24 hours before.

Kurt barely registered the hard thumping of his feet upon the grown. Or the rain that started to fall as soon as he stepped in the street. Or the tears that kept staining his face or the way his heart was clenched and heavy in his chest.

He just needed to get home.

But when he was home and hedidn'treally feel better, he went out for a jog again, in a far too dangerous neighborhood, clad only in his pajamas.

Only then he was able to register the hard thumping of his feet upon the grown, the wet tracks his tears created in his face and oh boy did he feel his heavy and clenched heart.

His mind was spinning with so many questions, so much doubt, it was beginning to physically hurt.

Why did that song get him so deeply? It was only a silly over the top romantic song! But why did he feel like maybe Blaine was getting emotional too? If so, what did that mean? Was he making all this up in his head? Itwouldn'tbe the first time.

It was all too much.

The whole world seemed too much right now and Kurt just wanted to get in bed and never get up.

He stopped his march when he reached the park, already panting and with his legs hurting.

He looked around and felt the unbearable need to go home. Not Bushwick home, but Ohio home. The city had gotten so claustrophobic with its demanding manner. Here, he was almost forced to think about his feelings and that was the last thing he wanted right now.

So he called the closest thing to "Ohio home" he could get.

- Kiddo?!

- Yeah, it's me dad. I'm sorry, did I wake you? – For the most part, Kurt managed to hide the quiver of his voice.

- No, I was going to bed. What's wrong?

- Everything is fine, I just... miss you.

- Oh... ok... I miss you too son. You know that, don't you?

- Yeah, but it's always nice to hear it.

- Are you sure everything is fine, you sound a little off? Is Blaine ok?

That apparently was the tiger word, 'cause Kurt had to take his phone away from his hear and push it against his chest to hide the sob that escaped his throat. He closed his eyes hard and pursed his lips. Normally he would have no problem sharing his troubles with his dad. After all, he had been his first confidant and was still one of his greater friends. But... if he was to be true to himself, he would realize that telling his dad about what happened would be admitting that something was wrong, that he was in fact feeling something extra ordinary for Blaine.

- I'm sure dad, I just came upon some photos from last Christmas and I realized how much I miss you and Carol... even Finn. How have you all been?

- Oh we're fine! I have the cancer check up at the end of the week, but it's nothing worrying. Finn is still teaching music in Columbus, I think he got a new girlfriend, I'm not sure, and Carol is starting this new volunteering project at the Hospital for the nursing home and the orphanage. Everyone is very excited! She even showed up in the local news.

- Wow, that's pretty awesome! Tell me more.

He stayed like that, seating in a far too cold bench in a far too cold night, playing pretend with his father for almost an hour. He pretending to be happy and excited about the news, smiling and laughing at the right moments, and his father pretending hedidn'tknow there was something wrong with his son, respecting his space and giving him what he apparently needed most right now: small talk with a faint taste of home.

- Ok, dad, I'll let you go now,I'vejust spent a small fortune on this call and you're probably already sick of my voice.

- Are you kidding? It's great to hear from you apart from the usual "I'm fine and you? Look,I'vegot to go, I have work".

- Yeah, sorry about that, I'm always rushing to do something when we talk.

- It's ok, I understand. Kurt?

- Uh?

- You know I know you're not ok, right?

- I figured.

- You don't have to tell me, just... take care of yourself, ok? You know I'm here when you're ready.

- I know dad. Thank you for understanding. Give a hug to Carol for me, ok?

- Sure!

His talk with his dad managed to calm him down enough for him to have a relatively good night of sleep, but when he woke up his panic returned in full force.

He called in sick and spent the majority of the day in bed, only half succeeding in calming his recurring panic attacks. By the end of the day, he was fairly convinced he had made the whole thing up in his head and he had to make it right with Blaine again for the sake of their friendship. He would go to his house and apologize for overreacting and being so dramatic, he would say it was the combination of stress and tiredness and the memories of the last time he had sang that song (hours before their first time together). Meanwhile we would find a way of pushing his feelings deeper inside his heart where they belonged.For the sake of their friendship.

He just needed to not move from his bed for a while, maybe dying in itwasn'tsuch a bad idea. That was, of course, if Santanawouldn'thave stormed in his room in the early evening with homemade food and a shameful amount of whine.

- Look Lady Hummel, I don't you why you look like shit and honestly I don't really care, but you are getting your pretty ass out of bed, showering and eating some food.

- I'm not hungry.

- Don't care. Eat and shower. And then I have a couple of friends – she shook the bottles of wine in her hands - that will help you realize what everybody already knows.

- What's that suppose to mean?

- Oh nothing hun, nothing... Just eat, you will feel better.

Three hours and four bottles of wine later found Kurt and Santana in the floor of his room, laughing at something that, surely in the morning,wouldn'tbe even half funny.

- You Satan, are an angel!

- Please, don't insult me.

They heard movement in the main door, but neither of them cared for checking it, believing it would be Rachel or Nicka.

- I need to pea again.

- Nice! Peeing is nice! I'll get some cookies in the kitchen while you do it.

- Cookies, yay!

They both stumbled out of the room, Santana walking in the direction of the bathroom and Kurt half crawling to their kitchen. After searching for some moments(kitchen cabinets are hard, shut up),he finally found the cookie jar and was on his way back to his bedroom, when his drunken mind got a glimpse of something by the door.

A card.

His heart skipped a beat. A card always meant Blaine.

Already feeling 10 times soberer, he went to the door, picked it up and turned it around.

"I meant it. Every word"

He was out of the door before Santana even got out of the bathroom.

OoO

Nick was doing his best to calm down his friend and roommate on the other side of the street. Itcouldn'thave passed more than 15 minutes since he had arrived home, breathless and euphoric. Now, while still being a little out of breath, he was a mess of regret and anxiety.

Blaine had run up to Kurt's house and back to his apartment in less than 5 minutes, having walked inside just before it started to rain.

- Nick, it was a stupid idea. Why can't I just suck it up and handle my emotions?

- Blaine, please calm down, seat. I'll make us some coffee.

- I'm telling you, this is the end, I ruined everything. – He said as he was walking to the couch.

- Don't say that! You did the right thing. You can't keep lying to yourself saying you're fine with the way things have turned out between you two. He just needs to accept that.

- I'm not su-

In that moment a loudknockon the door interrupt their conversation and startled them both.

When the pounding sounddidn'tstop, Blaine got up from the couch to get the door.

On the other side was Kurt, drenched and soaked to his bones, barefoot and with his clothes glued to his body. He was panting, shivering slightly and he had a kind of dazed look in his eyes.Alcohol,Blaine immediately thought. To be honest he was looking simultaneously vulnerable, cute and sexy

- Take it back. – he said.

Blaine just looked to his friend kind of speechless and was only when Nick got next to him that he remembered they weren't alone.

- I'll go... do something... outside. Bye. – Nick said, walking pass them.

He left the apartment, leaving the two men startled and looking at each other, still attached to their spots by the door. There were a few seconds of silence, until Kurt repeated:

- Take it back.

- Wh... what?

- The damn card. Those damn words. Take them back. I can't have them right now clogging my mind.

- I'm sorry, but I... I can't.

Kurt stormed in and pressed Blaine against the wall and looked in his eyes furiously.

- You have no right to do this to me. Take those damn words back. I... I can't deal with this right now. I can't let myself in again... I can't let myself hope.

- But Kurt-

- Don't! Don't say anything.

He was just a few inches from Blaine's face, his breathe smelled like alcohol, his expression was frenetic and pained.

- Can't you understand that I'm not able to... to be that man you want me to be anymore. I can't risk going through hell again just because you got confused over a silly song ... we don't work anymore. You would figure that out in no time and I would be left broken again. I'm over you and you're just being fucking selfish by pushing this more than solved issue down my throat.

- It's not like that, you know-

- I told you to shut up. Please, I can't listen to you right now, I can't do this right now.

Blaine grew irritated and forcefully released himself from Kurt's harms and walked around him so he was now the one against the wall.

- That's bullshit! Stop acting like a child and let me talk. You're putting words in my mouth and feelings in my heart that Ididn'tsay and that I don't fell and you don't even care to ask me if you're right! Tell me youdidn'tfeel anything when I sang that song. – He stepped closer to Kurt – Look me in the eye and tell me our "issues are solved". – He got even closer - Tell me we're over.

He was now a mere inches from Kurt's face, looking deep in his eyes with such intensity it would scare the bravest.

Kurt was doing a lousy job at avoiding Blaine's piercing stare and for a moment he seemed lost in it, even daring to gaze at his lips, until the pained fierceness returned to his look.

- I... I could never be that boy anymore. The one you fell in love with.

Blaine almost laughed at this.

- Can't you get it?! I don't want him. I want you.

Kurt could swear he saw the next seconds in slow motion: Blaine's almost hungry stare glance at his lips, the intense way with which he stumbled forwards, literally like he had been waiting 10 years to do that, and that precious instant when their lips touched and Kurt was suddenly seventeen again, seating in a table at Dalton, surrounded by his bead decoration kit, having his first real kiss. The one that counted.

That micro second where their lips touched brought everything back: the joy, the longing, the pain, the intensity, the familiarity, the love and they stayed like that for a long time, just locked by their lips without moving a muscle, almost like they were only then beginning to realize what was really happening, which lips were they really kissing.

But soon the kiss grew deeper and more demanding. Blaine's hands flew to Kurt's face and he stepped even closer to his ex boyfriend, feeling every inch of their body touching, as their tongues met, fighting to control and Kurt's arms winded around Blaine's hips, grasping them with such force it would surely leave mark.

When Blaine momentarily broke the kiss to nib at Kurt's earlobe and neck, Kurtcouldn'thelp the breathy moan that left his lips and that, for Blaine, was prove enough that this intensity, this passion flowing around them right nowwasn'tone-sided.

And that's when he did something either really brave or really stupid.

- I... I love you. – He said between kisses.

And those three words startled Kurt almost like an alarm clock an 5am. He pushed Blaine off of him and backed away towards the door, his look scared and incredulous.

- I can't do this, I'm sorry.

It was the last thing he said, between tears and sobs, before he ran out of the door.

Well, that is becoming a habit.

Blaine slipped down the wall to the floor and pulled his knees towards his face, letting his head fall on them.

There were a million thoughts and emotions swirling in his mind right now.

On one hand, he was still feeling the aftershock of that amazing kiss, the sparkle, the butterflies, the raging fire dwelling in his chest that left him wanting to jump up and down in his bed out of pure and utter joy.

But there were a few things pushing him and his spirit down.

I can't do this, I'm sorry.

Kurtdidn'twant him, those words were the final prove. He really had looked sorry, almost guilty, before he walked out.

Was Blaine just reading too much into Kurt's behavior when he was truly over him after all? In that case, Blaine just forced a kiss in a person whodidn'twant it or him. Blaine stomach clenched at this thought and he felt sick.

But he kissed you back.

He justdidn'tknow anything anymore, apart from the certainty of his own feelings.

He grunted out of frustration and punched the wall above his head. It was almost ironic how basic and ancestral his sadness and its origin were: the feeling of loving and not being loved back.

OoO

When Kurt got home, he was still soaked up and shaking, a deathly combination of cold and nerves.

He went straight to the bathroom and got in the shower.

He let the light, but persistent beating of the water on his back release some of the stress and tension in his body and wash down his tears.

But his spa moment was cut short by Santana, when she stormed inside in avid rage.

- Are you nuts?! Where were you? Do you know how worried I've been, having possibly lost my favorite gay?! Are you crazy? Well, that's not even a question, 'cause someone who sneaks out in the middle of the night, Charlie Sheen drunk and BAREFOOT is certainly crazy.

- Please, Santana, don't do this right now... Just leave me alone.

Santana was taken aback by the softness of Kurt's tone. She had walked in on him totally naked in the shower, that would call for a major diva blown-out scream session. At least.

But, not this time.

Well, this must be serious.

And now this is awkward, the kid is naked in front of me.

- I'm sorry... I was just really worried I guess. I'll be in my room if you need me.

OoO

The next day Blaine was a mess.

Kurtwasn'tanswering his phone and hewasn'thome when he checked at the earliest decent hour.

Hecouldn'tkeep himself from remembering their kiss, though. How easy it had been for them to find a comfortable pace again, how well their lips still fit together. It had been like returning home, so warm and close and hot all together, giving him everything but still leaving him wanting more.

But Kurt's leaving had left an ache shadowing his happiness, and the worst part was not knowing where they stand, what was Kurt feeling, where would they move from here.

The uncertainty was killing him.

Hedidn'tshow up at the theater that day (he was suppose to be home working on his audition song anyway) and he spent all his time trying to reach Kurt, calling him, slipping cards under the door. He even dared to go to the VoguedotCom headquarters, but they told him he had been home sick for two days now.

He tried LIGHT too, but they told him the exact same thing.

It was only when he was leaving the office building that he assumed Kurt had been home all along, but had probably asked Rachel to tell him hewasn't.

Then he solved the million dollar mystery: Kurt was avoiding him.

Well, if that's what he wants, that's what he will get.

So he stopped trying to talk to him and went on with his day as normal as he could.

The next day, he woke up feeling badly rested and sore from tossing and turning in his bed all night, he felt a cold threatening his organism and his mood matched the state of his body perfectly.

Perfect. Just absolutely perfect.

To make things even better, it was the day of his West Side Story audition.

This day is getting better by the minute.

He even consider not going, but he thought he had nothing to lose anymore, so he better put his arrangement to good use and give it a chance, even if it turned out to be an embarrassing disaster.

He arrived at the studio 15 minutes earlier than needed and he saw the other 5 boys he was auditioning with, all perfect images of a soon-to-be Tony. He watched them warm-up, doing vocal runs and perfectly executed plies andcabriolets.

Looking around at all that talent and seeing that, even though he had learned all that stuff in NYADA too, he was there with only a sheet music and a portion of a script. He felt so inadequate and unsure, even the thought of auditioning sounded ridiculous.

He was out of the studio in less than a minute, but in his hurry to get out, he stumbled upon someone who was getting in.

He braced the person in front of him so they would fall and, itwasn'tuntil the person talked, that he looked up to see their face.

- I knew you would try to run away.

- K... Kurt?