Jan. 17, 2012, 7:08 p.m.
Fills My Head: Chapter 14
M - Words: 1,584 - Last Updated: Jan 17, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 20/20 - Created: Nov 04, 2011 - Updated: Jan 17, 2012 1,223 0 7 0 1
Kurt and Blaine were inseparable after that night. Something had changed, and in a good way. Definitely a good way. They met at one of their houses every day after school to watch musicals, bake, or sit silently together, just happy to be in each other’s company. Kurt had taken Blaine on weekly shopping trips, which Blaine hated but went anyway because he liked watching Kurt fight people for clothes. And Blaine had tried to teach Kurt the basics of World of Warcraft, but they’d ended up distracted. That was the first time Blaine had touched Kurt, and he couldn’t get enough of it. He thought he liked it even more than when Kurt touched him. He liked watching Kurt undone, a side he never showed anybody else. He liked the noises he made and the way his cheeks flushed when it was over. He liked that Kurt liked it so much, and that he was the one making him feel that way.
They had been to the Lima Bean nearly every day. It quickly became their “place,” and the baristas knew their orders and waved at them whenever they walked in. Their two month anniversary came and went without nearly the flair of the first, but that didn’t make it any less special. Now Blaine and Kurt were back in their usual booth in the back of their favorite coffee shop, sipping on their medium drip and non-fat mocha.
“Ugh, can you believe Mrs. Hutchinson today? I mean, who does that?” Blaine exclaimed, hands flying as usual. Mrs. Hutchinson was their AP English teacher, and she had apparently made it her day’s mission to terrorize one of the artsy kids.
“I know, she’s terrible! I don’t know how she still has a job after all these years. She’s notorious for those kinds of things. Apparently she’s a homophobe, too, which is probably why my grades are less than perfect in her class.”
“Is that why you don’t sit next to me?” Blaine asked quietly. Kurt paused and set his drink carefully on the table.
“Yes,” he admitted, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “I don’t want you struggle at school. I’m glad things worked out with your parents, Blaine, but the kids at school aren’t like them. Nor, unfortunately, are some of the teachers. I just don’t want anybody to treat you the way they treat me.”
“I can take care of myself, Kurt.”
“Blaine, you’ve never been bullied before. Nobody bothers you. Don’t you want it to stay that way? Or do you actually want to get slushied?”
“Of course I don’t want to get slushied, but I don’t want to have to hide at school, either. I hid long enough, from everybody. I want to be able to sit next to you in class, or hold your hand in the hallways. You don’t have to protect me.”
“But I want to, Blaine!” Kurt said, his voice gaining volume. Blaine looked around at the eyes turning towards them.
“Come on.” Blaine stood and stormed out of the Lima Bean. He could hear Kurt’s chair scrape against the floor a few seconds later. He heard his boots as he stomped across the shop. Blaine didn’t bother to wait and hold the door for Kurt like he usually did. Instead he let it close behind him as he marched across the parking lot and down to the pond where they first kissed. He spun to Kurt as he approached the water. Kurt took a few steps to close the distance, then crossed his arms in front of him and raised his eyebrows at Blaine.
“Is there something wrong with me wanting to keep you away from bullies, Blaine? Because I’m a little confused. I try to help you and you just get pissed.”
“I never asked for your help, Kurt!” Blaine was shouting. “I don’t want it!”
“You want to be bullied? You want Mrs. Hutchinson to give you bad grades because you’re gay? You want people to glare at you as you walk through the halls?” Kurt was yelling now, too.
“Of course not! But it’s a price I’m willing to pay if it means I don’t have to stay away from you. I want to be with you, Kurt, at home, at school, everywhere!”
“You’re not going to want any of that the first time you get slushied, or thrown in a dumpster. You’re going to wish you had stayed in the closet.”
“You don’t know that!”
“Yes, I do! I know you, Blaine. You’re smart and kind and I love that about you, but you’re not tough. Those guys would walk all over you. The only reason they don’t now is because they don’t know you exist!”
“Yes, Kurt, they don’t know I exist, and it sucks! I hate it! I’d rather be hated than invisible.”
“How can you say that? You don’t know how it feels.”
“Because you won’t let me!” They were shouting at each other, arms flailing, fingers accusing. If there was anyone in the parking lot they were sure to hear it, but Blaine was too angry to worry about manners right now. Who did Kurt think he was, telling Blaine what he can and can’t do? It’s his life, for goodness sakes, and he’ll live it how he wants to.
“You won’t let me out of this box you’ve put me in. You keep me hidden like you don’t even want me. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”
“No, but I’m sure it feels better than being teased and hated for who you are. You have no idea what it’s like. You live in your little fantasy world with that ring and those monsters and all the strangers you’ve met online. You couldn’t survive in the real world, Blaine, not in high school.”
“How can you know that if you won’t even let me try?”
“Stop arguing with me on this. I’m not changing my mind. Now let’s go back inside,” Kurt said as he turned back towards the parking lot.
“Screw you, Kurt. Since when do you get to decide everything?” Why was Kurt doing this? He wasn’t the only one in this relationship, but Blaine felt like Kurt was the king and he was the servant. Why did he get to make all the decisions, and what made him think he could tell Blaine what to do?
“I don’t get to decide everything, but I do get to decide this. I have a bit more experience than you when it comes to this stuff. I know you, Blaine, and I know the kids at school. I know what this would do to you.”
“Don’t act like you know me so well, Kurt. You have no idea how I would handle it.”
“I do, and it’s not worth it.”
“It is worth it, Kurt. Why can’t you see that? You don’t have to protect me! I want this, I want you. I want to stop hiding and hold your hand at school, kiss you when you go to class just like everybody else. I want everyone to know that we’re together, that you have me and I have you.”
“Well I don’t!” Kurt yelled with more anger in his voice than Blaine had ever heard.
He took a step back from Kurt, a million thoughts swirling in his head. What did that mean? Kurt didn’t want to be with him—was he breaking up with him? How did this happen? How did this date at Lima Bean turn into this? Why didn’t Kurt trust him? Why didn’t he want people to know?
“Are—are you…” Blaine took a shaky breath and willed his voice to even out. He felt a burning behind his eyes as he looked at Kurt. “Are you ashamed of me?”
Kurt just stared at him from a few paces away, a sad look in his eye. Blaine stopped breathing, but his heart started pounding in his ears. Why wasn’t Kurt responding? When a minute passed with no response, Blaine let the tears he’d been holding back escape. He fell to his knees as the sobs wracked his body. He could barely breath, and he could taste the salty tears that had fallen to his lips. He vaguely heard Kurt crying from above him, though he didn’t understand why. He just sat on the ground, unable to move. Kurt’s ashamed of me. Oh god. Why? What did I do wrong? I thought things were going so well. He felt Kurt kneel beside him and wrap an arm around him. Again, he heard Kurt crying softly, felt him shaking as he picked him up off the ground.
“C’mon, Blaine. Let me take you home.”
Blaine stood up and followed Kurt blindly. This is the last time I’ll ever see him, the last time he’ll ever touch me. Why is this happening? Blaine kept sobbing all the way to the car, hearing an occasional sniffle come from Kurt. He wondered why Kurt was crying to, if he was the one who was breaking up with him, if he was the one who was ashamed to be dating such a loser.
He didn’t notice the car start, nor did he remember the drive to his house. All he knew was that he was home now and Kurt was gone and his mother was holding him while he sobbed.
Comments
Ahh!! I cried. LOL NO SHAME! I'm watching a movie right now with my dad and it's like a happy part of it and I had to explain to him why I was crying. xD Soooo good!! Keep writing more! :-)
Woooooweeeeeeee. This story is awesomeee! I love what you've done with Blaine.. how he's the shy one of the relationship.. usually people make Kurt the shy one. It's really well written and really nice :) PLEASE UPDATE SOON THOUGH. :)
OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! I thought everything was going fantastic, as well?! Kurt seemed so accepting of Blaine eccentricities and then BAM! GAH! I NEED AN UPDATE!
This chapter makes me so sad! Is Kurt really ashamed of Blaine? You need to update soon, and please make it happy this time?~! :) I'm listening to "Let It Snow" now!
crying ;___;
damn that was really sad. i can't wait to see how they'll handle this.
i was starting to really LOVE nerdy Blaine, and this chapter!! this is so heartbreaking!