7:30 pm

I did it.

I'm unable to form more than two coherent sentences right now, so I'll try again later.

9 pm

Ok. I'm back and I think I've calmed down enough to write now. And I have to write now, because I'm afraid I won't be able to recapitulate all that has happened thouroughly if I don't do it right away.

Because two hours ago, EVERYTHING changed.

At exactly 7 pm, after we had finished our Saturday night family dinner, I told my parents.

I sat up straight, I locked eyes with them, I took two deep breaths, and I said: "Mom, dad, I have to tell you something that I have recently come to terms with. I've been keeping it to myself for a while now, but I can't hide it anymore. And I don't want to."

Mom looked at me with a worried expression on her face, and dad just sat there and waited. When I looked at them, I nearly backed out. My mouth had gone dry and my hands had started shaking, and I felt as if the walls of the room were suddenly moving closer, capturing me in a tiny space between them, threatening to crush me any minute. I had practiced this speech maybe a hundred times, but I think all the practice in the world couldn't have prepared me properly for this moment.

I didn't back out. I knew I had to do it, and I was almost there.

So I took another deep breath and said: "I'm gay."

Silence.

Mom and dad just stared at me with wide eyes.

I stared back at them.

Nobody said a word.

And then, dad dropped the glass he was holding. It fell to the stone floor, shattering in hundreds of tiny pieces.

Mom and I both jumped at the noise.

After what felt like an eternity, dad got up from his chair, turned to mom and just said: "Clean up the mess, Elaine." And then he left the dining room. We heard the front door and a car engine, and he was gone.

Mom still hadn't said anything, neither had she moved.

I couldn't take it anymore. My whole body was trembling and I couldn't breathe properly. It felt as if my airways were blocked. And even though I had sworn I wouldn't cry, I just couldn't hold back the tears.

I locked eyes with mom.

I walked over to her.

She opened her arms, I sat down on her lap and cried into her shoulder like a baby. We stayed like that for 20 minutes, neither of us saying a word. She just held me and stroked my head.

I think I have never loved her more in my life.

When I had calmed down, she looked at me, brushed my remaining tears away from my cheek and just said: "I know, honey."

I looked into her eyes and I knew she was telling the truth.

Then I looked down to the floor. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was get rid of this mess for her.

I slowly stood up, walked to the cupboard and got the broom to clean up the broken glass. When I turned around, she was right in front of me. She took the broom out of my hand and said: "Don't you dare cleaning this up! It's not your fault. He will have to take care of this himself." And she put the broom back into the cupboard.

She then took my hands, locked eyes with me, and said something I hope I'll never forget:

"Sweetheart, don't you ever feel sorry for being who you are. Promise me that! Have COURAGE, Blaine. Just be yourself, be proud of who you are and you will be fine. You are my son and I will always love you, no matter what happens. And as long as I'm on this earth, I promise to be there whenever you need me."

And I started crying again, but this time, it wasn't out of despair.

I felt so relieved that I almost forgot about my dad.

It's 9:30 pm now and he still hasn't come back.