The next date didn’t happen for a week.

            Kurt’s internship picked up and Blaine’s schoolwork completely took over his life. They still managed to call every day or text and Blaine was surprised that even though they weren’t seeing each other all the time he was okay with it.

            “So, I’m thinking a nice date of Indian take out and movies,” Blaine pointed to the boxes sitting on his desk and the collection of movies sitting on his DVD player. “I wasn’t sure what you liked so I got a few things and lots and lots of naan.”

            “Yum!” Kurt stepped into the dorm room.

            “So…we can either eat on the floor or on my bed?” Blaine motioned to both.

            “Your bed’s fine,” Kurt helped him spoon out some of the food onto some small plastic plates and they sat on either end of the bed. “So how is your paper going?”

            “Ugh, it’s a nightmare,” Blaine rolled his eyes as he mixed some curry and rice together. “It’s like no matter how hard I look I still can’t find any information. And it’s English, not even my major, so I don’t like it.”

            “Guess you have to suffer through some in order to get to the good part,” Kurt grinned as Blaine shrugged.

            “But not this boring,” He whined.

            Kurt kicked him slightly and Blaine laughed around a mouthful of food.

            As soon as they were full of way too much food Blaine put in the first movie, Monsters Inc. It had been one of their go too movies when they were together and they both loved it.

            At first they just sat side by side leaning against the headboard. By the middle of the movie they had sunk down slightly and were pressed against each other. Kurt hesitated for a moment before gently rubbing his fingers along Blaine’s side.

            The other boy stiffened and glanced over but Kurt moved his fingers under his shirt to brush against warm skin.

            “Kurt,” He said quietly, grabbing his wrist.

            “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Kurt bit his lip. “Was that too fast? I should have asked.”

            “I need to tell you something.”

            Kurt nodded, pulling away to sit across from him. With a few heavy breaths Blaine pulled away, eyes tightly closed.

            “I did things when I was on drugs,” He started softly. “Things that I am really, really not proud of.”

            “You told me,” Kurt gave him a reassuring smile. “When you were going through withdrawal. You told me about the men…”

            “I don’t remember that,” He whispered.

            “It’s okay with me. You weren’t yourself.”

            “But it’s still a part of me,” Blaine looked up, hazel eyes swimming in tears. “I told you that I slept with them but not everything.”

            “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Kurt soothed.

            “I want to. Kurt, I want this to work,” He gripped his hands tighter. “But I have to tell you everything. I can’t have this poison in me and in this relationship.”

            “Then I’ll listen.”

            “You know how lonely I was. I went to Scandals and this guy bought me a drink. He…he told me how attractive I was and how much he wanted me and I was on my knees. That’s how it started. No one noticed me. No one saw me but these guys. I know it was the absolute worst way to do it but these men wanted me and I needed to know that.

            I let them hurt me because I wanted to be wanted. I let them hurt me because it was a distraction and it was so different from how used to…you know. Maybe because I knew you would never hurt me,” His voice was soft.

            Kurt made a soft noise.

            “Then there was Ben. It started like any other guy but he brought me to his place. He started giving me the drugs and I just needed some way to escape. So I started going to the bar completely drunk and stoned.

            There was this…this one guy…Lance. That was his name. He was this huge, older man with a beard. The complete total opposite of you. I was already in pain, I needed money for drugs and hadn’t had a hit all day so I went home with him. He…he got really rough,” His voice cracked.

            “Oh Blaine,” Kurt ran his thumb along his knuckles.

            “I undressed and he pushed me to my knees,” Tears started to run down his cheeks and his chest ached. “He…he fucked my throat until I passed out even though I tried to pull away. When I woke up he had me on the bed and was fingering me roughly. I told him to stop. I used the words stop and no but he told me that I wouldn’t have come with him if I didn’t want to. He…he raped me. I told him to stop.”

            “Blaine,” Kurt had tears in his own eyes and reached up to gently cup Blaine’s cheek.

            “Please know I wanted him to stop. I did. But then he was done and I walked out of the house with all the money in his wallet. My thoughts weren’t on going to the hospital or police they were on getting high. My first thought after being raped was getting high. I didn’t stop there, I kept going out to get drunk, high and fucked. How messed up am I to have craved the feeling?

            I keep having nightmares. Every time I think about doing something with you, and I want to, I think of what those men did to me. What I let them do to me. Hell, I was a whore. Can you really rape a whore?”

            Kurt didn’t speak and pulled him into a tight hug, blinking back his own tears as Blaine sobbed into his shirt.

            “You’re not a whore,” He gently ran a hand through Blaine’s curly hair. “You’re amazing, and caring, and kind, and beautiful. You don’t deserve what they did to you. All of those men took advantage and hurt you.”

            “But I asked for it,” He whispered.

            “Did you want it?” Kurt rubbed his back.

            “No,” He took in a shaky breath. “I just wanted to forget. I didn’t want…not that.”

            “Thank you for telling me.”

            “You don’t hate me?” His voice was soft and shaky.

            “Blaine, I’ve never hated you. Not now, not ever,” Kurt pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I don’t think I ever could.”

            Blaine trembled faintly as Kurt held on to him and gently rocked him back and forth. He finally cried himself out and just leaned against Kurt before letting out a shaky laugh.

            “I’m the worst date planner ever,” He smiled tearfully.

            “A night of finally listening to your boyfriend isn’t that bad,” Kurt smiled and Blaine pulled back.

            “Boyfriend?”

            “If that’s what you want?” Kurt smiled.

            “I do,” Blaine leaned back and pressed their foreheads together.

            “I want you to make a promise though,” Kurt gently said. “I can’t….I can’t help you with this. I mean I can try but I can’t help as much as I want to. I want you to promise to make a standing appointment with a therapist here.”

            “Oh I already went through all that,” He shrugged.

            “But you’re still having nightmares,” Kurt reached up to run fingers through curly hair. “You still think about it all the time. You just called yourself a whore and didn’t bat an eye. It scares me Blaine, I want you to keep working on yourself. Promise?”

            “I promise,” Blaine gave him a trembling smile.

            “Good,” Kurt gave him a quick kiss. “When we first got together I wasn’t ready and you waited for me. We waited until it was right. Now, you’re not ready and I’ll wait.”

            “That was a long time ago.”

            “I don’t care how long it takes. I’ll wait for you,” Kurt kissed his forehead. “Because I want this to work. We can both make this work.”

            “I lo…”

            “Don’t,” Kurt placed his fingers over his lips and smiled gently. “Don’t say it after an incredibly emotional time. Don’t say it unless you know it for sure, until you can feel it in every part of you.”

            “Okay,” Blaine kissed his fingers.

            They sat in silence for a few long minutes, pressing their foreheads together as the title screen of Monsters Inc played on a loop in the background.

            “I wish this was easier,” Blaine sighed.

            “Me too,” Kurt shrugged. “But it’s not.”

            With a heavy sigh, Blaine pushed himself off of the bed and padded over to the little mini fridge. He pulled out a small container of tiramisu and walked back over.

            “You have dessert?” Kurt grinned.

            “Well it was either going to be shared as a celebration or I was going to eat it by myself in a pity party after you stormed out,” He chuckled softly, reclaiming his seat.

            “I’m not going to leave you,” Kurt dipped his finger in the whipped cream, smearing it on Blaine’s nose.

            Blaine laughed loudly and wiped it, eyes sparkling.

            Kurt couldn’t help but grin at the plain, obvious happiness in his eyes. It wasn’t shaded or guarded like before but pure joy. It absolutely took his breath away and made his stomach flip.