Dear Friend,

I wish I was in a better mood while I’m writing this to you but lunch with my father did not go very well.

My brother showed up half-way though our meal and I don’t think he expected dad to be home since he’s usually at the office on Saturdays. Dad didn’t expect my brother to visit since we thought he was busy in L.A.

To be honest, at that moment I didn’t know if I wanted either of them to be home.

Don’t get me wrong, I love them very much and I’m always happy to spend time with my dad or my brother, but being in the same room with both of them is very tiring.

Regardless of my mood, I will tell you about the party because I promised I would.

The first thing you will notice when you visit Sugar’s house is how big it is. It isn’t as big as some of the houses in my grandparent’s neighborhood in Westerville but it’s the biggest house I've seen in Lima so far.

The houses in Westerville don't have Sugar's personality though or furniture that mirrors exactly that.

"It doesn't matter how many times I come here that leopard print chaise lounge offends me every time," Kurt commented while the butler was putting our coats away.

"You have a scarf in exactly that pattern," Santana reminded him.

"At least mine doesn't have bright pink trim.”

“And isn’t yours Alexander McQueen?” I asked.

Kurt looked at me proudly and Santana rolled her eyes at us. “You’re both so fucking gay it hurts.”

The butler came back and led us to the basement. It’s seems ridiculous for someone to have a butler, but if you know Sugar, it would seem ridiculous for her not to have one. I remember her telling me he had been ordered directly from the Queen of England’s castle. I don’t think that’s possible but her dad does have a lot of connections.

“Everyone’s here!” Sugar shouted when she spotted us.

By everyone she meant us, Tina and Sam plus a few people I recognized from school and a handful of people I didn’t know.

Sugar hugged each of us in turn then she turned to the room and announced. “Let’s play spin the bottle!”

“No!” Both Kurt and Santana said at the same time.

“No games, Sugar,” Kurt said in a gentler tone. “Why don’t we set up your karaoke machine instead?”

She thought about it for a second before nodding. “Good idea!”

Kurt left to help her out and Santana went to get some drinks. I sat down on the couch next to Tina who was laughing at Sam impersonating someone I couldn’t recognize. He was funny even if he wasn’t very accurate.

A few minutes later Santana sat down on the arm of the couch. I tried to give her my place but she pushed me back down and handed me a cup of beer with a wink.

I have never had beer in my life but I trusted Santana so I took a sip and kept watching Sam do more of his impressions. The beer tasted bitter but the ice helped mask some of it.

“Here, man, eat this.”

Puck, one of the football players Finn hung out with, handed me brownie from a plate. I was surprised he was there. He was the type who loved being on top of the High School food chain and I don’t think most of the kids in that party would make it to the middle.

“Thank you.”

“I wouldn’t eat that if I were you,” Santana said with a slight laugh.

I shrugged and said before taking a bite, “I don’t want to be rude.”

“Suit yourself, munchkin.”

On hindsight, I should have listened to her but the beer had left a bitter taste in my mouth and I was hoping the brownies would make it go away.

By the time Kurt came back, I was giggling at everything Sam was doing. I think he had stopped doing impressions at some point but I still found everything he said hilarious.

"You fed him pot brownies?,” Kurt asked Santana, annoyed. “Isn’t he like 14?"

“Don’t look at me. Go hit Puckerman.”

“It’s cool. The kid’s happy,” Puck said with a wink at Kurt.

I frowned and looked up at Kurt trying to make the fog in my head go away.

"16," I spoke up.

"What?"

"I'm 16. I'll be 17 in February."

Everyone in the our group laughed except for Kurt who crouched down to look at me.

“I’m not a kid,” I told him quietly.

"I know, Blaine. How are you feeling? Do you want anything?"

I wish I didn't have to tell you what happened next because I feel like my face is on fire when I remember, but after Kurt asked me that question I got up on my feet and I hugged him.

It was the best and most awful thing in the world because Kurt didn't expect it and he patted me on the back uncomfortably until he realized that I wasn't going to stop anytime soon. He placed one of his hands on my waist and the other on the small of my back, rubbing up and down in a soothing gesture.

I remember hearing Santana laughing but I didn't care because Kurt was warm and he smelled nice and hugging him was even better than the hugs I would get from Cooper.

“Blaine?” he asked after a full minute.

“I wanted a hug.”

“I can see that.”

“I should let go.”

Kurt breathed out a laugh that I could feel against my ear. “If you want to.”

I didn't want to stop, but my mouth felt dry and my head had started to spin. I sat back down on the couch and I think Tina gave me a glass of water and then she was giving me another glass to drink. I didn't even remember finishing the first glass but I guess I did.

After a while the rest of the room had started taking turns on Sugar’s karaoke machine but Kurt stayed behind on the couch with me.

“Are you okay?”

I thought about all the times I had been asked that question and all the different ways I had found to answer it without worrying anyone. I thought about my dad and my brother. I thought about my old therapist. I thought about Dr. Pillsbury. I thought about Trent.

It was a very long time before I answered.

“I don’t know.”

It was the most honest I’ve ever been to anyone since middle school. It wasn’t what he was asking, but it was the answer I felt I needed to give. I think Kurt understood that because he took my hand and held it in his.

“You’ll be fine.”

I stared at our entwined hands and felt my heart flutter in my chest. I squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile.

“So will you.”

Kurt looked at me for a long time. I was learning to read his expressions and this was the way he looked when Carol once told him she had done his laundry or when Finn would awkwardly offer him a ride home from school or even when Santana would compliment him on his outfit.

It was Kurt confused and skeptical that someone was giving him something and wasn’t asking for anything in return. It makes me sad because I think Kurt has had very few people in his life who are nice to him.

My brother is banging on my door so I need to go.

I hope that you have enough people who are nice to you, even if it’s just a ridiculous older brother forcing you to get ice cream with him.

Love always,

Blaine