Blaine wandered through the halls of McKinley High with his books hugged to his chest and his eyes darting from person to person. He was looking for someone—someone special. Well, special to him. The person he was looking for didn’t even know he existed. Blaine knew he would never approach this person, that nothing would ever happen, so he didn’t think it was wrong to ogle. And anyway, Blaine reasoned, the person he was looking for always dressed so extravagantly and always walked around with this fuck you attitude—he wanted to be ogled. So Blaine didn’t feel so guilty when he spotted the boy and stared. Yes, he was sure of it. Kurt Hummel wanted to be ogled, and who was Blaine to deny him that?

            Blaine watched Kurt discreetly, his eyes following as he glided down the hallways with his friends from glee. There was no way Kurt would ever want to be with him, Blaine thought as he pushed his glasses back up his nose and turned towards his advanced math class. Blaine usually hated math—even the advanced class was too easy to hold his attention—but today he couldn’t wait to get there. He would have an entire hour to spend daydreaming about Kurt. As soon as he saw the day’s topic he smiled: exponential functions. He could do that in his sleep. He sank into his chair and pulled out his notebook and pen hoping to at least create the illusion of attentiveness. Even if it didn’t work the teacher knew he was smart and Blaine didn’t think he would bother him. He rested his chin on his hand and turned his face towards the rainstorm outside. As he watched raindrops chasing each other down the window, his mind started to wander. He wondered if others would find it creepy that he spent the entire hour daydreaming about a boy he’d never spoken to. More importantly, he wondered if Kurt would find it creepy. He wondered if people would tease him about it, or if they would forgive him because he was a nerd. And if they did bully him, would it be because he was creepy or because he was gay? Nobody had ever bullied Blaine before and he wondered if he could handle it. Kurt could always handle it. Even when someone threw a slushie in his face he would make some biting remark and walk to the bathroom with his head held high. Blaine couldn’t help but find it attractive. He was just so proud. Blaine hadn’t even built up the nerve to tell his parents he was gay and he didn’t know if he ever would. His parents loved him—he came home with straight A’s, dressed well, and was well on his way to becoming an eagle scout—but didn’t know how they’d feel if they knew he was gay. They weren’t religious, really, although they did go to church on Christmas Eve. His parents just weren’t accepting, a product of their generation, he supposed.

Blaine imagined the sweeping declaration Kurt must have made when he came out to his friends and family. Kurt made a production of it, Blaine was sure of it. Maybe his parents knew the whole time. Kurt seemed like the type who was fabulous from birth. There was no way a wardrobe like that came out of nowhere. That was something that started at a young age. And oh, that wardrobe. Blaine nearly swooned in his seat just thinking about those tight pants Kurt always wore. He looked so good in them. Watching him walk around in those pants with his chest-hugging shirts made Blaine want to grab him, pull him into a closet and… and… well that was usually about as far as the daydreams got. Blaine didn’t know a lot about sex—he didn’t know anything about sex, if he was being completely honest. He’d never so much as kissed another boy. Or held hands with one. Or made mutual googly eyes with one. He’d never really even flirted with one. Blaine groaned, and then quickly faked a cough when he realized he had done it loud enough for people to hear.  Why did he have to be so inexperienced? Why couldn’t he just pluck up the courage to talk to people? Why couldn’t he just introduce himself to Kurt? He thought that he really wanted to kiss him, but he couldn’t just do that. One does not simply walk into Mordor, Blaine thought and then laughed out loud. He needed to stop having Lord of the Rings marathons. He needed to make some friends and get the heck out of his nerd cave of a bedroom. 

Blaine’s determination didn’t last, however, and the evening found him alone in his room playing World of Warcraft. He played for hours, his mind focused only on getting further in the game. He played until he was exhausted. He got up slowly from his chair and shuffled tiredly to his closet. Once he had changed, Blaine slid into bed, ready to sleep away the thoughts of his game, his day, his homework, everything. Blaine loved the peacefulness of sleep, the feeling of all those absent hours when he awoke in the morning. Being buried in blankets, helpless and unaware, gave him a sort of comfort. He could just be without having to worry about anything. Anticipating these feelings, he slipped slowly into unconsciousness.