Thursday comes cold and windy, whipping Kurt’s scarf and tangling in his hair, pushing the normally flicked up bangs down across his forehead in a way he hasn’t had it in years. He sighs and drags his fingers through his hair as he gets to the door of the coffee shop. Through the glass of the door he can see Blaine sat at one of the tables in the corner fiddling with his cup nervously and looking out of the window. Kurt sighs again and pushes the door open, the bell above the door ringing and drawing Blaine’s attention. His hazel-gold eyes search out the glasz-eyed man and they wave a little at each other as Kurt walks to the counter and orders. He can feel Blaine staring, burning a hole into his back as he waits for his order to be filled and a sense of dread fills him. Typical Blaine would still have feelings for him after all this time now that he can do nothing about it.

Blaine’s eyes follow him as he walks over and sits down, taking off his bag and putting his cup down before he looks back at Blaine.

Blaine grins for a moment then blushes and ducks his head. He plays with his cup, thinking about all the coffee they’d had together over their time together. “You’d think we were addicted to coffee, the amount we used to consume on a daily basis.” He says and Kurt can’t help but chuckle.

“I don’t know about you, Blaine but I’m very secure in my admittance of coffee addiction.” Kurt banters back and takes a sip of his coffee, his eyes never leaving Blaine’s.

Blaine laughs and looks around, no-one’s paying them any attention and he shifts a bit closer to the table separating him and Kurt. “So, how’ve you been, Kurt?”

Kurt raises his eyebrow and sets his cup down. Blaine’s serious about this. Kurt sighs a little and replies. “I’ve been fine, Blaine. Rehearsals are going well, as you know. I’m enjoying myself and my role and the outfits. They fit well and I like them.”

Blaine looks at him and nods but a look of frustration crosses his face. “Kurt I know all that. I was talking about personally. How have you, Kurt Hummel, been?”

Kurt sighs and looks away, desperate not to have this conversation. He’d never been able to lie to Blaine and if they talk properly he’ll never be able to keep inside the loneliness, the pain, how much he truly misses Blaine, how he promised Christophe not to love Blaine. “Do we have to?”

Blaine sighed, anger rising inside of him. Did Kurt really hate him that much? “Please, Kurt. I want us to be able to talk again. I care about you so much; we used to be so close. I’m serious about this. I’ve missed you.”

Kurt shut his eyes and slumped back in the chair, taking steady breaths as his emotions warred inside of him. He sighed and opened his eyes, looking back at Blaine’s worried face. “Blaine we haven’t spoken in years. We broke up. I do care about you but things have changed. What do you want from me?”

“I know things have changed, Kurt. I know but all I want is you to tell me how you are? Isn’t that reasonable?” Blaine spat back, angry.

Kurt grabbed his cup, draining it then slammed it back onto the table, glaring at Blaine. “Fine. I’m happy. There.”

Kurt watched as the anger fell away from Blaine’s face and his lips parted slightly, disappointment flooding his gorgeous face and beautiful golden eyes. “You’ve never lied to be before.” He whispered then turned, grabbing his things and getting up.

Kurt’s mouth dropped open as he stared in shock at Blaine hurriedly grabbing his coat and book bag, not looking at Kurt but the older man could see him fighting back tears. “Blaine…” He whispered as Blaine finally turned to him.

“I’ll see you at work Kurt. This was a bad idea.” Blaine said brokenly, unable to keep his tears out of his voice. He turned and left the shop quickly before Kurt could reply.

Kurt gathers up his things and leaves, feeling terrible. Blaine was right, they’d never lied to each other, and sure they’d left out things but never looked at each other and flat out lied. “You’re a terrible person.” Kurt whispers to himself as he walks down the pavement, keeping his head down and ignoring the passers-by.

Kurt’s mind was a whirl. He still loved Blaine; the adorable man was hard to forget about. Their romance as teens was a whirlwind. It was moved so quickly as both passionate and desperate to be together after so many mis-steps, they’d become a force of love and happiness, together through everything.

New York had changed things; the idea of it had seeped in and started working them apart. Insecurities and jealousy had driven them to opposite sides of the metaphorical stage and changed them. They’d tried so hard to get it back, to drag their lives back together but it hadn’t worked. Distance had been the final nail. Kurt often looked back and wondered if they’d tried harder, clung on harder, they could have made it work.

Could they now? Would it be worth it to have Blaine back?

Kurt knew the answer in his heart. Yes. Always yes. Blaine was his and he was Blaine’s, Christophe could ruin him but in the end they’d always love each other and now he’d broken Blaine’s heart again.

Kurt hadn’t realised he was crying until he brought his hand up to his cheek and felt the wetness. His vision was blurry; luckily his feet knew the way back to his apartment. Blaine’s eyes flashed in his mind, wide open in pain and disappointment, filling with tears and Kurt sobbed.

Suddenly the breath was stolen from his lungs and Kurt stumbled sideways, his hand reached out and found the wall. He slumped against it as people passed by him, a few looking curiously but most just ignoring him. He fought for breath as his whole body ached and a migraine flared in his head. A sharp spear of fear sliced through Kurt as he looked around, trying to catch his breath. It couldn’t be.

He’d always wondered about genetic heart problems but had laughed it off. Recently, however he’d been getting short of breath, getting headaches or feeling light-headed and the other day he’d almost fallen off the swing. He was scared, petrified that the things that ran in his family would be taking him so young. He worked hard; he knew that, didn’t sleep properly and only really ate when Rachel, Santana or his dad forced him. He was playing a fine line.

Finally he caught his breath and heaved himself off the wall. He walked down the road, dialling the number for his doctor on the way.

A week later Rachel blinks as the doctor leans forward. “Kurt, if you don’t be careful you could die. You need to take it easy.” He says, looking between his patient and his friend.

“I have a show to rehearse for and star in.” Kurt says, shaking his head.

The doctor sighs and sits back in his chair. “Kurt I’m serious. I can put you on medication and help you but until we get an operation sorted out you need to stop and relax. You can’t take on the world if you’re not in it.”

Kurt nods and replies. “I understand, thank you.” He gets up and shakes the doctor’s hand. Rachel copies his movements with her head bowed, processing the information and trying to hide the tears threatening to flow.

Kurt rounds on her as soon as the doctor’s door closes and grabs her arms, forcing her to look at him. “Rachel you can’t tell anyone, especially Christophe and Blaine.”

Rachel’s eyes widen and she gasps a few times, stammering. “B-but Kurt, I-“

“Promise me Rachel.” Kurt begs and Rachel can’t say no to those big blue eyes so she nods, bowing her head again as they leave and make the short journey back to the theatre.

When they get back Christophe is waiting along with the other actors and the musicians. He claps his hands and waves to the musicians to start. “Kurt, Rachel splendid! Let’s get on, Tango de Roxanne I think. Places!”

Rachel watches Kurt as the song starts, the actor portraying the Argentinean singing and the actress portraying Nini dancing with him and the others in the scene.

Rachel watches Kurt and he glares at her, walking off the stage and up the steps of the stalls. She opens her mouth to sing, dark brown eyes watching his every move, feeling the heartbreak that Dulcie is supposed to be feeling as the bottom starts to slip out of her world. “Why does my heart cry? Feelings I can’t fight, you’re free to leave me, but just don’t deceive me, and please believe me when I say, I love you.” She holds the last note as the tears flow and the door slams shut.