Chapter ten- catch her every time she falls

Cooper:

How the fuck does one get to the roof?

*

Quinn:

God, everything's so bright and clear out here. I can see the forest, I can see the playground, and, if I squint, I can see this weird glowing green stuff under the swings. It's so peaceful up here, but my legs are tired. I don't want to fall just yet. I want to sit down first. Sit and rest my legs before they carry me off of this damned place in one final blaze of glory.

*

Cooper:

Thank God I found Trent. He seems to know his way around this place. I hope it's not too late. I've been explaining what I saw to him as we run up this ridiculously long staircase. I guess I can skip my daily trip to the gym today! Ha. I shouldn't joke. This is serious. But I think avoidance runs in the family.

*

Kurt:

This is so much to take in. He didn't tell me what happened at Dalton, but god, the things he said—and the blackness. How he wishes it would just take him under. And how he said that once, it receded. When he was near me. I hope that shit never comes back. I want to be near Blaine for—a long time. I can't say how long. I won't make myself promises I can't keep. A long time, though—I hope it will be enough.

*

Blaine doesn't know what to do. He feels oddly light and drained. His dad keeps asking him questions but he feels kind of like he's going to faint any moment now, and says as much. His mother tells his dad something and the questions fade out. But they don't fade out into the blackness. They fade out and Blaine sees a familiar movie in his mind. Only this time, he fancies he can hear Kurt's breathing and feel the shape of his friend next to him.

Blaine knows he's in the back of his father's car.

It just feels like a couch, covered in pillows and blankets, containing two boys as they watch a movie for the very first time.

*

Cooper:

We made it. And I see the girl—but she's not standing anymore, she's sitting. Sitting on the edge. It kind of reminds me of a swing, the way she's rocking her legs back and forth against the brick wall. But that reminds me of jumping off a swing. And that reminds me about what she was going to do. Or maybe she still is. Trent is calling out to her now, softly, like you'd approach a wild animal. She's dressed all in gauzy black clothing, and her expression as she turns her head to look at us is like a wild animal's. Her eyes are blue, icy and sharp and attentive, calculating. Her hair is layered and bleached blond. Wait a minute—I know her. That's... oh my god. That's Quinn Fabray.

*

Trent:

I don't know who she is, but Cooper explained what she was doing. I know people just don't stand on roofs for no reason. Cooper does too. I wonder if Cooper knows that I know who he is. I'm a year younger than his brother, and came to Dalton in Blaine's second year. Cooper was the person he talked about the second-most, on the rare occasions that he talked at all. But the one who was always on his mind was this guy named Kurt. That is, until Sebastian and Hunter—did stuff, late into his second year. I knew that it was going on, but I didn't know how to stop it. If Cooper knew about that, would he be so excited that I'm here to help? I don't think so. But I know this is going on, now, and I'm going to try to stop it. I'm going to try.

*

Quinn:

I don't know who these fuckers think they are, but they're not talking me out of anything. I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over. I don't want them to get involved in this, though. Too many people are already. I'll just sit here and nod along until they leave. It won't matter.

*

Cooper:

I know what she's doing. She's nodding along and hiding behind a mask that I've seen on Blaine's face whenever Dad starts to ask questions that he doesn't want to answer. I need to get her out of this. I have to. It's not for me. It's not even for Blaine. It's for her.

*

Kurt:

My phone is ringing. I don't recognize the number. Might as well pick it up.

*

"Hey, Kurt?"

"Hi, who is this?"

"This is—Cooper."

"Oh! Oh, hi, Cooper. What's up?"

"Do you know how to talk someone out of suicide?"

"What? How the hell would I know that?"

"Kurt, please. This is important. I—I'm on Dalton's roof right now."

"Oh my god, is Blaine—"

"No. No. It's not Blaine."

"Then who the fuck is it?"

"It's Quinn Fabray."

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"Kurt?"

"Sorry, yeah, I'm still here. Just. In shock."

"Can you help her? Is there anything you can do?"

"I just—can you give the phone to her?"

"I don't think she's really in the mood for a phone call."

"God, no. Just tell her that it's Kurt. She'll understand."

"Oh...kay."

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"Kurt?"

"Q?"

"Oh, god, Kurt."

"Q, shh, breathe, honey. Breathe."

"I—I know—I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Don't be. You need to breathe, okay? Don't talk. Breathe. Okay? Sh—don't answer that. It's okay. God, I'm—I'm sorry, Q. Please don't—don't—it's not worth it. Are you breathing now?"

"Yes, yeah, god, Kurt. I know—I know it's not worth it, I just, I just felt, god, I'm useless."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. I don't matter, Kurt. I don't matter to anyone."

"Yes you do. You matter to me. Q, please, I can't lose you."

"Kurt—"

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"Did you mean that?"

"Q, of course. You guys were my family. I can never thank you enough for, for how much you did for me."

"Past tense."

"What?"

"We were your family. What are we, now that you've got Blaine and everything's fine?"

"How did you know about Blaine? I—I said I'm sorry, Q. I mean it. I am sorry. But I don't—just because I've given you all the answers before doesn't mean I know everything, okay? I don't know what we are. It's not just up to me, anyways. It's up to you, too."

"Can we—can we still be friends?"

"Yes, yes, we can—we can be friends, Q. We can be friends."

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

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"I don't want to die."

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"I know, honey, I know. Please get off the roof now, okay? Get down from there, Q. It won't solve any problems, you know that? It'll just end them. But you're not a quitter. Not today, you're not going to give up."

"Okay."

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"Can I give Cooper back his phone?"

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"All right, Q. I trust you."

"I—I know."

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"Hey, Kurt, thank you so much."

"Not a problem."

"D'you think—you know, when I was off for winter break, I did a lot of researching on, um, schools like Dalton."

"Did you now. Cooper, I'm sorry, but before you continue, you need to get Quinn off the roof."

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"We're going down the stairs now. It's fine. She's fine."

"Good. You were saying?"

"Yeah, I... this really isn't the time to talk about this, though. Tonight, I'll call you and we can talk more, okay? And then you need to tell Blaine."

"Why can't you?"

"Why... Look, I may be Blaine's older brother, but I can't be with him constantly if I'm in college. I had to skip three days of class to come out here—"

"To be with Blaine?"

"No, to tell you what I found so that you could tell Blaine. He'll need someone... it may be... well, frightening for him. To relive all that. He needs someone to be there, but my professors are gonna kill me if I play hooky another day."

"I get it, Cooper."

"Awesome."

"And hey, thank you, for, for telling me."

"He's my brother, you know? I'd do anything to help him cope with all the horrors of Da—that place. Unfortunately, I have to do it from California, but dude—"

"I get it, Cooper, I get it. You off those stairs now?"

"Yeah, we are."

"All right. You take care of Quinn, okay?"

"Absolutely, Kurt. You can count on me."

*

"Blaine, you're going over to Kurt's house tomorrow."

"No'mnot."

"Yes, you are. It's been arranged. He called after we got home and you fell into your bed."

"Dad, I don't want to go anywhere. I got beat up last night."

A sharp intake of breath from the doorway.

"Thanks for telling me, kid."

Blaine has never heard his dad call him 'kid' before.

"Truth had to be told sometime."

"Yeah, Blaine, I know."

Silence.

"...So do I still have to go to Kurt's place?"

"Yes, Blaine."

"Why?"

"He's your friend, isn't he? Don't you want to see him?"

"Not really."

"Well, what do you want to do?"

In a familiarly mocking tone. One that Blaine despises.

"I want to sleep."

"That seems like that's all you want to do these days, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Imitating Blaine's voice. Very mature, Dad.

"Because I'm tired, Dad. Please leave me alone, okay?"

"Will you go to Kurt's for lunch tomorrow if I do?"

"I guess."

"Good."