
Okay. Do you still have that cheese and pickles?
ew yes
Good. Cravings. Be there asap.
ok
Love you Blainey <3
you too
Arriving at Blaine's apartment, Rachel opens the door and steps in, looking around. When she sees him on the floor in front of the couch, she sighs and walks in further. Then she sees the bottles.
"Blaine...?"
"Rach!"
Blaine turns around to see his friend, and uses the couch to pull himself up, trying to act less-under the influence than he actually is.
"Hey, your stuff is in the fridge."
Rachel bites her lip.
"Hey to you too. Thanks. Why were you on the floor?"
She starts walking towards the kitchen.
"It was more comfortable than the couch. I wanted to stretch my legs out."
Rachel calls from the kitchen.
"Oh, I see. Sounds nice. Yes! Pickles!"
"Thaas so gross, Rach."
Coming back into the living room, Rachel pauses.
"I'm sorry?"
"Pickles. And cheese whiz. Eugh."
"Mhm. Can I sit next to you?"
"I'm standing."
"Right. Can we sit together on the couch?"
"Uhhohkaaay...."
Blaine flops down on the couch.
Rachel sits down next to Blaine, raising an eyebrow.
"Are you okay?"
Blaine makes a face.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"Something seems off."
"What? You're crazy."
Blaine shakes his head and points at Rachel.
"I'm not crazy."
Rachel huffs and takes a pickle out of the jar, taking a bite out of it.
Blaine scrunches his face up and shakes his head again.
"Okaaay."
"Remember right before Brody broke up with me?"
"What?"
"When I came over and we talked and stuff."
"Uh, yeah, sure. Why?"
"I miss that."
"What, talking?"
"Us."
"Us?"
"Us as friends."
Blaine laughs.
"Rach, we're totally friends!"
"Not when you don't talk to me."
"Don't... don't be like that. Rach I talk to you."
Starting to get worried, Blaine, almost animatedly, gets up on his knees on the couch, facing Rachel and reaching out to pat her arm.
"Why... where is this coming from... I don't even know..."
"Y-you don't c-confide in m-me anym-more..."
Rachel blinks rapidly.
Blaine reaches to try and hug Rachel, changes his mind, puts his hands in his lap, scrunches his face up, reaches to pet her arm again, shakes his head, and ultimately ends up with his hands on his face.
"Rachie, I'm sorry, I'mjusst not good."
Rachel looks like she's about to break down sobbing, still holding the pickle.
"None of you do! I try to be there for my friends but no one talks to me anymore!"
"You'reright. I'm a bad friend. I'm a bad boyfriend. And a bad friend. I'm sorry."
"If you were sorry, you'd try to fix things! I don't even know why I try with you two anymore!"
"I haven't even been to school since Mondayyou know. I didn't go anywhere. Whatever. I don't always wan-to talk ya know."
"Well sometimes I just want to help my friends but when they don't accept the help it gets super frustrating! I just want things to go back to normal!"
Blaine moves off of the couch, stumbling a little over to the end table on the other side from where he'd been sitting, picks up the bottle of SoCo he'd been working on and drinks from it.
"Normal. There."
"You idiot! You don't get it! You're sitting here, drinking, and you expect me to just accept that?"
Now actually crying, Rachel stands up, pickle still in hand.
"This iswhat normal was before Kurt came along. Who cares if I'mdrinkinng..."
"I DO YOU IDIOT!"
An emotional Rachel throws the pickle at Blaine, stomping her foot.
Blaine watches the pickle fly through the air, bringing his hand up too late to try to block it and is hit smack in the middle of the forehead.
"EW! That's disgusting! Ugh!"
"You're disgusting! That's a horrible, disgusting habit, drinking!"
"It's better than some of the other things there are to do to make it all go away."
"What the hell is wrong with you!"
"I don'twanna think aboutit anymore! I jusst wanna forget! Stop. Yelling at me! Jusstlet me drink away my pain, okay?"
"Just give me that stupid bottle, okay?"
Rachel walks forward and tries to take the bottle from Blaine.
Blaine pulls the bottle closer to himself, a slightly distraught look on his face.
"No, jusstlet me keep it! Wha'difference does it make annyway?"
"You don't need to be drinking right now! You've had enough! Just give it to me!"
Tears streaking her cheeks, Rachel grabs at the bottle and tries to take it by force.
Blaine shakes his head and tries to keep the bottle for himself, struggling against Rachel's grasp.
"I'm not botherring anyone and it makes myheart hurt less. Jusstlet me keep it."
"NO! You're bothering me!"
Rachel yanks hard on the bottle.
The bottle slips out of Blaine's hand at Rachel's pull, and he makes a grab for it, missing.
"Ugh! Why can'tanyone ever jusst listen! to me?!"
Not expecting to lose the resistance, Rachel stumbles back just a bit, but keeps her footing.
"I TRIED!"
Blaine flings his arms wide, right in front of Rachel, as if he's asking the entire universe a question.
"NOONE UNDERSTANDS! I CAN'T... DO Thiss... it hurts.. so bad.. with him.. gone..."
By the end of his broken sentence, Blaine's hands are over his face again, hiding the tears.
Rachel takes a blind step back to avoid Blaine's arms and the back of her legs hit the couch, sending her toppling backwards with a shriek, landing with her back over the side arm.
"Rachie!"
Coming in from the doorway, Kurt runs immediately to Rachel, bending down beside her.
Blaine, having no idea what's going on, looks from Rachel to Kurt. The tears come harder now, and it's apparent he needs to do something. Or at least say something.
"I... It isn't.. My..."
Overwhelmed, Blaine turns and runs to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it. Loud sobbing can be heard at first, followed by things being thrown against the walls.
Kurt focuses on Rachel, helping her to a sitting position on the couch.
"He's... s-so... st-stupid!"
"I know. Are you okay? Do we need to take you to a clinic or something?"
"Don't worry about me! You're here! Go talk to him!"
"Bu-"
"Kurt. Elizabeth. Hummel. You. Go. Talk. To. Blaine. Now."
"O-okay..."
Kurt stands up, looking around, and then hears the sounds from the bathroom. Walking over to the door, he leans against it.
"Blaine!"
All that's heard in response is sobbing.
Kurt knocks loudly on the door.
"Let me in!"
"...I... can't."
"Please?"
"I can't.. look atyou..."
"Just let me in! I'm not... I just want to talk!"
"I'mnot inn any condition... to talk."
"Please! I don't blame you for what happened!"
"Why are you here?"
Blaine's voice is obviously right on the other side of the door now.
"I came to prove that I'm not running away. And I saw everything."
"I don't know whatthat means."
"I got here when Rachel threw the pickle."
"I hate pickles."
"Open the door!"
The lock unlatches.
Kurt pushes open the door slowly.
Blaine is backing slowly away, into the wall, which he leans on.
Kurt closes the door behind him and leans against it.
"Hi."
Blaine hugs his arms around himself, like he's nervous.
"...Hi..."
"Sooooo..."
Tentatively, Blaine looks up with exhausted eyes at Kurt.
"What happened to get her like that?"
"I dontknow. She came over and tried to eat that pickleand got mad cause no one talksto her and threwit at me."
"Really...? Wow... she's been on edge lately."
"Are you gonna blameit on me too? I know sheis."
"Don't tell her but I'm blaming it on hormones."
"Yeah... that'sprobaably it."
"Can you be honest? How much have you had to drink?"
"I don'tknow."
"I think you need to stop drinking now."
"I'mstill awake though."
"That's a good thing. I'm glad you're still awake."
"It's no good, Kurrt. It hurts when I'mawake."
"Let people like Rachie and I help make the hurt go away."
"You can't make it go awaay."
"Why not?"
"Cause you're the reason it hurts. But, it'sfunny ya know. It'snot so bad when you're standinghere."
"Why am I the reason it hurts?"
Blaine looks at the floor and breathes shakily.
"Because.. you don't love me back enoughtobe with me anymore."
"W-why do you think that?"
"Cause... I don't wanta break andyou do."
"Oh... I love you, so much. The break is supposed to give us time to think but... ugh, I don't know."
Blaine shakes his head and bites his lip.
"What's wrong?"
"I...don't need timeto think...and you do. Tha-t's whyit hurrts."
"I'm sorry..."
Shaking his head, Blaine tries to hide the tears from Kurt by straightening the towel hanging on the wall next to him.
"I wish... I could think of a way to fix this because I can't bear to see you upset."
"You jusstneed to makeup your mind okay?"
"I've done some thinking since we were texting earlier."
"Itsbad, isntit?"
"Not bad."
"Then what?"
"I've been such a jerk."
"You're not... a jerk..."
"I hurt you."
Blaine looks up shaking his head.
"It's not... it's just my stupid heart."
He makes a pretend grab at his chest and throws his imaginary heart across the room.
"I just want things to be okay."
"I dunno how tado that."
"I'm done with running away."
"I guess..."
"I want to stay with you."
Blaine stares at Kurt, unsure.
"I want to be around you more often."
"You couldjust be my boyfriend again."
"I could. Or maybe..."
"Maybewhat? I'm not gonna be some thing onthe side."
"N-no! Um. I've been meaning to ask you for a while, actually."
"...Ask me what?"
"I mean, I want to hang out with you more. And the best way to do that is..."
"What?!"
"Would you like to move in with me and Rachel?"
"Would I... wait what?"
"Rachie and I are already scavenging for rent. Having a third person would really help. And we'd see each other a lot more often."
"I... Kurt.. I can't do that..."
"You... you can't?"
"I can't jusstgo from not knowing what's going on, to living with you..."
"Oh."
"A month ago I would have said yes."
"Oh?"
"Yeah."
"Um, I... we? should go check if Rachie's okay."
"...yeah. We should... she's going to hate me."
"Be upset, yes. Hate you, probably not."
"I deserve it."
"No you don't."
"I've been drinking. I made her fall. She's pregnant. I deserve it."
"She wasn't exactly handling things well herself."
"What was there to handle? Not much."
"Come on, let's get out of here. I'm getting claustrophobic."
"Okay..."
Blaine pushes away from the wall and looks at Kurt expectantly.
"Okay."
Kurt turns around and opens the door, stepping out. As he does so, he notices something on the floor. Bending down to pick it up, he blinks.
"I've seen these granola bars before..."
"It's just a granola bar."
"Seb likes these. That's weird. I haven't met anyone else who actually likes them."
"Uh, yeah, that's weird."
Blaine reaches out and snatches the granola bar from Kurt and shoves it in his pocket.
"Have you eaten anything?"
"Why does everyone always ask me that?"
"Because we worry about you."
"Stop worrying. I'm fine."
"Let's not have that discussion again. I'm already worried for my baby."
"Oh crap, Rach..."
Blaine's face takes on a worried look and he kneels next to the sofa at Rachel's feet.
"I'm sorry."
"You should be."
Rachel is still crying lightly.
Laying his head in Rachel's lap, Blaine reaches to put his arms around her.
"I know and you were just trying to help and I'm a jerk and I'm really sorry."
"I was really scared, actually. Sorry I threw the pickle."
"What was there to be scared of?"
"I'm just always scared... because Seb got really hurt when he went out drinking once... and Chandler's parties were always just full of alcohol and I... I hate it. I hate it when people are drunk."
"I never go anywhere. I sit here and stare out my window or watch Friends by myself. Which is probably worse than being at a party, but whatever. You don't have to worry."
"Still, though..."
"I think what Rachel's trying to say is... it freaks her... us both out to even see one of our friends drunk. Because even if they're safe somewhere, there's still that risk."
"What risk? That I might fall asleep on the couch instead of in bed?"
"That you might leave your apartment while you're drunk."
"That you might pass out and hit your head or something."
"That you might hurt someone coming to see if you're okay."
"Fine. Whatever. I get it."
"You don't."
"Not one bit."
"Someone very close to me-"
"One of our closest friends-"
"Nearly died."
"We have every reason to mistrust alcohol."
"How do you know he wasn't just out hanging out with the wrong people?"
"We just know."
"Yeah. We just know."
"Uh, okay. Well, I'll just start locking my door then."
"Blaine... look."
"We both care a lot about you."
"Stop turning this into an intervention."
"Sorry."
"We didn't mean it like that. I actually didn't know Rach was going to be here."
"And I didn't know Kurt was coming."
"Yeah, okay. Just stop."
"I think I'm going to go home."
"Me too."
"Fine."
Blaine stands up and motions toward the door.
"Be my guest."
Rachel stands and hesitates before offering her arms to Blaine for a hug.
Blaine hesitates and falls into a hug with Rachel, but his eyes are focused on Kurt.
Rachel pulls back from the hug and walks to the door, stepping out of sight.
"I'll be in touch..."
"...Oh. Okay..."
Kurt hesitates and walks towards Blaine.
"I love you..."
Blaine's mouth twitches.
"...I lo-ve you too..."
Kurt gets closer to Blaine until he's standing directly in front of the other.
"I want to make things work between us. No matter what happens."
With that, he leans in and presses his lips gently against Blaine's in a fleeting kiss.
The second Kurt's lips brush against his, Blaine whimpers out a tiny, helpless, pouty sound. His arms move slightly toward Kurt, but he stops them and manages just to lightly kiss Kurt back.
"Have a good evening."
"..Y-you too..."
Kurt quickly walks out of the apartment, meeting up with Rachel and heading home.
Blaine closes and locks his door behind them, bringing his hand to his lips and tries to figure out what just happened.
How are things going?
I... don't know? Okay?
Just okay?
I am so confused.
Rachel came over. I was drinking. She tried to stop me from drinking, and then Kurt was here, and then we were talking, and he asked me to move in with him, but didn't ask me to be his boyfriend again, and then they both yelled at me for drinking, and Kurt kissed me and then they left.
Um, damn. That is... wow.
Yeah. So I'm just okay.
He kissed you, though. That's good, right?
He said he wanted to make things work between us, and then kissed me, and then left.
: He ran again
It didn't feel like he was running though.
Oh? Well, your call. I guess.
I don't know what to think.
He said he loved me.
Kurt generally means it when he says that.
I know.
But he left.
It's hard to go back to normal quickly
I feel like it's not going to be normal anymore.
It will. You two will figure things out.
Remember, Wes and I were anything but normal for the longest time, and look at us now.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go hang out with Wes now. Take care.
TMI Sebastian.
Bye.