It was my first day at school as the new and improved Blaine.

I got up in the morning at seven o'clock sharp as always, I took a nice hot shower, fixed my hair, got dressed and left the house at exactly eight o'clock to grab my regular coffee before school. I did everything exactly as always.

But I could feel the difference.

It was a warm, tickling sensation, covering my entire body like a safe blanket, invisible but so, so present I could almost feel it when I touched my skin. I took a couple of deep breaths when I left the house and closed my eyes, inhaling the clear morning air. It smelled like moist earth and daffodils and spring. All fresh and new. I felt more alive than I've felt in a long time, more alive even than at the time when I almost lost it during the night I came out to my parents.

It's breathtaking how a simple change of attitude makes all the difference, how much your mind can really affect and change everything - for better or worse. In theory, we've all heard about it, but it's an entirely different thing to consciously experience it yourself.

And for the first time ever, I could see that this new awareness would always be my way out, not matter how hard it gets. I don't know if it works the same for everybody, but it works for me, and it's fantastic.

When I was on my way to my first class, I passed a couple of jocks in the hallway. They kept whistling and shouting the usual profanities, but for the very first time, I really and truly didn't care. Before, I had sped up to get away as fast as possible, I had tried not to listen, to tune them out in order to get through the day. This time, I simply didn't have to. I heard the swearwords and saw the gestures, but they couldn't touch me.

After school, I felt ecstatic, almost invincible, which actually worries me a little. I'm not na�ve and I know I'll still have to be careful, but I just felt so light, as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders that I never really knew was there.

So I thought I'd take a chance and go to the Lima Bean. It felt like the perfect day to finally man up and talk to Blue Eyes. I sat down in the same corner as last time and waited. I finished my first coffee, my second, my third.

He didn't show up.

After two hours, I decided to go home. Crap. It felt so right to go there today.

I don't really believe in fate, but I'm almost inclined to think that we are not meant to meet.

At least not yet.