Alone

Blaine bobbed his head squeezing his eyes shut and rocking his body with the beat of the music. Sam tapped his fingers on the wheel, following the drums in the song and staring hard at the road. It was hard to pay attention to the road when all he could think of was how genius Stevie Wonders music was composed. The loud growl of Blaine’s stomach interrupted the music as Blaine clutched his stomach almost suddenly becoming hungry. Sam shot his head toward the other boy and grinned, “You hungry?” Blaine strained his face and nodded slowly clawing his hands at the complete empty feeling inside of him as it howled for food again. Sam gave Blaine an angry look, “Your stomach is interrupting this awesome music, settle down!”

Blaine slid further into his seat and rested his head against the back of the leather seat, “It’s your fault for dragging me out here!”

Sam squinted at the road, “You were the one who begged to skip school!” he joked.

Blaine groaned in hunger and rolled to his side and unbuckling the belt that hugged tightly against his impatient belly, “But I thought we were going home!” he whined.

Sam twisted his hands around the wheel and pulled a smile, “You liked it,” Blaine bit back a grin and hummed along with the song that played softly throughout the truck.

Kurt shook the nail polish bottle aggressively as Rachel studied her nails appealingly the looked up at the boy. “So, how are you and Blaine?” she giggled hugging in her knees to her chest. Kurt shrugged his shoulders and scraped the polish onto his nails. Mercades and Tina looked up from their magazines as Rachel glanced at them before looking back at Kurt. Tina bookmarked her page of the scandal sheet with her thumb as she closed it and sat up creaking the bed as she did.

“Kurt, what’s wrong?” Tina asked putting a hand on his shoulder. Kurt shrugged it off her hand and continued painting his nails and angling his head.

Mercades bit her lip and sat up setting her magazine down then lifted her hands to play with Rachel’s hair, “Kurt, you can’t bottle things inside forever, you’ll just blow up,”

“Like a ticking time bomb,” Rachel added tipping her head back as Mercades braided her hair.

Tina nodded and looked at the television screen that was playing ‘Funny Girl’. “Remember how earlier this year, Figgins wouldn’t let me wear the clothes that I wanted?” Kurt nodded closing the bottle and blew at his damp nails rolling on his back, “Well I bottled up how I felt about not being able to express myself and it really started to drag me down, but when Mike asked me what was wrong, I wouldn’t say anything. One day I had enough and told Figgins how I felt. And after I told him, I felt a lot better, confident even, because Figgins told me why he changed the dress code and said that because I told, he would take changing the dress code back in consideration. And now look, I can express myself because I told someone about it”.

Mercades dropped Rachel’s braid and sighed, “What’s the point?” she asked curiously.

Tina smiled at the screen as Barbara Streisand sang ‘Don’t Rain on My Parade’, “My point is that you’d be surprised at what people might say once you tell them how you feel. They may turn out to be very supportive,” Kurt looked up and furrowed his eyebrows at the smiling girl. Tina scooted closer to Kurt setting the scandal sheet down and lifting Kurt’s head onto her lap and stroked his loosely gelled hair. Mercades continued braiding as Rachel kept her eyes glued to the television screen.

“Blaine’s getting surgery next week,” he said closing his eyes and sighing. Tina hesitated her fingertips she ran her fingers through his hair again. Rachel sadly looked at the other boy and wrapped a hand in his as Mercades dropped Rachel’s hair and brushed her hand on Kurt’s cheek that flushed under it. Kurt never felt like this before; he had real friends that actually cared about him. Most importantly, he can tell them anything that was bothering him, “What if it doesn’t work, he’ll be heart-broken!” Kurt cried eyes watering as he rolled on his side off of Tina’s lap and onto the soft comforter of the bed.

Rachel squeezed his hand and cleared her throat, “Kurt, no matter what happens next week, just be there for him, okay?”

“Yeah,” Mercades said, “and if something doesn’t turn out… right, just know that we’re here for you, Kurt”.

Tina nodded and rubbed the boys shoulder and smiled, “We’re all here for you, Kurt”.

Kurt pushed himself up and stared at the three, “Thank you,” he sniffed. They all grinned and giggled turning their heads to the screen. Rachel pulled a bowl of popcorn onto the bed and dipped her hand into the buttery bowl popping the kernels into her mouth, “Hey!” Kurt lunged at the bowl gripping a handful of popcorn and shoving it into his mouth. Tina and Mercades snatched the bowl the Rachel and fought over the popcorn as Rachel and Kurt gripped the bowl flinging popcorn into the air and onto the bed. The four raced for kernels giggling as they picked the popcorn into their hands and returned their eyes to the movie and sank their bodies into the bed. Kurt hummed along as he felt his phone vibrate in his pajama pocket. He reached for the phone and read the text message that flashed onto the screen.

Kurt, I’m sorry for not telling you sooner but Blaine was having a hard time at school today so I kind of to him to the lake to, you know, get away from it all – Sam Evans

Kurt sighed in relief at the message and sent a quick text back before shoving his phone in his pocket and returned his eyes to the screen and popped several kernels into his mouth. Rachel rested her head on Kurt’s shoulder as Tina and Mercades held the popcorn bowl between them and smiled at the screen. “Nobody’s gonna rain on my paraaaaaaade!” They sang giggling into the popcorn that they shoved into their mouths.

Kurt pushed his hands in his pockets and scuffed his feet on the tiled floor pacing impatiently in the waiting room of the hospital. It was Thursday. Blaine was having surgery. Something could go wrong. Something could go right. Kurt fisted his hands in his hair as thoughts overflowed in his head. A dry sob slipped from his lips as a nurse entered the double doors. He was frantic for news, anything, “Did something go wrong? Where’s Blaine?”

The nurse gave him a calming smile and walked towards him, “Mr. Hummel, just take a seat and relax, everything will be fine.”

Kurt strained his neck to look behind the double doors, “But, where’s Blaine?”

The nurse smoothed her robe with her hands and let out a sigh, “Mr. Anderson’s procedure hasn’t even started yet. I strongly suggest you to take a seat and try to calm yourself, everything will be okay,” Kurt dropped his head and slumped himself onto the cool metal seat.

A few minutes later, Sam walked into the hospital and plopped in the chair next to Kurt, “How’s Blaine?”

Kurt looked over at Sam sadly, “I think they just started the surgery but, Sam, what if something goes wrong?”

Sam bit his lip studying Kurt’s face that was flushed and broken, “It’s going to be alright, Kurt,” he said wrapping an arm around the other boy. Kurt rested his head on Sam’s shoulder and stared with his red rimmed eyes at the double doors in front of him letting worried tears slip from his eyes. Sam bit back a sob as he felt Kurt’s tears soaking through his shirt and pooling around his shoulder.

Kurt blinked away his blurred vision and let out a tiny whine as he saw the nurse leave the waiting room and through the double doors, “Tell me a story. Blaine said you told him stories and I- I just-,” Kurt sighed and closed his eyes relaxing more in his arms. He hasn’t had sleep in days because of this. He stayed up worrying of all the possibilities the surgery could do to Blaine.

Sam cleared his throat and squeezed his arms around Kurt, “There once was a girl who didn’t understand why the world pushed her into doing the ‘right’ things. She didn’t know why she had to go to school or why she needed to get a job or start a family. She didn’t want any of that. She just wanted to live and getting away from it all to a world where time and age didn’t matter. A world where pressure or judging didn’t exist. A world where she didn’t have to prove herself to anybody; just live. Live. She never got to use that word and truly mean until one day, she did break away from the world. The girl and her sisters always went on adventures exploring unknown lands that weren’t theirs. They grew fond of the woods. Entering a whole new world destined for imagination. Free to think and create stories. They each owned a tree. The eldest would pick the thickest and tallest tree far away from the other sisters. The middle child would pick a moist log surrounded by trees, while the youngest, the girl, would pick a skinny tall tree with a stump next to it followed by another skinny tall tree.

“One day when they were in the woods the sun shined through a gap between clusters of leaves lightly connected to the towering tree. The slightest movement sent the sun blinding in her eyes. She squinted and she sat onto the not-quite even stump and began thinking. She thought of how amazing this place was to be completely surrounded by trees”.

Sam paused looking down at Kurt, “This is-,” he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “beautiful… keep going,” he smiled and sniffed snuggling closer to Sam.

“She picked away at the bark on the tree next to her, peeling of the damp thick layer that hugged the tree tightly and wondered if it would lead to something greater. A door to a land unknown. A beautiful field of long green grass sprouting blooms of yellow swaying with the light breeze through the beaming sunlight and smell of clear fresh air and cut grass. Soaking her legs with dew as she ran through the ongoing field leading her into no in particular direction. But that’s why she loved this so much. This was a place where she was free to live in absolute beauty and no care in the world. She giggled as the grass slapped against her shins and smiled staring into the following sun warming her cheeks with delight. Then abruptly, she stopped running and stared up into the sky. Her surroundings became as grey clouds swirled violently above her head hiding the sun. Droplets of rain fell fast drenching her clenched fists. She turned her head quickly as salty tears covered her face mixing in with the rain. How could this beautiful world crumble so quickly? Wind howled into her ears as she ran shivering through the rain and tripped on the slick mud landing her onto the ground. She was lonely and scared. She couldn’t run away from the storm because she was all alone at four years old. Being so little, she felt like everything had power over her. Her parents, her sisters, and even nature. She would never be free. Never free to share her thoughts without judgment. Never free to live on her own without becoming lonely. She felt… helpless”.

Kurt lifted his head and stared closely at Sam, tears clinging to his cheeks. “Who taught you to create stories like that?” He asked curiously wiping one of Sam’s tears with his thumb.

“I learned from the best,” Sam laughed nervously glancing at the double doors that swung open with a doctor walking in their direction.

Sam lifted his arm from Kurt shoulders and stood with the other boy. The doctor sensed their worried looks them held tightly to his coffee cup and took a deep breath, “We’re not really sure how to say this but, when we were in surgery, we found that his eyes may not take the surgery as well as other patients had it. But I’m not lying when I say the surgeons did absolutely everything they could.” Kurt gaped at the doctor then stared at his feet gulping down a lump in his throat.

Sam glanced at Kurt quickly then returned his eyes to the doctor, “C-can we see him?”

The doctor stared at his empty coffee cup in his hands then bit his lip, “Of course, Mr. Evans,” he forced a smile setting his mug at the receptionist desk and leading the two through the double doors.

“I’m sorry if he’s still sleeping, but, good news, as soon as he takes off his bandages, he is free to go home.” The doctor gestured to the sleeping body in a hospital robe and tucked into the bed of the hospital room. As Sam and Kurt reached the side of Blaine’s bed, the doctor rubbed his forehead and inched closer to the door, “Well, if you kids need anything, I’ll just be down the hall, okay?” Kurt nodded as the doctor left then rested a hand over Blaine’s bandages.

Sam crossed his arms and shook his head furiously turning pink, “Kurt, what if he wakes up? How do we tell him?” he cried backing away from the bed and facing the window. Kurt pulled his hand off of bandaged boy as he shook beneath him waking up. Kurt tapped Sam on the shoulder not breaking his eyes from Blaine. Sam clucked his dry tongue standing next to Kurt as they watched Blaine lift his head weakly then wrap his fingers around the bandages that covered his eyes.

“Blaine,” the other boy shook his head into consciousness.

“Kurt,” Blaine smiled reaching his hands in front of him, the other boy obeyed grabbing his hands and sat at the edge of the bed next to Blaine. “Can you believe it? I might be able to see you, Kurt,” Blaine grinned pulling Kurt closer and intertwining their hands together. “I always wanted to watch you. Well, not creepily but, I want to see you. I want to be able to look in your eyes and feel the same love you said you saw in mine. I want to be able to see you. All of you. I can’t get enough of you as is and if I were to see you, I think I might,” he chuckled and squeezed Kurt’s hands, “die. God, I love you so much, Kurt, and I just want to show you how much I do”. Kurt touched the other boy’s cheek as Blaine leaned into the touch catching a swift scent of pears. “Mmm, I love all of you,” Blaine mumbled fisting his hands in Kurt’s loose shirt until their chests pressed together. Kurt let out a mix of a chuckle and a gasp as Blaine tugged on his clothes until he found Kurt’s lips.

Sam turned red as he watched the two from the back of the room, for unexplained reasons, he couldn’t look away. Their love was so powerful it could put every Disney Princess movie to shame, and their happiness was instantly contagious. Well, it wasn’t contagious for Sam. He ached as he listened to Kurt giggling whenever Blaine would pull him closer into swift kisses. His thoughts went back to the day when Kurt slept in his arms when he had another nightmare, it was almost as if he molded into Sam. Kurt was so stunning. Everyday Sam would have to bite back a groan whenever he saw the little things Kurt did. The way he carefully picked his outfit’s everyday to shape his body into perfection even though Blaine wouldn’t see them. The way he would bite his lip whenever he was frustrated and tip his head back and let out a laugh. The way he wrinkled his chin and quivered his lip as he sang with his angelic voice. Even kissing on Blaine’s lips, Kurt was flawless, it pained Sam to watch and listen to their undying love. He craved for a man with an open mind and would treat him right to come into his life, but as he searched, all he ever wanted was standing right in front of him. And he was taken.

Kurt’s fingers brushed over Blaine’s bandages as the boy sighed nervously, “Will you?” Kurt furrowed his eyebrows sadly and lifted his hands to cup Blaine’s face and pressed a soft kiss to his lips before giving Sam a quick look and slowly unwrapped and pulled the bandages off. Kurt twisted the bandages around his fingers staring at Blaine’s closed eyelids. This was it. Blaine was going to see his beautiful boyfriend the first time. He would be able to be like everyone else. No more sympathy, Blaine would be able to take care of himself and his wonderful boyfriend, Kurt. But it wasn’t just that. He would be able to show how much Kurt meant to him. He would be able to dance with his love and watch the sunset with him. He would even be able to cradle a baby in his arms and kiss the infant on the cheeks. He would be able to live. Live. The boy let out a long sigh and held Kurt’s hands shaking slightly as he slowly slid his eyes open.

Kurt stared into Blaine’s eyes letting his tears slip onto his cheeks once Blaine’s eyes didn’t follow his. “Kurt,” the other boy cried shaking his head looking frantically around the room of complete black darkness. Nothing. Nothing! Blaine shook his head letting out sharp sobs. “I- I can’t see! Kurt!” No. No! Why him? What did Blaine ever do to the world? Why did Blaine have to suffer for the rest of his life when he didn’t even do anything wrong? Would he have to be holding someone’s arm for the rest of his life just in order to get from one place to another? To have everyone think he was a freak? To have a never-ending slew of words of sympathy from others? To have to type on his damn typewriter for the rest of his life? To never see his boyfriend? The love of his life? What would he do if he had children when he was being babysat himself? He just wanted to be a man like everyone else. Yet now he has to go through life tapping his walking stick on the ground and stroking the walls. Who would ever take him seriously?

Kurt squeezed his hands trying to pull Blaine closer, “It’s okay, I’m right here, love,” Blaine pushed the other boy away and punched the mattress of the hospital bed.

Blaine blinked rapidly as tears pooled heavily out of his eyes. “Why?” he sobbed pulling at the sheets and kicking his legs furiously. His cheeks flushed in anger as he screamed, “FUCK!” The words echoed around the dimly lit room and down the hall as Blaine gripped his face and rocked his body in powerful mixtures of emotion. Sam froze as he watched the other boy who sobbed heavily into his now damp hands. Kurt stood rubbing his palm on the small of Blaine’s back, but nothing would work, he was only pushed away as Blaine screamed angrily, “Leave me alone, Kurt! Get the fuck out!”

Kurt hesitantly backed away letting out a short sob, “I’m so sorry, Blaine. I- I love you,” he cried shaking his head as fresh tears ran down his cheeks.

“I don’t want you here, Kurt! Fucking leave already!” he howled shoving the other boy further away from the bed. Kurt clamped a hand over his mouth as he sobbed deeper walking towards Sam whose eyes widened when he saw a team of nurses rushing into the room and crowding around Blaine’s bed.

One of the nurses held up a needle and tapped it calmly as if she’s done it a million times before. The nurses struggled to keep Blaine’s arms and legs on the bed as the boy kicked his legs turned his torso violently from side to side when one of the nurses stuck the needle into one of his arms and pressed the medicine into him that instantly relaxed Blaine. His body limply sprawled across the bed as he shook his head weakly and whispered incoherent words as the crowd of nurses unlocked the wheels of the hospital bed and pushed him out of the room.

Sam pulled Kurt into a close hug and let Kurt cry deeply into his heaving chest. Blaine. Blaine never yelled. Not even to Sam, Blaine never would treat someone like that. Sam knew Blaine wasn’t entirely happy about being blind but Sam thought that he was just used to it by now and that it never bothered him. But he guessed it did. All he knew was that in this moment Kurt was in his arms, finally. But it didn’t feel right. It was like Kurt had an invisible thread that connected to Blaine and that if it ever broke, he wouldn’t be him anymore. Now that Blaine twisted and pulled the thread, it left Kurt in an emotional heap of mess. God, Kurt never cried this hard in his life. The tears wouldn’t stop. Kurt honestly considered throwing up at the way his throat tightened into a tight knot and his insides felt like they should be squeezed out of him until he couldn’t feel any emotional pain at all. Kurt was sure he was crushing Sam by how harshly he squeezed his arms around him. But it wasn’t working. It was like all the love he ever felt was ripped at the seams and all the physical pain in the world wouldn’t be able to cover the way he hurt at this very moment. Blaine was pulled away from him and thrown into an isolated room getting injected by needles. Blaine hated needles. But the thing that set Kurt over the edge was the thought of what Blaine hated the most. Blaine hated being alone.